Okay the first chapter ( this chapter ) of this story will be all Manly Journal entries lol and the rest will be from Dean's POV ( mostly ) and with some journal entries interspersed in there if I feel Dean needs to rant or whatever. Cool? Cool. Oh and this chapter is quite long lol...if you didn't already notice :)
Sunday July 13th 2009
Okay, so lets get this out there first thing. I love my baby brother...okay, I am IN love with my baby brother! You might ask...are you serious? As a heart attack. I have wet dreams about him (I am NOT going into detail!) and I always joke, when he catches me, that they're about some smokin busty chick...not in the least, last time I tried to hook up with a girl, I couldn't get it up! Busty Asian Beauties? No luck. My own thoughts about the perfect girl? Not even half mast...Hell, not even the slightest of stirrings down there. At first I didn't get it, then, well then, Sammy took a shower...and forgot his clothes...so out he comes, dripping wet, tiny motel towel all that's covering him. I swear to God! I was hard instantly! And I was freaking out so bad! I booked it out of there, I didn't actually leave, just went and sat in the Impala, and if I'm being honest? Beat one out...I thought, since I'm hard, I'll think of girls? but that made me "deflate" a little...boys? A little more deflated...SAMMY? For God's sake! I think I came in record time. I am disgusted with myself...what the fuck is my problem?
Wednesday July 23rd 2009
Sam is dead asleep in the motel where I left him, eighty or ninety miles ago...I don't know. Fuck I'm crying. God damn it! I know he's dead asleep because he was dead drunk when he passed out...after practically raping me. It's been so long since I've written...do you feel violated? That you hardly know me, and now I'm telling you how my little brother told me he loved me, raped me, then passed out drunk? Fuck me, I'm talking to a notebook. Do you know what it's like to drive nearly onehundred miles after your shithead brother rams his monster dick up your ass without even lube? NO? it feels like the worst form of torture is what it feels like! Mother FUCKER! I think I would just cry if I saw him, FUCK! I want to kick his ass into next year! I want to castrate him! I want to kill him! I know he'll go to Hell, for sure now, the bastard! FUCK FUCK FUCK!
Thursday August 28th 2009
Back again...right now it's...11:33 am and this morning, I was nearly decapitated by the vampire I was hunting because I was too busy throwing up (yet again) to pay attention to my surroundings. Fuck, I'm laying low until this flu or whatever the fuck sort of stomach bug it is passes.
Thursday September 4th 2009
It's been exactly a week since I told you I was laying low...two since I got sick...I've never been sick for so long...
Thursday September 18th 2009
Another thursday, I actually have good news...I've stopped getting sick, awesome! Well good and bad, bad being I don't want any bacon cheeseburgers...weird, and so fucked up...I want rabbit food...
Tuesday September 23rd 2009
I haven't talked to Sam in two months and nine days...at first, he tried to call, several times a day, with twice as many texts...untill I got a new phone...I would feel bad, if he hadn't have done what he did...I still hate him so much! I know... that what I first told you was that I was in love with him..,but you can't forgive someone who raped you, I still love him, he's my little brother, he's still Sammy. But I hate every last fibre in his being! I hate all the thoughts I ever had about him, sexually. I hate him...you don't get it. And I could never explain...
Friday September 26th 2009
I saw him today! Walking down the street with a bag of groceries! Fuck! He's probably on the same case! He didn't see me and for that I'm gratefull, he also doesn't seem to be staying in the same motel, he would know the Impala in a heartbeat and come knocking. Which is why I'm leaving. Why the hell wouldn't I?
Saturday October 11th 2009
I thought I should write something...but I really have nothing to say...I haven't even been on any exciting hunts, all I've had is three salt and burns...
Sunday November 23rd 2009
It's been a while, you were literally collecting dust in the trunk. You...God at least you don't have a name, or I don't start every entry with somthing faggoty like "Dear Diary" and that's because this is a...manly journal...who the fuck am I trying to kid?
I have the worst news possible! My six pack is gone! I haven't even thought about it until today...I was drying off in the bathroom and I saw myself in the mirror and I HAVE A PUDGE! Pudge has replaced my six pack! What the hell? I don't get it! I've been eating healthier than ever before! And I have PUDGE! What the fuck is going on? And I can't stop touching it! It's not even squishy like Sammy's was when he was little, it's still firm like my six pack but it's round and my abs are gone! What the Hell?
Saturday December 12th 2009
It's December, the year is coming to a close, and it looks like the only thing I'm getting for Christmas is...fat...Since I first noticed the pudge, it's doubled in size...I am officially fat...well if it grows like this for a few more weeks and people can see it under my shirt...then I'm fat...but I am so fat!
Friday December 25th 2009
Merry Christmas...me...it's been another three months since I last saw Sam, so that makes, right about, five months and ten days. And I'm freaking myself out, because, I've seen this...well heard about it...and I about pissed myself the first time I thought it...but I don't think that my pudge is even a pudge at all...and I would die of humiliation if I ever had to say this out loud or to anyone but you...but I'm starting to think that my pudge...is a bump...a baby bump...God damn I'm crazy, this can't be happening to me.
Saturday December 26th 2009
Worst Christmas...EVER! I waited two days for some convenience store to open! The whole time freaking myself out about how I could be pregnant...Now I'm waiting five minutes...for four different tests. I stare at the clock on the wall, each minute that ticks by feels like an eternity in it's self...finally! The five minutes are up! I just flipped the first test...positive, but there are three others...
Fuck me up the ass! All four are a clear positive...What the fuck am I supposed to do?
Merry fucking Christmas, here have a child! Hey...thanks...FUCKING FUCK FUCKER!
Friday January 1st 2010
Happy New Years...the last four days I think I've been in shock...I didn't even get out of bed on the 28th last month...I am however, fascinated with my bump...now that I know it's a bump...now that I know that there Is a tiny human being in there, she's depending on me...me, to keep her safe and warm and fed...she...I think it's a girl, I don't know why but I hope it is. I think I'll be writing more often...I still have no clue what I'm going to do...
Saturday January 16th 2010
I am now the proud owner of...a decently sized house...three bedrooms and two and a half baths. Call me crazy but it's close to Bobby's...he doesn't know that yet, he thinks I'm in Oregon...I forgot to tell you that I've been keeping in touch with Bobby who I'm sure is keeping Sam updated on how I'm doing...sometimes he tells me about Sam, what he's been hunting, where he's at, and that's nice because I make it a point to steer clear of those places and the towns nearest them...He keeps asking when he'll see me...Next time he says where Sam is, hopefully out of state, and hopefully before I get to big, I'll pay him a visit, he'll tell Sam about it, and Sam will probably drop dead...I'm nearing six months...my bump is still realativly small...well small enough to hide under my coat, good thing it's January...
Sunday January 17th 2010
Sam is in Utah, I talked to Bobby last night and hinted at Sam, he told me that he's hunting a witch in Utah. I'm taking a little drive over to Bobby's here in a minute.
It really is a good thing that Bobby isn't really a hugger...he was definitly surprised to see me. We talked for quite a while..mostly about hunting, a little about Sam, a lot about me. He did get a little weird when I didn't take my coat off but I just said I was cold and he dropped the subject...I really did miss him...
Saturday January 23rd 2010
Six months in, today she gave her first big kick! Untill now it's just been little flutters of movement but this one was a little painful, I'm proud, she'll whoop ass when she's older. I just realized today that I have no clue what I'm doing...I have nothing for her! And what I'm most terrified about is how she's coming out...I've heard of dudes getting knocked up, but never how the children came out...fuck me..
Tuesday January 26th 2010
I've been doing research, well as much as I can seeing as there isn't alot out there...but...apparently there's this...opening? That will form...around the eighth month...and...thank God! But I have to feed her formula...then again, everything I read...said to let her...latch...I'm a little freaked out...it's supposed to strengthen the bond...I don't get it, because alot of new moms (females) don't breast feed at all...
Thursday January 28th 2010
I hustled at quite a few bars yesterday...got a good sum of money, and at first I was...scared...to go shopping for her, but I got over that and the sales lady really helped me out. I went to this little shop in the next town, and I blame the hormones for making me even think the word, but everything was so...cute...I got her an entire matching bedroom set and even her high chair matches. I'm sure it's a girl, and the lady at the store helped me pick out a bunch of outfits for her. Even a few toys. Plus bottles and diapers and wipes and so many things I thought I would have to make several trips to get it all back to the house...but this lady, Lacy, she was so kind and offered to take back the big things with her truck when she got off...I am such a chick...
So I ran around town for a bit untill she got off and then she followed me home. She swore up and down that she didn't have any place to be and even stayed and helped me put everything together, she folded and put away all of the clothes I bought, and even made the bed...
...I am such a girl...
Sunday January 31st 2010
Bobby told me yesterday that Sam was planning on heading out there today, so before hand I pulled the Impala into the garage. Now my mind is running a million miles a minute, thinking how he's just down the street. I've been in bed all day, curled up, having a mostly one sided conversation with my daughter..usually when I ask her a question she kicks. But maybe that's my imagination...maybe she's hungry...I am...I'm going to go eat..
Friday February 5th 2010
I got a book today, it's a little late but..oh well, I'm early into my seventh month now, three months to go, when I think that I lose my breath. I have to think of a name for her...I'm huge and still growing...
Alecia, Addie, Anna, Annaleigh, Cassy, Allie, Lucy, Emma, Lilly, Gracie...I don't know...Hope? Leah? I have a little time still to think it over.
Monday February 8th 2010
This book...is useless...
I swear I've doubled in size, I feel like a fucking whale, and my feet are all swollen and my boots are so uncomfortable and I don't even want to get up. Fuck.
Friday February 19th 2010
Okay, the book isn't as useless as I thought, it told me how to get rid of my back pain. Not that it helped for long because I've been up and doing laundry and cleaning all day.
Tuesday February 23rd 2010
Lacy, remember her? From the baby store? She's coming over today. To hang out, to help me clean up the yard a bit so it can be ready when Spring comes around and this place can not look like a place I would have squatted in eight months ago.
Oh, seven months in! Two to go and I'm excited...a little nervous and scared but so excited!
Friday March 5th 2010
She's wiggling more than ever in there, she's making it hard to sleep.
I talked to Bobby today, told him I wouldn't be around for a while.
I can't believe that in two months I'll see my baby girl, it seems so close and like and eternity away at the same time.
Monday March 15th 2010
Annaleigh (Pronounced Annalee) Hope Winchester.
Tuesday March 23rd 2010
Three entries in thirty days? Not alot but now I'm eight months down, one to go. And I'm praying I don't gain anymore weight...
Oh...and...that...opening we talked about a few months back? Well it's starting to feel...sensitive around the area where...it's supposed to be...
Wednesday March 31st 2010
That...opening is there...and my back pain is worse than ever. Less than a month before I meet Annaleigh. Lacy has been bringing me food, and helping so much with housework, I stay in bed alot of the time, really trying not to stress myself out.
Thursday April 8th 2010
We've passed thirty seven weeks, she is fully developed and ready to come out in the next few weeks!
Friday April 9th 2010
I said next few weeks? She decided today was her day! My water broke so it's not braxton hicks, I'm getting the tub ready, hopefully in a few hours, she'll be here!
And that is the end of that :) SHE'S HERE :)