Ok. Wow. First story back and it's not even for a fandom I usually write for. This started as a "when did Natasha and Thor introduce themselves" piece and kinda snowballed. If you read it all the way through I will be impressed.

Notes: Flashback to 'Thor' at the end. Just a missing scene I wish was added. General spoilers for The Avengers.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Really.

Agent Romanoff told him that if it needed to go on record, she wanted it noted that the only reason Thor beat the jet back to base was because his landing took less time and skill than hers.

Phil Coulson decided to allow it. He was standing on the flight deck when Thor decided to drop in. He agreed it took less grace.

"Son of Coul!" Thor greeted. "I did not expect to be seeing you so soon, my friend!"

Coulson didn't know he qualified as a 'friend' from Thor's realm. However, if Thor still considered his brother to be "family" given the fact that Loki tried to kill him, well then Coulson could settle for being a friend.

"Same goes," he replied. The jet managed to touch down in the background without the loss of any parts. Coulson had to hand it to Natasha; those flight lessons with Barton were slowing starting to show progress.

Captain Rogers and Stark exited the jet first, pushing Loki in front of them. Coulson watched as Thor's eyes flickered before he turned back to Coulson. "I offered to escort my brother back personally, but the man of iron and the captain declined the request."

'Probably good thinking,' Coulson thought to himself as he nodded.

Agent Collins, the poor pilot who had been sent with Natasha in case she needed some in flight help, swayed as he descended onto the flight deck. Coulson made a note to give the man an extra day of leave the next time he wanted a vacation.

Finally, Agent Romanoff came down the runaway to join the two. "Stark joined us in Germany."

Coulson nodded before he realized he was being rude. "Thor, this is Agent Natasha Romanoff."

Thor's eyes instantly lit up. "Lady Widow! I owe you a box of PopTarts in belated merriment!"

To her credit, Natasha only smiled as Coulson tried his best to not look confused.

"And then swarmha after?" Tony said decisively. Steve decided to let him have his moment. After all, the guy just willing gave up his life to save a city, plummeted back to Earth and was saved by the Hulk in less than five minutes.

"We should first collect our fellow warriors," Thor said. Realizing he was now the only one with a working comm, Steve tried to get a hold of the two assassins.

"Tell them they both better still be alive," Stark instructed from the ground. Steve resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Romanoff, Barton, report."

"Still on the roof, Rogers," came Natasha's reply. "We're fine up here."

"Barton?"

"I'm in the building I was on," he groaned in pain.

"You alright?" Natasha asked before Steve could utter a word.

"I wouldn't object to having a ride back, if that's ok with everyone."

Steve looked to Thor. "I'll send Thor your way."

"Great, tell him to look for the broken window," Barton chuckled. "And hey, tell him if he wants to stop for PopTarts there's a shop."

"Barton," Natasha's voice came over the comm. "Priorities."

"Yes, ma'am."

They parked Loki outside the restaurant, Mjolnir resting on his lap to prevent any attempt at a getaway. Natasha, Tony and Rogers had gone inside to see if the owners would be willing to serve them. In the meantime, Bruce managed to "unhulkify" himself, as Tony so kindly put it. However, what they didn't think of when they left Stark Tower was that, once "de-hulked" (as Clint so kindly put it), he would be without clothes. Again.

Thor gave him his cape to wear as a makeshift toga before running of in the direction Tony pointed him. Clint would have gone himself, however with the injuries sustained, they figured it was best to let the god go running rampant in the city instead. Clint volunteered to stay outside with Bruce to wait until Thor returned, seeing as the only time he had spent with the man and not the monster was two seconds before Tony "brought them the party."

(Bruce planned to turn down any future attempts from Tony to throw him any sort of party, be it birthday, anniversary, or the 'thank-god-we-beat-those-fuckers-from-space' celebration Tony already had in the works for next Tuesday.)

Clint made for a good companion, Bruce realized. Although he didn't talk much about his past, or his time at SHIELD, or his relationship with Natasha, Clint did enjoy talking about the different parts of the world he visited, particularly Europe.

"When I retire from this, Doc, that's where I'll live," Clint proclaimed. "Or if I die, that's where I want to be buried. Whatever comes first."

"Any particular part of Europe?" Bruce asked. A smile came over Clint's face.

"Budapest. Most definitely Budapest. It's got this great fountain…"

Thor joined them then, he arms strung with many different types of clothes. While Bruce tried on clothes, Thor explained how when he walked in the shop, the woman there threw the clothes at him ("A rather unusual custom for this realm"). As Bruce found a shirt that would get through the meal, Thor told Clint that he asked about PopTarts, however the store didn't have any. Clint responded with clapping him on the back and telling him it could wait.

Clint let out a low whistle as Tony entered the kitchen area. "Rough day, Stark?"

"Shut it, Barton," Tony muttered as he scrounged through the cupboards for his stash of coffee. Pepper confiscated the shop's coffeemaker around the third day of work. He managed to power through, but he was running on close to empty now. He needed to refuel now.

"How the new suit coming, Tony?" Bruce asked. Tony turned toward him and caught a glimpse of the paper.

"Since when the fuck is it Thursday?" Tony replied.

Barton leaned over to Bruce. "Is that good or bad?"

"He's either really close to a breakthrough or recycling old ideas," Bruce stage-whispered back. Tony flipped them the bird. "Either way he should get some sleep."

"Sleep is for the weak," Tony replied. "According to Romanoff, anyway. Have you guys seen the coffee?"

"We may or may not be under strict orders from Pepper to not answer that question," Barton smirked. Tony managed to fix him with a glare before turning to Bruce.

"Banner?"

Bruce held up his arms in defense. "I was even told about this."

"That's because we figured you'd be the most likely to fold," Barton told him. "No offense, Doc."

"None taken."

Tony slammed his hand on the counter. "Someone had better tell me where the goddamn coffee before I..." he grabbed a box, "hide Thor's PopTarts!"

"So we live in a frat house now?" Bruce asked as Tony managed to tear open the box. He quickly stuffed a pastry in his mouth. Cookies and Cream. Thor had good taste.

"Tell Hercules if he wants his PopTarts back, he should find my coffee!" Tony announced as he made his way to the elevator. He didn't miss the way Barton smirked at his exit.

It wasn't until Tony was reaching for the third package that he saw two notes written in distinct handwriting on the side of the box.

In Thor's scribble: PROPERTY OF THE LADY WIDOW.

In Natasha's elegant cursive: Touch and die.

"JARVIS?"

"I already have a new box on the shopping list, sir."

New Mexico – 2011

"He hasn't moved since you left, sir," Agent Philips told Coulson. "He just sits there and stares at the floor."

"I can see that," Coulson pinched the bridge of his nose. Fury wanted answers. Yesterday. Crumbs rained from the ceiling. Coulson sighed. "Barton, how many times have I told you not to eat in your nest?"

"Can I talk to him?" Barton jumped down from the upper beam, a PopTart still in hand.

"What?"

"Oh, sorry." Barton cleared his throat. "May I talk to him?" He paused. "Sir."

Coulson sighed again. "You do remember the last time you 'talked' to an unfriendly?"

"And now she's your second favorite agent. You're welcome," Barton grinned. "Come on, Coulson. I have a way with words."

"That you do." Coulson considered it. "Fine." Barton's face lit up as he raced to the containment area. "Agent Philips, I suggest you take a break." The agent nodded and left his post. There was nothing Barton was going to say that would be worth hearing.

Clint made sure to knock before entering the cell. The "prisoner" as Coulson referred to him, didn't look up. "Hey," Clint waved. "I'm Hawkeye. Are you free to chat?" He didn't offer any reply, so Clint took that as a yes. He reached into the hallway and grabbed a chair and pulled it into the room.

"I'm sorry about Coulson. He's usually more polite and mild-mannered. I think something on his way here, 'cause lately he's been in a mood," Clint took a bite of his PopTart.

Natasha sent them earlier in the week. She wasn't much of a care package kind of girl, but she was currently on assignment at Stark Industries. Last week, the company received a shipment of limited edition Iron Man PopTarts. Gold frosting with red and white sprinkles, with a red velvet filling. The note enclosed said she thought he would find them "whimsical." She was right. They were ridiculously fantastic.

"Anyway, cards on the table? I almost had to shoot you earlier," Clint continued. "Sorry 'bout that. I don't think it would've done much, I mean, I prefer arrows to bullets, so it might've slowed you down, but you would've been fine. You were kinda fun to watch out there, by the way. I haven't seen anyone kick Jones' ass like that in far too long, so thanks."

No reaction. Clint continued.

"You ever been to a carnival?" He didn't expect a reply, so he continued without one. "I bet you could beat that 'strong man' tester. You know it's rigged, right? I tried it once. Definitely rigged."

Clint reached into his pocket of his cargo pants and pulled out another packet of PopTarts. "You want one?" Clint tossed a pastry over. He caught it. "They're this new brand they're testing. I think they're fantastic. Nat? Not so much."

He chewed thoughtfully. "She's my girl. She'd kick my ass for saying that, but it's true. I mean, I love her, and I know she loves me, even if she won't admit it. You know what I mean?" To his surprise, he got a nod. Clint grinned.

"I want to marry her," Clint leaned back in his chair. He was well aware Coulson turned off the volume. And he can't have this conversation with anyone else. "Seriously, it's a bad idea. And Coulson and Fury would have simultaneous heart attacks, but still. And it wouldn't be a big deal. There probably wouldn't be any guests, seeing as neither of us has family," Clint cleared his throat before continuing. "But the only reason you need guests is to get gifts right? And we got everything we need with each other. I mean, she sends me PopTarts!" He waved his in the air to emphasize his point.

"The lady Nat, she is also warrior?"

Clint almost fell out of his chair. "Yeah! I mean, she's terrifying. With a codename like Black Widow, she better live up to it, you know? I was actually supposed to kill her the first time we met. Instead I brought her back to base and she's my partner of six years now." He laughed. "Of course, Fury always gives me the 'no more strays' talk when I go out on missions now. He's also terrifying, Fury. I mean, having an eye patch basically makes you intimidating…"

Clint managed to talk for about another hour. He talked about Budapest and Natasha and Budapest with Natasha until Coulson appeared at the door.

"Well, buddy, I gotta go." Clint stepped forward and offered his hand. The guy took and a gave a shake. "It's been fun though."

"Thank you for the nourishment, Archer."

Clint grinned. He could listen to the guy talk for hours. "We're friends, you can call me Barton." Clint didn't have to look to know that Coulson was rolling his eyes.

"Well thank you Master Barton. Your kindness is much appreciated."

"You're welcome. Hey, maybe next time you can bring the 'nourishment?'"

"I shall give it to you as a gift of celebration." Clint's grin widened.

"I would 'much appreciate' that. Take it easy," he slipped out the door after Coulson.

"What the hell was that?" Coulson asked once they were down the hall.

"I like him, can we keep him?" Clint grabbed the last pouch of PopTarts out of the pocket. "You want some 'nourishment?'" Coulson pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ah c'mon! What'd I do this time, boss?"

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