I said there were particulars which did not please me. I have told you that her confidence won me the first night I saw her; but I found that she exercised with respect to herself, her mother, family history, everything in fact connected with her life, plans, and people, an ever wakeful reserve. I could say that I was unreasonable in my desire to know more about her. Perhaps I was wrong; I dare say I ought to have respected the solemn injunction laid upon my father by the stately lady in black velvet. But curiosity is a restless and unscrupulous passion, and no one girl can endure, with patience, that hers should be baffled by another. What harm could it do anyone to tell me what I so ardently desired to know? Had she no amount of trust in my good sense or honor? Why would she not believe me when I assured her, so solemnly, that I would not divulge one syllable of what she told me and would take her secrets to the grave?

There existed a coldness it seemed to me, beyond her years, in her smiling melancholy persistent refusal to afford me the least ray of light. I cannot say we quarreled upon this point, for she would not quarrel upon any. It was, of course, very unfair of me to press her, very ill-bred, but I really could not help it; and I might just as well have let it alone. What she did tell me amounted, in my unconscionable estimation—to nothing.

It was all summed up in four very vague disclosures:

First—Her name was Carmella.

Second—Her family was very ancient and noble.

Third—Her home lay in the direction of the west.

Fourth-Hundreds of years ago her family had been devastated by something she would not name.

She would not tell me the name of her family, their armorial bearings, not the name of their estate nor even that of the country they called home. You are not to suppose that I worried her incessantly on these subjects. I watched for an opportunity, and rather insinuated than urged my inquiries.

Once or twice, indeed, I did attack her more directly. But no matter what my tactics, utter failure was invariably the result. Reproaches and caresses were all lost upon her. But I must add this, that her evasion was conducted with so pretty a melancholy deprecation, with so many, and even passionate declarations of her liking for me, and trust in my honor, and with so many promises that I should at last know all, that I could not find it in my heart long to be offended with her.

She used to place her pretty arms about my neck, draw me to her, and laying her cheek to mine, murmur with her lips near my ear, "Dearest, your little heart is wounded; think me not cruel because I obey the irresistible law of my strength and weakness; if your dear heart is wounded my wild heart bleeds with yours. In the rapture of my enormous humiliation I live in your warm life, and you shall die—die, sweetly die—into mine. I cannot help it; as I draw near to you, you, in your turn, will draw near to others, and learn the rapture of that cruelty, which yet is love. So for now, seek to know no more of me and mine, but trust me with all your loving spirit."

And when she had spoken such a rhapsody, she would press me more closely in her trembling embrace, and her lips in soft kisses gently glow upon my cheek. I was so moved by her impassioned pleas and warm clinging touch that I would refrain from further questions.

Her agitations and her language were sometimes unintelligible to me. At times her mind would drift and she would mumble in such a fashion that I could not follow a single word. Her German and French were of the highest quality but she would drift into a language that I could not follow. It was musical in tone but since I could not comprehend what she was saying I would wait for these odd moments of hers to pass.

From these foolish embraces, which were growing to be a more frequent occurrence, I must allow, I used to wish to extricate myself; but my energies seemed to fail me. Her murmured words sounded like a lullaby in my ear, and soothed my resistance into a trance, from which I only seemed to recover myself when she withdrew her arms.

The following Sunday dawned bright and clear which was a delight after days of dreary rain which had kept us confined indoors. Carmilla did not enjoy reading or any of the other skills well bred women are taught. She cared nothing for painting, needlework, or the playing of the pianoforte. Madame had prompted me to continue with my musical practice as I had been avoiding it for days. When I suggested Carmilla accompany me by singing she became quite displeased.

She frowned and said, "You would be so unkind as to drag me to church on this fine day to listen to a dusty old man rattle his teeth around parables he doesn't understand then force me to screech while you bang about on the keys? You are my dearest friend but I do not fare well in the mornings as you well know yet you insisted on beating down my door."

She glared at me and hissed, "Such a racket! It was very rude of you and most unwelcome."

I held my composure in the face of her anger and said levelly, "Yet you did not answer. I had thought you would enjoy seeing our little chapel, it boasts some of the most beautiful stained glass which is best viewed in the morning light. In my excitement to show you the chapel I did not consider your constitution and need for sleep. I am sorry I have injured our friendship."

I was hurt by her behavior and felt it was unwarranted. Perhaps I had been overeager to show her the chapel but I felt her verbal assault far exceeded what she viewed as my boorish act of simply knocking on her door. Giving me a sly look she laughed at my discomfort.

"You have done nothing of the sort but I am not inclined to see the chapel now that luncheon has passed and I am quite sure the sun will no longer show it in all its glory. As for the singing you are much better off that I refrained from accompanying you for I have a frightful voice when it is raised too high. I did it for your own good as I would not injure your delicate ears."

Her words soothed my heart but I still felt injured by her actions. Moving away from her I took a seat and poked through my music sheets. Thinking to learn more about her I inquired as to the womanly skills she had acquired which all ladies of circumstance are expected to obtain prior to marriage. The running of a proper house requires more than just planning a menu and yet her face became rigid upon hearing my question. Her lips compressed in a flat line and I knew once again that I had in all innocence angered her.

Clenching her fists she spoke biting off her words. "There is no need for me to learn any of those time wasting activities if they do not give me pleasure nor promote my desires. That's what servants are for! They should be trained to perform their duties without my prodding and oversight. If they should prove derelict in their duties then they should suffer for it. The only time they should even attract my notice is if they displease me and they will not enjoy my attention if they draw it. I have far better things to do that play the role of overseer and you would do well to learn this within your own household for you are far too lax. You even allow two of them sit at the family table during meals!"

Shocked as I was by her statement I was also angered by it. However in an effort to maintain a cordial relationship with her I tempered my response. After all I was well aware she would be in residence for many months yet and wished to live in harmony.

In defense of myself and my father I stood and said, "Dearest Carmilla you are obviously unfamiliar with the function of a governess. It has long been the practice in houses of refinement that certain positions are considered to be other than staff and as such they are welcome at the family table. Many royal households do the same and I see no reason to discontinue the practice."

Even my own ears recognized the huffy and defensive tone in which I spoke but I would not allow anyone to mock my father or the manner in which he chose to run his affairs.

She shrugged her shoulders and said in a dismissive tone, "Let us not quarrel over such small things. Each household is different and I fear that the strict table set by my mother in accordance with family tradition has cast me in an unfavorable light. Our family has long been in this part of the world but my mothers' ancestors were aligned through blood to the Spanish royal court. The customs of a royal household are far different from those of minor nobility and landed gentry. I should not have expected you to know that."

I was fairly incensed as she had made that cutting comment while looking down her nose at me. How could she be so inconsiderate of our friendship when we had opened our home and hearts to her? I decided to quit her company and wishing her a good day made for the door. She must have sensed she had gone too far for I felt her rush up behind me and whisk her arms around my chest.

"Darling friend, I am sorry. I had not meant to wound you so. It is a lovely day let us not ruin it with acrimony between us. Shall we take one of the books you are so fond of and a small picnic to the river? You shall read to me and perhaps I will grow more enamored of books."

Hot kisses pressed against my neck, "Although I cannot imagine loving any book as much as I love you."

I wished I could say that her insults had dampened my enthusiasm completely however that would be a falsehood. I allowed myself a wan smile and agreed to her proposal. She offered to ring the bell and order some small foodstuffs while I chose a book that I found agreeable.

We walked in silent companionship through the wooded path until we came upon a sunlit glade near the river bank. We were speaking of the book I had chosen when I heard footsteps and the creaking of wooden wheels from behind us. She laughed with delight upon seeing my surprise.

"Did you think I would allow our dresses to become damaged by sitting on the grass? I appreciate fine fabric and the blue damask you are wearing would be ruined without protection."

Two footmen entered the clearing pulling a small handcart. They greeted me most kindly but I noticed they avoided looking at Carmilla. I wondered if one of the maids had been passing through the hall and overheard her comments earlier. Given how loudly she spoke it would not be surprising if the entire castle now knew how she felt about the place of servants. To lessen the tension I thanked them most profusely for their kindness yet the smiles slipped off their faces as I felt Carmilla approach. Oddly she seemed delighted by the fact that they involuntarily stepped back away from me as she walked forward and approached the cart.

"See Laura, here we have ample blankets to protect our dresses and should the shade grow too chilly they will keep us warm. Pillows and bolsters to lean on while you read aloud. It will be a wonderful way to pass the afternoon."

Not bothering to thank the footmen she dismissed them with a wave of her hand as she turned away. "Return for the cart after we have sat for dinner. I do not wish to be disturbed by an early arrival."

They scowled at her finely clothed backside and looked upset at leaving me with only her for company but retreated without comment. I was about to make a suggestion regarding her need to be more civil to the servants when I realized that earlier she had let slip information about her family. She was so demanding of her privacy that it was a most difficult task discerning anything about her past.

It was not much but I ruminated on the fact that her mothers' family came from Spain. If they were connected by blood to the Spanish royal family her ancestral ties may be in Barcelona or mayhap Castile. I wondered if there was a way to discover who they were and where her maternal line had gone from Spain. I recalled she had said her family was from the west and I would endeavor to extract more information from her. She giggled and seemed herself again as she tossed pillows into the air.

"Come and we shall make ourselves comfortable. Tell me what piece of literary illumination you have chosen for my delicate temperament. I shall make a most ardent listener."

I held up the book I carried and smiled hopefully at her; "Utopia by Sir Thomas Moore, its' a wonderful story and I never tire of reading it. I do hope you will enjoy it."

We made ourselves comfortable and I began to read aloud. Carmilla seemed content to poke into the basket and nibble as I read. After a time I noticed she had gone still and seemed lost in thought. Looking at her I wondered if she was in fact enjoying the story or had grown bored but did not want to cause further offense. I continued on and after a time I found myself feeling her eyes upon me. Turning I asked if she was well or if she would prefer we return to the castle.

She smiled sleepily at me and said, "I enjoy watching your earnest enjoyment but even more the way your mouth moves as you form the words. Ah and now you blush which is also lovely."

She moved closer to me and laid her head on my shoulder so that I was forced to lower the book.

"Carmilla I shall not be able to continue my reading for you distract me."

"Perhaps we can lie here and look at the clouds. Tell me what you see when you look at them; do you imagine animals or galleons tossed upon the sea?"

I gazed upwards and laughed, "Sheep, fat woolly sheep romping across the sky. Now it's your turn what do you see?"

Her voice had grown husky and she said, "Swirling skirts of a ball gown spinning fast during a dance. Mayhap that is how you will appear in your winter gown at the Yuletide ball." She reached over and pulled the book from my hand laying it aside.

"I have had enough of Thomas Moore for today."

I felt her stroking my hand and she said "I feel so tired. The sun has sapped my strength and left me weak with fatigue. Would you mind if I rested for now?"

I smiled over at her beautiful face so close to mine and said, "No, dearest friend that sounds quite suitable for I am very comfortable here and we have the remainder of the day for Sir Thomas."

My eyes grew heavy with the heat on my face and I knew I should not lie about in the sun for it could cause my skin to darken which is not considered attractive for a lady of refinement.

I thought about reaching for my parasol to shield my skin but it felt so wonderful that I decided just this once to revel in the sunshine. At first I assumed the sensations were part of the dream I was having but I parted my eyes and found her stroking my face and neck. I heard her whispering and murmuring to herself but at first I was so drowsy I could not make out the words.

I felt myself drifting back into innocent slumber as she said, "so very white I can see the blood rushing through your veins and I am hypnotized by it."

I felt myself smile. Then something brushed across my lips, fluttering open my eyes I laughed for she was dragging a small flower over my mouth and chin.

"I wish it was a white rose but that would still pale in comparison to your delicate beauty so I had to make do with this pretty weed."

I felt my heart race as she leaned over me and blocked out the light. Her eyes radiated with an intensity which made me uncomfortable. "Carmilla are you well? You look flushed."

Her lips curved up and she said, "Do you ever dream of being intimate with another?"

I gasped in shock for I had never spoken of what happened in my dreams when the dark visitor came. Then it crossed my mind that perhaps she spoke of the few times she had kissed me. I chided her and spoke with some embarrassment. "No, for a few kisses here and there do not constitute intimacy as that between a man and his wife." She narrowed her eyes and said, "And do you not think perhaps that it would be wise for you to understand something of the art that is lovemaking or would you prefer to go to your bridal bed without any idea of how to please a man?"

I listened and wondered if she was offering a better way than my current solo explorations; would it be so wrong to practice with Carmilla? She could see the thoughts racing through my mind but decided she would take the decision out of my hands. I grew dizzy as she moved in and placed her mouth against mine. I knew I should protest. I knew I should push her away but the sensations overrode my good sense. Letting all thoughts of propriety and decorum slip I could only relish in the passion that ripped through my soul. Her mouth ravished mine with a hunger that I returned without prompting. I was pressed down amidst the pillows and her weight was atop me as she punished me with her lips.

Over heated from this strange excitement I dropped my arms away from our embrace and let them rest above my head.

She withdrew slightly and said under her breathe, "are you what I have longed for all these years?"

I was confused by this question and failed to respond for truly what could I have said? Her gaze tracked along my face as if seeking something only she could see. Unsure if she found what she was looking for I was neither soothed nor enlightened by her expression. Ribbons of anxiety seemed to twist through her eyes as she cocked her head and stared at me.

In a voice laden with threatening undertones she said, "I could not, nay I will not suffer any more betrayal; would you be the one to betray me?"

My brows drew together as I pondered her disturbing question. How could I betray her? I knew nearly nothing about her; not even her surname. What did she fear and who had caused her such grief in the past that she would develop this protective shell around her own history? I queried her back, "What have I ever done except be your friend?"

Flapping my hands in frustration I bit off my words, "If you feel that I should be your undoing then perhaps you should quit my company and save yourself from the damnable future you must have portended. I'll not be called a Judas when I've done nothing wrong."

I heard the whining tone in my voice but truly this afternoon had quickly turned from an enjoyable one to a complete bother. I had had enough of this nonsense; her strange melancholy, sharp temper and paranoid actions. Carmilla was becoming not only a bore but a most insufferable companion. She who cloaked herself in mystery and shadow expected far too much from my simple nature.

Sharp tears pricked my eyes as I pushed my hands against her shoulders. "Let me up," I demanded, "for I no longer desire to continue neither this picnic nor this conversation." She remained still and unyielding. It was like pushing against a wall for I could not enjoin her to move. I grew so incensed that I barked at her, "Enough of your games Carmilla! Leave off."

She sighed and rolled away. Keeping her back to me she huddled into herself and said, "You cannot understand what it is like for me. Always alone, never sure where I belong; beholden to no one and loved by none."

The anguish in her voice was heartbreaking. Shame swept through me for I had not meant to wound her so deeply. I reached out with a tentative hand and plagued by indecision delayed for a moment then placed my fingers on her shoulder. Giving her a gentle squeeze I apologized for raising my voice in anger. I felt her shudder slightly at my touch and a fresh wave of guilt surged through me for hurting her even though I was unaware of how I had done so. She picked at me and demanded much but if I responded in kind she fell apart as if she was made of fragile crystal.

In a voice dripping with hope and sorrow she said, "Please, please do not abandon me. I have been alone for so many years even God does not see me. I live my life knowing that never shall I attain more than fleeting moments of happiness. I live yet I am destroyed but what I can never have."

Her head hung in such abject misery my shame was cutting and deep. I snuggled up to her and placed my head against her back hoping to salve her hurt. Wrapping my arms around her I whispered, "Whatever secrets you have are yours to keep but understand that my curiosity is only that-nothing more. I do not seek answers in order to bring you harm or dishonor."

I kissed her wet cheek and held her close. "Let us not fight but try instead to make the most of this beautiful day in the sweet harmony of friendship."

I felt one of her hands clutch mine and she moaned as if it the merest touch of my skin would be her salvation. Softly she whispered, "I would like to bathe away my tears. It has grown excessively warm and I believe the water would prove soothing."

I had thought she meant for us to abandon our sunlit glade for the ease of the castle but her actions proved me wrong. Pulling away from me she stood up and faced the sparkling blue water nearby. Her back remained to me and I could not see what her she was doing but her arms were bent at the elbows as if she was hugging herself. Unsure of what action I should take I sat still and waited for her to provide some clue as to how I should respond. I cannot say even today that what she did was expected but even now these many years later I can remember the rush of conflicting ideas that bombarded my mind. With a shrug of her shoulders the simple dress dropped to the ground pooling at her feet, leaving her in a plain linen shift. The suns' rays outlined her form in all its' perfection leaving nothing to the imagination. She spun back towards me and with a laugh said, "Shall we indulge ourselves in a swim?"

I gaped at her and couldn't stop myself from glancing around the woods to see if anyone else was nearby. Her bold stance suggested that she cared not if other eyes feasted on her while I dithered unable to form a response. I cast my eyes downward for it felt wrong albeit tempting to stare at her figure. I felt the cooling sensation of her shadow as she loomed over me. The amusement in her voice was evident as she burbled at me, "Did you not call me your wood nymph? Am I not spritely in appearance? Would you deny me this luxurious day filled with possibilities of myth becoming reality?"

I cast my eyes upward but her face was in shadow and I felt myself relax with the silliness of the situation. After all, Papa had gone away on estate business and it had been Carmilla herself that ordered no one return for the handcart until we were within the castle. On this day we were young, free and without restraint why not take this chance to be indulgent? I was not a wicked girl but for once I wanted to be. I wanted to be free of society and all its' rules. I wanted to be a wild thing without a care or regrets.

I reached for her outstretched hand and allowed her to assist me to my feet. She urged haste and speaking with conviction she said, "Hurry and be done with that heavy garment the water beckons."

On quick little feet she danced away and ran to the water. The shout to be wary of rocks died on my lips as I watched her arch through the sunlight and splash from sight. I held my breath in panic for I had no idea if she could swim underwater but she burst through the surface and flung her sodden hair back over her head. "Laura you must hurry-it's pure magic," she shouted in triumph.

Throwing caution to the wind I quickly undid my buttons and shimmied off the heavy damask fabric. The heat of the sun rippled along my skin and the whisper of a breeze ran along my bare legs. I sat with a thud and hurriedly pulled off my shoes and stockings. The cool springy sensation of delicate grass on my bare feet was heavenly. Standing I bowed my back and threw my arms up stretching as far as I could on the tops of my toes. I felt a wildness come into me with the joy being unencumbered by convention. Laughing with abandon I skipped to the river bank and waded in splashing like a child.

I felt the fabric clinging to my thighs as I sank deeper into the cool water. Carmilla had been bobbing with her legs tucked under her so that all I could see was her wet head. She paddled nearer to the shore and stood with an ease that told me she was quite comfortable in the water and her appearance.

The fabric clung to her in such a way as to accentuate her sexuality. I could not take my eyes away from her as she stood waist deep and swaying with the slow current. The water parted around her pulling her hair as it meandered downstream. I could hardly breathe I was so stricken by her beauty. Her face was watchful but she did not speak. For all intents and purposes I was aware that she was as real as I was but vision before me seemed surreal. It was if a Greek sculptor had misplaced his finest work and it had mysteriously ended up in the stream. The fabric licked along her flanks and molded to her belly. Her breasts were pushing against the linen as her nipples strained to break free. She smiled and moved closer. The very air seemed to shift and shimmer around her as if she was a thing unto herself and nature could not move her if she denied it.

When she was only an arms' length away she sank again until she had submerged herself then oh so very slowly she began to rise with the water rushing down around her head dripping from her lashes and chin. I could feel the air rushing in and out of my chest at the sight of her wet glistening mouth smiling impishly at me.

I stood there feeling the water course around my legs and while I knew it was cold I felt a heated sinful rush of warmth race through my body as I watched her move closer. I could not help but think I should remove myself back onto the grass and out of harm's way. Yet the tiniest voice in the back of my head dared me to stand my ground and see what may come of her bold advance. I did not have long to wait for while I dithered she continued to step ever closer until she was only a hand span away. Her eyes glinted with mischief and something else I could not name while her lips curved up in a most wicked fashion. I could not turn away even if I wanted to; her eyes held me still even as my heart seemed to leap from my chest.

"Do you still think me a wood nymph?" She asked, "And if so does that not also make you a creature of the forest?"

I found I could not answer her so I remained standing there, mute as the trees which surrounded us. I could not move I could not think but it would be a lie to say that some part of me did not hunger to see what she would do next.

I had not long to wait for my dear friend, this woman of riddles and secrets pressed closer still until our wet shifts were pressed against one another. "Are you not growing cold" she asked, "For I could do much to warm you."

An animal moving through the forest snapped some twigs; the sound echoing across and breaking the spell I felt myself under. I turned back towards the river bank and determined that I would leave before I did something I might later come to regret. It is one thing to have strange fantasies in the night because one knows that they are secret and therefore have no bearing on what is true of a person's character but quite another to act upon them in the light of day. I began to splash my way back towards the safety of our picnic spot when I felt her closing in behind me. Without warning her hands were upon my shoulders stealing my forward motion. "Laura, you are the dearest companion of my heart. Why do you seek to evade me? Have I done something to cause you to turn away?"

"No, I have just grown chilled and have no wish to grow ill with a cough. I think perhaps I should prefer a blanket as the water feels too cold for a swim today."

I sensed her reach out then felt her clasp my left hand. "Perhaps you are right let us try this, another day" she said in a gentle voice that could not hide the swirling undercurrents of resentment that dripped with each word.

In silence we walked hand-in-hand back to the sunny patch of grass where only moments before I had so boldly shed my dress. A swirl of confusion fogged my mind yet I was relieved to have returned to a sense of normalcy. Carmilla snuggled closer as we strolled and gave off a sigh as if she had grown weary of my company. That tore through me and I suffered the smallest sense of loss which made me question what it was that I was so fearful of.

I had began to dry my feet while avoiding Carmilla's gaze when I heard her laughter ripple across the water. "You do realize that it's quite impossible for you to dry off if you continue to sit in that sodden garment."

Brushing off her comment I insisted that with the sun on my back I should soon be quite dry and able to complete my dressing. Unsure of how I felt or what I was meant to feel I continued to stare at the grass around my feet as I blotted the moisture from my arms. "Here, mulled wine. I thought perhaps you might take a chill so I ordered this packed just in case."

Raising my eyes I smiled my thanks and wrapped both hands around the warm goblet. Realizing that I must seem an ungrateful fool to her I gave a demented grin and said, "A toast, to my dear friend Carmilla who is ever prepared for any contingency.

Closing my eyes I raised the glass and took a deep sip. Sighing with pleasure as I swallowed I noted there is nothing more wonderful than warm spiced wine to chase away the chill of the bones. Carmilla began to chat about all the places in the world that she wished she could explore and how her life would've been so very different if only she'd been born a boy so that she might even have grown up to be a fearsome pirate. I cocked open one eye and gave her my best pirate impression at which she laughed with a merry tinkle.

"Laura, I'm afraid you'd have to do much better than that if you wish to be the scourge of the seven seas." Laughing and giggling at how silly we were; two well bred young women pretending to be pirates I rolled onto my back to catch my breath. The sun beat down taking the chill from my skin while an inner glow moved out from my stomach and drifted through my limbs. I stretched out my limbs reveling in the ease that youth enjoys. It was a most languid sensation of languid repose.

I felt a warm towel being rubbed along my arm but I did not open my eyes for I no longer had the energy to tell her to cease her actions. I heard her say, "Allow me to pretend that I am the ladies maid in waiting to a great queen. I shall dry you off, wrap you in a warm blanket and stand watch over you during your afternoon sleep."

Going along with the game I raised my right hand and twirled it about, "Well then Lady of the Privy Chamber you had best tend to your duties for I am sure the King would be most displeased if I were to catch a chill." I relaxed back and decided to give myself over to her soothing touch. The nubby cloth moved in warm soft circles along the inside of my calves and blotted behind my knees catching the river water that trickled off my legs. It did not feel erotic but rather like the gentle touch of a mother which tells the child she is safe and loved. I felt myself growing drowsy as if I would slip away into the most pleasant of dreams. Even as the towel crept up along the inside of my thigh I did not become alarmed. I must have fallen asleep for I was awakened by a breeze that scraped across my naked skin. Fluttering my eyelids open I glanced down and realized I no longer wore my wet and clinging shift. Lolling my head to the right I saw Camilla's face inches from mine.

"Are you enjoying this, my lady?"

I must've murmured something which she found agreeable as just before my eyelids closed I saw her lips quicken in a smile. I drifted away on the warm summer breeze carried by the sun without and the mulled wine within. I realize now with all those years that have faded into the past what I was consenting to and perhaps if I was truly honest with myself I would admit that I was using the excuse of the heavy wine to give consent on that very day. I felt lips press against mine and even though part of me knew it was Camilla's mouth that tasted me I smiled into her kiss and dreamt of Thomas. In my mind's eye it was his warm face pressing against me, his hand that cupped my naked breast.

Dear God, I prayed please don't let me die a virgin for what I would not give to have a moment like this was Thomas.

I felt my nipple jerk erect when a hot and insistent mouth closed over it. Drawing back slightly I could feel her teeth graze over the edge of the sensitive bud and my shoulders twitched in response. The cool breeze played across my chest as I felt her mouth drop back down to her throbbing target. Without thought I found myself wrapping one arm around her shoulders as if to keep her anchored to me. I heard her sigh with deep satisfaction at my touch. Rolling my head to face the sun's rays I gave myself over to whatever pleasures the afternoon should reveal.

A small warm hand lingered on the inside of my thigh then danced across to the other as if inviting me to part my legs just little more. Sighing with pleasure I shifted my bottom to provide greater access. Tender touches flicked across my downy hairline causing a wave of heat to flare out from my womb. The briefest of caresses and then soft, warm puffs of air grazed across my most private parts. I became utterly shameless, raising my hips up to meet her mouth. The feeling was overwhelming, her tongue was magic. I could hear myself whimpering and panting with pleasure as I rocked myself in time to some primal rhythm. The heat grew until I could not think just feel, it was the sweetest of agonies.

My release came leaving me gasping and shuddering until I was spent with no more strength left. Stunned and completely unashamed I reveled in my wanton nakedness. I knew I would later feel a wave of guilt and the spikes of darkest shame which would pierce my heart but for now I wanted nothing more than to push that aside and bask in the rippling heat that tingled all through me.

Slowly I became aware that I was growing chilled and I turned my head towards the river bank and felt the warm breath that floated against my shoulder. I smiled into her eyes and told Carmilla that I had known it was wrong for truly we had committed a sin in the eyes of the church but God help me it felt so good. Her reply was slow in coming and at first I thought perhaps I had angered her but she was not looking at me; her interest was on something beyond me. I began to turn my head to see what had caught her attention when she grasped my chin with her left hand hindering my motion. Her dark green eyes flicked back to mine, "No dearest Laura for you must believe me. What we have done this day is far from sinful but rather an expression of joy and love. In fact for thousands of years young ladies of the highest breeding have engaged in the Sapphic arts in order to learn pleasure without the burden of an illegitimate child that could spoil an alliance through marriage."

I pondered that statement for only a moment and then decided it was a most logical conclusion. She draped a warm quilted blanket across my body covering me up the neck and said "I must be off to make use of the woods. Rest here and sleep easy knowing that I shall watch over you. No harm will come to you while I live."

I had assumed she needed the time to attend to private matters of hygiene so I said no more and curling onto my side I watched her walk naked through the ferns into shadow.

Sometime after I know not how long I felt myself come aware yet could not be sure I was not still dreaming. The vision that appeared before my eyes could only have been a remnant of the wine for I knew we were alone in this idyllic spot. Yet there was Carmilla not 20 feet away on her knees before a man who was holding his homespun shirt up; tucked tight against his chest so he could look down and see his cock thrusting into her mouth. His enthusiastic grunts of pleasure were thick and course, grating upon my sensibilities. I watched her hands run down his backside and across his thighs as if to encourage him to maintain an even rhythm. Her lips were glistening with saliva which dripped down her chin and made his cock shine in the dappled light. I continued to watch as she placed her hands against his hips and pushed him back slightly so that he was locked in place by her mouth. The protruding tip of his cock was a deep red, engorged and bulbous. When she flicked her tongue across the front of the knob his whole body jerked in response. I found myself blinking in surprise for how could this be? Was I having some type of waking dream? Had I become so altered by our encounter I know visualized sexual acts everywhere I looked?

Her murmuring something to him only added to my bewilderment. I shook my head to clear my senses but the image before my eyes remained unaltered. Believing I might be suffering some level of disorder brought about by the wine I tucked my head onto my crocked arm and continued to watch the drama unfold.

One of her hands slowly reached out and cupped the heavy sack while the other traced sharp nails across his belly. He gave her a wink and a salacious grin as she leaned back on her heels. I saw her slowly rise to stand before him while he shuddered with need. Releasing his manhood abruptly her fingers slipped up his chest and grasped his shoulders, slowly pushing him down and placing his face against her navel. I had thought he would give her the kisses that she had bestowed on me but instead she sank down onto him; lowering herself against him.

Her breasts dragged across his face and chest until he wrapped his arms around her grabbing her buttocks. She was astride him rocking back and forth shuddering as she took her pleasure. I looked on as she continued to pant; her thighs and bottom flexing each time she rose up as her hands clutched at the back of his head. Softly I heard her voice urging him to meet her stroke for stroke driving him on then in a harsh biting tone warning him not to spend himself before she achieved her satisfaction. After some moments of this frantic rutting she slowed her pace and grew still perched above his twitching member keeping only the head of his massive cock resting within her. I held my breath for fear she might notice my gaze upon this private encounter but she only flicked her eyes towards the leaves that rustled above her gleaming head. The woodsman sensed her distraction and mumbled something I could not hear but it must not have been anything of note as Carmilla did not even cast her gaze back to him. I watched him stare up into her face as if to seek some type of assurance that all was well but receiving no message of encouragement from her it appeared to me that he was going to use other means to gain her attention.

He nuzzled her breasts and grabbed her hips attempting to lower her further onto his member in an effort to encourage her to resume her heated movements. Without warning she froze and gave him a gimlet eyed stare. Then she moved swiftly, lowering her head and grabbed his lower lip between her teeth causing him to yelp. "Dare you not, if you cheat me from what is mine you will come to regret your selfish actions" she hissed at him. He jerked his head back and gave her a fierce look with his lips moving in a broken line uttering something that did not appear to be comforting to the girl in his embrace. Carmilla cocked her head to one side narrowing her eyes as if she was some confronted by something she did not understand. He leaned in and gripped one nipple with his teeth pulling back, tugging and stretching her skin almost to the point of pain. I was wincing at this act but oddly felt my own heat begin to throb between my legs in excitement. Strangely she arched her back thrusting her breasts closer to this wild man while gripping his shoulders as if to dig her fingers through to the strong muscle underneath them. She slowly inch by inch lowered her hips until his massive length was sheathed inside her then patted him on the chest. Laughing girlishly she said, "Now impress me and never forget my warning; ladies first or learn what happens to selfish men."

He grabbed her about the waist slamming her up and down against him as if she weighed nothing. His mouth worked but I could not hear what he said in reply to her threatening words as he was again grunting and gasping for air. Then without warning he pulled her closer as his entire body began to slam into her with such violence I feared for her safety. In just moments his body went still and yet he clung onto her like some type of hairy limpet. I wondered if she would come back to me or stay with her new prince of the woods. I saw her arch her back away from him turning her head my way so I closed my eyes and waited for a few breaths. I counted slowly to ten in my head while my heart began to bang against my chest as if in fear from her and how she might react if she realized I had been spying on her. With aching slowness I peeked through my lashes and realized that she had turned back to her burly companion. She wound her fingers through his hair tugging this way and that which caused his head to roll gently about on his shoulders. Giving him a wicked smile she questioned him for his failure. "Did you not take heed of my words? Do you not think it a man's duty to satisfy his mate? Are all men so self indulgent and willing to fulfill their needs above all else?" His eyes remained closed as if to shut out her words and he made no reply.

Cocking her head sideways like an inquisitive bird she continued, "Are all women to be nothing more than a vessel for someone else's needs?"

He gave off a bored chuckle and grinned at her, "Eh love, what's this now? Having a bit of buyer's remorse are you? Girls are all alike no matter how much coin they've got in pocket. Rich or poor you all whine after the deed is done."

I heard the sharp slap he gave to her naked bottom and winced in tension as she remained frozen in place. His voice carried with it a note of exasperation as he said "I've naught to complain about and you got a good ride so off you go and if you're good I might be inclined to give you another toss tomorrow."

Carmilla's face turned thunderous and her mouth drew down into a hard line. Seeing her expression I thought to myself that she no longer looked the young and beautiful aristocrat but rather a dark stone angel or a furious warrior queen. The very visage of the winged death that strikes those which fail to appreciate the power of her anger radiated from the stark planes of her face.

In a flash it was gone and she was once again the delicate maiden with the Virgin's serene expression. I wondered if her woodsman had seen the visceral hate flash across her countenance but it appeared he took no notice of her now that he concluded his exertion.

My stomach twisted and I could smell the foul animal fear leaking from my skin. Something was very wrong but I cannot explain even now all these years later why I was suddenly terrified beyond all sense and reason. The woodsman failed to notice any difference but the very air around him hummed with a dark malevolent purpose. Although if he only had been granted the sense God gave to the lowest of his creatures he would have been shaken to his very soul instead he added insult to injury further compounding his error to the brooding angry creature still astride him. Pushing at her lightly he said, "Right then, off you get. I've work to do and I'm done with you."

Carmilla laughed long and loud then leaned in, "No my fine steed for I'm not done with you, not at all."

Leaning into him with all her weight she growled, "I shall have my satisfaction this day!"

In a blur her hands locked onto his head and hair whipped round her face shielding her from my view. A terrified shout ripped through the air but was as swiftly cut off. I did not dare to raise my head but strained my eyes in an attempt to discern what was happening. I had not long to wait for events to unfold. Carmilla lifted her head and I could see blood running freely from her mouth, down her neck onto her breasts. She looked vital and energized her normal languid composure a thing of the past. Tossing her hair back she beamed her happiness to the sky with a smile the likes of which I had never seen on her face.

Some moments later she seemed to return to her senses and lowered her head to stare at the woodsman who now wore a dullard's expression. Leaning in she kissed him on the forehead leaving a bloody smear. "Now you know the truth of it for if you fail to satisfy me one way I shall find another for you even if you find the cost rather dear."

She continued to stare at him like a child that finds a pretty toy but has grown bored with it and no longer wants to play. With a frown creasing her angelic face, she placed one of her hands on his head giving it a violent shove backwards. The woodsman fell back into the grass and I could no longer see much beyond his bloodied chest amongst the verdant green. Carmilla slowly stood and pivoting on one foot she turned towards where I was feigning sleep with my eyes tightly shut. As she paced towards me I strove with the utmost effort to keep my breathing even so as not to alert her that I had witnessed her violent attack. I thought I would go mad when I felt her stop and stand over me as if determining the truth of whether or not I was truly slumbering. After what seemed an interminable time she moved on and I heard her stalk off towards the water. Splashing and humming reached my ears and still I hid my awareness of her presence. My mind and emotions were stretched beyond my capabilities and I must have swooned into unconsciousness for when I woke the sun had shifted in the sky. Yawning and stretching I found Carmilla sitting fully dressed under a tree reading the book she had so casually discarded earlier.

"Ah sleeping beauty awakes. Had you continued on in dreamland I should have been forced to wake you before the castle sent out a search party to find us."

Lowering her eyes like a naughty child she said, "My darling Laura I have a confession to make to you." I opened my mouth to deny her words for I did not want to be a party to what she had done. "Nay" raising her hand for me to wait she said with a guilty voice, "I must tell you that I added a pinch of opium to the wine to enhance its effect and I fear it may have caused you some unpleasant dreams for you did thrash and cry out in your sleep. I would not ever want to cause you harm and I pray you suffered no ill effects. Can you forgive me for my rash actions?"

My conscience was instantly relieved for what I had believed to be true was nothing more than a drug induced sleep! Being in want of a true friend I forgave her instantly for her foolish actions and begged her to always consider me her most trusted companion. Quickly addressing my lack of clothing I swiftly dressed for now I was hungry and wanted nothing more than to be within the estate walls. The sun would be setting soon and I feared being unarmed in the woods after dusk. After all who knew what creatures roamed the woods in search of prey once the sun had faded into memory.

Walking back to the castle I noted the sullen pace she set and attempted to cheer her; for did we not just have a most enjoyable interlude? I bit my lip wondering if perhaps I had offended her in some fashion. I drew closer to her side as we strolled in silence but she did not acknowledge my presence. Casting my eyes her way it would have apparent to even the sightless that something was vexing her. Her gaze was locked ahead and took no note of the beauty in which we walked nor the anxious tension that surely must have radiated from my body. In the most gentle of approaches I touched the hand dangling nearest mine and felt my fingertips graze hers. Feeling the shudder my touched induced I recoiled in unhappiness.

In these mysterious moods I did not like her. I experienced a strange tumultuous excitement that was pleasurable, ever and anon, mingled with a vague sense of fear and disgust. I had no distinct thoughts about her while such scenes lasted, but I was conscious of a love growing into adoration, and also of abhorrence. This I know is paradox, but I can make no other attempt to explain the feeling.