Rachel gave herself three days. Three days to actually sit back and really think about what she wanted, and, this time, what Santana also seemed to want. She didn't go out of her way to ignore the other girl, but she also didn't speak to her. In all honesty she didn't have anything to say just yet. Then, on Friday, she stationed herself outside the Cheerios' locker room and waited.

Three days to think.

Three days to understand. Or try to, at least.

She was ready, she decided, to have a serious, two-way conversation with Santana about… well… everything. I'm going to listen to her this time. I'm going to actually listen, and let her speak her mind completely, and not let… well, feelings will definitely be involved no matter what, but I can't deny that I miss her, and that I want… something between us. I'm not completely sure what that something is, but anything is better than this mess going on right now.

She was pulled from her thoughts at the door swinging open and Cheerios filing out. A couple looked at her curiously, a few of the baby Cheerios smiled and waved shyly, while some upperclassmen just sneered. One decided to actually speak out. "Hey, Manhands, this is a private hallway. No ugly allowed." Before Rachel could retort a sharp voice was breaking in.

"Then why are you here, Jacobson?"

The dirty-blond haired cheerleader stiffened immediately at the sound of her Captain's voice.

"I asked you a question, Jacobson. You too good to answer to your Captain?"

Turning around quickly the girl shook her head. "N-no, ma'am. I'll leave right away."

Santana just rolled her eyes and waved her away; the Cheerio rushed off quickly, cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

Rachel bit her lip, looking down as Santana turned her gaze on her. "I could have handled it," spoke the diva calmly. Santana shrugged, replying in a soft tone that Rachel hadn't expected,

"I know. But you shouldn't always have to."

The two stood there awkwardly for a moment, then the smaller brunette took a deep breath in, let it out slowly, and looked up to meet Santana's dark brown eyes. "Can we… Can we talk…?" To her surprise, the Cheerio's lips twitched in a small, ever so small smile, and she nodded.

"Auditorium?"

Rachel nodded, and they left the hall.

The moment they got to the auditorium Rachel went straight for the grand piano sitting off on stage left and sat down on the bench. Santana stayed standing just a few feet away, arms crossing as she dropped her duffel bag to the floor. "You wanted to talk?" asked the taller brunette. Her tone was clipped, but not unkind. Rachel took that as a good sign.

"Actually… It's more like… More like I'm ready to listen…" She made sure to meet Santana's eyes, which had softened at the words, much to the smaller girl's relief.

"Will you actually let me say what I want to say? And not interrupt?"

Looking down, her fingers fiddling with her skirt, Rachel nodded. She heard the other girl sigh, and then,

"I fucked up, Rachel… I didn't mean to like… I just- … Fuck…" Santana moved forward, kneeling down on one knee in front of the little singer and grabbing both her hands, forcing her to both stop nervously fidgeting and to look at the cheerleader. When she had the girl's eyes, Santana went on. "You confuse the fuck outta me, Rachel. At Puck's party I was still hung up on Britt. I meant everything I said to you, but I didn't… I didn't expect to actually start feeling for you. You were just like, heh… this little kitten that I wanted to protect from the big, stupid dogs, and I didn't… I never thought I'd ever see you as more than that; someone that needed protection sometimes."

Rachel swallowed thickly, could feel the words climbing up her vocal cords, but she just nodded as a way to ask Santana to continue.

"I care about you, Rachel. A lot. More than I really wanted to. I'm not like, trying to ignore the six months we had. I can't. Believe it or not those six months were really fucking awesome, because I was with you, and you were happy, and I was happy. And I know, I know I screwed up so fucking badly a few weeks ago. But like- When Artie and Brittany broke up she came to me, and she asked me out, and you need to understand that I spent half my life loving her…" At that Rachel tried pulling her hands away, eyes drifting away from the girl's, but the Cheerio tightened her grip and didn't speak any more until the little diva was forced to meet her gaze once more.

"But that doesn't mean I don't love you, too. I panicked. I thought it was take the chance now or lose her all over again. I didn't think I could have both, so when I thought I had to choose I-"

"Chose Brittany, I know," cut in Rachel, despite her promise she wouldn't. Santana huffed a little, and Rachel looked down again, shrugging in apology.

"Yeah… I chose Brittany. But not because you were anything less. You'renot. And don't ever, ever think you are. Don't compare yourself to her.Please. You're absolutely perfect, Rachel. I love everything that makes you Rachel Berry. I need you both in my life. Equally. You are not a second choice. You're not a whore. I want you to be my girlfriend, just like Brittany is. We both want you to be our girlfriend. We want to kiss you in the hall, walk you to class, cuddle in bed, all that cutesy-couply shit. That's what I want, and I want it with you."

Speechless was the best way to describe Rachel in that moment. It was the most Santana had ever said when it came to feelings in general, and she'd probably never hear half these words ever again. She knew the Cheerio was forcing her walls down and saying a lot of things she wasn't comfortable with talking about, just so that she could somehow get Rachel to understand. And Rachel listened. She took everything in, and the more she listened the more she knew she just wanted to cry. She thought she'd have words to say in reply, but in all honesty all her words were used up and somehow her tears weren't.

"Rachel…?"

Santana's steady, cautious voice broke her away from her inner battle, and when she looked up from her lap the expression on the kneeling girl's face told her what she already knew; that her eyes were full of tears, her mouth twisted in an attempt to hold back a sob, and she looked three seconds from a complete breakdown.

"Shit, Rachel, I-"

"Can you please just hold me…?" forced out the singer, her throat tight and the words coming out small and weak and a little desperate.

She expected some hesitation. Somehow she expected rejection, or at least a question of why. But in the time it took her to have all those doubts Santana was already shooting up and wrapping her arms around the girl tightly, pulling Rachel in close to her chest and bringing her onto her lap.

The dam broke. Everything she had been holding in since Santana walked out her door four weeks ago came flooding out. Her body was wracked with sobs, she couldn't stop shaking, and yet, despite how erratic her lungs were heaving and how much snot and tears she was sure she was getting on the other girl's uniform, Rachel could feel her chest start to loosen up.

For the first time since it had all began the sobbing singer actually started to feel like she could breathe. As though, for once, the tears were doing their job, and washing all of her worries and fears and bitter thoughts away.

And Santana just held her, rocking slowly back and forth. It was the best feeling in the world, Rachel decided. Santana was warm, and solid, and completely surrounding her in a way that almost felt too good to be real. Was this real? Was she just imagining it all? Would she wake up in her bed in a few seconds, more broken than ever?

Then she felt something wet and hot hit her neck.

Tears, but not her own, she knew.

She felt a shudder from the girl embracing her, and before she could even mentally acknowledge that Santana was crying, soft, desperate whispers were hitting her ears in warm, shaky breaths.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," was being repeated over and over like a mantra.

Rachel didn't know what to say in return; her words were still gone, and even if she had them back she didn't think she'd be able to get them out between the sobs and the whimpers. So instead she clung to Santana tighter, hoping to reassure the girl through touch in the same way Santana was reassuring her.

Neither girl knew how long they stayed like that, Santana sitting on the bench and Rachel sitting on her lap, just holding each other physically as a way to hold each other together emotionally. As the smaller of the two girls began to calm down, she pulled back just enough to look at Santana, who had also calmed. Rachel reached up a hand from where they were both clenching the material of the cheerleader's front, and wiped some of the tear tracks away with the pad of her thumb. Santana smiled, choking back a laugh and pulling the girl into her lips.

The kiss was desperate, like everything else had been up to this point; there were still a few last things to be said between them, after all.

But it felt right, and real, and it anchored Rachel into the reality that she wanted Santana and Santana wanted her and maybe she could even come to really want Brittany and-

When they finally broke apart Santana spoke, voice soft but confident. "Let us take you out. Brittany and I. Let us- let us woo you, or something. Anything."

Rachel couldn't help but smile, her eyes still glistening with tears. The smile was tiny; a shadow of its former self. But just like the kiss, this moment, it was real. More real than any of the smiles she had forced over her features in weeks. "O-okay. Okay, yes. I think- no. I would. I would like that. I would like that very much."

Santana leaned in again, this time pressing her lips to Rachel's softly. It wasn't so desperate, and barely more than letting her lips slide over and under and across the smaller girl's, but it was perfect. It made Rachel's heart pull itself back together as her lungs expended without restriction and her ribs eased themselves back to a relaxed state. This time it was Rachel who broke away, but she didn't go far. She rested her forehead on Santana's, looking the other girl in the eye and giving her that same, real, if watery, smile. Santana just grinned, chuckling.

"I love you…" she whispered, a hand coming up to glide her fingers through the diva's soft hair.

Rachel laid a light kiss on the corner of Santana's mouth and replied back just as quietly, "I think I could love you, too."

((A/N: And that's a wrap! Is it bad that I can barely force myself to read the other chapters? I just skip right to this one… Anyway, hope it was worth it. Twas a fun, angsty journey and I mainly just hope I kept things relatively realistic and in-character-ish. Also, I now have a perfectly lovely Berritana-verse to use at my leisure.))