Chapter 1
Something I Never Had

Do you see me?

Do you feel me like I feel you?

Call your number I cannot get through,

You don't hear me and I don't understand,

When I reach out, oh I don't find your hand

Where they wasted words and did they mean a thing?

And all that precious time but I still feel so in between.

Today, Fairy Tail lost its usual rowdy aura. It wasn't as loud as a few days before, and almost half of it was destroyed, just like the town. The Guild is closed for the day, and business is stopped for most mages. Only a handful of people are inside the Guild, all of them seemed to have been drained out of their usual cheerful or loud or energetic personas. Everyone was serious, they all meant business. Silence was inside the Guild: No one spoke, not a sound out of place. All one could hear is this slow and tensed breathing of all the people present inside.

The Guild, unlike any other day, was completely and utterly silenced. A thick aura of dread and grief loomed above everyone, consuming the whole Guild and preventing people from coming in.

Everyone is inside the small room of the Master, which surprisingly fit everyone inside. All of them avoided each other's gaze, especially this one seemingly special gaze for the day. They were all doing their best not to react to this one situation. And most of them had different thought of what was happening.

Some of them do not understand why they were present for this…judgment day. The other some seemed to simply do not care for the agenda they would tackle this day. While the last some would rather be in any other place but this one, desiring to avoid being there when the subject is covered.

Makarov Dreyar, the Master of Fairy Tail, the acting father of those who were orphaned and the patriarch of the Guild sighed sadly. Sadness emanated from his very core, of his very soul which was accompanied by other emotions. The Third Master hates this task, and would've loved not doing this but this was for the better of all, not only for his children, not only for the town which was concerned, but for her as well. Even if this would be painful for him, he will gladly take the burden of doing this act that he knows would cause pain to his other children.

But why did he have to invite his other children who seemed to be in pain as well? Why did he have to shove it in their face that he will be removing her? Makarov cannot fully understand. But what he knew was that this was harder when he exiled his grandson.

Because this girl found family in Fairy Tail, and he was sure that this would be a lot more painful for her, unlike Laxus who can endure what it would feel to leave your home. To put it simple: Lucy is a lady, and Laxus is a man. Laxus can take care of himself, and Makarov wasn't sure if Lucy could.

But the decision had been talked over not only by the people of the Guild, but by the town's people as well. And based on the votes, this was the best thing that the government offered to Makarov.

"For causing massive chaos in the town, for attempted murder of many lives not only of our fellow mages but of unconcerned and innocent civilians, and for creating heavy casualties towards many homes..." Makarov paused, he hesitated for a second as he averted his gaze from the girl by turning around. Choosing his words properly, Makarov sighed.

"I, Makarov Dreyar, along with concerned others, had chose to exile you, Lucy Heartfilia, from this Guild and from this city and its neighboring cities as well." Makarov spoke. He stared at the beautiful afternoon shade of light that was outside his window, but then, it wasn't enough to make him forget what he had said and what impact it can do.

Can she find any other Guild that would accept her? Makarov do not think so. What she did could make her life a lot harder. Most people heard of the calamity in Magnolia, that was why other towns went to make it sure that Lucy won't be any threat to them. And that would mean that Lucy must flee the country just to get a proper job that would sustain her needs. She will have to leave Fiore. And that decision was final.

Everyone were surprised when out of nowhere, the woman who was exiled, broke down to her knees, her tears escaping her eyes.

Chapter 1
Goodbye Fairy Tales

I do not know if my knees broke or if I chose to fell on my knees. I was too dumbfounded at the Master's decision. It wasn't as if I killed anyone. No, I didn't even know what was wrong. My sins weren't that bad, so why is its punishment this heavy?

Someone tricked them. Yes, that is the only possible option I could think. But then, tricking the Master is nearly impossible. But there must be something…there has to be another way. And there is no way the Master alone could decide such decisions! I can even remember when he forgave them, but—

This is preposterous!

This is unthinkable!

"Impossible…" I muttered under my breath. This decision, this was flawed. This is biased. Someone must've…someone…

"No!" I shouted, causing some of them to jump in surprise, while the other's look remained unchanged. Cold and unforgiving. My body began to shake; it began to tremble uncontrollably. My head blanked. I cannot and will never accept this decision. There is no way. No way. I've already help fixed almost everything with my savings, almost every casualty they seemed to blame on me, and I thought that was my punishment. So why am I being sentenced once more? This is wrong!

This is injustice!

Right?

"Master, you've already punished me enough, right? I, I already helped rebuild the Guild and town, and I will do my best to remake it back to how it was before. I'll pay for everything, even if it meant I have to give up my apartment. I…I'll even work at the bar for free and…and…" I trailed off and cried. That's all I could really do by myself. Most of my keys were confiscated, removing half of my powers and leaving me virtually useless for most jobs. And it wasn't as if I could take on S-Class or A-Class jobs.

But just like all these times, my tears were useless. They remained unfazed by what I did, their look of nonchalance disguising their angry faces. I knew they were angry, I just don't know if what I did is truly that bad.

'Wasn't it them who told me that doing something for the sake of your loved one isn't truly bad. Why can't they see it now.' I want to think that they were hypocrites, but I do not know if it would help me or not.

"I—" I hesitated talking. Will they hear me? I don't think there'd be harm in trying…I think it'd be worth a shot. Now Lucy, drink your pride and start begging.

"I am very sorry for everything I did. I beg of you to please…please let me stay. I don't care if you don't forgive me yet, just let me stay. Don't kick me out Master, I…I don't want to go!" I cried but Master wasn't looking. He was simply standing there by the window.

I thought he wouldn't respond. But then, his respond wasn't of much help anyway.

"I am sorry my child but I have no choice. You decided to choose your path, and forced us to decide on this one," No. They decided. I know it wasn't you Master. I'm your…

You're what, Lucy? How could I be better from the others again? I'm not really that special, I brought trouble to the Guild, I almost got our Master killed and our Guild destroyed. So how was I important in here?

That's right.

That's why they could easily let me go.

Because I was of no importance.

Juvia was strong, and is very powerful with her water body and her water attacks.

Gajeel is a dragon slayer of high caliber.

While Lucy Heartfilia? She's just another Celestial Mage and despite having ten spirits in her side, cannot even command them very well because she doesn't have enough stamina to summon them without tiring herself or getting herself almost killed.

But again. Where would I go…? To my father? I don't think my coming to him would help anything. But there'd be no town which will accept me after what I did. They put emphasis on that. The neighboring towns being most of Fiore, I was sure of that.

So where would I go…

"I…I won't have anywhere to go to Master…" I said, I don't think it'd be of much help anyways. But they knew that I wouldn't have anywhere else to go to, right?

And they still chose to remove me from their lives. Right. They are removing me from their lives right now. The mere thought brought me sadness and pain.

Click!

"And I…I don't think I'll survive without—" "Lucy, our decisions are final and cannot be waved, I am so sorry but you'll have to go," the Master said as he cut me off. Something I never truly anticipated.

I cannot move. I was petrified on my place, my body unresponsive and my chest tightening up and becoming as heavy as lead.

"Final…" I repeated as if it seemed as impossible.

"Your decisions are…final…" I repeated once more. So they won't think twice of exiling me. I looked around and their faces were still unchanged. But their eyes didn't remain. They changed but I cannot truly see the change or identify it. I was too…immense with my own feeling. But I know they changed.

Click!

"How…? How can your decisions be finalized so soon? I, please reconsider Master. I, I'll beg, here, I'm on my knees," I said, unsure of what I was doing. I'm not even sure if what I'm saying even made sense.

But the Master didn't budge from his place.

"Look at me Master!" I yelled surprising everyone once more. I do not know what came to me. Is this what they're talking about? I got to admit, I surprised even myself.

But he didn't look. He is cold and unforgiving, just like the rest of them.

'Daddy I'm sorry!' I was shocked with the memory.

Click!

Desperation dawned on me but my body cannot move at all before everything became more blurred and blurred as the time passed by.

Third Person

"You have to reconsider Master! Please reconsider this! I won't survive without Fairy Tail!" Lucy cried out surprising everyone at her sudden aggressiveness. She began to stand up before walking towards Levy.

"Levy, please help me tell Master! That's why you're here right? To help me make Master change his decisions?! Tell him to forgive me, please!" Levy did not know how to react as Lucy went to her knees once more and clutched Levy's feet.

"Please Levy! Tell Master that I won't, that I can't survive without Fairy Tail! Tell at him I need you, that I need Natsu, and everyone! I…I don't know where to go Levy. I have nowhere to go!" Lucy cried as she looked at Levy from below.

But what she did next surprised everyone.

Lucy Heartfilia, princess of the infamous Heartfilia Kozen, kissed Levy's feet.

"Lucy," Levy's voice was hoarse as she winced at what Lucy did and what she'd say next.

"You can still write and sell your books…I…" Levy paused as she closed her eyes and the balled her fist.

"Yes Levy! You know well that I cannot do what I did! It was you who knows everything about me Levy! You're my best friend, you knew all about my letters to my mom, you knew all about my stories and you even read my diaries! I entrusted my secrets to you Levy, and I believe that you know full well that I do not, that I cannot, hurt anyone! Levy please tell Master! Help me!" Lucy cried, her desperate pleas wasn't unheard by everyone but based on what they looked like, it seemed that they chose to pretend not to hear what Lucy said.

"Levy…?" Lucy asked as she gazed upwards towards Levy who had her bangs shadowing her face.

"No…I, I can't vouch for you…I," Levy remembered how most of her friends were stuck in the huge holes, how many were stuck and almost died in the place. How most civilians drowned from a mud slide that came out of nowhere.

"And I think you'd survive without us. We, we just can't have you here any longer, it's…it's too dangerous," Lucy's eyes widened and it pained Levy to see just that but she masked it by turning her back and exiting the room, excusing herself.

Lucy's mouth was left agape before she went to Wendy.

"You know me Wendy! From Edolas and our journeys together! You can't possibly think that I would have…" Lucy wasn't able to finish when Wendy began crying before running away. Charles follows her, but not after she gave a bad look at Lucy to stop her from following.

She looked around, avoiding four mages before going to Juvia. The mage who chose not to look at Lucy ever since the beginning.

"Don't…don't come any closer," Juvia said surprising Lucy and stopping her from her tracks. Did Juvia said…that?

"Juvia, Juvia believes that everyone deserves second chances but Juvia knows that Lucy had been gone far too long. Juvia believes that you're not that Lucy I first knew of. You're not my love rival anymore…you changed so much Lucy." Juvia trailed off as if hesitating what she's about to say…

"…I am afraid of you, Lucy. You've done so much, Juvia can give second chances but not third chances, I know what you did Lucy, and I don't think that you won't do it again," Juvia said, choosing to remove her childish way to refer herself with her name before she too walked out.

She's afraid of her?

"Mira…?!" Lucy was surprised when Mira got down and offered her hand. Lucy almost smiled, that was when she saw what was on Mira's other hand but it was too late. She already accepted Mira's hand and with the one with her insignia of all hands as well and couldn't help but watch in horror as her mark was removed.

"This is for the best," that was what Mirajane said as she returned back to stand by Natsu's side. Mirajane winced when she remembered what happened to her sibling.

"At least Lisanna's safe now." Mirajane thought. She'll never forgive anyone, even Lucy, if Lisanna would die. Mirajane would hunt her down. But Lisanna's safe…but she won't take chances. Lucy has to go. Not only for Lisanna but for everyone.

Lucy was about to go to Happy to beg once more when Erza walked towards her.

"Lucy, just go." Erza's words were cold, as were her eyes as she stared at Lucy.

"Erza…" Lucy said, her voice were truly in grief but there was disbelief in them too.

"Don't make this harder for all of us. You're not just hurting yourself but look at what you did to Wendy? Do you think we'll want you to remember this way?" Erza said, making Lucy's eyes widened.

"And if you really think that begging would help you, it won't. Because even our pity for you won't help change the Master and the Elder's decisions. It was final, and besides, after what you did…just be thankful that you weren't sentenced to death," Erza said as if she was talking with some criminal. At least, that is what Lucy felt.

'Like I was some criminal.' Lucy repeated in her head once more.

Click!

Lucy felt enraged. Her pride returning so quickly it made her wince but with a few breaths, she managed to gulp it down once more.

"No," Lucy mumbled as she looked at Erza, her eyes almost making Erza reconsider.

'That was Lucy,' Erza thought in surprise, seeing her old friend back in those eyes after such a long time.

"I won't let go. Even if you try pushing me away, I won't give up on this family. I will never give up you hear me?!" Lucy yelled at everyone who were inside. This surprised even Makarov.

"This is my family and I wouldn't let something like a stupid mistake, a mistake that I loved someone…a mistake of falling for him! I wo—" "Just go." Lucy's speech was cut off by Gray's icy cold voice.

"What?" Lucy asked in disbelief.

"I said just go! If you want some dignity left in you, if you want someone who respected you to continue to respect you even if you're gone, you'll go because right now, I'm losing that respect I was trying hard so hard to keep. I don't want you to leave with all of us here thinking that you're the desperate woman who did everything she could to stay. Grow up Lucy," Gray said, confusing Lucy. She is growing up, right?

So what is Gray saying? That giving up is the best option. But didn't they all say that one should never give up. That if you felt like giving up, that is the best time that you shouldn't. That that is the best time that you should hang on?

Lucy's mind spin, her confusion overtaking her. So they all want to see her give up?

Lucy's POV

"Lucy, please just say goodbye to your friends. Erza and Gray are both correct, stop making this hard for everyone," Makarov suddenly said. What?! They were only here for me to say goodbye to them? What is he thinking? That I'll leave first thing tomorrow morning?

"Because first thing tomorrow morning, we have decided that you have to move out," he sighed and continued. What?! You've got to be kidding me, yes, that is what this all was, a sick joke.

"Okay guys, you got me, ha-ha-ha," I said, laughing genuinely, hoping for them to do the same as well but then, no one laughed.

They all looked the same. Even if they somehow vary, they bear the same image in my eyes. They were all cold people, treating me as if I am a stranger.

Click!

And then, I felt something snapped inside of me. I didn't know what it was and I don't intend to find out.

That was when I saw a change in Erza's eyes before she walked towards the Master. The Master shook his head at whatever it was she was inquiring.

"Are you sure about this?" I heard Makarov's quiet whisper and Erza nodded.

"If you say so, then I will let you, just so you know, this will hurt her," Makarov said, and I was very surprised at what she was planning to do so.

"So that we can end this now and get on with our lives, whoever wants Lucy to stay in the Guild please raise their hand, we will file a case in the Council and use why you thought Lucy can stay at the Guild, and we'll take Juvia, Charles, Levy and Wendy's votes as a no," Erza said and a feeling of hope entered me.

Did she just help me? Did she just answer my pleas and help me convince the master? Then why did she told me that this will hurt her? This won't, quite the opposite in fact. I know for a fact that someone here, at least someone here would vouch for me. I just know it, because most of them are my friends, a family who'd risk their lives just to save me. Friends who'd always stay by my side.

I looked around and smiled thankfully at Erza but to my surprise, she still had that cold look.

"Whoever wants Lucy to stay please raise your hand," I smiled confidently when Erza said that. I know, I seem like an idiot for being too overconfident but maybe this was an after-effect of that…whatever emotion that was

Ten more seconds and no one raised their hands and my heart began to slowly fall, my hope fading.

Ten seconds turned into a minute, and then two more minutes and then…nothing happened. No one is raising their hands.

And I froze. I looked at them, one by one.

Erza…

Gray…

Mira…

Cana…

Macao…

Bisca…

Max…

Droy…

Jet…

Alzack…

Wakaba…

Master…

"So, that means that all of you clearly do not like me…" Traitor. I thought as I looked at Loke. Traitor. I don't need him. I don't need some Lion in my team, who doesn't even know me well.

I wish I could despise them all. I really wish that but somehow, I don't think…I truly can.

"Gajeel…" I whispered and he seemed to be alarmed that I mentioned his name. He should be. Out of everyone who's here, he should be the one to understand me. With us being in the same condition once. But I chose not to beg once more.

Erza walked towards me, her gaze cold and unforgiving. She offered her hand and reluctantly, I accepted it. Erza's eyes weren't shadowed by her hair unlike everyone else. And it sent chills down Lucy's spine.

"No one wants you here anymore. Feel free to go…Now." she ordered with a cold voice. My eyes widened as horror filled my whole body. No, this isn't the Erza I know. The Erza I know cannot do this, yes she might be tough but—

'The Master may forgive you, but I certainly won't!' I remember it now. The first thing she said that marked my mind. The words that she uttered on the first time we met.

"Erza, you can't possi—" "I don't like repeating myself, Heartfilia," I was a fool for even trying. Not only am I breaking my heart by doing this, but she's also pushing me away. How can she do this? No, let me rephrase that, how dare she do this?!

And then, I felt another thing snapping inside of me.

Click!

I wanted to beg but somehow, I felt weak and tired.

"Lucy, please, leave," it was Cana's turn this time. I can't believe them but at the same time, I cannot believe that this is happening to me.

So this is it? This is how things end? I thought my life here in Fairy Tail would end with a blast, or I'd feel happy before it ends but why am I feeling remorse, sadness and regret?

Wait, what am I even regretting something? I, I am confused. What's happening, this is just a dream right?

But if this is a dream, why can't I wake up?

"Guys," I called out yet again. I may look pathetic now, no, I am pathetic right now but, I don't care anymore. Losing a family, I cannot afford that any longer.

"Leave, Lucy, just leave," Gray said as he uttered these four simple words with so much darkness and what seems to be loathing. The others nodded in agreement.

Click!

And everything else aside from my ever-so broken heart shattered. My body felt tired, my mind became hazy, my faith in everything disappeared, nothing seemed to give logic, I don't even know what I am doing here.

I began to laugh and cry at the same time. I do not know why, but it seemed to be the right and correct thing to do at the time.

"So this is what you all call family here in Fairy Tail? I cannot believe that you can easily forgive people who tried to kill all of you, tortured your members out of recognition yet you cannot even hear the pleas and begs of another? If you cannot accept me, then I don't see any point in doing this, I cannot do this anymore, I cannot beg if no one's looking, I cannot plead if there's no one listening, I cannot make a fool out of me if no one cares, I cannot force myself to stay if you are all pushing me away!" I said, a dark feeling slowly entering me but then, my tears washed them away, I am too sad to feel dark. I am all gloom and doom to feel anything but self-pity.

"Is this goodbye? No, not goodbye, this is anything but good, I'll just go," I said but then, I noticed this boy who seemed to be quiet during all these time. The one who I reached out but didn't reach back. The one I called but didn't reply. The one I love…the one I see…The one who didn't feel the same way.

I want to hold on to him as much as I can. Maybe that's what started everything. My love for him. My desire to hold on to him. But how can I hold onto something that I never even had touched? The one who I thought was real…but only an illusion?

Being lead on is painful. Very painful.

I walked towards him and felt him shake with anger. I hesitated for a while before continuing. I don't care anymore as to what may happen to myself, I don't care if I burn, if he eats me alive or if he throw me.

But I have to say this.

"I don't know how to begin apologizing, and I don't think you'll hear me out anyway but Natsu…I'll hold on, I'll do my best to do so. I won't give up even if it hurts so bad…I'll do my best not to, just please tell me that—' the moment I touched his skin as I tried holding him, was the same moment a strong, painful feeling touched my skin.

He…hit a girl? No…not that, that doesn't bother me at all. He…hit…me?

I didn't react at the pain, I am used to the pain. But the meaning of that slap, that slap.

I left, running as fast as I can away from the doors, past the judgemental eyes of the others, and out of the Guild towards the unwelcoming city with everyone moving away as if they'll catch a disease just by looking at me.

I didn't bothered packing anything, just my money and a few clothes that can fit my small bag, and then, I went towards the train station where those peering eyes seemed to be relieved.

Yes, they must be relieved that I was leaving. They must be relieved that I'd be out of Magnolia, that the pest would be gone.

I bought a ticket to Pergrande Kingdom, to the farthest place from Fiore. Its not as if I have anything to do there.

But I didn't care because all I could think was that slap. He hit me. His hatred hit me square on my face. And it was the most painful thing I felt, not that everything that I felt today was painful. Or the past few weeks.

I watched as the train overlooked the city before losing itself as it dove into the huge mountains, into the forests then into the open space. The huge wild.

SCREEEEEECH!

I was startled by the ear-splitting noise and then, there was a loud crash as the whole train shook with so much ferocity.

All I saw were tongues of flame as the announcer yelled something unclear.

'I want to hold on to you Natsu…even if it hurts so bad…But…but how can I Natsu…how can I not want to go if you, if you want me to go?' I cried out before the flames consumed me.

Some day I just keep pretending
That you'll stay, dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
…

…

You don't see me

You don't feel me like I feel you