God I'm so sorry all these chapters are so short I'm sorry I'll try to do better omg

As always (…)=thoughts ((…))=translations *=Spanish ^=Italian

I do not own Hetalia or any characters in this story.

"Stop Antonio…por favor ... get out…" Lovino pleaded , but it was no use. Antonio hovered over him and shook his head.

"Per favore Lovino, parlare con me ... ((please Lovino, talk to me^)) I'm not leaving… I'm not going anywhere. Please… mi tomate… mi dulce Lovino…((my sweet*)) I want to help…"

"Toni…"

"Talk to me… please…"

"Toni… I…damnit…"

"Please Lovi… talk to me… I'll…I-I'll start off okay? I-I'll ask a question and you answer and… and if you don't want to answer then I'll drop it for now… I promise… I'm not trying to bribe you! I just want help…"

"…I… Fine… just get off me…" Lovino gave in with a sigh, not putting up much a fight because he really just wanted to get it over with. Antonio complied and moved to sit in front of Lovino, who sat up and hid his wrists under the blanket, his eyes down cast as well.

Antonio stayed silent and just looked at him, worry was shining in his eyes and he wanted to hug and cuddle the younger man. Antonio wanted nothing more than to hold him and chase away all the doubts and fears and the hatred Lovino had for himself. He didn't understand it. How could someone as wonderful as his Lovi think so lowly of themselves? It was crazy! Not that Lovi was crazy that's not what he meant, just that the situation was crazy.

"Well? Ask or leave. I prefer the latter but I know that's not going to happen so get on with it." Lovino sounded upset, not annoyed or angry like someone would have expected him to be.

"Right, um… First question… why is your lip bleeding?" Antonio asked, reaching out to take Lovino's chin in his hand and gently wipe away the blood on his lip with his thumb.

"They're just chapped…" Lovino answered softly, turning his head away, making Antonio's hand leave his face.

"Lovino Vargas do not lie to me." Antonio said seriously, his voice low and his hand going back to Lovino's chin. He gently turned Lovino's head towards him and he begun wiping the blood away again.

"I'm not lying." The Italian grumbled, wincing when Antonio's thumb hit the cut.

"Liar."

"Asshole."

Antionio sighed. "Lovino please, just tell me. Were you biting it?"

"…Yes."

"Why?"

"Because… I didn't want you to hear me crying…" Lovino answered softly.

"W-What…? Why were you crying, Lovi?"

"Because…"

"Because why?"

"None for your business that's why."

"Lovino."

"Antonio." At that Antonio sighed and moved on.

"Okay… why are your wrists all red?" Antonio asked carefully, Lovino tensed at the question.

"None of your fucking business now get the fuck out." Lovino spat, feeling nervous and defensive.

"Lovino please… I know I said I would stop if you didn't want to answer them but… I'm worried…"

"I don't fucking care, get out!" The Italian shouted.

"Damnit Lovino!" Antonio threw his arms up and stood. "Why won't you talk to me!? I just want to help you Lovino but you keep pushing me away! I know this is harder for you than it is for me and I don't know how you're feeling but I want to. I want to understand, I want to help, Lovi..." He got down on his knees beside the bed and looked up at Lovino, his hands held together like he was praying. "I can't stand seeing mi tomate like this… I'm so sorry for treating you like I did in the past, Lovi, you didn't deserve it… You don't deserve it… but I'm here now and I'm trying to make for it… I want to help you, and I promise… even if I'm at work, or I do end up hanging out with friends, if you need me, or want me, or need or want anything I will be here as soon as possible, I will leave the moment you call me, Lovino I promise. I'm going to help you get better. J-just… Lovino please talk to me…. It doesn't have to be now okay? But when you feel like less than the amazing person you are I will always be here. And when you're happy and you remember how beautiful you are I'll still be here." Antonio's voice was shaking and he was on the verge of tears. He had crawled back onto the bed and cupped Lovino's face.

"If I tell you every l-little bad thought that p-pops into m-my head you're gonna put me i-in a nut house." Lovino responded, tears thick in his eyes and a knot in his throat.

"No, no, Lovino Vargas I would never do that to you, ever. I promise you, I will never do that. I'm going to take care of you here. "

"Toni…"

"Lovi I swear to you. You're gonna be okay."

"You don't know that…"

"I do though, Lovi… you're strong and you can get through this and I will be with you every step of the way." Antonio had calmed down immensely from his previous outburst. But Lovino was now crying.

"You don't know how hard it is Antonio…" Lovino's voice was shaking. His words felt thick in his throat and his hands were shaking. "I don't like talking about it… I don't want to talk about it… what if… what if I don't want to get better?"

"…Do you? Do you want to get better?" Antonio asked softly, gently brushing the tears off Lovino's cheeks.

"No… yes... I… I don't know… I do but…I can't… I can't stop I need it… it's the only thing that helps, Antonio…"

"I know, Lovino… I know…Its okay…" Antonio pulled him into a hug and kissed his forehead. "Here… how about we lay here for a little bit, huh? How's that sound? Or I can leave if you want to be alone. Hm? Does that sound good? We don't have to talk about it okay? You don't have to talk about it until you're ready. "

"Stop talking to me like I'm a child…"

"I'm not, Lovi…"

"Whatever… just… don't leave… I-I don't want to be alone…" Lovino clutched him tightly.

"Okay…" Antonio kissed his head and looked over at the food he almost forgot about. "Do you want to eat some before it gets colder than it already is?" The Spaniard pulled back a little from the hug to look at the younger man in the eyes, a small smile gracing his face.

Lovino took a few moments to think. He didn't want to eat, but god was he hungry. And Antonio had probably spent a long time making this for him, it was the least he could do. He wouldn't gain that much weight from it would he?

"Sure…and stop kissing me…" The Italian responded, neither answers being 100% what he actually wanted.

Antonio smiled softly and picked up the tray of food, putting it on his lap so Lovino could use him as a table. He watched Lovino as he ate; happy the Italian was getting some food in him. After Lovino told him he wasn't going to eat it all, he started eating as well. They ate in a comforting silence and once the food was all gone Antonio placed the tray back on the floor and took Lovino's hands in his own.

"What are you doing?" Lovino asked cautiously, trying to pull his hands out of the other man's grasp. His attempts failed.

Antonio didn't answer and just turned the younger man's hands over and brought his head down to gently kiss the now only pink marks on his skin.

"I thought I told you to stop kissing me…"

"Sorry…" Antonio replied, but not until he had kissed both of Lovino's wrists repeatedly.

"It's fine…" Lovino said, trying to pull his hands out of the other's grasp.

"I'm sorry Lovi… I shouldn't have gotten upset when you wouldn't tell me… I had told you I would let it go until you were ready and I wasn't true to that… I'm very sorry Lovino it will not happen again, I promise." Antonio said sincerely.

"It's fine Toni…"

"No it's not. I shouldn't have yelled at you… I've never yelled at you…"

"Toni…"

"Lovi, listen to me… It was wrong of me to pressure you like that. I am truly sorry."

"Antonio its okay, really, I know you're just worried…" 'God only knows why…' Lovino added in his head. "I just want to lay down okay?"

Antonio nodded. "Okay, Lovi… Do you mind if I stay with you?"

"If I said yes would you leave?"

"…yeah." Antonio hesitated. "Do you…? Mind, I mean?"

"I…"

"Its okay… I'll leave, Lovi, I know I haven't given you a lot of space lately. I'll be out in the living room if you need me, okay?" Antonio smiled but Lovino could tell it wasn't real.

"Toni…"

"Its okay, Lovino." He insisted and leaned forward to kiss Lovino's forehead before standing up from the bed once again. He grabbed the now empty tray and walked around the bed and to the door, exiting the room without another word or glance, leaving Lovino sitting alone.

After Lovino was sure he was far from the now closed door, he quickly and silently got out of bed, making his way to the bathroom that was attached to his room. Lovino closed and locked the door behind him and looked in the mirror.

"Son of a bitch…why did I fucking eat all that?" He asked himself, feeling sick to his stomach. "I'm so fucking stupid…" Lovino rubbed his face angrily. "I have to… I have to get it out… I can't… But… fuck it tasted so good… No. No, that doesn't matter. I'm gonna gain weight. I'm gonna get fat. I'm gonna get stretch marks. No, I c-can't. I have to. I-I-I-I need t-to." He rubbed furiously at his eyes with the balls of his hands to keep from crying.

Lovino moved quickly to the toilet and got down in front of it, hunching over and sticking his fingers down his throat. After a few times it worked and he vomited silently, removing the only food he had eaten in a while from his stomach.

Once he was done, dry heaving and all over, he wiped his mouth with toilet paper and flushed it. Then moved to sit with his back against the wall, he stared at the cabinets for a few minutes before starting to cry again, burying his head in his knees.

"Fuck… I-I… I'm still going to gain weight… I… shouldn't have eaten… " His breathing was heavy and his breath was hitching. "Fuck… Fuck…" Lovino dug his nails into his legs, wanting some sort of pain to come from it, but they were too short for him to get any relief.

He wanted to scream.

Instead, he started hitting his legs as he sobbed. Wanting nothing more than the sweet release he used to feel.

But it wasn't the same. He knew it wasn't because he'd tried it before, but he'd never left a bruise.

However, now was different. He was more desperate now, so he hit harder. By the time he was done and relaxed his legs were sore and he was sure there were already purple blotches starting to form under his skin.

Lovino slowly stood up, his legs wobbly from the beating. He blew his nose with some toilet paper then moved to the sink and rinsed his face with cold water to calm the swelling around his eyes in case Antonio was to come back in anytime soon, though he knew it would do nothing because the tears still hadn't stopped.

He stared at himself again in the mirror, looking into his swollen eyes and the bags underneath them.

"I look the shit…" Lovino whispered to himself, his statement doing nothing but make him even more upset, but he didn't care. He turned away from the mirror and unlocked the door, but he didn't open it.

Lovino suddenly got very afraid.

Antonio could be outside the door waiting for him.

What would he do if he had heard Lovino? If he knew what he had just done? Would he be angry? Upset? Disappointed? Annoyed? Could it be the last straw and Antonio finally be done with him?

Lovino took a deep breath and tried to shake it off, holding his head high and his shoulders back (like that wouldn't be suspicious).

Then he opened the door.

Should Antonio be outside waiting for him? Tell me what you think I should do and I might just do it C;!

Please review it really shows me you guys are into this story!

Love you all!