Hello! So, here is my first FF in english, so PLEASE dont be rude D: I speak spanish, but think i tried...

My name is Paz :3 and i will be writing a new story about my OTP :D Damon&Elena... ha!

well, the main idea is that Damon is lost. and elena need to find him. and well... the rest you will find out when the FF moves on...

PLEASE leave FEEDBACK. I would REALLY LOVE to hear what you guys think. specially since this is my first FF in english.. :)

So without more talk, here it goes the first "Chapter" it will be the shorter one anyways...

Elena had been a vampire for three weeks now. And you know what? Her life was fucking perfect. She did not have thirst issues. She was finally living her epic teenage love, and it would be forever now. And there was no love triangle anymore.

I had given up. I actually had become a creepy stalker who knows everything because I fucking spy her. And yes, the worst part of all is that the only thing I'd promise myself I would never do, I did.

I had given up on her.

I had loose myself and I don't know if I would ever find me again. I really wanted to kill myself. I wanted to break so bad, to switch it off. But I would not cry and most definitely won't switch it. Because it's so hard to find the switch and I'm so tired of looking or waiting for something, and hell, I am Damon fucking Salvatore and I won't break. Not now, not ever.

I try to stay strong. Shit, now I am with the Demi Lovato bullshit. But it's true I really am trying. Because if I see her I don't know if I would be able to control myself, to stop me of not breaking right there.

And if you are thinking that I am acting like a fucking lady I don't give a flying fuck, it's not my problem, because it hurts like hell.

I had been drowning my sorrows in bourbon the last weeks. And when the bourbon went out I started with vodka, and then with something stronger. I don't remember. But the thing is that I haven't been sober in days, hell, maybe weeks.

Not a single minute without alcohol, and it works. I am a vampire, but I could swear that I had suffer from black outs during the last days.

I think the last time I saw her she was with Stefan holding hands like the normal couple they pretend to be in the boarding house all sentimental with each other, talking about they fucking lives and problems.

I just left.

I was silent and fast. No one noticed me. Except from Stefan who was aware of our little and annoying deal.

I wonder if she is happier than in the summer when we were looking for Stefan. I secretly hope that she is not, but I know that it would not be true if believe it, and hope can be a bitch. I wonder I she miss me. I wonder if she would care enough about me to stop me from driving a stake through my heart.

Because after all always is going to be Stefan.

I also wonder if she only felt lust towards me. I guess I will never know.

A question, which has been bothering me the last hours, comes rushing to my head.

Is it so difficult to someone to love me?

The answer to that is a big fucking yes. No one has ever loved me and no one ever will. The closest thing to being loved by someone died when I was 8. And I don't remember how it felt.

I have never felt as alone as I feel now, not even when I was looking for Katherine.

Because the night Elena died also died Ric, my only friend-drinking buddy and I lost everything.

I lost my house; I can't go there if the lovebirds are snuggling in my fucking armchair.

I lost the only fucking friend I have had in over a century.

I lost the only person who used to see the good in me.

And I lost myself, just as I said before.

Just as I lost everything, I lost the will to be alive. But I can't kill myself. Not until I see her a last time. I need to caress her cheek one more time and see her perfect face so I can leave this world with her body pictured in my head.

I need to touch her and know she is going to be okay and happy.

And because I'm a masochist, I will go to the boarding house, wait for Stefan to leave her alone a few minutes, and say goodbye.

Forever.

I'D LOVE SOME REVIEWS :D

If you like it and review i promise i will update tomorrow :D and if you know spanish you can check out my other FF "La oscuridad que hay en mi"

Thnx you SO MUCH FOR READING :D xx