5. Not Just A River In Egypt

For a trio of international super spies on a top-secret espionage mission in the largest ninja village for miles around, Tenzou found that their everyday lives were really… boring. He worked nine to five, and usually had at least two hours of overtime on top of that. The most exciting thing he'd done in the past week was break the water cooler. Mostly, he filed, and filing was alright, if mind-numbing tedium was your kind of thing.

Now Tenzou found himself flat on his back on the sofa, on this blistering Saturday afternoon in late June, staring at the ceiling for want of something to do. Azami was at work, and she'd left him with just Kabuto and the sputter of the air con for company.

"I'm bored," he said into the quiet. Kabuto, huddled in his favourite armchair, looked up from his newspaper.

"You're eighteen years old, and you can't find a way to entertain yourself?" Kabuto said, followed by a derisive snort.

"There's nothing to do," Tenzou whined, wriggling a little.

"There's plenty to do!" snapped Kabuto, obviously affronted as he folded up his newspaper and slapped it down on the coffee table. "Azami and I have been gathering all sorts of information, and you -"

"I'm working on it," Tenzou said grumpily, sitting up as to better glare at Kabuto. The truth was that he barely had any time to look at any of the documents he handled at work, because Kotetsu and Izumo wrote to-do lists for him that were so long he couldn't afford to slack.

"All the same, we've drawn up almost a complete basic map of Konoha with no help from you whatsoever."

"Are you really lecturing me, little brother?" Tenzou bristled, narrowing his eyes while Kabuto rolled his.

"No. I'm giving you something to do. We haven't explored the north eastern quarter of the village yet, so why don't you go and do that?" Kabuto said coolly, pushing his glasses up his nose with his middle finger.

"Fine."

"Also, we're out of milk."

"Yeah, whatever," Tenzou huffed, shoving himself off of the couch and snatching up a little change from the coffee table. He pocketed the coins, glared pointedly at Kabuto, who smirked up at him, and then left the apartment.

On the way down the stairs, he bumped into Azami. She had obviously changed out of her French maid outfit, because she was wearing a simple dress that looked about a thousand times more comfortable. She flicked her gaze up and down him, once.

"Looking sharp as usual," she said, and then winked at him.

"Sure," he gruffed, looking down at his scuffed sneakers and the ripped cuffs of his jeans. He was also wearing a black t-shirt that technically belonged to Kabuto, and so was a little tight on him. Sharp was not the first word that came to mind.

"I just bumped into Kotetsu and Izumo, from your work," she said.

"What did they want?" Tenzou said, leaning against the handrail. Whatever it was, it probably wasn't good, especially not if it involved him. Maybe it was extra work… surely not on a Saturday, though.

"They wanted to invite you to a work party at the Orchid Lounge tomorrow night at seven."

Tenzou furrowed his brow, staring sceptically down the stairs at her. That was a surprise. His first thought was that it was probably a set up.

"Don't look too excited," she laughed.

"I don't trust those guys," he said, sounding a little like a stubborn child. "Anyway, partying on a Sunday night is a bad idea."

"Tenzou, when did you turn into such a wet blanket? The club that it's at is exclusive," she said, and obviously she'd read the unimpressed stare on his face for what it was, because she went on to add, "There's something else that might tempt you."

"Pray tell," he said, apathetic.

"A certain ninja returned from a week-long mission last night, and apparently he's going to be there."

"Who?" Tenzou said, but he already knew the answer, and he already didn't like it.

"Kakashi."

"Why the hell would that tempt -"

"Anyway, I'll head up. Have fun!" Azami beamed, jogging past him up the stairs. She grinned askance at him as she passed, while Tenzou still reeled at Kakashi's name. "By the way, we're out of milk!"

Tenzou didn't care about milk; he was fuming. Why would Kakashi being at the party make him want to go? That was completely ridiculous. He barely even knew the guy, and Tenzou was pretty sure that even if he did, he wouldn't like him very much. Kakashi seemed like the sort of person who enjoyed others' misfortune, and Tenzou was notoriously unfortunate.

He told himself he was being a fool. That he'd only met Kakashi twice, and it didn't matter. Then he left the lobby of their apartment building, and emerged onto the sunbaked streets outside.

For all the irritations of the day-to-day in Konoha, Tenzou couldn't deny that the village was a great place to be. It felt weirdly homely; he was practically a stranger to this place, and yet he felt perfectly comfortable here. He passed by rows of brightly-coloured houses, turquoise and cream and copper, and the shadows of the lush trees overhead snaked over his skin. A delicious breeze ribboned through the roads that he walked down, ruffling his hair and cooling the back of his neck. He was heading northeast, to a part of the village he'd never visited before.

Soon, the tangle of wide, busy streets petered out into narrow alleyways and streets running along the backs of peoples' gardens, bordered by picket fences and low walls. Tenzou wasn't too sure where he was going, but that was fine - he just had to get his bearings.

But getting his bearings was proving more difficult than he'd expected, as half of the paths looked identical, and none of the buildings were that noteworthy. Eventually he emerged onto a short road; he trotted down it a little way and then stopped outside a laundrette. There was nobody else around - at least, he didn't think so, but after he'd glanced around for a third time he suddenly realised that someone was there - someone who hadn't been there a second ago - leaning against the fence beside the laundrette.

Someone who hid their face behind an orange book.

Tenzou faltered. If Kakashi had noticed him, he hadn't shown it. Tenzou was stuck: he really needed help from a local, because he had no idea where he was, but he wasn't too keen on the idea of asking Kakashi for it. Swallowing his pride, he cleared his throat.

"Excuse me," he said, and, predictably, Kakashi didn't look up from his book. Frowning, Tenzou stepped up onto the pavement and crossed it to stand right in front of him.

"What's the problem?" Kakashi said, just before Tenzou snapped something angry at him.

Forcibly suppressing the painful memory of tripping and landing on his face in front of Kakashi, Tenzou said, "I'm really lost. Can you tell me where I am?"

Kakashi lowered his book, fixing Tenzou with a single dark eye. Then, he looked up to the sky for a long moment. Tenzou stared at him, increasingly impatiently.

Finally he looked back down, and Tenzou raised his eyebrows.

"Well?" he said earnestly.

"Konoha," Kakashi replied boredly.

Tenzou felt a bit like kicking Kakashi in the shins, but that wouldn't solve his problem. Why was it that, of all the people in the village, he had to show up - just when Tenzou was thinking he was safe from him until tomorrow night.

"I know that," Tenzou said. "I mean, whereabouts in Konoha?"

Kakashi gestured to the building next to them.

"Outside the laundrette," he said, and Tenzou ground his teeth.

"I am aware of that," he said levelly, as Kakashi's masked face disappeared behind that book again. For a moment, neither of them said anything, and Tenzou's mouth slowly turned into a deeper frown.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" Kakashi said coolly, turning a page in his book.

"I - well - it - shouldn't you be at work!" flustered Tenzou.

Comebacks had never been his speciality.

"I have the day off, anyway," he added.

"Really? Don't you think you should be putting in some overtime?" Kakashi said.

Tenzou stared at him. He was friends with Kotetsu and Izumo…

"They told you, didn't they?" Tenzou said, inwardly despairing.

"Told me what?"

Wincing, Tenzou recalled filing thousands upon thousands of pages, and wrestling with a broken copier, and making countless cups of coffee, and the lunch orders that had to be changed fifteen times. Office hazing was childish, and Kakashi and his pals had probably been laughing at his expense all week.

"Er, nothing. Anyway, can you just tell me where I am?"

"I'd love to," Kakashi said, and Tenzou relaxed. Finally. "But I'm late for an appointment. See you."

Kakashi disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving Tenzou seething.

It had taken Tenzou four hours to make his way out of the secluded alleyway he'd been stuck in. On the up side, he'd formed an excellent mental picture of the entire north eastern quarter, having walked down every street at least twenty times. He'd also remembered the milk, which he and Azami were now enjoying in enormous mugs of coffee.

It was eleven thirty at night; Kabuto had gone to bed, as he had an appointment with the medical corps in the morning, but in dim lamplight, Azami and Tenzou were still at work. They were hunkered down low over the coffee table, drawing detailed maps of the parts of the village that they knew. For a Saturday night, it was blissfully quiet; all Tenzou could hear was the scratch of pencil against paper.

"This is so boring," Azami groaned, and Tenzou nodded, sketching the outline of the laundrette he'd been outside earlier. "Hey, Tenzou. What are you going to do when all of this is over?"

"I don't know," Tenzou said, truthfully, now tracing the street corner. "What are you going to do?"

"I'd like to settle down, I think. Maybe write books," Azami said, setting down her pencil for a moment.

"Not romance novels?" he said, lip curving.

"Look, you might not like them, but lots of other people do."

Tenzou immediately thought of a silver-haired moron clutching a lurid orange book.

"Like Kakashi," Tenzou said dully, accidentally breaking the end of his pencil by pressing a little too hard.

"Oh!" Azami suddenly said, eyes wide. She looked as though she'd had an epiphany.

"Is something wrong?"

"Kakashi! I just remembered - I was talking to the girls at work - do you remember how Orochimaru told us to make profiles of important citizens?"

Tenzou nodded.

"Well, apparently they call that guy Copy Ninja Kakashi, and he's really famous, everyone around here knows him and half the women seem to love him."

"What's your point?" Tenzou said, a little sour.

"My point is that we need to get some dirt on him," Azami said conspiratorially.

Tenzou rolled his eyes.

"I've met that guy three times and I'm already tired of him," he pouted. Azami raised one eyebrow, grinning at him in disbelief.

"Really? Are you sure you're not just… jealous?" she said, and Tenzou glared at her.

"I am not jealous, what's there to be jealous of? He's a loser!" Tenzou insisted, but Azami shook her head.

"He's a local hero, and for good reason. He has the Sharingan, remember. He's really strong," she said, and then, correctly interpreting the affronted look on Tenzou's face, said, "And you're strong too, little oak."

"Oh, please. I don't care if he's famous and powerful or whatever," Tenzou lied. "He's going to that party tomorrow, so… I'll see what I can do."

"Great. I'd kill to be in your position, you know," Azami said, with a wistful little sigh.

"You have a crush on him, don't you?"

"What? No, of course not," she said, without even scoffing. She was telling the truth. "He's just mysterious, you know? Even his face is covered up. Imagine if you could become his friend."

"I do not want to be his friend," Tenzou snapped.

"You want to be more than friends?" Azami replied without missing a beat, and Tenzou slapped his forehead.

"Obviously not!" he hissed, not wanting to yell lest he wake Kabuto. "Don't you dare try and play matchmaker."

The last time Azami had tried to set him up with someone - on his sixteenth birthday - it hadn't ended well. They'd both learned an important lesson that day: middle aged men weren't exactly Tenzou's type. But neither were silver-haired mystery men. Tenzou's interest in Kakashi was strictly business-related; he could tell Kakashi was the kind of ninja Orochimaru would love to know all about.

"I won't, little oak," Azami said, picking up her pencil again and tracing a long line from west to east on her map. "Just don't write anything off -"

"Will you shut up?"

"I think he's your type, you know," she said, ignoring him. In an attempt to soothe his jangling nerves, Tenzou took a sip of coffee.

"What gives you that impression?" he said conversationally, setting down his mug. He was making a conscious effort to stay cool.

When they were younger, they'd often lie awake and talk about things like this; the people that they liked, what they wanted to be when they grew up… and invariably this descended into Azami making fun of Tenzou in some way. This time would doubtlessly be no different.

"Well, you're grouchy and grumpy and quick-tempered," she said, and Tenzou rolled his eyes. "Whereas he's cool, calm and collected. And I bet he pushes every single one of your buttons."

She certainly had the measure of them both.

"Yeah, whatever. I barely know him. You're forgetting that this isn't some book, Azami. It's real life. Stuff isn't… simple," he said, and then sighed. 'Stuff' had just become a whole lot more complicated, actually.

"Well, it's never going to be simple for us, is it?" she said, with a small smile. "The life of a secret agent… this isn't exactly how I pictured it when I was a kid."

"I bet it's more exciting, though," said Tenzou, and Azami nodded, laughing. "Anyway, we should go to bed -"

"Bed? At midnight? That's early for you, little oak," Azami said, but she stood up, stretching.

"I've had a rough day," Tenzou said. He'd had a rough week.

"Alright. See you in the morning!"

"Nightnight."

After brushing his teeth, Tenzou retreated into his room and burrowed beneath his covers, pulling them close around him. It was so wonderful to finally be somewhere comfortable and warm. Lying there in bliss, he thought on what Azami had said.

He was not a fan of the Copy Ninja. But he knew what Azami meant about Kakashi being so mysterious that it was… kind of alluring. Tenzou wanted to know more about him, like he was a book Tenzou couldn't bear to put down.

Don't be stupid, said the tiny little rational voice in his mind, amongst all the ridiculousness.

I don't think I'm capable of not being stupid.

Exhausted from all this confusion, Tenzou eventually fell asleep.