I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while! It's just I have so much author's block... Anyway, I thought, "What would happen if Haruhi was the Data Humanoid Interface who tried to kill Kyon, and Ryoko was the God who runs the SOS Brigade?" Follow the tales of the new SOA Brigade!

Chapter One

Haruhi sighed. It's only been a year since SOS Brigade started up, and Haruhi was depressed. "What's up, Haruhi?" I had to ask. "It's just...what if I was the alien I was looking for?" Haruhi asked. Wow, now I was taken aback. Haruhi, an alien? No way, she's a god. Although she doesn't know this, of course. Haruhi then got up from her seat and announced, "Alright, dismissed!"

I walked home all by myself that day, having a lot on my mind. I mean, sure, Haruhi is basically an alien herself, with her odd personality. But is she really serious, about wanting to be an alien? If that's the case, then by tomorrow, she might switch places with Yuki Nagato or Emiri Kimidori. Those two are Humanoid Interfaces or whatever, and a part of this entity thing. Ryoko Asakura was one, as well, but once, when she tried to kill me and Nagato defeated her, she vanished into thin air. If Haruhi switched places with Asakura-san, she'll be killing herself. Besides, I would love to have a girl like Nagato lead that group we're in, the SOS Brigade.

I went to sleep that night thinking about this. When I go to sleep, I'll wake up with another girl sitting behind me in class, that's for sure. As I slept, I recalled that time where Asakura-san was dead.

The next day, as expected, Haruhi didn't come to class. I was relieved, in a way. But the girl who came in and sat in the seat behind me wasn't one I was expected. Sure, she was wearing the same sailor uniform as Haruhi always did, but instead of short, brown hair and brown eyes, she had long, blue hair and blue eyes. This girl was...Ryoko Asakura! "Asakura-san! What the heck are you doing here?" I screamed. "What are you talking about, Kyon? I've been here the whole time!" Asakura-san said. Oh, my god. If Asakura-san is here, I thought. Then Haruhi is dead! I had to fight throughout the entire day to avoid tears. However, during the club meeting, I couldn't avoid the tears any longer.

"Hey, Kyon, is there anything wrong?" Asakura-san asked. "It's just...Haruhi..." I whispered. "You mean Haruhi Suzumiya? She transferred to Canada, remember?" Asakura-san responded. Okay, when Asakura-san, or Haruhi in this case, was defeated, Nagato made it so she transferred to a school in Canada. "I remember," I lied. I felt a tap on the shoulder. When I looked back, it was Itsuki Koizumi, flashing me his obviously fake smile. "If you come with me, I can explain the situation," he whispered. However, when tried to escape, Asakura-san blocked our only exit and declared, "You two aren't going anywhere! We're about to go on our search for aliens, time travelers and espers!" Oh, good grief. Not only did Asakura-san and Haruhi switch places, but they switched desires, too.

Sure enough, we met up at the same cafe that the SOS Brigade would always meet up at that Saturday. Asakura-san took out 5 toothpicks (okay, is this ringing any bells?), but I couldn't see any lines on them. That meant that it was in the middle. Sure enough, I got one of the toothpicks with a line on it, but to my dismay, so did Koizumi.

"So, what were you going to say earlier?" I asked Koizumi once we were as far away from Asakura-san, Nagato, and Mikuru Asahina as possible. "Ah, yes. Suzumiya-san and Asakura-san have-" he began, until I cut him off with, "Switched places and personalities?" "You took the words right out of my mouth. How did you know, anyway?" Koizumi asked. "I noticed 3 days ago," I replied. Yeah, the day I realized about Asakura-san being the leader of the SOS Brigade on a Wednesday. "Yes, not long after Suzumiya-san expressed her desire to become an alien did she switch places in the world with Asakura-san. Suzumiya-san's godlike powers aescaped her body and went into Asakura-san's, and the other way around as well. As a result, Suzumiya-san suddenly vanished from existance, and Asakura-san took her place," Koizumi explained. "English, please," I mumbled. "What I mean is, Suzumiya-san is dead and Asakura-san is alive, and they also swapped powers," Koizumi explained. "If Haruhi wanted to be an alien, she could've switched places and powers with Nagato. Then she would still be alive," I said. "Actually, while walking home from school that day, I actually heard Suzumiya-san consider suicide," Koizumi responded. That made me mad. "WHAT?" I yelled. "While walking home from school-" Koizumi began, but I interrupted him again. "I know what you said. It's just that...why would Haruhi even think about killing herself?" I asked. "Oh. From what I heard, Suzumiya-san was attracted to you, but you liked Asahina-san, so she just wanted to be a dead alien," Koizumi explained. That sentence made me freeze. Haruhi liked me? I thought. I was snapped out of my thoughts when my phone rang. I picked it up, and sure enough, it was Asakura-san. "Hello?" I said. "Kyon! You and Koizumi have been gone for too long!" she yelled. "It's only been 5 minutes," I told her. "No! It's been an hour! Get back to the station, RIGHT NOW!" Asakura-san yelled. Once I closed my phone, I looked at my watch. 6:30. When we left to find whatever Haruhi, or Asakura-san in this case, would be wanting to look for, it was 5:30. I looked at Koizumi and asked, "Koizumi, how long have I been right here?" "Approximately 40 minutes," he replied, smiling that smile again. Oh, dang! I grabbed Koizumi by the arm and raced back to the station.

"You're late! Penalty!" Asakura-san yelled. "And what will this 'penalty' be?" I asked, having no idea what she's talking about. "We're going back to the cafe for dinner! And when we do, you're paying!" Asakura-san screamed in response, pulling my face to her face with the collar of my shirt. I groaned. Just like Haruhi.

And that's the first chapter! And please, review! No insults, or you'll get it! I've probably recieved enough from Madoka no zetsubou!