The Post-Jedi Universe

In the morning, Yoda tells the Skywalkers that no one gets the brown suit, because he is going to teach them to use the light side of the force to heal themselves so they don't need suits any more. (Actually he's plotting to take the brown suit home with him.)

When they are healed, Anakin looks like the older version of himself that appeared at the end of the original ROTJ and nothing like Hayden Christiansen. He keeps growing until he is taller than his son. Luke, who now looks like Jean-Luc Picard but has his own whiney voice back, says, "That's not fair!" and goes to Yoda. "Teach me how to use the force to make myself taller," he demands.

Yoda says, "Use the force to be taller? Impossible that is."

"But Master Yoda," Luke moans, "I thought nothing is impossible with the force?"

"Crazy talk, this is," Yoda says, stamping his cane. "And something wrong with your voice there is."

"But it is possible to use the Force to be taller," Luke insists, ignoring the crack about his voice (yep, still a clueless Jedi dork) "My dad did it, I saw him."

"Out get you!" Yoda exclaims, and summons Anakin out of thin air to stand in front of him.

Looking him up and down, he marvels, "Taller you are, Jedi Skywalker. This trick, learn it where did you?"

"From the Emperor," Anakin says.

"Of the dark side, it must be," Yoda says, sadly. "Use it I cannot."

"Nah," Anakin says, "It's easy. I'll show you."

The next day, now six feet tall, wearing the brown suit minus the helmet, Yoda announces that he is retiring.

Han and Leia are married two weeks later in an elaborate ceremony involving three costume changes for Leia. They embark on an extended honeymoon touring the planets in the Outer Rim and sharing the good news about the Emperor's death. Leia does not become chief of State.

Two years later, Yoda comes out of retirement to assist the New Republic in their battle against the crafty Grand Admiral Thrawn, and Leia gives birth to twins.

Afterward, Yoda once again announces his retirement from the Jedi order at the ribbon cutting event for the newly established Jedi Academy. Yoda appoints Luke and Anakin as joint headmasters and heads out for the unknown regions to look for others of his species, so that he can share the secret of acquiring height through the Force.

Five years later, the spirit of Exar Kun invades the academy grounds and takes both Luke and Anakin over. Han and Leia's twins, Jacen and Jaina, although only five years old, are strong in the force, and they call to Master Yoda for help. He once again returns, reluctantly, to action and easily dispatches Exar Kun back to afterlife.

Yoda retires for the third time, announcing his intentions in a holo-net broadcast watched by eighteen billion beings across the galaxy. Wagers are offered on all of the major casino planets regarding where Yoda will choose to make his post-retirement home but he refuses to tell anyone where he has gone. When he appears in visions to the Skywalkers and others at the Academy, he is always standing on a beach.

Luke and Anakin run the Academy into the ground in three years. Public outcry causes Yoda to consent to return, to restore it to its former glory. He fires the Skywalkers, who open a profitable used spaceship dealership on Tatooine. Han and Leia are approached by Booster Terrik to become partners in his casino-on-a-retired-star-destroyer plan and agree to participate. The Errant Venture is extremely profitable for all and Leia works part time there as a dancer while Han occasionally fills in as a dealer at the sabacc tables. They have two more children, neither of which is named "Anakin", and neither of which has any Force abilities.

Jacen and Jaina Solo meanwhile attend the academy. Under Yoda's instruction, Jacen becomes a powerful Jedi who never wavers in his commitment to the light. When the Vuzong Vong invade the galaxy, Jacen and Yoda are able to imprison them in a black hole before they reach the core worlds.

Chewbacca and Mallatobuk have eleven more offspring, and live out their lives in blissful anonymity on Kyshhyyk.

Yoda teaches Jacen and Jaina the secret of rejuvenation that has enabled him to survive and remain young and green for over a thousand years. Jacen and Jaina use this power to help their parents remain in their prime for many years. Han does not go bald and Leia's hair never turns grey. The Solos visit Chewie and his family on Kyshhyyk occasionally when they are feeling nostalgic and get a hankering to snog in the woods.

Luke and Anakin go bankrupt when teleportation becomes cheap and available to all, and no one needs a ship anymore.

Anakin suddenly realizes that he can use the Force to bring Padme back to life after all and that love is more important than money. He brings her back, and they move to Naboo where they spend all of their time lolling around in the fields of flowers and gazing at one another in the same nauseating manner as they did in Attack of the Clones.

Luke and Lando open a nightclub on a space station (slogan: "That's no moon, that's the Dance Star!") where Luke meets his wife, a waitress named Brandy. Lando marries Brandy's sister, Betty, and the four of them begin plans to build a planet-sized beach resort. Unfortunately the planet they choose for this project happens to be the secluded, warm place where Yoda has a retirement home. Yoda uses the Force to cause them to forget where the planet is and he is never heard from again.

Threepio remains on Endor with the Ewoks, who revere him as a god for many years until production of droid lubrication oil ceases in the year 512 ABY and he rusts quietly on his throne. The Ewoks do not realize this – they only notice that he is much quieter than used to be, and continue to honor his golden form.

Artoo Detoo had many adventures both with and without his Star Wars companions. A complete accounting of Artoo's story can be found in his memoirs, to be published soon.

The End... for now