The high ceiling of the attic became a familiar sight to Ludwig not three months after they had moved in to the new house on the countryside. He'd go up there to read, write, think, or on the rare occasions his brother or father came home drunk, he went up there to hide. He could stand in there without hitting his head, unlike in his room, and he had space to move around.

Once or twice he'd moved pillows up there and spent the night whispering his secrets to the spiders webs or staring at the twinkling stars outside the small circular window he had just grown tall enough to look out of. He slept up there for an entire weekend once, when his parents were away. His brother had spent both of those days with his friends drinking and sleeping, and when he thought he was alone, and Ludwig asleep, cursing his head off at the walls.

The attic offered him a comfort his family never had, sure he'd played with his brother when he was younger, but ever since he'd recruited as a soldier so much about him had changed, and he no longer held up a ball in an offer to play catch outside.

Rolling onto his side Ludwig watches die Spinne move slowly along it's masterpiece, repairing it with the precision he so admired in their tiny species, it pauses as if knowing Ludwig was watching it, before scuttling back into a corner and balling up. He lets out a sigh that makes the web shiver slightly and frowns.

"Am I so bad, that I can't watch you weave?" he whispers, he turns away and plays with the dust on the floor. That afternoon Gilbert had come home after a day of heavy drinking, and stormed right into Ludwigs room, grabbing him by his collar and shaking him, screaming at him loudly.

"All your fault you useless bastard! If you hadn't been born we wouldn't be in this situation! I wouldn't have blood on my hands! You demon! It's all your fault I have killed!" It had seemed like hours before anyone had heard Gilbert screaming at him and had come to his rescue. It had been so many years since he'd cried in front of anyone, but he'd buried his face in the maids skirts and sobbed loudly as she scolded Gilbert in poor German.

"You silly bad boy being! You're little sibling only 13! He not should hearing have to be that!" Ludwig wipes at his face as if the tears are still there, pouring uselessly down his cheeks. He lets out another shaky sigh and sits up, hugging his knees to his chest.

"Perhaps brüder is right... if not for me mother wouldn't have to work, father wouldn't come home drunk and hurt her, brüder wouldn't have to kill." He stands and touches the window pane with his small fingers, looking out at the dull morning sky. "If I didn't exist..." he shook his head to banish the thoughts, a funeral cost much more than a week of food.

A slight August chill makes him shiver and take his hand from the window pane to crawl back under the moth-eaten wool cover he'd stolen from the linen closet, it still smelled like Ada if he concentrated really hard on the fading memory of his cradle nurses arms.

"Ludwig?" He opened his sleepy eyes and shifted groaning. His mother's face poked through the attic floor and he nearly screamed, causing her to laugh and smile weakly. "Breakfast is ready, and your brüder and father have gone to work." "What about you, mother?" "You will find out at the table why I am still here, now hurry." Her face vanished and he sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning widely. When had he fallen asleep and how much time had passed? He shrugged and stood, shaking sleep from his limbs as he slid down the attic ladder and went to his room to dress properly for breakfast. The houses old stairs creaked slightly as he tiptoed down them, curious at the male voice that conversed in hushed tones with his mother. He stuck his head shyly around the corner, his mother saw him and waved him in silently, smiling at the man as he came to stand by her side. "This is him, my Ludwg, the one you'll be teaching." The man nodded politely, raising a curious eyebrow and looking down upon him. "Ludwig dear, this is Herr Edelstein." "It is a pleasure to meet you, Ludwig." The man said, his voice stiff and yet somehow amused.

"Ja, a pleasure, Herr Edelstein…" he looked up at his mother with confused eyes, but she merely smiled at him serenely, providing no answers to the blatant question… who was this man? "Let us all sit and talk before Ludwig eats, I do not believe his father has told him why you are here." Ludwig felt like protesting but simply sighed and let his mother lead him and the stranger to the sitting room. He perched on the edge of the couch cushion, dangling his feet just above the ground and staring at Mr. Edelstein. "Your father has called me here to teach you the fine art of Pianism, young Ludwig. You may address me as Herr Edelstein at all times. I am self taught, but do not let those words fool you, I have put on many a successful production for people of very high stature. By the age of seven I had mastered many of the pianist works of Amadues Mozart, and by 10 Beethoven was a simple and memorized melody.

Even though we have started late I do so expect you to be a well pianist or else I would not have taken this opportunity. After you eat I hope that you are free?" Ludwig opened his mouth in an attempt to make a snide comment to the man and his self-righteousness, but his mothers hand on his shoulder stopped it before it leapt from his mouth. "As far as I know Ludwig is free for the entire day, is that not right my dear boy?" At the look on his mothers face he nodded. No, he had not been planning on finally going out and looking for some friends like his fathers had been telling him to for 2 months. No, he had not been planning on finally reading the novel his teacher had given him last year. No, he had not been planning on climbing a tree, or breathing fresh air… no, if his mother needed him to be, he was free. "No, no plans Herr Edelstein, mother, none at all." His mother smiled widely and waved him off before turning and talking to Mr. Edelstein in hushed tones once more, as if Ludwig had already exited the room.

He sat silently at the table, picking at the breakfast Amalia had sat down in front of him, pondering the things he could have said to get himself out of the situation. He didn't even want to learn to play… he sighed and set his face in the palm of his hand grumbling softly. He was jousted from his angry musings when a pale hand landed on his shoulder, he twisted and nearly fell off his chair in fright at the sight of his brother. "Look… Ludwig… I'm sorry about yesterday." Ludwig blinked, it was very out of character for his brother to even admit a wrong, much less apologize for it. "I was drunk and upset at myself more than you…" his brothers eyes looked sunken and lost, as he spoke they seemed to search Ludwigs own for acceptance. "If you hadn't been born… this all would have happened anyways… and what would I do if I didn't have the chance to watch you grow, mein brüder?" Gilbert laughed hollowly and swiped at his eyes, as if wiping away tears, but no that wasn't true, Gilbert didn't cry. "Do… do you forgive me?" For a while Ludwig was silent, staring up at his brothers dull red eyes, wondering where the life had gone from them. He moved slowly to wrap his arms around his brothers waist in a hug. "Shouldn't you be at work?" At this Gilbert laughed openly and truly, bending down to hug Ludwig back tightly. "Ja, most likely, but I needed to say sorry first.. I… got you this." They pulled away and Gilbert stuck out his hand, which displayed a small black iron cross on a chain. "I see you looking at the one dad gave me sometimes and… well it goes to the first born so I know you'll never get it so…" He awkwardly put it into Ludwigs own hand and stood, coughing softly and looking around. "Are you going to finish your breakfast?" He asked suddenly, a grin stretching out his lips and twinkling in his eyes. "No, not really that hungry." Ludwig said, laughing, there was the Gilbert he knew, not the confusing emotional wreck of a man he'd seen wandering around the new house in a haze for the past three weeks. "Thanks bruder!" Gilbert took the food and vanished out the kitchen door, Ludwig rolled his eyes and grumbled about how the sudden appearance and disappearance of his brother was just so like him and how annoying it was. He slid the chain over his head and fiddled with the Iron cross pendant, letting out a soft sigh and smiling, he finally had one!