Do you hate me? This has been a ridiculously long wait but I have had some severe writer's block...Plus RL got in the way *sigh* either way I'm sorry and I did work hard to get this last chapter up (: TIVA for all you lovers! Which reminds me...Season 10 spoiler alert! A writer said Tony is likely to 'settle down' this season *gasp*! Ik, ik! When asked whether we know the character or not the reply was 'a little of both'. Oh. My. God. WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT!? Seriously?...Ugh, well maybe it is a past character? Or someone from another series? A minor character? I don't know! Ugh...Anyway, here is your next chapter...(:

Tony could feel all of their eyes on him. Blue, green, and brown all seemed to be boring into his head as he tried to focus on his report that- according to Gibbs- was supposed to be turned in five minutes ago, despite the fact they had arrived at the bullpen no more than three.

The case had been a long one without a doubt. The team had investigated the suicide of a lieutenant's wife. No one seemed to understand why the woman- who was apparently so full of life and happiness would take he own life in such a way.

"I do not understand." Ziva hissed as she looked at the mourning children, staring helplessly at their mother's body. "Why one would leave their own son and daughter like that."

"What do you mean?" Tony frowned, staring at her in utter confusion "She was unhappy obviously. She just hid it well. Besides, suicide happens all the time."

"Have you ever known someone to take their own life?" Ziva snarled at him heatedly "It is selfish. Where I come from it is a gift to live another day and then there are people like...like this! Who selfishly take their lives for granted!"

Needless to say that the rest of the case, Tony had been a bit short with his team mates. He knew he shouldn't blame them though. While Gibbs may understand suicidal thoughts, he only could sympathize with a person who had lost something dear to them- much like he had. Tim had never been exposed to something like suicide before. He couldn't even begin to comprehend what might lead someone to do something like that…And Ziva. Tony recognized that with her growing up in a place where at any moment you could die- wasting a life like that would be considered selfish and completely senseless.

He still hated the fact that they seemed to hold the barest bit of resentment towards the woman.

Frowning to himself as he at last printed the paper he looked up and saw to his relief that his friends were no longer looking at him- trying to figure out his strange behavior of the day. Tim's hands were moving flawlessly across the keyboard, no doubt writing what would be an hour long report as Ziva stared into space with a frown vividly painted on her face, probably looking for the best English word to put into her own.

"Done." He announced and threw the paper down on his boss' desk with a small smile that he hoped would look real. Gibbs looked up and snatched the report back, throwing it into his own paper work pile. He looked up as if to say something but was quickly cut off by a sharp ringing from Tony's desk.

"DiNozzo" he answered as he gave an exaggerated jog over to the phone.

"Tony!" a small voice called over and the agent felt a smile tug at his lips.

"Hey Lily flower." He greeted "How is my favorite eight year old ever?"

"Like…Like Happy from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." She answered proudly and Tony felt his head tip back as he let out a loud laugh.

"Nice movie reference there small fry. Snow White huh?" he asked and grinned as he heard the giggle from across the line.

"Yeppers!" she chirped "Mommy said that you can come over tomorrow and watch Cinderella with me!" she told him.

"Cinderella?" he chuckled as he attempted to pack up his stuff with one hand. "Hm… I don't know Chica, I'm not much of a princess kind of guy."

"Please? Pretty please? I want to show you my new dress! It had sparkles all over it!"

"A regular gem." He told her as he zipped up his gear "Alright Lily Flower. I'll go. At least now I get to tell my co-workers I have a date with the prettiest girl in the whole, wide world!"

"Prettier than Sleeping Beauty?"

"Way prettier. More like…Jenifer Lopez or Kim Kardashian."

"Who?"

"I'll tell you later."

"Oh…Ok…Bye Tony!"

"Bye Lily." He said and snapped the phone shut, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder.

"Hot date Tony?" Ziva smirked as she leaned back in her chair, the amusement clear on her face.

"You're disgusting. She's eight Zee-vah." He sniped at her.

"Yeah, you know it's been awhile since that case- why exactly are you still talking to an eight year old?" Tim jumped in.

"You two are annoying." He grouched "I like Lily. She's a good kid."

"You do not like children."

"Well I like this one."

"Why?"

"None of your business!" Tony finally snapped and Ziva's eyes narrowed drastically.

"You have been very…litter today." She told him.

"Bitter. Litter is garbage."

"Whatever. Either way you have been acting very odd. Why?"

"Oh, I don't know Ziva. Maybe you should go talk to some of your Israeli friends. I'm sure you can relate more with them." From the confusion and slight hurt that washed over her face, Tony knew he was being a jerk, but couldn't help it. It wasn't fair to her but…She wasn't being fair to a dead woman either!

"What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

"Let me clue you in. You ever hear about the phrase 'Don't speak ill of the dead'?" he hissed and felt both Gibbs' and Tim's eyes narrow at his words.

"What does it matter? I was not talking about you I was-"

"Had it ever occurred to you, with your amazing investigative mind, that I might have known someone who committed suicide?" he hissed and pushed his way past her, hitting the button with more power than necessary. When nothing happened he hit it again with more force as he tried to tame the flicking flames of anger that were rising.

"Agent DiNozzo?" a voice proclaimed and Tony's eyes snapped up to meet Director Vance's who was standing on his office's balcony with his 'I am greater than thou' expression on. When Tony didn't answer he continued "The elevator is temporarily not available. It seems that since there has been a lot of emergency stops." He added with a snide look at Gibbs "One of the chord cables have been threatening to snap. It will take a couple days to fix. The stairs are also being waxed for the next hour or two so you will have to refrain from going home. Perhaps you should catch up on your paper work." Without waiting for Tony's response he gave another nod and reentered his office, slamming the door behind him.

"You have got to be kidding me." Tony muttered under his breath and slouched back to his desk, not looking at any of his team. Why had he lashed out? Why was he so stupid? For the next five minutes no one said anything to fill the awkward silence.

"Who?" Ziva finally blurted out, obviously not being able to take it anymore. With a sigh Tony leaned back into his chair and stared at her for a moment.

"I should have never brought it up."

"Who, Tony? Or were you lying? Again." Tony felt his eyes narrow and fist clench. Why the hell were they bringing up lying? She knew that was a touchy subject for him.

"My mom." He finally spat out and flipped through his already completed files. At this point there was literally nothing for him to do. At all. God, he needed Abby right now...Or Ducky...Or anyone really aside from the people on this floor.

"How old were you?" Ziva asked with a little more gentleness this time. He winced at the pity laced in her voice, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"Let. It. Go." He told her. His voice uncharacteristically sharp and borderline perilous. From his right, he could see Tim shifting, probably trying to get a better view in which would definitely turn out to be a heated argument if Ziva didn't drop the situation…Now.

"You know, it isn't healthy keeping things to yourself." McGee added, probably in hopes to add fuel to the already growing flames. Tony blinked and looked at him, trying to squash all of his feelings in order to not let them win by getting upset.

"You're right." He told them coolly "That's why I talk about things with my friends."

It was a low blow. Really low. Tony knew by the hurt that flashed across both Ziva and Tim's faces he had perhaps crossed some kind of line. Tony never spoke about any of his deeper issues with them aside from what to eat for dinner that night and they knew it.

"Really? I was under the impression you did not have any." Ziva jumped back in and the Senior Field Agent let a small smile grace his lips, though it was much colder than usual.

"You may be right." He said quietly, a thoughtful look crossing his face. Everyone and anyone he had trusted on that kind of level usually ended up dead or abandoned him. Kate, Wendy, Jenny, Jeanne, even his father at the times in which the man would pretend to care about his son. The whole thing reminded him that Ziva, Gibbs, and Tim were really the only people who stayed throughout his life, despite the fact he never really let them in.

"I was eight." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, keeping his eyes away from any of the three sets of eyes that snapped towards him. Gibbs knew that his mother had died when he was young of course, though Tony was fairly certain that his father had labeled his mother's death as 'accidental' rather than 'suicidal'. "She was really unhappy I guess. We had a lot of…a lot of problems. My Dad and her argued and it usually ended with someone getting hurt." He continued a hand brushing over his cheek before adding quietly "usually me."

No one spoke, probably to avoid breaking the spell that Tony was under. Not wanting to stop him from speaking.

"My Dad… Well he wanted different things then her. It got really nasty at times and she would start drinking and taking pills a lot to help her cope. When it got really bad she would get out these knives…I remember Father had gotten them for her awhile back, some kind of cruel joke. He gave them to her and said something along the lines of 'these are for you to cut out some other hearts' or something cheesy like that. She would use them to cut her wrists…I would come in and…" he shuddered slightly, rubbing his own wrists at the memories that assaulted his eyes.

"There was blood everywhere. I would always run and help clean it up. Stop the bleeding before it caused any permanent damage. I always thought of myself as her protector or whatever. I would go and do all sorts of things for her… Just trying to keep her happy. Keep her from hurting herself. It was one of the reasons I did the whole piano thing. She loved playing but whenever she would cut her wrists she couldn't really do it. I learned so when she couldn't play I could…" As he finished his last sentence, Tony considered stopping. He had said too much, way too much already. Biting his tongue he looked around, relieved to see no one else was in the office. Black eyes suddenly latched onto his and his mouth was back in motion before he could stop it.

"On my eighth birthday I was really excited. There was this huge report that my prep school had us do and I got an A on it. I ran to find her and…I don't know. Maybe she had gotten into a fight that day or I did something wrong…Either way she had one of those stupid knives stuck in her chest…" his voice sounded distant now. His eyes clearly somewhere else. No one said a word. Tony's eyes eventually drifted over and met each of his team's eyes. Tim's shocked ones, Gibbs' closed-off, yet understanding, and Ziva's...hurt? Frowning, he jumped back up, heading quickly to the men's room where hopefully he could breathe and figure out what the hell just happened.

The seconds ticked by as he splashed the cool water on his face, trying to think about how he could fix the mess he just made.

"You never said anything. All those times when McGee and myself talked about your wonderful childhood...You never said anything." Tony blinked and looked up at Ziva. He conveniently forgot about her odd habit of walking into the men's room often.

"Why would I?" he sighed, leaning with his back against the sink. "Ziva, can we just forget about this? Please?"

"No." she snapped "We cannot just 'forget about this'!" she said while using her fingers to make air quotes around the phrase 'forget about this'. "I want to know why you did not tell us!"

"Because of this." he growled back "You guys are so damn confusing!" he seethed "One minute I'm the stupid jock who no one can even look at and then the next? It is poor, poor, helpless, neglected, tragic Tony. Then give it a little while and you know what it turns into? Brave, strong Tony who can take care of himself. Or maybe it will be funny Tony who is your best friend!" he cried out throwing his hands in the air "Ziva, you never treat me the same. Ever. I have no idea what I can and can't say to you guys without causing some kind of field day!"

"Well it would help if you just told us this."

"And then what? What could you exactly do? You want to know the last person I told this to Ziva? Kate. After I had gotten the plague, she had come over for a little while and practically told her all of my life's story. Do remember what happened to her? Oh that's right! She's dead!" As he spoke the words, his voice had slowly risen to a shout and Ziva had tensed as though waiting for him to take a swing at her.

"Besides, I never know what side any of you are ever on." he added dejectedly and slid down onto the cool tiles. "Sometimes you guys hate me and other times you don't...I just can't really risk you guys having that kind of emotional ammo against me." he admitted quietly and paused when he felt a warm body slide down next to him.

"You saw me" she said quietly "in Africa. After I was tortured and beaten bloodied. You saw me fall in love with a man who was doomed to die. You saw me fall in love with yet another man who was with me only under orders. And another who may have only been using me for a mission. Tony, you have seen more of me than I ever wanted to show anyone. You never use it against me. Never have... I trust that you never will. Can I have that same trust?" she asked and Tony just looked at her for a moment, his eyes flashing over the scenarios she had mentioned in his head.

"I'm not broken Ziva." he said out of nowhere "Everyone who gets close enough thinks I am. But I'm not."

"I know Tony. I do not believe you are snapped…Er...broken." There was a moment of silence again as Tony looked at her, trying to decide whether or not he could trust her. She stared steadily back at him, her eyes never once leaving his.

"I believe you." He finally told her and relaxed slightly. He wasn't broken. He was just...lost. A little confused and a little hurt. For years, he had been shoving all those long overdue emotions out of the way, so that he didn't feel them as much...but they were still there. This could be the chance to get rid of them for good though.

Anthony DiNozzo was a risk taker in every way but one. That day though, he broke a promise he had made to himself in order to take that one risk.

He talked.

And when the floors were done being waxed, Tony took Ziva with him and played for her (only after twenty minutes of pestering on her behalf)...

In the end, he decided it was ok to share emotions.

Hmm...Not so sure about the ending. I tried to kind of tie it back to the begining but I'm not for sure how good that worked out...Your thoughts? Oh, for those of you who know of my story Baltimore Beginnings do not fear! I haven't abondoned that story by a long shot. I've just hit a bit of a stonewall that will hopefully go away soon. If I'm lucky than I'll get that chapter posted sometime this week (: Thanks again for all of your guys' amazing support! It means a lot to me...Please review!