Routine

The house was plunged in silence with the exception of the faint sounds of water against tiles that were coming from the shower.

Natsu ran his hands through his hair and clenched his eyes. His breakfast was lying untouched on the table before him, right next to the plate he had prepared for Gray. He still didn't know why he did that every morning.

His husband hadn't had breakfast with him in months and they had been following the same routine every day. Natsu would wake up first, or at least get up first, make breakfast for both of them and wait for Gray to finish his shower and come eat with him. Gray would stall getting up and take just enough time in the bathroom in order to inform Natsu that he had no time for breakfast when he was finished and bid him farewell.

This morning would not be an exception.

When Gray finished with his shower and got fully dressed he stood by the kitchen door.

"Hey... 'm going to work."

The sob followed by Natsu's hands banging on the table resounded in the hallway and Natsu would swear that Gray had heard him crying. Comfort came through silence followed by the front door opening and closing loudly. Gray had left once again.

Natsu moved to the sink to wash his face and proceeded to throw both plates and their contents in the trash bin forcefully, hating the little geometrical patterns on the porcelain, hating the smell of Gray's pancakes and his own eggs, hating himself and his fucking stupidity to still hope for his husband's company.

After venting as much as he could on the china, Natsu moved to get ready for his own work.

His little coffee shop, passed to him by his foster father, was the place where he had first met the beautiful man. And, maybe love at first sight holds no more truth than children's fairy tales, but when Natsu had first laid eyes on the man's pale skin and beautiful eyes he had known that he would come to love him. even if that first encounter ended up in a fight.

When Gray opened the door to their apartment, he strained his ears for indication that Natsu was home. Hearing none, he sighed, got in, threw himself on the living room couch and closed his eyes.

They had been married for three years. Gray had been the one to propose, although asking the other 'Sooo, we getting married or what?' while blushing madly, hardly counted as a proposal.

Natsu had loved it though and that's all that mattered. He had hugged Gray so hard, that he threw them both to the floor while kissing Gray's face and neck ferociously and squeezing him enough to make the man's breathing uncomfortable.

Gray had been flying. He had never felt such happiness like he was feeling at that moment, holding his excited little matchstick that was placing little kisses anywhere on Gray he could find. He had laughed sincerely and loudly and they hadn't left that position until the next morning.

Gray almost smiled in remembrance. They had been perfect then. So much in love that nothing really mattered as long as they were good with each other.

When keys could be heard at the door, Gray's reminiscing came to a halt. Hurriedly, he threw his head back and let his mouth fall open, faking sleep.

Natsu's footsteps were tired, dragging him from their living room to their bedroom were he dropped on the mattress still in his clothes. Too tired to change in any sort of nightwear, Natsu took off his shirt and pants and threw them to the floor. Sleep embraced him instantly.

The next morning Gray was cold and aching all over. Rubbing the nape of his neck to release some of the pain, he realized he was still in his shirt and pants. Moving to stumble to the bathroom he noticed Natsu making breakfast in the kitchen and quickly moved past it.

Natsu heard Gray waking up. He had slept on the couch again. Honestly, Natsu thought it was better that way. Having Gray sleeping next to him, only served to remind him that his husband had months to touch him in the slightest.

Not that they hadn't tried. They had. But when their daily interaction consisted solely of 'good morning' and 'I'm going to work' it somehow felt wrong to have sex as if nothing was wrong. The last time they had tried must have been at least three months ago and it was…well it was as bad as sex can get between two willing members. Even though not a second of it had been unpleasant, it was awkward. Their bodies seemed to have forgotten how to work with the other's. There were limbs in the way, their positions were uncomfortable, they just didn't fit. At the end of it they had fallen asleep each on his own side of the bed, absentmindedly realizing that they hadn't kissed once during the intimate act.

"Morning." Gray said standing just outside the kitchen.

When Natsu, holding his face buried in his hands gave no indication of wanting to reply, Gray turned to leave for the office.

"You slept on the couch again." Natsu said , half excepting Gray to just ignore him and leave anyway.

Gray halted in his steps. "I…yeah, sorry about that. I was tired after work and I fell asleep kinda instantly"

"No, you didn't." announced Natsu, his voice steady, calm and undeniably cold. "You were awake when I came in last night."

Gray turned to face Natsu , who had emerged from the prison he had made with his hands and was staring in Gray's ebony eyes.

"Do you really want to do this now?" he asked , not sure if he himself wanted to delay their inevitable clash any longer.

"Oh… I'm sorry, I forgot. You're going to work. Wouldn't wanna break that habbit." said Natsu sarcastically.

Gray almost winced. Natsu never talked like that.

"Actually no. I don't want to break the 'habbit' of going to work, because you know it's that little thing that makes sure we survive. Is that a game to you?" Gray's voice was raising and even though he commanded to stop, it defied him. "Eh? Is everything a little game in the world of mister Natsu Dragneel?"

Silence, and then.

"Fullbuster." It was almost whispered. Natsu's head was facing the floor , a shadow hiding his eyes.

Gray was taken aback by the quiet answer, excepting an outbreak much like his own. "What?"

"Fullbuster." Said Natsu just a hint louder than the last time. His fists were clenched. "My name isn't Dragneel. It's Fullbuster. We're married Gray."

Natsu's voice had broken on his last two words. His tears, which had been falling quietly until that very moment, were now accompanied by sobs that Natsu was obviously trying to hold back.

Gray felt ashamed. How fucking stupid can someone get?Of course he wasn't Dragneel anymore, of course he wasn't. He was his husband, he was his and he was crying. And Gray couldn't move to comfort him, he couldn't move, he couldn't speak, he couldn't do anything other than stay there and feel shame for being the one to bring Natsu to this point.

"Natsu… I…"

Natsu snorted the liquefied contents of his nose soundly and stood up.

"Maybe it's just over Gray."

Gray's eyes widened in fear.

"What?"

"Maybe it's over." Natsu moved past him. "Maybe we are over."

"Come on Natsu, don't be overdramatic."

"Overdramatic? Overdramatic. You hardly speak two words to me all day, you sleep on the couch , you haven't touched me in months and I'm being overdramatic?"

"Don't act like that. I'm busy. We're both busy. It's-"

"No, Gray. You're not too busy to have breakfast with me. And you're not too busy to sleep with me. And I do mean sleep. Like lie on the same bed, you know? You're not too busy to do that."

"I told you, I fell asleep. I was-"

"Stop. Lying." Growled Natsu.

"Stop lying? Alright, then will you stop leaving out the facts that are not convenient for you? Will you stop leaving out the fact that after we got married you turned into a nice little robot just going through the motions? The same damn motions everyday! You say I stopped touching you when you are the one who stopped letting me! You limited all contact between us in a fucking kiss every morning. Every morning at the same time in the same way. And you know what? In the end I stopped wanting that. I stopped wanting that and I stopped wanting you and it was easier that way! Not caring, not expecting anything became easier! There's been nothing between us other than memories and left over feelings, since way before I actually admitted it, and it's been killing me! If I had known marriage would turn the man I loved into some bored, dead inside housewife, I would never have married you!"

Natsu was wide eyed, his mouth slightly open, his eyelids unblinking.

"You…" was all he could whisper, before moving past Gray and making for the door.

Gray was just as surprised as Natsu at his outburst. What the fuck did he jut say?

Natsu called to him from way down the hall.

"I'm going to work. I have nowhere to go and this is my house anyway, so… just…don't be here when I come back, Gray."

And the door closed.

"Please Erza just let me call him."

"He needs time Gray."

"He needs me. Give me the phone."

"I'm not giving it to you. You can't fix a marriage with phone calls."

His voice became quieter and desperate, "I just want to talk to him."

"He won't reply Gray."

"I'll leave a message."

"Another one?"

"What if he needs something? He's not used to living on his own."

"It's barely been two days."

Just barely keeping his composure, "I just want to talk to him..."

Erza sighed and hugged the boy, "I know, Gray. I know."

Gray hadn't set foot in the little coffee shop since the problems with Natsu had started. Everything was just like remembered it, except for Natsu's absence.

Usually Natsu was sitting on a stool in the corner, just looking things over and helping the staff when it was needed. Gray almost smiled at Natsu's love for the little shop. Moving towards the bar he spotted Mirajane and greeted her.

"You're here for Natsu right?", asked the beautiful girl.

"Is he here?"

"Yes, he… he doesn't want to talk…"

"…How is he?"

"He's fine…he needs some time."

"Can you get me a coke?"

"Wha…?"

"A coke. Get me a coke."

"What are you doing, Gray?"

"Nothing. I'm a customer, aren't I? I want a coke."

"We don't have any. You know that already."

Gray's voice was raised a bit, "How can you not have coke?"

"We don't have refreshments. Only coffee, tea and juice."

"And you call this a coffee shop? Coffee shops have everything, not just coffee!"

Mirajane knew what he was doing, "Gray, stop it."

"Stop what? What kind of stupid policy is this? No refreshments? Is there no alcohol either?" his voice kept raising.

"I told you sir, only coffee, tea and juice. That's all I can offer you."

"Like I'd want any of that shit."

A door slammed open.

"What. Did you. Say?"

"I said that coffee, tea and juice are nothing but shit."

Natsu froze at the sound of Gray's voice.

"What are you doing?"

"Reminding you of how we first met."

"Get out, Gray."

"Do you remember it? You were sitting right there. I hadn't even noticed you when I came in and th-"

"Gray, stop it. Get out."

"And I started bashing the place because they didn't have coke and you just-"

"Gray!"

"Got up and punched me, and forced me to drink your damn coffee and I kept thinking-"

"Why did you let him in Mira?"

"I kept thinking how damn perfect you were and-"

"Gray! Stop. Just… just come in my office."

Natsu walked behind Gray as they were walking in his office, mumbling apologies for the embarrassing scene to his clients.

When they were inside Natsu leaned against the door and buried his face in his hands.

"What was all that?"

"Don't you remember?"

"That's not an answer."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"No, I am. I ruined everything."

"No, you didn't. You were right."

"I want to come home."

Natsu sighed and moved to sit .

"Have you found a place to stay?"

"With Erza. It sucks."

"…"

"It's not home. You're not there."

"Gray…" warned Natsu.

"It's true. No place is home without you."

"You miss the man you regretted marrying?"

"I don't regret marrying you, I'll never regret marrying you."

"Of course not."

"I love you Natsu."

"..."

"You're the best thing that happened to me."

"Seriously, Gray? Who wrote your lines? Tell him he's as original as those Converse shoes you bought for ten bucks."

"Don't be sarcastic Natsu. It's true. Just let me come home and we'll figure it out."

"There's nothing to figure out, Gray. I am sorry."

And there was something in his voice. Something that made Gray get up and walk out.

The next day Gray went to the coffee shop again. He ordered that damned coffee and took a seat at the place he always used to , when he visited his husband's workplace, before the problem's had started.

He was sure Natsu had seen him, but neither man had said anything.

Gray stayed there all day.

For a whole week, Gray had just been there. All day and every day. Until at last Natsu closed the shop with the two of them in it and took a seat next to him.

They were both silent for a while until Natsu spoke.

"You have to stop this." He said and his tone was different than what it had been a week ago. He was tired, sad and alone.

"I will when you take me back."

Natsu sighed, "It's not working Gray."

"It will. It will just…please Natsu. It's hurting you too, isn't it?"

The pink haired boy looked down, "We'll move on. We're grown men, we'll move on."

"I can't move on! I can't and I won't. I'll never feel like that for anyone other than you."

"Don't play with me , Gray." His shoulders shook and a soft sob was heard, "Please don't play with me anymore."

"Natsu…"

His love was crying again. How deeply had his idiocy managed to hurt him?

"Natsu don't cry, I'm here…, please."

"It hurts. It hurts , Gray."

And god Natsu's voice was not supposed to sound like this. His sentence had been interrupted by his sobbing and he sounded broken and betrayed. Gray had done this. All by himself.

"I'm sorry, Natsu I'm sorry. I never meant any of it. I am an idiot and I don't deserve it, but please take me back. Please, Natsu…"

Gray moved from his seat over to Natsu's and held his love securely.

Natsu's crying worsened when he made contact with Gray and he pulled the man even closer, sniffling on his shoulder.

Neither knew how long it kept going, but finally Natsu's sobbing gave way to little sporadic snorts, result of his previous crying.

"Gray?"

"Mmm"

"I'm sorry. You were right."

"What are you talking about, baby?" asked Gray slightly adjusting Natsu on his arms so he could look at his face.

"It became routine. And it was my fault. I shouldn't have let it get to that."

Gray kissed Natsu's head, "No, baby" another kiss lost in pink hair "it was my fault."

"It was mine."

"No, no it wasn't."

"Damn, droopy eyes, it was mine!"

"It was mine, slanty eyes!"

Natsu stared, Gray stared and they both burst out laughing.

The pink haired man sighed when the laughter died down, " I love you, droopy eyes."

"Mmm" mumbled Gray buried in Natsu's hair again, "I love you too, slanty eyes."

"Sooo, we back together or what?" asked Natsu, remembering his husband's eloquent proposal. Gray smiled, happy that the other man could still remember.

"You bet we are."

And for the first time in months, Gray held the boy he was so absolutely madly in love with in his arms and kissed the living daylights out of him.

Neither was ever bored again.

So, that's all. I really hope you enjoyed it.

I kinda want to write an epilogue to this, but I'll just see how this one goes for now.