Disclaimer: Alas, I don't own Teen Wolf.
A/N: What is this even. I have no idea. But I enjoy it, as do a few of my friends, so it's getting posted. I hope you enjoy it too.

Jane was sure that they were a cult. It had to be what was going on. About once a week, she saw at least two members of the Forest Cult (okay, she didn't know their names and she knew they went out to the woods, so...) would come in and grab a cart each.

Then they bought a lot of food. Just stocked up on it. They would always get more bacon than needed, and one time she saw the one with the uneven jaw grab ten bottles of chocolate syrup.

Larry said that it wasn't a cult, that it was just a bunch of friends living together. They had to buy so much food because there were so many of them.

But when Jane would point out that they all had leather jackets. And if that wasn't a cult, she didn't know what was.

"Exactly." Larry said, rolling his eyes, "You don't know what a cult is."

"I do too, and that's one." Jane hissed at him as the blonde girl walked by with the man who looked like a douchebag model, so many apples in their hands. "Why else do they need that many apples?"

"To eat." Larry suggested.

Jane had figured out that a guy named Derek Hale was their leader. She isn't sure if she's seen him, or if as the leader of the Forest Cult he hides out there, but his name is always on the card they buy the food with. Hundreds and hundreds of dollars. Every week.

After two months of seeing the Forest Cult come in and empty out their shelves, Jane decided to do something about them.

"I'd like to speak to the Sheriff." She said and was led to John Stilinski, who she was glad got his job back. She always approved of him. And thought he was very sexy for an older gentlemen.

"What can I do for you, Ms. Eckle?" John asked, motioning for Jane to sit down.

"I believe that there is a cult in the woods I want something done about them." She said.

"A cult?" He asked, clearly not taking her seriously.

"Yes, they all wear these leather jackets and buy more food than could be ate in a week, I don't care how many people are living together. Their leader is Derek Hale."

John sighed. "Listen, Ms. Eckle. I know what you're talking about, and I can assure you, they aren't a cult." He frowned a bit, "Well, they aren't exactly a cult." Sighing he tried again, "You don't need to worry about them."

"So they are a cult?" Jane said, leaning forward.

"No." John replied.

"You said they aren't exactly a cult. So they are one. At least a little bit." Jane fought.

John ran a hand over his face, "I meant th-"

He got cut off as one of the members of the Forest Cult ran in, "Hey dad, I just-" the kid with the short hair froze. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry about interrupting you during your work. I'll just come back later."

"Wait." Jane said turning to John, "You let your son join a cult?" Maybe he shouldn't have gotten his job back.

"Oh hell." John said, slumping down in his chair.

"Cult?" The kid said, "I'm not in a cult. What are you talking about? Dad, I didn't accidentally join a cult did I? Derek will kill me if I did."

Jane pointed at him, "I knew that Derek Hale was the leader."

"Well, the actual term is Alph-"

"Stiles." John bit out, causing the kid to shut up. "Shut up."

Jane turned to glare at John, "You are protecting the Forest Cult!" She accused, "Are you part of it? Just on the down low, which is why you don't wear your leather jacket in public?"

"What even?" Stiles asked, "Listen, lady-"

"Ms. Eckle." Jane said, "Not that I should give my name to you, you'll try to recruit me next."

"Uh, no, dude. I don't think so." Stiles sighed, "Let me explain it to you. Because it seems as if you think we all are a Forest Cult of Leather Jackets? Lead by Derek, right?" She nodded and he continued, "I can assure you Ms. Eckle. We aren't a cult. We're a bunch of friends who happen to live together. And Derek tends to make the more important decisions about the house because it's his and he's rich."

"He's rich?" Jane asked.

"Yeah, happens when you're whole family dies." Stiles said, "And because he has that big house to himself and he's a broody bastard that I love, we all live there with him to keep him happy."

"But the food-" Jane started.

"We have to eat." Stiles held his hands out. "It's as simple as that."