Disclaimer: I own nothing. Literally none of this is mine except the sexy parts…

Author's Notes 08/12/12:

First off I'd like to thank the readers that liked this story enough to add it to their notifications. Truthfully I didn't think much of this drabble when it first flew out of my head – I figured it was the result of too much of Lord Silvere's excellent "Delenda Est" and "Harry Potter and the Future Remapped" by Shezza88. For some strange reason I've been reading a lot of Potter-cest fics lately and frankly the ones where Harry gets sent back to Marauder Times and forms a romantic/sexual relationship with his mother are intriguing. I like the openness of time travel fics (in this Delenda Est particularly excels in) and thought I'd try my hand at one. For those readers who've already read the first posting this is an edited version so I can break it down into chapters. So this first chapter may be the road already travelled for most of you but there have been edits made, spelling mistakes corrected, and the egregious situation of Harry's glasses has been addressed.

Next off I'd like to let you all know that this story is not going to be one with quick updates. I'm in the midst of refining my original fiction (thanks DragonBard!) which is currently on FictionPress under the title "Penny Deadful and The Caul of Darkness" into something that doesn't scream Harry Potter fanfiction, maybe just "The Caul of Darkness" – still, thoughts for another time. There's a lot going on with that story at the moment and since it may become something I can actually make money on I've gotta try and make it better than what it appears to be so updates to this fic will be slow in coming. But work is being done! Good and insightful reviews or PMs with ideas help fuel the creative fires that burn my imagination onto the page (or website as the case may be)! Fans of The Wandering Saotome, or Wanderings, will be pleased to know that my original fiction deals with that fantasy world so I urge you to give it a try.

Now enough of the shameless plugs! I might be posting an incomplete Harry Potter fanfic I started before this although I have no intentions of continuing it sometime in the near future. Just so you guys know: fic up for adoption! Also, I pulled "Evangelical History" and "A Continuation Gone Too Far" out of mothballs so new chapters of both fics might be forthcoming. Enjoy this fresh edit and let me know what you all think about what's here and what you think might happen in the future. Pairings are still really up in the air – mostly dependent on if Harry ends up trapped in the past or succeeds in returning to the future. So all of you who want Harry to become Draco's father you might be disappointed.

Suekeiichi Kaiton, August 12, 2012

Author's Notes 12/27/12:

I'm back again with slightly more edited material, this time for the true erotica section on Harry Potter Fanfic Archive. Expect more of the disgustingly detailed smut I've become known for as well as the customary ultra violence.

Sorry for the long delay but this story is NOT on hiatus or ABANDONED! Finding time to write at work is somewhat problematic but writing at home isn't much of an option until I get a laptop. While reading through the previous chapters I realized that some of the dates and ages were wrong (although some of those are supposed to be wrong) so here's a handy guide to the ages and years of our main characters:

Harry Potter (17 years old):

Born 1981, 7th Year at Hogwarts (Time Traveler)

Lucius Malfoy (19 years old)

Born 1949, Wastrel

Arthur Weasley (18 years old)

Born 1950, 7th Year at Hogwarts

Bellatrix Black (17 years old):

Born 1951, 7th Year at Hogwarts

Theodore Nott (17 years old)

Born 1951, 7th Year at Hogwarts

Rastaban Lestrange (21 years old)

Born 1947, Wastrel

Rodolphus Lestrange (21 years old)

Born 1947, Wastrel

Amelia Bones (18 years old)

Born 1950, Auror-in-Training

Hallafaiyr Greengrass (16 years old)

Born 1952, 6th Year at Hogwarts

Zaira Zabini (16 years old)

Born 1952, 6th Year at Hogwarts

Andromeda Black (15 years old):

Born 1953, 5th Year at Hogwarts

Mary Margaret Davis (15 years old)

Born 1953, 5th Year at Hogwarts

Narcissa Black (12 years old)

Born 1955, 2nd Year at Hogwarts

Lily Evans (12 years old)

Born 1956, 1st Year at Hogwarts

James Charlus Potter (11 years old)

Born 1957, 1st Year at Hogwarts

Sirius Black (11 years old)

Born 1957, 1st Year at Hogwarts

Remus Lupin (11 years old)

Born 1957, 1st Year at Hogwarts

Peter Pettigrew (11 years old)

Born 1957, 1st Year at Hogwarts

Severus Snape (11 years old)

Born 1956, 1st Year at Hogwarts

Orion Black (40 years old)

Born 1929, Black of Black

Walburga Black (44 years old)

Born 1925, Unemployed

Cygnus Black (38 years old)

Born 1931, Member of the Wizengamot

Druella Black (34 years old)

Born 1935, Unemployed

Tyberius Malfoy (38 years old)

Born 1931, Head of House Malfoy

Adrian Greengrass (55 years old)

Born 1914, Head of House Greengrass

Josiah Davis (45 years old)

Born 1924, Head of House Davis

Adalfieri Zabini (38 years old)

Born 1953, Head of House Zabini

Bartemius Crouch Sr. (33 years old)

Born 1936, Assistant to the Head of the DMLE

Bartemius Crouch Jr. (19 years old)

Born 1951, Junior Auror

Alastor Moody (29 years old)

Born 1940, Senior Auror Captain

Appolline Nephele (23 years old)

Born 1946, Courtesan

Molly Prewett (19 years old)

Born 1949, Shop girl at Honeydukes

Petunia Evans (10 years old)

Born 1958, Youngest Daughter of Evans Family

Regulus Black (Not born)

Author's Notes (7/26/13):

Hello once again to another slight revision. I changed the age of Amelia Bones in the chart above as well as her description (also Barty Crouch Jr.'s) and also want to state that since hasn't taken the 'smutty' chapters down that I revised over the last weeks I've decided to upload the fic here only for the time being. If the story is stricken for my smut I'll port it over to HPFanfiction but until such a time we'll enjoy it while it lasts!

Author's Notes (8/8/13):

Changed the Lestrange brothers' dates of birth and current status, likewise with Lucius Malfoy.

o0Oo CHAPTER ONE oO0o

He fell into a cesspool close with the smell of effluent and smashed his forehead on the cobblestone bottom, swearing loudly into the fetid water. That was a mistake as his palate and head filled with tastes he'd rather not investigate any further than the fact that he found the experience repellant. Rising quickly to free himself from the icy embrace of sewage he vomited and spat for several minutes before wiping slime from his eyes in disgust. He'd lost his glasses in the fall from…wherever it was he'd fallen from…and the thought of sifting through the solid waste collecting around his ankles was not one he particularly relished. It was good luck within bad luck that his wand was already broken so it wasn't like anything valuable could have been destroyed in his short drop with a sharp stop.

It was dark, wherever it was, and cold like the dead of winter although such cold days were no longer uncommon even in spring or fall during the Dark Lord's reign. He stood motionless, letting the filth drip and slide off his soiled travelling cloak and Muggle clothes. Squatting down in the sewage (an action that brought an unbidden smile to his wan face) he skimmed the stones for his glasses then - deciding that since he was already covered in shit it didn't matter – got down on hands and knees in his search. Shortly they were back on his face although covered in pungent substances the likes of which it had never before been smeared with…and he remembered quite a few extracurricular afternoons cleaning up after Hagrid's pets. Thankfully they weren't broken just a little bent. Next was cleaning himself up and finding out where by Morgana's icy tit he was now! Decision made, Harry James Potter trudged through the thick and thin current of shit and piss towards the faint daggers of light down a long dark tunnel.

The light came from four holes in a manhole cover. Remembering just what was going on outside the Forest of Dean before his abnormal materialization in shit he climbed the metal ladder slowly and lifted the cover only high enough to peek over the edge.

It was snowing outside and he could faintly hear the sound of multiple footfalls on stone. He was in a city. The manhole seemingly opened out into a dank and narrow alley between tall spindly buildings. He slithered out and peered around, wand at the ready, before resealing the cover and sitting down on a wood box in the corner beside a dumpster. First things first: find out where he was, clean himself up, then he could worry about finding Hermione…and Ron as well he supposed. The latter's painful departure and abrupt return still rankled him more than it showed on his face but his once-best-friend did help him retrieve Gryffindor's sword from the bottom of the lake. Truthfully that meant very little compared to all the harm Ron had inflicted upon not just him but also Hermione since first year so the help getting the Founders' Heirloom out of a frozen body of water didn't even wipe way a quarter the karmic debt owed.

Mother of Merlin! The Horcrux! The locket, what happened to it? He was about to strike it with the sword when he blacked out and awoke face down in the sewer. He had to hurry and find out what was going on! He was so angry at Ron he wasn't thinking about what he'd been doing before this unexplained jump.

Casting several wand less scourgify and aguamenti charms followed by drying spells he felt cleaner but he doubted that anything save fifty hot showers was ever going to make him feel truly clean again. He thanked Hermione's foresight in demanding he practice wand less since the beginning of the year since he honestly didn't think he'd ever lose his wand. Now he didn't stink to high hell and it was all thanks to his favorite tightly-wound ball of bossiness, intelligence, and sexual tension. Looking down at himself he realized he really looked the picture of "Undesirable Number One" as the Prophet called him; torn Muggle shirt, torn Muggle jeans, bent glasses, and torn old cloak. He'd have to figure out where he was first then find some way to get newer clothing. He immediately regretted dropping the invisibility cloak by the lake now. Being invisible would've made his escape from the city much easier.

The alleyway narrowed even further the closer he got to the end, bottlenecking a frigid wind blowing down the main street he was quickly approaching. Harry cast a warming charm on his cloak and squeezed through the opening. Glancing quickly around, he saw an odd witch or wizard wandering around the street and shops. At least he wasn't thrown around the world into a Muggle city. Or perhaps that would have been safer – Muggles weren't trying to kill him and drag his lifeless corpse before a monstrous simulacrum of snake and man. He eased into the flow of foot traffic and realized that it was Draunkurn Alley, a little ways off Knockturn, home to the Wizarding World's red light district. Seeing as it appeared to be early afternoon it was no surprise there weren't many 'customers' around.

He was really screwed now. Here he was, Harry 'Undesirable Number One' Potter smack dab in the middle of British Wizarding government's largest magical city with no wand, no back-up, and no idea how he got there! When I fuck things up, he ruefully thought, I fuck them up big-time!

Still, it wouldn't do to just give up, it wasn't the Potter way. Quickly he cast three disguises, one on his scar, one on his hair, and one on his face. Then he transfigured his cloak into a long evening robe, which wouldn't last very long, and looked into one of the windows. The man looking back at him bore more than a slight resemblance to Sirius Black but otherwise would pass for a nondescript wizard wandering the Alley. Unfortunately his analysis also drew the attention of the witch posing on the other side of the glass. She giggled, taking his close observation as an interested one, and shed her top. Immediately her thick dark nipples popped out of the sheer Acromantula silk brassiere and bobbed enticingly before his eyes. He turned away as she leaned forward to better display her bare chest before turning back (he had to look the part of someone in this type of place and his teenage hormones appreciated the view) and smiling shyly. Apparently his smile amused the propositioning witch as she blew him a kiss and beckoned him closer with a finger.

Even less than fifteen minutes after bathing in raw sewage Harry Potter was still a charmer. He eagerly stepped forward, thinking more with his rapidly stiffening prick than his actual brain – an occurrence that happened far more often than he remembered in the past, especially around Hermione.

The dark-haired witch with the heavenly breasts spun around as he drew closer and wiggled her pert behind. She wore transparent black lace panties with frills around the legs and he could see thin silky strands of her pubic hair peeking out from between the crochet. He felt a spot of wetness develop at the tip of his cock – how long had it been since he'd last had some? The afternoon before Ron reappeared…thick ropes of his magic-infused cum splashing against Hermione's uvula like a boxer hitting a speed-bag until she'd risen and forced a tongue of his own jizz between his lips…

If he watched the erstwhile cooch show much longer he was going to shoot off in his pants which would be embarrassing for all involved, so just as the tasty witch bent down dropping her drawers and giving him an eyeful of succulent engorged lips dripping honey he turned away. The woman – girl really – turned around in surprise at his abrupt dismissal and blew strands of thick luscious black hair out of her cerulean eyes. Harry didn't see any of that as he breathed deeply trying to will his pulsing erection down. By the time the witch lost interest in him he felt under control.

Straightening imperiously he schooled his features into a stern frown and walked briskly to the entrance to Knockturn Alley. There were far more people there and a crowd streamed back and forth from the dingy section to Diagon. His disguise had to be foolproof if he wanted to make it to the apparition point and find his friends. Oh, and figure out what the hell happened to the locket.

He pushed past Borgin & Burkes and out to Diagon Alley with the haste of a shopper who realized he left his money pouch on the benches outside Florean Fortesque's. Aurors / Snatchers were nowhere to be seen, an observation that set him on edge, and the people seemed a little too free in their movements. He wouldn't put it past Riddle to engineer this whole situation just to lull him into a false sense of security. Getting his Ministry lackeys to imperious a group of people to play shoppers down a dressed-up Diagon Alley was just the sort of sick trap the Dark Lord would lay. Harry noticed the Christmas decorations hung along the storefronts and wondered how his planning went so wrong – Christmas was almost six months ago.

He may be in the middle of a horrible trap but it would be more than foolish to not take advantage of it and try to get to Gringotts, after all where could be safer than neutral ground? Assuming of course that the goblins hadn't taken up with Riddle... Somehow Harry doubted that. There was no profit in a war between wizards and ol' Snake Face couldn't risk the goblins freezing his assets. Their supplies had been dwindling even with Hermione's bag and the tents prodigious enlarged pantry and galleons were galleons…

Abandoning the original plan of simply escaping, Harry turned back from the Leaky Cauldron exit and pushed back past Olivanders' and Quality Quidditch Supplies towards the gleaming white marble bank. As he made his way up the stairs he didn't notice a black cloaked figure follow him through the great doors.

The lines of tellers and snaking lines of wizards looked normal and Harry couldn't help but question the viability of controlling so many witches and wizards just to fool him. Still, goblins were dangerous folk and he felt certain that the bank had defenses in place if some foolish Death Eater even tried to put the imperious curse on any goblin.

"I'd like to make a withdrawal from the Black Vault." He stepped up to one of the seven tellers specifically placed for the more 'prestigious' customers. Normally Harry wouldn't have used one but he needed to get in and get out before the Snatchers arrived or, worst case scenario, Voldemort himself.

The goblin sneered down at the presumptuous human meat-sack. "And do you have your key?"

"I have this," Harry pulled the Black Family Ring from an inner pocket of his robe and slid it on his left middle finger, "will this suffice?" He hoped it would. In truth he didn't even know if it was the Family Ring but Kreacher's affection for it seemed to indicate it was more than just a personal piece of jewelry.

It was a credit to the goblin's fortitude that the teller made no outward sign of his astonishment. "Very well, Lord Black, please follow me."

Sighing inwardly, Harry followed the goblin to the carts. The ride down was harrowing as always but he couldn't find it within himself to get excited, he supposed that months on the run, cold, hungry, and miserable was enough to leech more happiness than a Dementor's mouth. After what seemed a long time, and a splash through an enchanted waterfall that washed away his glamour, Harry and the goblin arrived at Vaults 703-711.

The goblin stepped out with a lantern and gestured to a touchstone beside the intricate wrought iron doors. Like its namesake the metal was burned black. Harry tapped the gold Head of Family Ring against the stone and an audible click prompted the goblin to open the doors. The inside was full of piles of galleons, sickles, knuts, and onyx chips carved with the Black Family coat-of-arms. Furniture and other trinkets were arranged on tables or simply thrown haphazardly around the immense interior. Harry took out his money pouch and started shoveling coins inside. The goblin left him to it, slipping unnoticed into Vault 712 for a drink since the wizard seemed he would take some time as the unused and empty antique cavern had long since been outfitted into a goblin still complete with the bank-favored blend of goblin blood and dragon urine – both ingredients in easy supply at Gringotts.

As such neither human nor goblin saw a shadowed figure dart through the open vault doors. As a now-empty cart controlled by lower-caste goblin Bluntnail rolled past on its way back to the surface.

Harry had filled ten pouches already and was cramming jewels into an eleventh (you never knew when you might have to 'steal' supplies from a Muggle and you couldn't very well leave galleons, could you?) when the sound of scattering gold pierced the stillness. Before the noise could register fully a rapier blade tapped the underside of his chin.

"You might just be the greatest forgery in the world to get into this vault with a fake ring but your vigilance could use some work." A female voice drifted down the shaft of the blade to his ears, throaty deep, soft, and silky but with an unexpected bite. "Stand up and drop your ill-gotten gains."

"You might want to rethink that, miss." Harry pressed the tip of a wand just under the attacker's breasts. Truthfully he didn't know if the wand would work, he'd just snatched it up automatically from a merman-leather wand holder on one of the broad ancient tables strewn with gold when he heard the noise. But his attacker didn't know that. "Lower the sword and I might let you live."

Stalemate. At least until he felt her tense through the blade and quickly fell backward, firing off an expelliramus that blasted the woman into a table of gold scales. Quickly rising to his feet he saw her doing the same and fired a stunner. Unfortunately she tried to dodge and the spell only caught her hand, luckily it was the hand holding the sword. He disarmed her when she drew a wand and wordlessly stuck her a foot above the floor on a wall. She struggled as he checked his neck for blood but gave up by the time he stood in front of her. Her black cloak hood was up hiding her features although her heart-shaped ruby lips were enticingly visible.

"I don't know how you got in here or if you're one of Voldemort's cronies but I have every right to be here. I am the Head of the House of Black."

"How dare you speak his name like that? He will tear you apart when he hears about this, mark my words, my lord will hunt you down and make this whole world suffer for your affront!" He rolled his eyes during her rant. Great, another Bellatrix Lestrange in love with the half-snake half-blood. Harry wondered if she knew about Riddle's little secret? Probably not. It wasn't something the Daily Prophet was going to announce on the front page while Thicknesse was running the show.

"I've got news for you: your precious 'Lord' Voldemort is a 'mudblood' in your words. His father was just an ordinary Muggle named Tom Riddle who was drugged into loving a witch named Gaunt." Harry quickly wrote 'I am Lord Voldemort' in the air with his wand and rearranged the letters to read 'Tom Marvolo Riddle'. "There's your newsflash. And if he hasn't succeeded in hunting me down after six months do you really think he's going to get it right now? For all you people hate me you should like me just a little more than him – both my parents were wizards."

"Lies! You spread lies about my Lord!" The woman struggled against the sticking charm and grunted toward her wand. "He is of the purest blood! The Blood of Salazar Slytherin beats in his veins! He wears the locket of the Serpent and speaks the deceivers' tongue!"

"Be silent!" Harry uttered the command in parsletongue and even thought it was no spell it had the desired effect. By her stillness and the way her beautiful jaw clenched it had the intended impact so he switched back to normal. "You should expect deception from anyone who uses 'the deceivers' tongue' unless it's me; of course…I am the heir of Slytherin by right of combat because I beat your boss Tommy twice already. His locket is taken and its contents strewn to the winds of fate!" A lie, but Harry didn't count on being able to reunite with Hermione and Ron at this point – if anything he'd just lead the Snatchers straight back to them and throw 'Mione back to Lestrange's tender mercies. If this witch was a groupie like Alecto Carrow or her ilk Harry was sure the word would get back to snake-face that the locket was destroyed.

"My lord is unbeatable!"

"Oh get off it and just let me leave, will you?" He was rapidly losing patience. The sooner he got out and apparated away the sooner he could figure out what the fuck happened to the locket horcrux and his friends. "I've got what I came here for, I didn't even touch the furniture or books, just the gold, you can accuse me of whatever you want…or not, I don't care. I just want to get out of here and not get killed, okay?"

"So now you admit you're stealing! The House of Black is strong! They will hunt you down for this thievery!" She was starting to spit as she screamed.

"Aside from one insane murderer the House of Black is dead. I don't think dead men will come hunting me down anytime soon." Harry fastened the full pouches to his belt and walked out, cancelling the charm as he crossed the threshold but closing the vault doors firmly on the way back to the cart. If he was lucky it would take her years to free herself, if he was unlucky much less.

The rest of the ride back to the surface was uneventful and he was hoping the whole affair was over and he could just sneak away when that hope was violently crushed by a shout in the middle of the entrance hall. He made his way outside and across the street before a flying tackle brought him to the ground. Then came the clawing and scratching…

"Ow! Will someone get this crazy bitch off me!?" He kicked her off and made a dash for the apparition point, dodging stunned witches and wizards wondering just what was going on, honestly he had to give Tom some credit this kind of trap wasn't anything he expected; he just hoped there wasn't an anti-apparition ward up otherwise he was a goner. A cutting curse grazed his thigh, forcing him to take shelter down Knockturn Alley. The crowd was inconsequential in his mind – they were sheep or even worse puppets of Voldemort. He was forced back down Draunkurn Alley by three rapidly-cast bludgeoning curses, idly wondering just what the hell was going on as his pursuer's screams echoed behind him.

He pushed past dirty pimps out for the lunch 'afternoon delight' crowd and past the Jade Palace brothel on his way back to the dead-end alley he'd started the journey in…

He didn't like it but he'd have to go back into the sewers and find another way back to his friends. Already his clothing alterations were starting to unravel so time was truly running out. The manhole was just in front of him and he'd just squatted down to lift it again when his pursuer burst past a crooked stack of wood crates with a cry. In an instant he whirled with the platinum tipped black oak wand firing a horizontal line of stunners and underpowered cutting curses. Moody always said (aside from 'CONSTANT VIGILANCE!') that the least expected attack was one in the middle of the expected, like a cockroach in the middle of a plowman's sandwich. As the stunners splashed against the sooty stone buildings, the bank of cutters sailed straight down the narrow alley mouth which caused the crazy woman to seek shelter in a stone doorway. She was screaming more about the House of Black in the meantime.

"Stupefy!" He heard and then the cobblestones were rising up to meet his face. He spun around drunkenly before consciousness faded and saw the gorgeous black-haired witch he'd flirted with earlier standing in the doorway of her window with a wand pointed at him. Then Harry knew nothing but darkness.