Don't Make Me Over 40

Jonesy had to try to schedule multiple photo shoots, appointments and arrangements to whip together before the wedding. She was back and forth from OH to CA, making sure she didn't flake on as much as she could manage not to flake on, between wedding plans and business plans. Every time she saw Sam, he was songwriting. She figured he must be trying to make sure he got his music hustle tight before the move, too. He was wearing the baby in a "sack on ya back," and his guitar on his hands. "Oh, so you're like SONGWRITING!" She commented, taking the kid out of the pouch, much to the baby's dismay.

"Leave her alone. She's helping me write," he said, reaching for her. She was pretty accustomed to being in that pouch whenever Sam was writing and sometimes she even sounded like she was singing along to whatever he was singing. In fact, she was a very helpful muse for Sam.

Jonesy wasn't privy to all of that, at the moment, but she knew that girl had probably been settled in the pouch for hours judging by the appearance of Sam."She needs to stretch and to feed, so I guess she's gotta settle for her mama right now. You look busy." She took the baby and finally, Babycakes seemed to finally notice her face. She kicked around joyously and began to babble to her. "Girl, really? You don't say? And ALL of that happened T'DAY?" Jonesy asked. Sam smiled lovingly at them and reached out to squeeze Jonesy's hip. They gave each other affectionate stares while the baby took that as a sign to reach for Sam again. "Daddy's working hard. We'll let him have some alone time. We're gonna get some organic chicken blend and apricots. Mama don't know why you like that, but since that's Babycakes' faves, that's today's lunch. Yeah! Yeah it is! There's mama's baby's smile! There she is!" Sam strummed on his guitar, made some notes and sang under his breath to himself as Jonesy and the baby vanished into the kitchen.

.

She wished that she had more time with Sam, and hoped it was temporary. He was really working on his new music and whenever they were both in the house, one was usually tied up with something. "You think our married life in LA will be like this? Hardly seeing each other and sometimes falling to sleep when we're supposed to be squeezing in our time?" She wondered. "I mean, I'm not needy, but I do feel like we were spending like all of the time together and now, we hardly do, this close to us getting married…"

"I think that no matter where we are, we'll have busy periods, but neither of us would ever let busy lives take over us for too long. I'm just trying to make sure that you get a good husband and not some flapping fish out of water. You don't deserve scraps. Neither of you." She smiled and cuddled closely to him, then they just laughed and talked until they inevitably fell to sleep.

.

"At Last is so cliche! People use At Last for weddings even when they don't have an At Last situation. How the fuck it's "at last" when y'all knew each other 6 months or if you're just 18, marrying fresh out of school? At Last? Pssssht. Here and Now has been run into the ground. I love Luther, but I never want to hear that song again. That's some stuff my mama listened to when I was growing up. Ave Maria is a complete and utter nope. Hail Mary? At MY wedding? Mary ain't snag my man for me…"

"What about Diamonds and Pearls?" Tina asked, exasperated. Nothing was making this woman happy and the wedding was right around the corner. She was changing her whole ass mind about nearly everything, and hadn't even chosen songs, but had negative things to say about every suggestion that Tina Googled for black weddings. Tina figured a Prince song might ignite something.

Jonesy's face lit up, "Tina… Did you just suggest Prince? You now know Prince?"

"You've made me feel like I had to!"

"You do have to. And I love it. That's the song... AND the theme." She and Unique began waving their hands and slapping their fingertips together as they did.

"I thought that the theme was purple passion.." Tina reminded them. She had planned a lot under that thought.

Ignoring the concern, Jonesy began to sing, "This will be the day that you will hear me say, that I will never run away. I am here for you. Love is meant for two, now tell me what you're gonna do…" She and Unique hit the chorus, complete with runs as Unique waved her hands in the air and Jonesy pointed to imaginary notes in the air that she was hitting.

Tina gave them both a tight smile. "So diamonds and pearls it is."

Unique offered, "We have a ton of sparkly stuff that we can pull out of storage to accentuate the wedding, and I can raid any craft places for other things, if need be. Some of my orders come in within days." Tina just nodded. Unique kept going, "OOOh! I was thinking, SINCE you are a godlike makeup artist, that we could do the bridal party entrances like a runway."

"So y'all can get some of my fire? On my day?" Jonesy asked, chuckling and giving Unique sideeye.

"See, you thinking about it wrong. I was thinking more like it's a dosage of a big part of your life - it's part of… Oh! Part of your brand!" Jonesy pursed her lips. "Your bridal party can come on down, Naomi Campbell walkesque. Then, the flower boys, then it's all you. I think a spotlight would be good for that."

"I'ma have my baby with me."

"She's not being brought in separately?" Tina asked, checking her notes. "I have that your dad brings her to Sam, then comes back around and brings you in."

"Sam's gonna have Krueger and I'll have Babycakes. Because it's me and my baby becoming one with he and his baby. So, it's like we're marrying the whole family together. I want the presentation to reflect that."

"Okay," Tina said and tossed her legal pad down. "I'm taking a break."

Now… Jonesy was a fickle maiden at times, so it was nothing for her to change her mind suddenly about something, despite its importance. The theme of the wedding. Wardrobe, even… Honestly, all that she seemed to be fully satisfied with was the menu choices. She couldn't tell if this was nervous energy manifesting or just the desire for it all to be perfect. Her mom stepped in, agreed to pay for any changes, as long as the wedding was still tasteful enough for her church, and planned a bridal retreat for her so that she wouldn't see Sam before the wedding.

.

Jonesy was not up for it, but went anyway and she was glad that she did. She missed the baby, so whenever she wanted to see her, Bree video phoned, to keep Sam from seeing her. (A couple of times he was home and she had to lock herself in the bathroom because he missed his lady and wanted to be on the call too).

"It's just a week, you spineless dimwit!" Bree yelled as he banged on the door.

"Hey! Not in front of the baby! We don't talk ugly to each other in front of her," Jonesy defended.

"My fault. Me and him just talk to each other crazy ALL DAY whenever you're not here. Girl, he's bugging!" Bree said.

"I'm getting tools!" Sam called out.

"Do it. Leave us alone," Bree suggested.

Jonesy wondered, "Tools for what?"

"Girl, I guess to get this locked door open. He know good and well he's had all this free time with the baby and won't let you get you a few little minutes?" Jonesy heard noises at the door and Bree fussed, "You're scaring the baby!"

Sam yelled back, "Bullshit! My baby is fearless!"

"Well, you're distracting her from her Mommy time!"

After a while, Bree and Jonesy heard the door fall and Jonesy quickly hung up. Sam came rushing past the now removed bathroom door to see that the call was over. "I hate you," he told Bree, pointing to her.

"She hung up, needy psycho!"

"She told you not in front of the baby!" He yelled, jerked the door and grumpily stomped away with it under his arm.

"Where are you taking that?"

"You'll never lock me out of a room in MY house again!"

"You rent this house! AND, you're getting ready to move out!.." She reminded him, but he was too busy storming off to care. Ryvie had a spa worker to text him every update in Jonesy's schedule, so that he could anticipate just what he was going to see coming down that aisle, but that just made him more irritated, because wtf is a caviar face mask? And even more so wtf is caviar face mask THERAPY? Why put stuff that's too expensive to even eat ON YOUR FACE? Her diet was part luxury, part cleansing. He didn't know if she was enjoying being steamed and dipped in mud, and exfoliated from head to toe… He had to Google search exfoliated to see what that was. There was a colon cleanse involved. He didn't have to search that. He knew that couldn't be pleasant. What kind of getaway is that? Mostly, he expected her to be near him at this time, because they had spent ENOUGH time apart when she was traveling and getting ready!

Her last night at the bridal retreat, her mother came to collect her and put her into the suite that she would be in for the wedding weekend. "You needed this. There were bags under your eyes whenever I signed the receipt, and now you look ten years younger. This is where I come after an especially bad recovery." Jonesy picked up Babycakes and gave her a kiss. The baby was instantly obsessed with her mommy's facial softness and rubbed her hands over it repeatedly. "We're having that large personality you work with to be the stand in for your rehearsal, since you want them all to see the best version of you as a bride…" Jonesy loaded up her things into her mother's car with one arm, holding the baby with the other. Ryvie kept trying to reach for things, but her daughter would quickly snatch them away from her, unsure of why with her bad heart she wanted to try to do things that Jonesy could do herself.

In the suite, Jonesy finally got to have her daughter staying with her. It was nice to be able to. She did her hair, and talked to her about everything happening in their world right now. She apologized multiple times for not being around very much, "But, I knew that I would be better able to handle being away from you than Daddy would have. He can barely handle when he's gotta be away from Mommy for too long. Hopefully… I'm not doing you any harm by staying away for a while. I rush back to you as soon as I can and once we move, shoot, I'm not ever gonna be spending this much time away from you…" Babycakes stuffed a teething cookie into Jonesy's mouth. "This. Is. Wet… And mushy and nasty…" Babycakes cackled. "If you think those words mean that I enjoy this, you're mistaken." The baby handed her a fresh teething cookie. "I don't actually want that one eithe…" She shoved it into her mouth and laughed, then grabbed herself another to enjoy. "Thank you, Baby."

She monitored the rehearsal through facetime on Bree's phone, in the dark, since she couldn't be seen, per Ryvie. Bree did her stand in. Unique did her directing. If anybody knew what she would want and wouldn't want, it was Unique and if anybody was big and bold enough to run a room on her behalf - same thing, Unique. She was part of the bridal party, but this was only rehearsal, so she didn't have to stay in her spot, necessarily. Stacey was holding the ring. Sheila would take the bouquet or baby, if need be. Artie declined from coming down the aisle in his chair, so he'd be next to Sam whenever everyone came in, already. So, Stacey would have to come in by herself. She hadn't been prepared for that, but at least she didn't have to do it in heels.

Stevie would escort Sheila. Puck would escort Tina. The Jones family - Ryvie, Godfrey, and Ra were coming in together. Kurt, Blaine, and Jesse would have white, gold and purple flower petals, respectively to toss down. Unique and Rachel were going to be singing for the processional. Then, Godfrey would retrieve the bride for Sam and she would have the baby's hand in hers and they would both be walking to him to start that life up. Rehearsal went fine and Jonesy could barely rest thinking about the fact that the next day, they did it for real, with her there, with everyone dressed and ready! Bree dropped the baby back off after rehearsal, but Jonesy didn't want to be alone, so she stayed, plus she called over the others - Unique, Tina, Rachel, Sheila, Kurt, Santana and Stacey all came to hang out. They were SO engrossed with how great she looked and she just kept reminding them to NEVER let Ryvie know that they saw her before the wedding.

"I mean, I'm sure we'll still be impressed, especially if you're doing your makeup. Imagine your makeup on your face with your face looking this superb," Kurt said. He put his hand over his chest and looked like he was going to cry.

Unique elaborately rolled her eyes and said, "All I'm imagining is how I have to settle for less for my makeup, because it's my makeup artists' wedding and she can't do my makeup for that day." She told them, "But, on the bright side, look at what I taught my baby. Babycakes - smize!" Babycakes changed her face slightly and her eyes widened. She wasn't smizing, but they realized that she was trying to, and a chorus of awwws sounded through the room, then it needed to be recorded, then posted… Then Ryvie commented on said post, on Santana's page: Bold of you to presume that just because we aren't friends, I don't pay attention to these pages. I am on my way to that suite.

Santana gasped and said, "Y'all know what? I actually gotta go." A few of the others saw the comment and followed suit.

Jonesy fussed, "Wait - you're all just leaving me in my nervousness?"

"Your mom will handle that," Kurt offered.

"This by handle you mean make it worse! Why would y'all post?!"

After a moment, everyone was gone and Jonesy commented on Ryvie's comment, "Mom, you scared everyone off and now I'm lonely with bad nerves." Her phone rang and she answered it, "Hello?"

"I told you that I'm on my way. You can sit alone for a few minutes. There is an adorable baby in the room with you."

"You're really coming here?" Jonesy asked.

"Why wouldn't I? My little girl is getting married and she's having some thoughts about it."

"I'm just anxious to see Sam and get this done."

"Well, I have wine, a moisture retention mask, and Maserati with me. Hopefully, that's enough." Jonesy sniffled and Ryvie scoffed, "Don't do that. You'll make your eyes puffy."

.

Maryvonne was made for this, to be honest. She had real diamonds and real pearls to adorn herself, her daughters, and her granddaughter in. She made sure that Godfrey had a classy but decent amount of bling, as well. Maserati was like a diamond princess in a crystal pageant dress. Family of the bride looked like something out of a princess movie, or as Jonesy said - "Like how they woulda looked if there was a Diamond City on the Wiz!" She was watching from her dressing room, with her friends coming in and out, so they could go pump Sam up about how good she looked.

Mary refused anything more expensive than crystals and only pulled out an old strand of pearls that belonged to her mother, for good measure. She snuck Jonesy a strain of weed that 'smells kinda like jasmine, so your mom shouldn't detect it.' See, THAT'S what Jonesy was talking about! She needed a friend like Mare for times like this when everybody figured that deep breaths and compliments fixed stuff. She even sprayed her with some jasmine and ylang ylang body mist afterwards and took the evidence with her to get rid of.

Stacey let Jonesy dress her for the event. She put her in a sleeveless top, short pearl colored skirt, and crystal studded cowgirl boots - something that fit her personality and style, but also the theme. Sheila wore the same outfit, but with heels and a pearl colored jacket with crystal tassels.

Jonesy was beyond pleased with the outcome. She hadn't really thought much about being married before Sam. Honestly, even while she was with Sam, she halfway expected for things to fall apart. She mostly expected to single-handedly destroy it with her damages and her doubts. But, there he was, at the end of the aisle, waiting with a big, stupid smile, Krueger draped in his arms, giving him a great excuse to not fumble around with his hands. Waiting for her and Babycakes to come down the aisle and for them to be an official family, with paperwork and societal benefits. Like - yeah, it was a "piece of paper," but by God, that piece of paper was about to be the most important one that she had ever signed in her life, or ever held in her entire life. Everything was going to change.

Not even like people expect, where suddenly love feels different or something corny like that. She knew that the way she loved this man would grow, but nit because of this ceremony. However, their names on things together. Their finances linked, insurance, deeds, etc… those were pretty heavy life changes that a lot of people didn't think deeply enough about. They were going to be moving not just to a new city, but to a new state and having to try to figure out how to navigate a new life together, together.

After the years they spent together, those before their courtship and the near couple of ones since - Jonesy had a gut feeling that their worse had to be over with. Trauma. Attack. Professional help. Physical issues. Near death. The birth of a child… bitch.. That had been less than two years of pure and utter "what makes you stronger," and she did that shit. Not alone, as she always thought that she might… but with a partner, a friend, a lover, a man who wanted to go through the fire with her and hold her hand while it scorched. She wished that she could say that she was being dramatic! But, honestly, she felt like she was having herself an At Last situation.

After all of her pain, all of her trials and tribulations, all of her blood, sweat, and tears, all of her lowest days… at last my love has come along.

.

Sam had gotten Krueger a little snake outfit and wore him for the ceremony, but put him into a traveling sack for the snake sitter to keep him until it was time to go home. Babycakes took quite a while for them to get her able to head down the aisle holding Jonesy's hand (with her in the dress). The girl was distracted by a number of things, until Godfrey simply picked her up and held her in his arms while he had a giggling Jonesy on his elbow. They got to the altar and the tot cheered for Krueger and tried to dive towards the family pet, but Jonesy collected her by distracting her with the shiny bouquet. Sam gave his daughter a kiss on the nose and she giggled and turned her face inwards to Jonesy's neck.

Jonesy smiled, gestured to Bree to take the baby, told Sam, "I gotta redo." She went around the sides of the aisles, perplexing nearly everyone but Unique, who practically read her mind and signaled to the musician to start the song again. Rachel was confused, but grabbed her microphone again. When Jonesy went back to the back, she peeked in, did a flashing gesture to Unique and Unique clapped her hands then pointed to someone that she had in place, JUST in case her girl changed her mind - the spotlight operator.

Godfrey asked Ryvie, "Should I walk her back in?"

"And make this disturbance even more awkward?" She asked back. The spotlight shined on Jonesy and she put her bouquet at her side and strutted in, spinning and striking poses like she was on the runway. Sam applauded and the others joined in. She showed some shoulder. She showed some leg. She blew some kisses and she made it back to the altar, feeling 200% more at ease about everything and collected her baby.

To be honest, the three of them didn't even need the rest of everyone there. They laughed and joked like it was one of their days in - and in the midst of it, got married with their loved ones in the room.

"Do you take Mercedes Jones…"

"I'll have both of them, please," Sam said and touched Babycakes' cheek.

"Do you take Mercedes and…"

"Mercury Jasmine Jones-Evans," Jonesy said.

"Do you take Mercedes and Mercury, to be your lawful… family…"

"Let me help you out, Chief," Sam said and took the microphone. Ryvie crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "My very soon to be mother in law is giving me the 'I should have known he'd do something I disapprove of' look, but I just watched Jonesy do what she wanted to do, I wrote a song that I want to use as my vows and Ryvie can't stop me, because it's my day." She forced a smile as people were now looking at her.

Puck pulled out his drumsticks, to Jonesy's shock. Tina had a guitar beneath the pew and while she played a soft tune, Puck drummed on the pew. This sounded familiar… Wait! This was that song that he'd been working so hard on! She knew that tune from the hours he spent in the other room mumbling no words and making changes in the tune!

Sam started singing, "I don't know what it was at first sight, but if I knew it'd turn into this, I just might, go back in time and steal me a kiss that first night." (He winked at her)

"I knew when you took my heart that I was never gonna play it smart, again. And now every part of me is your part." (He touched the tip of her nose)

"You. Know. Everything that can be learned about me. You Grow. Everything that can be churned out of me. And there's not a better way to spend my life.

Than have you be here today becoming my wife." She was already crying. He took Babycakes's hand and sang, "From the first day I saw your face, you filled up every single space that I'd reserved for (anticipated) future loved ones. And the first time you smiled at me, I knew that I might never see anything more beautiful sans maybe the face of God. You. Will. Always be my little girl. Thank. You. For coming into your mommy's world. Cause you're the greatest gift she's ever had. And I'm so lucky that I get to be your dad." The baby was ready to cross over to Sam, so he casually handed off the snake to the nearby sitter and took her, letting the music play as he did. But he wasn't done yet. "I stand here today before everyone, looking at my Earth, my moon, my sun, and get this - she thinks she's the lucky one. There's nobody I'd rather see, walk with, talk with, to be with me than you, Jonesy. Thank you for being in my life. Hell yeah, of course! I take this woman as my wife."

He bit his lip smiling and handed the mic back to the officiator. Everyone was cheering and Ryvie had been feeling it too - up until that last line - which made her throw a hand on her hip. Mary had put her fingers in her mouth and whistled. Half the crowd was crying, like Jonesy. The baby was trying to take one of Sam's jewels from his ear cuff.

"Wow. So he's really gonna not just show me up, but not even let me be able to can up here. Okay. Mr. Preacher guy. What can I say to make myself Mrs. Sam Evans as quick as possible?"

"At this point, just say I do, child!"

"I. Do." Now, she grabbed the mic and did some sick runs of "I do." Puck began to play the drums like it was church as she scatted and ad-libbed, hitting every note she could muster and SANGING HUNNY. "I do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Do I? Do I? Yeeeeeeeeeeees. I do. I do. I. Do." She smiled and handed the mic back. By the time it was time to kiss the bride, the kiss was surprisingly chaste to the audience. They expected more, but they had already pretty much done the most with her entrance and their vows, so that small, soft peck - it was still perfect. Then they gave Babycakes cheek kisses and Krueger too.

The reception was a party for the guests. Sam and Jonesy were a little bit eager to get home and get to married snuggling. Maryvonne was taking Babycakes for the night and kindly suggested to them, "Try not to make another one just yet."

"Don't tell me what to do," Sam muttered and when she turned to look at him pointed at Jonesy, like she had said it. Jonesy threw her hands in the air and scoffed. Married 15 minutes and he already trying to get ME killed! Ryvie rolled her eyes and laughed, pushing her granddaughter in the wedding stroller that she'd ordered specifically for keeping her at this reception while the couple mingled. She was also doing unnecessary damage control for the unconventional vow exchange. But Jonesy had TRIED to tell her that they weren't a "church wedding" typed couple.

"Hey. Mrs. Sam Evans."

"Yeah?"

"Nothing. Just saying 'hey.'" He smiled, widely.

"Aside from the big party and you writing a damn surprise song, today was just like any other day that we get with everybody, huh?"

"Not to me!" Sam said, "Today, I officially and legally became your man. That's a huge deal to me. Like, the most important contract ever!"

She laughed, "Same here. I was just bullshittin' to see what you'd say."

"Don't be playing with me Mrs. Sam Evans." She laughed and he reiterated, "I don't play like that!" His eyes glazed over watching her laugh, "You're so fuckin beautiful… Hey, you wanna dance again?"

She offered him her hand, "I always wanna dance. Especially with you."

He took it, kissed it and stood up with her, "Well, then I'm so glad that I get to dance with you for the rest of my life."

Epilogue

Jonesy had done several interviews, but this one she was SO excited about, getting to be on a daytime talk show panel and speak about things other than her career. She'd get to dish with the ladies and promote her charity BLUSH, her book The Re-Makeover (about the various stages of rebirth that she had to go through before she finally truly became happy), and a new movie that she would be working on! She came out, hugged everyone, took her seat and greeted the screaming audience.

"Our. Fans. Love. You."

"Well, that makes me happy, because I am one of them. If I'm working on client, it is IN the contract that if I have to work through The Tea Partay, I will turn it on during our appointment."

"We saw you tweet that and we just knew you were being facetious."

"No, Hunny, I do not play about TTP." She cackled as the audience gave various confirmations that they felt the same."

"So… What's going on, Sis? What's new with you. Now, I can't tell by looking at you, but… Girl, didn't you pop out another girl not too long ago?" One of the ladies asked.

She laughed again and flaunted in her seat. "Yes, yes. That was October, so not too long ago, but long enough that running behind three girls have me back down to my useg size."

"Tell me that you have a photo for us."

"I brought a few," she cheered.

They showed the photos of her daughters and wondered, "Now, which ones are daddy's girls and which are mommy's or is it a mutual thing or a blend, or what?"

"T'HA! They are ALL dadds's girls. All three of them. All daddy's girls and all divas."

"Now… That oldest one has her own modeling online show, right?"

"She has her own Insta and gives the girls modeling tips on it," Jonesy laughed. They showed a photo of Babycakes. "She came into life three years ago, bat her eyes at my man and completely stole him from me. Meet the demise of Sam Evans: Princess Babycakes, formally named Mercury Jasmine Jones-Evans. I call her Chestnut, with those wonderful, engaging chestnut eyes. My girls' eyes are some of the most lovely sights in my entire world, so I call them by eye color. Sam calls them the nicknames we gave them before we met them and named them. So, I say Chesnut, he says Babycakes, she "goes by" Babycakes, because that's what Daddy calls her. My mom calls her Jazz, because her middle name is Jasmine. My mother-in-law is the only person that calls her by her actual first name, which is Mercury."

"Look, your girls have some interesting names, I can't lie." She laughed. "Tell us the other names and aliases and can I ask if the names have significance or you just liked Mercury?"

"Well, she's the one with the most names. Mercury Jasmine, because my initials are MJ and I wanted that for her, too. Mercury is Gemini's ruler. She's an Aries, but I'm a Gemini, so I named her that because it starts out like my name and is attached to me. Jasmine is a flower that means "God's gift. White Jasmine flower represents amiability and modesty. Yellow Jasmine represents grace and elegance. And after we started out with a Mer and a J flower, we just kept that momentum for the other two girls.

Middle girl is Mericia Jonquil AKA Princess Sassy AKA Hazel. Mericia means: woman of great merit. The Jonquil flower represents loved returned - significant in me and Sam's relationship (his words, not mine), because his love for me was unrequited for so long before we got together…" The panel started laughing and one said Well, damn. "It wasn't that I didn't love him, but I was really scared to let him know that I loved him, so he thought I didn't. It's not like that! He named her middle name. My baby researched and everything."

The camera panned to Sam in the audience and he was simply laughing at this all and blew her a kiss from his hand. "And my most recent baby, Merilee Justicia AKA Princess Sunbeam (Baby Girl) AKA Blue. Her daddy's eyes are green. Mine are doodoo brown, I have no idea where this blue came from. I guess her granny and gramps."

"Okay, and are you saying Merrily? Or Mera Lee?"

"It's Merilee, which is spelled M-E-R-I-L-E-E and probably pronounced Merrily, but I read is as Mera Lee, so we pronounce it that way. I wanted to name her Merry (M-E-R-R-Y), but my mother felt like that would be too close to my mother-in-law's name, Mary, even though MY mother's name is literally Mary with Vonne added to it." The panel cackled. "Could've been an homage to both, but she was out here stuntin." They were cracking up. "Okay, so… Merilee means happily, because by the time I had her, literally everything had been going right for us and our family and we agreed that a new addition is a great reason for more happiness. Then, the Justicia flower means the perfection of female loveliness… That's not to say more beautiful than her sisters, but it is pretty and does start with a "J." So, I have three little MJ's, and all of their names mean something and they all were nicknamed as soon as we found out. Sassy was initially called Deuce, because she was the second baby and gonna be the second Gemini in the house, judging from her conception date, but we gave her Sassy after she was born because she was AND IS very much so." They laughed some more, and began to discuss some of the day's topics.

After a while, they got on the subject of couples fussing in public, sometimes yelling and insulting each other and she winced. "That's just unfair, in my opinion."

"To who?" Someone asked.

"To everybody! Like, I'm uncomfortable if I have to witness two people you know, abusing each other, even just verbally in front of me. I hate that."

"You don't fuss at Sam in public?"

"I don't fuss at Sam, at all. We disagree about things sometimes and we talk it out and the best argument wins, so it's usually me, though he's got the bullheadedness to keep the conversation going for a while, he usually just lets me have it if I'm especially passionate, or if he looks it up and I'm right. And, even if he didn't - I feel like fussing at folks is an attack. You don't do that to people you care about."

"I mean, I argue with my husband and I fuss at my kids about certain things…"

Jonesy wondered, "Well, do you talk sternly to them when they're wrong, or do you fuss at them. It's a difference and to me, fussing at someone is abusive. Like, if you look it up, see what it says. I don't know the definition, but I'll bet that's not the thing you do to your kids." They looked it up. "See, 'show unnecessary or excessive concern about something.' I don't give my kids or my loved ones unnecessary or excessive concern. I give them deep concern when it's needed and genuine concern, but if I'm yelling or even if my tone shows that I'm very bothered, the tone of conversation changes. I started the business like that and it got me some hard times. I had to learn why was I speaking like that to these people and a good friend, actually, family, my sister-in-law, Sheila said straight up, "It's because you don't give a f**k about them."
"We can bleep that!" They said, laughing.

"So sorry. But, my point is, I realized that whenever you fuss at people, they are always gonna take it as an attack, unless they are just generally thick skinned people, but why put anybody through it? You never know what's in their life. They could have PTSD, or just be highly sensitive. At any rate, fussing at them could be harmful, and an attack. And I don't want to be verbally violent with strangers, much less the people I love. So, no, I very much so do not fuss at Sam. Sometimes, my face cusses him out, but mostly, we get along well. There's nothing in this world more perfect than him. He's supportive in everything that I do and we even work together, whenever it's needed. I love him more than anybody I know. I would never fuss at him."

"This is why so many songs are written about you huh?"

"Well that and… You know what… I'm already censored, so let me stop!" They all laughed again.

Whenever the conversation went to entertainment, they spoke of upcoming movies and movies that they heard about and one of the panelist mentioned, "Now… We heard that you got some news about a movie not too long ago."

"I absolutely did. My dear friend Jesse St. James, the playwright, stage director, and one of Broadway's finest, who I've worked with before as the makeup director for many of his shows - he's gotten a green light on making one of his best plays, one of my ALL TIME FAVORITE stories into a big budget big screen movie, and he asked me to be an executive producer and consultant."

"Because your friends or because…"

"Well, the story was initially a compilation. He first started writing it, inspired by his wife, also a dear friend of mine, Rachel Berry. We both lived through some abuse and whenever they got together, she was battling ptsd very silently. Once she opened up about it, she told him that sometimes, when he scared her, it felt like she had been hit. She said that she would even look into the mirror and see old bruises for a moment. Like a whisper of them.

He wrote a book, then made it a stage play, and now a script. And it was called Whispers. It was about a few different people who lived with abuse and carried it around with them. The entire book, you get these characters who speak only to certain characters. They're dressed in red, black or purple. The red yells. The purple speaks anxiously pessimistic. The black whispers. Each of these are always present in the three main characters' lives.

entire play, there's a person in red, one in purple, one in black, the same thing in the play - they represent those characters from the book that you can't see."

"We can't see them?"

"The audience can, the other characters can't."

"Are they ghosts?"

"Sort of, I guess. They're the trauma. Their colors represent bruises. Sometimes trauma hits you hard, it yells at you. Sometimes it just makes you too uncomfortable to function. Sometimes, people might not know that it's even there. It's a whisper. You live with it, but it hasn't gone away."

"That is A LOT. So, this is a make you cry story, then."

"This is an I cry every time I see it story. It's so real and relatable and for a lot of people might be extremely triggering, but whenever the play came out, I remember a huge outpour of connection to the story. Hopefully, that crosses over when it's a film."

"So… is your story one of the ones that inspired this?"

"Yes, but neither myself nor Jesse will ever tell which." She smiled.

.

Leaving the studio in the back of the car, Sam squeezed her hand, "You okay?"

"That was the first of many times that I get to address those old wounds, but I believe in this movie. I believe that it can help people like me who need to find a way to not have to face that trauma everyday and pretend that it isn't there. Not everyone is gonna find a Sam Evans to help them through it. "

"Nobody's finding a Sam Evans because he's been claimed." He smiled, "I just want you to know that whenever that trauma comes around, and with you working on this, it might… you never have to pretend it isn't there. I'm here to help drown out the screaming and the pessimism and the whispers it tries to pull. So, just listen for my voice whenever they start up with all of that, and I'll tell you the truth."

" Which is what?"

"As long as I'm living, you're safe. As long as I'm near you, nothing from the outside can ever get to you again. As long as I can physically move, I'll stand in the way of any and everything that ever dares to threaten you. So, unless we get attacked by a lion, you are secure."

"If you jump in front of the lion, I'm still secure, unless it's two lion bitches that catches us while hunting for the pride, but how would we be in their territory? That's nonsense. I'm completely safe with you." He laughed at her response to the hypothetical. "And your voice is the main reason I don't hear my trauma like I used to. Your face is the reason I don't see it like I used to. Whenever there is a struggle, I look at you and even if it takes me a moment, I know you're my beacon home, to safety. Because there's no way that darkness can exist in such light." The car pulled into their driveway and Bree had the girls at the doorway with "Good Job Mommy" and "Welcome Home" signs. There's no way that darkness can continue to exist in such light.

The End

So, I hope that readers feel like Jonesy's life was done some justice. I hope that remaining survivors felt that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The various degrees of sexual abuse and sexual assault in my personal life have all been at different stages, but there hasn't been anything beyond street harassment in almost ten years. I don't have a beacon, but my trauma doesn't yell anymore, rarely makes me as anxious and the whispers? They come and go, but we're still here, and hopefully, whatever form - career, children, partner, passion, etc - May you and I both discover a beacon to get us out of the dark days and back home, back to safety, Thank you so much for taking this journey with me.