No One Gets Through Life Without Scars

CHAPTER 19

A/N: Long time, no see, friends! Over 3 years, in fact. I never intended to be away from my stories this long, but RL gave me some rude kicks in the butt, between work and homelife. But after 4 years of a bad work environment, it finally got straightened out and I'm once again doing what I love. My mother has dementia, and in the last few years it's been getting worse. I'd go to work, then come home and have to take care of her and my dad. It was tiring, physically and emotionally. We finally got my parents into an assisted living place about a year and a half ago, which my dad loves and mom still doesn't think she lives there - but doesn't know where else she would live if not there. Everyone from the nursing staff to kitchen staff to aides and cleaning staff are wonderful and are taking such good care of my folks. My mom may not know where she is, but her health has improved greatly since they've been there, so the family is thrilled. Now I'm just trying to keep the family home afloat on one salary. Not easy!

My friend in FanFiction, Mandielouluvsewe (go read her stuff!), managed to break through her bout of the dreaded writer's block a few times over these last few years, so I decided it was time to try and get through mine. Most of this chapter was written 3 years ago, not long after publishing the previous chapter. With some prodding and help from Mandielouluvsewe, I managed to get this chapter finished at last! Thank you, Mandielou, for your help and encouragement (and demands for another chapter in the story about YOU!) with this, and for not letting me start yet ANOTHER story before getting this one done! You're a gem!

The usual Disclaimer: I own nothing having to do with NCIS, the characters (except my own originals), or anything else. I make no monetary gain from this story.

Sorry for the lengthy A/N, but I felt the need to explain my absence for so long. And now, on with CHAPTER 19!

When last we left Tony and Mandie, they had just declared their love for one another while standing in the hall of Mandie's cousin Emily's house in La Place, LA. Mandie has been kept in the dark by Team Gibbs that The Monster Marine that had attacked her years ago has escaped prison and was now in LaPlace to finish what he'd set out to do before - kill her.

Tony inhaled deeply, absorbing Mandie's scent. The scent of the woman he loved. The scent of the woman that loved him. He wanted to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He wanted to hold on to her and never let her go. He wanted to grab her up and run out into the street, yelling how much he loved her for the entire world to hear.

"Don't even think about it," came from the head buried in his chest, and he chuckled. She could read him so well! Well, if he couldn't shout it to the world, he could at least say it to her again. He put his mouth to her ear and whispered, "I love you Mandie-Mine," and smiled when Mandie's arms tightened around him. Tightening his own arms, he heard her give a satisfied sigh. Nuzzling her ear with his nose, Tony thought out loud, "who knew something so horrible could bring us something this amazing…." He felt more than heard Mandie gasp, then felt tears on his naked chest. 'Open mouth, insert foot, DiNozzo,"he told himself with a mental head slap. For a few minutes, he'd taken her mind off everything, and now he'd just brought it all back.

He cuddled her to him, whispering platitudes that by now meant nothing, not after all that had happened lately. Tony leaned over and opened the door to Mandie's room and half-walked, half-carried her in, shutting the door behind them. "C'mon angel-face," he murmured softly in her ear as he led her over to the bed. With a kiss to her temple, he lay down among the pillows and held open his arms, inviting Mandie to snuggle against him like the two of them have always done. Only now, after declarations of love, the position felt much more intimate.

Mandie gratefully cuddled into Tony's side. She'd always felt safe with him, like he could make everything better. But it felt so much more intense now, knowing that he loved her. But Scotty was still dead, one of her old gang from high school. He had been one of the few males of the species whom, when she'd come home to LaPlace from D.C., had acted like her scars didn't matter. Those kinds of men - of people - were few and far between. She was so emotionally overloaded she didn't even have the energy to cry anymore, so she just lay there, resting against Tony's chest. She didn't realize she'd been tracing designs along his chiseled pecs and four-pack abs until Tony put a hand over hers, breaking her out of her trance. "Hmmm?" she asked lazily.

Tony half-smiled, half-grimaced. "You're killing me, cara*," he groaned softly.

Confused, she began to ask, "what do you…." when her knee brushed against something as she shifted position to see him better. They both gasped, but for much different reasons. "I'm so sorry," Mandie mewled nervously.

Taking a deep breath, Tony tried to will his erection away. "S'ok," he groaned, "I'm the one that's sorry. It's just...when you touch me like that, I…"

"What? NO!" Mandie interrupted. "Well, yeah, sort of, but.." she blushed. "I didn't mean…" She tucked her head back against his chest. "I meant, I'm sorry about yesterday. About freaking out on you like that."

"Hey," Tony murmured, tipping her chin up with a finger so she'd have to look at him. "It's ok, farfalla*." he swept a lock of hair out of her eyes, his own eyes glowing tenderly. "I'm the one that's sorry, for scaring you like that, for moving too fast."

Mandie's eyes went wide with shock. "No! I liked it!" She blushed red as a lobster as she realized what she'd said and how loudly, even more embarrassed when Tony laughed.

He was glad Mandie wasn't suffering any ill effects from the day before. He traced the shell of her ear with a finger, gentle smile on his face. She was so cute! "That's good, that you liked it…..I liked it too. Til I scared you."

She began tracing little designs on the skin of his chest again, too bashful to look at him. "Did you maybe…. like it enough to….maybe….want to do it again?" her voice rose uncertainly.

Tony froze. "Do you want to do it again, Mandie?"

Still blushing, Mandie shrugged. "If you don't, it's ok," she rushed. "I know the freak out kind of...freaked you out, but…"

Tony stopped her fingers on his chest again, bringing them to his lips and kissing them. "Mio tesoro*, there's nothing in this world I want more than to finish what we started. But not if it's going to scare you….don't ever want you to be scared of me."

That deep, husky voice drove her crazy. Watching Tony kiss her fingers, Mandie decided to just throw caution to the wind. They both wanted the same thing, but neither would ever say it. 'Time to take the first step Mandielou,' she told herself. This is sadly Tony, there's nothing to be afraid of. She shyly looked up at him and swung her leg over his, rubbing her foot against his calf, enjoying the big suck in of air he took. "Tony? … Make love with me?" she asked timidly.

He squinched his eyes shut and groaned silently to himself. This wonderful woman just asked him to make love, but…."It's ok, Mandie-Mine, we don't have to…."

Mandie's face fell and she began to pull away. "S-sorry. I..it's ok, I understand," she said sadly.

Tony tugged her closer when she tried to pull away from him. "Hey, hey, hey," he said softly, wrapping his arms around her tenderly. "I love you, Mandie. Nothing's going to change that. Whether or not we make love, I love you. If you're not ready…." Pulling his head down, Mandie kissed him. Hot, wet, sweet, and sexy. When she finally let him up, he all but gasped for air.

"I want this, Tony," she whispered, voice trembling. "And I want this with you." She raised hopeful, teary eyes to his. "Love me, Tony….please?" she all but begged.

Searching her eyes, Tony didn't see fear, just hope. And love. He put a hand to her cheek and smiled fondly. He brought her mouth to his for another deep kiss. He felt more than heard Mandie's sigh. He didn't know if it was in relief or pleasure, but he didn't care. "Always, Mandie-Mine," he murmured in a husky voice against her lips. "Always."

*Cara - dear, sweetheart

*farfalla - butterfly

*mio tesoro - my treasure, my heart

A/N 2: And thus ends this chapter of No one Gets Through Life Without Scars. The next chapter is about finished, it's just in pieces, and I need to put the puzzle together. Never fear, Mandielouluvsewe, the "Good Stuff" is on the way, I promise! LOL

Please read and review, let this wayward lamb know my struggle with writer's block wasn't in vain! Many thanks, readers! Reviews will get you to the Good Stuff that much quicker!