I didn't bother knocking, the staff had let me in without a fuss, I'd waved off the other reporter's directions to Clark's office and he knew I was on my way, that's all he needs really. I may have been Bruce Wayne at the time but with or without the suit, to Clark I am Batman in everything that I do and he knows to expect the Batman at any possibility. He didn't look up right away but I expect he knew of my presence.

"Damn!" He had drawn a line across whatever he had been scribbling on in surprise and jumped to his feet, evidentially my previous presumption had been inaccurate, "Bruce, you er…you caught me by surprise there!"

"I noticed."

Clark's smiling mouth sucked in its lips and nodded as his gaze lowered back to his desk, he made an odd wave with his arm which took me a moment or two to register that he was inviting me to sit down. I couldn't help but feel he was anxious, I wondered if he had caught onto me too however though it cannot be said that Clark is the smartest nor most perceptive person I know I give credit that he is honest and open, I admire that, even if it doesn't do him many favours. I'm actually quite envious but that's not worth discussing.

"I thought you had a dinner party to attend."

I didn't even pretend that was not an awkward question, I'm surprised he bothered to recall hence my unprepared response.

"It's unimportant; I avoid that sort of thing where I can."

Clark laughed at that, "In that case you'll forgive me for taking that as a compliment."

I smiled wearily, "Help yourself."

Those moments when I sat there smiling as Clark would allow himself to laugh at the smallest incline had become somewhat of an endearing routine, the orange-tinted sky from the large office window behind him created a Cheshire silhouette out of him and how could I not take that opportunity to smile? It was beautiful and I needed more of that in my life. Of course, Clark would always only take it as faint amusement.

Almost always. There was a glance between us where I felt something crumble and his face softened.

"You are troubled, my friend."

I grimaced, Clark gave me a moment and replaced the sheet I had made him ruin and smiled to himself.

"I can only hazard a guess but you know my opinion on the matter, you have to ask yourself if she is worth the trouble sometimes."

"Clark, trouble is all I ask for."

—-

It was a patrol night, a rough one, Nightwing had needed a patch-up at the Cave long before I had planned to retired for the morning, but that's Nightwing, always cutting things short. I was tending to a wound his leg and not an unfamiliar one but I supposed that was what he got from waving them in the air all the time.

"You'd make a good nurse, Bruce," he had been making quips like that for about ten minutes- heck, years, "but I'd wear the outfit better."

I ignored him and applied more ointment, he paused before speaking again.

"You weren't in the game tonight, were you?"

"Says the man bleeding from the calf."

On cue the boy made his excuses, I wasn't paying attention to him, he had tried telling me to do this, I wasn't making notes and he was forgetting his place. I didn't care what he was calling himself, he knew he was pushing my buttons. I told him to stop moving his leg, he wasn't always so jittery even when he made it obvious he was attention-seeking.

I thought about my meeting with Clark the previous day, it was just meant to be a quick drop-in but coming back…I'd felt so heavy. I knew I couldn't make more time, Dick had contacted me beforehand say he was in town and no I had no real say in this, when did I ever when it came to Nightwing? It was the one time I could excuse myself a little of the responsibility of managing my own time, the boy was an odd one to say the least. But when it came to Clark, well, if I am going to be honest here I must say I felt like I was losing him to some sort of schedule. Not the night, the one I could control, but Bruce's and his make-believe game in the public eye, as for Batman, myself, well that was a little more difficult. My true friends – my family – were all part of that life, my work, and Superman and Batman have their own places to protect, now don't misunderstand all my friends are important to me only I know that if Clark were to disappear I would be at square one, lost and alone, he's is my equal and that's what Batman needs; another side of his coin. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I was starting to frighten myself.

Dick feigned a cry, I'd not stitched him up right on one knot but I told him to keep still.

"It's that look." The amount of venom in his voice almost had me scold him as I would have were he Robin, I grunted obviously not grasping a clue of what he was getting at.

"I used to look like that. Then again I have this adorable little habit of falling for the wrong person."

I looked up at him, he wasn't always looking at me as I had suspected but he had drifted off somewhere as he spoke, his head turned to meet my line of sight also. I wasn't sure what to make of his words but I decided he knew too much as it was.

"If you ask me," the stitches improved again at this point, "I think that proves truer for your… lady-friends."

I thought I had dodged a bullet skilfully, once again my ward was showing that side of him I wasn't all that fond of.

"Just the ladies?"

Not anymore.

I let go of his leg and urged him to get his feet, I asked him how he felt and he nodded and thanked me, I told him to hit the showers. He cringed at the poor attempt to break tension and was not shy about either but he had the courtesy to take matters into his own hands.

"If you think it's going to get any better, you're wrong."

Dick was drifting again, he walked slowly away, his back turned and pulling a V-neck over his previously exposed torso. He stopped and sighed, turning to face me, figuring what he had to say next was worth paying attention to and just for the record, it was.

"I lived with it and yeah, I guess I learned to put it aside, but everyone's different, you know? You don't fall the same way twice and sometimes it feels like you're not going to fall as hard again."

His eyes lowered and he gave a wry smile.

"Bruce, it's up to you how you live with it because in the end it's all you can do, it's not just going to disappear no matter how much you want it to and the world isn't gonna wait for you."

—-

The bars in Metropolis aren't exactly choice, the ones Clark chooses anyway, but on a reporter's salary it's got to be hard and it's not exactly pie trying to get Superman to back off paying the bill even if it's shared with a multi-billionaire. I let him pick the place and we took care of our own drink figures, now, it's not hard to imagine that it takes a few to get men of our stature under the table but Clark was starting to get concerned over how quickly I was knocking them back, smile fading if only for a second whenever I took a drink. My mouth twitched afterwards when our eye contact was a little prolonged during a particular hefty glug.

"She's really getting to you, huh?"

"He."

There was no point in even trying to pretend, I had made up my mind.

"It's not her."

Clark brow furrowed, his mouth hung open a little whilst he tried to choose the right words. I guess despite previous instances of admitting my…shall we say misadventures… with one or two certain males.

"Someone else entirely."

I sucked in my lips, biting on the lower and I gave him enough of a glance to confess everything. He had started to give a slow nod which turned into a double-take. When he recovered he didn't notice himself drinking in much the same fashion he had cited me for.

"If you wish I make myself scarce, I cannot." I said bluntly, "I've been so scared and leaving now is only going to magnify that."

Clark ran a hand through his slicked hair, he took a deep breath and nodded finally.

"I'm sorry, Clark."

"No," the nod was then a shake of his head, a firm one, "I should be …I should apologise. I think it's something I've tried to avoid as well."

It was my turn to nod. He was avoiding my gaze but I didn't look away, we had reached an understanding I felt at the very least we were long overdue some closure and we had to be adult about it. And he let me know about that.

—-

He wasn't as careful with his weight as I had imagined many a time, but it wasn't as if the reality was disappointing, far from it, but how does imagination compare to sex with Superman? Not that I would ever let him know that, the man's got an ego sized to the rest of him.

Suits were long forgotten, something I suppose I should regret when I later had to take the stained and wrinkled garments back home only to receive a knowing look from Alfred.

His hands were large. He had one in the small of my back and the other riding up the front of my chest. My hips ground down on his thigh as he bit down on the flesh of my shoulder. The hand on my chest made its way down my stomach, fingers spreading and tracing around my abs and down to my abdomen.

He started to pump me and I am not proud of the sound I made as he wrapped those thick digits around my cock. Clark disagreed, chuckling he released the skin between his teeth and pressed our foreheads together, the hand on my back was then on one side of my head, caressing my cheek. His eyes were bright and hungry, mouth open as mine was and our heated breaths mixed between us. My eyelids fluttered a little from the dizzying sight of those predator-blue irises. He kissed me roughly, tongue no longer as shy as it had been earlier than evening and finding mine immediately to massage and explore all at once. I never thought I'd be so pleased with relieving control of my own body.

Only using the tiniest fraction of his strength he was able to push me back onto the mattress, breaking the kiss in the process. At first I thought this accidental and went up to resume it, however he pushed me back down, a hand on my chest firmly holding me down. His head lowered and before I could protest, half-heartedly at that, he was sucking and fisting me all at once, not gently either. I cried out his name as well as an assortment of profanities and grabbed a handful of the bed sheet underneath us.

It was euphoric and from there my thoughts ceased, all that time I had spent repressing as many thoughts of him as I could were being released as each became a reality, my ego broke and I was an adolescent again, groaning and writhing under him like any experience I had was a warm-up all leading to this.

—-

It couldn't be.

That hollow feeling, things had gotten better, hadn't they?

Why did I feel lost again?

That fucking nostalgia, it made me want to scream being back in that place, it was back, the dimly-lit flame was now a fire in the back of my mind. I was not sated, I was not satisfied, I wanted all of him, body and soul.

Why wasn't it enough? How couldn't it be? That night…it was everything I had wanted it to be, so why?

It was all just the beginning, a taster of what I'd never wanted to want.

To need someone…it's close to suicide.

—-

We were stood on a rooftop and what was supposed to be a night of patrol had turned into a personal rendezvous.

I had told him everything, well, as much as I needed to in order to make my situation known. He hadn't smiled once, instead he had frowned throughout my explanation and now he just looked sorry. I pressed my lips together and managed to force out the question I had wanted to ask him. Pride was no longer an issue here.

"It has to get better from now, doesn't it?"

Without a word, Nightwing strode towards me and draped his arms either side of my neck, standing on the balls of his feet to peck me on the lips and quietly speak, lids heavy and mouth in a seductive and almost sadistic smile.

"Whatever you do can only make things worse."

I felt cold at his words, he laughed a little and our eyes met properly. We both must have looked so angry.

"Don't you see? There's no solution. Like many others you are a fool to fall in love with someone."