A/N (SEMI-IMPORTANT): I apologize for not updating in a few months or so but I've had a very good excuse. Drum roll please-I was moving to Japan. ^^ Yep, so I'm currently residing in Okinawa, Japan which has been my dream since I was about five, no lie. I move in my house soon (in a hotel now) but I have about enough time now to start writing and updating semi-regularly again.
I do not own Naruto or any companies or trademarks mentioned however this plot is mine. Special thanks to all the SasuSaku authors out there as they have kept me sane with their wonderful fics over the last few weeks. I'd also like to add I have just realized that this month is, I guess, "SasuSaku month"? I'm not too sure on this but it's been mentioned in many fanfictions and I'd really like some clarity on that. Without further ado, I present "Oh the Joys of Dentistry!"
Oh the Joys of Dentistry!
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"And I win yet again, dobe." Sasuke announced monotonously as he twirled his kunai around his index finger casually.
Said dobe—also known as Naruto in the original series—scowled and picked a few of the many broken leaves, twigs, and grass off his trademark orange jacket and matching pants.
"Impossible, I demand a rematch!" Naruto cried, already assuming a fighting stance. Sasuke ignored this and leaned against a random oak tree, examining the minor scratch on his hand that hadn't even broke skin, his only injury from the spar.
"This is our fifth match today, haven't you lost enough?"
"You cocky bastard! You think you can win at anything, don't you?"
Sasuke just shrugged at this.
"Then let's make a bet," Naruto declared, stepping directly in front of the last Uchiha survivor.
"How much are you willing to lose?"
Naruto ignored this and continued speaking.
"If I find one person who can beat you at anything you lose and have to do one favor for me."
"And what are you going to give me when you lose?"
Naruto bit back a retort and reached into his back pocket to fish out a green froggy wallet he'd had since he was ten. He unclasped the small silver balls and reached in to draw out a fist full of Ryo.
"Five ryo!" Naruto declared proudly with a trademark grin.
Sasuke gave a blank look.
"That's all?"
"Damn you, Uchiha!"
...
Alright," Naruto started grinning impishly at the stoic raven-haired teen. The two were currently hiding (Naruto was hiding Sasuke was just standing there casually) behind a bush in the training grounds. A few yards away from the duo was a boy in a green spandex jumpsuit with orange legwarmers and a shiny bowl cut. The once-white bandages around his arms were now bloodied and badly scraped up from relentlessly striking a wooden post with a red target printed on it.
"First person on the list is Lee. Ask him for a challenge and if he wins you lose, if you win I lose." Naruto explained with confidence.
Sasuke shrugged and walked towards the training boy.
"Easy enough."
"One hundred and six, one hu-" Lee counted breathlessly until he saw his one and only rival approaching.
"Uchiha…" Lee greeted not-so politely. Sasuke grunted in response.
"What brings you here?" Lee asked, stretching his sore muscles.
"I would like to challenge you. Anything you'd like, just pick something." Sasuke announced. Lee perked up at this and gave his full attention to the Uchiha. He was always willing to take any challenges offered, especially one from his rival.
"In that case, I choose a regular foot-race. I've seemed to have worked my arms well enough for today."
Sasuke nodded silently.
Lee walked over to a balding spot in the perfectly cut grass and made a small indent with his sandals that extended into a straight line in the dirt.
"This is our starting point. First to complete five-hundred laps around the world wins!"
Naruto snickered from behind the bushes.
Sasuke rolled his eyes and shifted his weight to his other leg in impatience.
"How about two laps around Konoha?" He reasoned, annoyance etched into his voice. Konoha was already a fairly large village, the average person would barely be able to complete an eight.
"Deal!" Lee immediately agreed, already jumping into a starting block position at the line, literally bouncing in excitement. Sasuke calmly walked over to the line, looking as unprepared but cool nonetheless as ninjaly possible.
"READYSETGO!" Lee cried in one breath, immediately bolting. Sasuke side-stepped the clouds of dust and dirt from the taijustsu master's departure and walked at a normal pace in the same direction.
"Are you trying to lose, teme!" Naruto cried from his awesome hiding spot in the bushes, 'cause neon orange is really hard to spot amongst dark green.
Sasuke ignored the blonde and continued at a steadily slow pace.
After about thirty minutes Lee zoomed by, followed by Sasuke another twenty—still walking like Lady Chiyo.
In another ten Lee came by again, sweating and panting like a pig but still with a huge grin on his naturally boyish face. After reaching the line and skidding to a stop he looked around, not spotting a single fragment of black in sight.
A moment of hesitation…
"YES! MY PURE YOUTH HAS PREVAILED, I'VE BEATEN THE UCHIHA!" He shouted, doing a victory dance.
"Sasuke lost, Sasuke lost, I WIN!" Naruto shouted soon after, Lee to happy to remember Naruto wasn't there to begin with (or so he thought).
"Will you two stop being so loud…" A stoic voice called.
The two stopped in mid high-five to stare incredulously at the very Uchiha they had celebrated over leaning against a tree looking completely rested and looking like he hadn't broken a single sweat.
"Wh-how…how long have you been there?" Lee asked weakly.
Sasuke smirked and shrugged.
"A few minutes."
"No, no, no~!" Naruto mumbled, clutching his head and falling to his knees in defeat. Lee looked stricken and hurt. He clenched his fists and teeth for a moment before sighing and dropping his head.
"I guess you've earned it then," Lee finally said pulling something out of his pouch.
"Hm?" Naruto turned to face the other defeated ninja with curiosity.
Lee pulled out a dark green velvet box and took a took a step towards Sasuke. Naruto, being the nosey person we all know he is, stood beside Sasuke and craned his neck to get a better look.
Intentionally agonizingly slowly Lee lifted the cover of the box to reveal something shining so bright it hurt Sasuke's sensitive eyes. Lee reached in and pulled out a piece of gold…
A badge with a small martial artist engraved on the center with the words "ULTIMATE YOUTH".
"Congratulations on your victory, Ash, but you've still got to catch 'em all."
Naruto gaped.
"When the hell did this turn into Pokemon!" He whined.
"Shut up, Pikachu!"
…
"Okay, there is no way in the world you could possibly win this one!" Naruto called out, scowling at his companion trailing lazily behind him.
"Hn."
Naruto took this as a sign to continue, not that he needed signs of course.
"Today you will challenge the master of all things yummy, the guru of guacamole, the masta of past-uh, the king of cake—"
"Just tell me who it is." Sasuke snapped.
The two pushed open the glass doors of the restaurant that chimed in welcome. The overwhelming scent of barbeque and alcohol filled their noses. The place was filled to the brim of a variety of people, ninjas, civilians, children, elders, drunk, even drunker drunks, and a few people passed out in their chairs with their faces red from alcohol abuse. However, the thing that held nearly everyone's attention the most was in the far corner of the room in a bar stool.
what Sasuke assumed—deformed hog sat snorting and making disgusting gurgling and slopping sounds with several plates of multiple variations of the common Southern food known as barbeque prepared from hours of slow cooking and marinating to allow all of the natural fats and flavors to seep throughout the entire tender meat that literally drips with flavor in one's mouth…
Either that or someone took a shit in a plate and poured A1 sauce on it.
"Choji!" Naruto announced, pulling the raven-haired boy with his to the bar the waitresses and cooks were currently avoiding with sick expressions. Yeah, Sasuke could understand their pain.
"Cho-man," Naruto greeted, patting the pig-ninja-monster-thing on the back. Choji smiled revealing a rainbow of food stuck between his already yellow (where the cavities weren't) teeth. Naruto bit back the urge to gag and just gave a forced smile.
"My friend Sasuke here and I were just wondering if you were down for a little eating contest since you're weight doesn't matter to you seeing as you're so fa-"
Choji dropped his barbeque sauce glazed (doused) rib and his head whipped back to the blonde so fast Naruto felt his own self get whiplash.
"-ntabulously handsome."
Sweat visibly rolled down the side of the Kyuubi-container's face as his aching mouth muscles twitched in protest at the wide fake grin covering most of his head.
Choji smiled sweetly again and gave a happy "sure".
Naruto grinned for real at the teen behind him and motioned for him to sit at a stool.
A seductive looking waitress was slowly approaching with a notepad between her cleavage and dramatically swaying hips. Before she could reach Sasuke, however, Naruto took the notepad and pen from her with a friendly grin and bounced back to his two friends, hopping onto the bar counter.
"Alright everyone," He called getting everyone's attention.
"Today we will hold our first annual food-eating contest!"
A few drunks cheered before passing out and falling out their seats.
"Our contestants this year are—" Naruto trailed off, jumping down the counter to grab one of Choji's pudgy arms that weighed at least fifty pounds alone.
"Choco-Champ-Choji! Weighing close to 350lbs with a manly height of 5'3" and a handsome face—yes ladies, he is single—Choji will clearly win."
Naruto danced over to the annoyed Uchiha and made a reach for his hand.
A death glare was enough to make the blonde quickly put his hand to his side and take a step back.
"And here is his competitor. Sasuke Uchiha, an arrogant bastard weighing about only 100lbs and a height of a measly 5'5—
"I'm taller than you."
"Ooh, and with a bad attitude. Ladies, he is gay so you may as well back off."
Multiple feminine groans escaped the crowd along with a few cheers from some guys.
"However, I'm straight and single." Naruto announced with a sly grin and a wink.
"Ew!"
"I'll ignore that, miss. Anyway, our challengers will be partaking in a delicious course of pork chops, buttermilk biscuits, cole slaw, collards, baked beans, mashed potatoes, macaroni, two slabs of ribs, steak, fried chicken, watermelon, kool-aid, and—to top it all off—pineapple upside-down pound cake all in a half hour!"
The crowd cheered and chefs brought out the list of items all spread out in front of Choji and Sasuke. Sasuke looked disgusted while Choji was trying to keep the drool in his mouth.
Naruto stood on the counter again, mindful of the various plate, and have a serious look.
"Now, in the words of my father," Naruto paused dramatically looking between the bored looking Sasuke and the hunger-driven Choji in some poorly imitated karate stance.
"LET'S EAT!"
Sasuke rolled his eyes and lazily picked up his fork.
"Iron Chef reference, really?"
"Shut up and eat!"
Naruto walked around rubbing an invisible beard thoughtfully as he observed the two eaters.
Sasuke looked appalled and Choji was already digging into his white goop—I mean his cole slaw. Choji let out a few moans of pleasure between bites along with the more common smacking of digesting mayonnaise, sugar, vinegar, carrots, and onions that make up cole slaw…well, were once cole slaw. Sasuke inwardly shivered but remained impassive on the outside as usual.
"Dweeb," Sasuke called.
Naruto answered on impulse.
"What are the rules of this challenge?"
Naruto blinked in surprise.
"Uh, just who eats the most food in a half hour. Why?"
Sasuke nodded in understanding.
"And how much time is left?"
Naruto checked his watch.
"Twenty-five minutes."
Sasuke abruptly stood from the stool and turned on his heel to leave the restaurant.
"Sasuke-teme, where the hell are you going!" He heard Naruto called as he opened the door and walked out.
The restaurant and Naruto stared at the glass panel door in awe as Choji kept chowing down like no tomorrow (as usual). After a few minutes Naruto smirked. He never thought the Uchiha would lose so soon, but he rarely saw the Uchiha eat anyway so this was somewhat expected.
Naruto decided to just watch the Choco-Champ-Choji inhale over two plates in one go. He glanced at his watch and smiled.
"Alright everyone, let's start the countdown! Ten, nine, eight," Naruto shouted to the crowd, ignoring how most were passed out and the few that weren't drunk enough to fall flat on their faces were just deadpanned and didn't even attempt to count with him.
"Seven, six, five, four, three, tw—"
In the most cliché possible way the door swung open and a shadowed figure appeared. The room fell silent and even Choji stopped eating for a moment to look back at the door before turning back around and diving in.
As everyone's eyes adjusted and the light changed a ninja with dark hair and an emotionless façade appeared. He took a cool stride in slow motion to enhance the coolness of the Uchiha Coolness that the cool ninja already possessed.
Okay, well none of that really happened but everyone (minus Sasuke and Choji who was stuffing his face at the time) thought it did and that's all that mattered. In reality Sasuke just opened the door and walked inside casually towards Naruto without a single pause.
"Hn," Sasuke grunted handing the blonde a sheet of formal-looking paper with a gold stamp and a sloppy signature (which we all know only makes the paper look all the more important and written by a professional).
Naruto's eyes traveled down the paper as he read (well he read the words his third grade reading level mind could process) widening by each line. By the time he reached the end with the signature and golden stamp he fell to his knees and gasped.
"Teuchi-sama…this…this is…no way…GUY is a god, how did he…"
Sasuke cockily smirked and dug his hands into his pockets.
"A confirmation letter from Ichiraku's head chef and owner, Teuchi, affirming I ate a large bowl of tomato soup with five grilled fish, which contains more protein than any of the food Choji ate, and since protein is the basis of all food items I have eaten more food than Choji within the time period." Sasuke explained, observing Choji's clean up on half of the kitchen's food.
Naruto groaned in defeat after folding the certificate neatly and placing it in his pocket to save the signature of his "god".
The slut—I mean whore—I mean skank—I mean waitress from earlier appeared holding a maroon velvet box the color of barbeque sauce—oh wait, it was barbeque sauce, messy barbeque sauce fingerprints all over it.
She opened the box to reveal a gold badge with potato chips engraved on the front.
"Congratulations, Ash, but the road ahead only gets bumpier and the gymnasts only get smarter." She drawled in a sexy tone that could have knocked any male off his feet and leave him a heaving puddle of goo. But Sasuke wasn't a male, he was an it and wasn't affected in the least. If anything he seemed annoyed.
Finally he noticed small slip of paper next to the badge with random numbers written in neat pen.
"And this," The waitress drawled again so it sounded like 'thiiisssssss", which reminded Sasuke of Orochimaru with resulted in the urge to murder.
"Is my phone nu-…"
The waitress watched in devastation as, for the first time in her life, she was rejected and Sasuke walked out the door wordlessly, not taking the paper at all. Not even the badge.
"You know," A cool voice called beside her. "I'm single, Betty…" Naruto said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows. The waitress apparently named Betty shrieked and slapped Naruto across the face.
…
After several hours it was nearly 4PM and Naruto had challenged Sasuke with everyone he could think of. He beat Shikamaru at BINGO, slayed Tenten as target practice, brutally beat Neji at fortune telling, and even won a game of Ladders and Chutes against the Amazing-Ino (it was originally Inormous-Ino but the blonde promptly beat the crap out of Naruto for suggesting it).
The day was almost over and Naruto was completely out of challengers, he'd even asked some local villagers (that denied once they found out they would be going up against the almighty Uchiha).
And to think Naruto was going to buy ramen later…
Naruto opened his mouth and prepared to admit defeat when a sudden force knocked into him from behind. His lungs emptied and his muscles tensed as he suddenly found himself flat on his face.
He groaned and slowly lifted his wary muscles to see pink—and lots of it.
"Naruto, I'm so sorry!" Sakura called over her shoulder as she ran along while trying to get her right arm in her white uniform. She was headed towards the hospital.
Naruto blinked and stared blankly for a second before an impish grin took over his features.
He climbed to his feet and turned around to face the ever-cool Uchiha staring off in the direction Sakura went with an unreadable expression.
"Sasuke," Naruto called to get his attention.
"I have on last challenge you surely will lose."
…
Five minutes later found a confident Uzumaki and an impassive Uchiha stepping into the hospital lobby.
"Where's Sakura Haruno currently?" Naruto asked the woman at the front desk, felling smart for using the word 'currently'.
The woman sighed and typed on her computer not even looking up.
"Childrens department." She answered monotonously.
Naruto immediately pulled Sasuke and speeded towards that section of the hospital. And of course Naruto, being Naruto, didn't ask for directions even when he had no idea where he was going. As a result it took a good half hour to reach Sakura—who was only in room next to the lobby they started at.
"Alright, bastard, your final and the challenge you will lose…challenge, is a simple challenge." Naruto stated, nodding at his own confusing words.
"Make Sakura blush."
Sasuke gave Naruto the infamous "are you an idiot" look followed by the even more famous "nevermind, I already know the answer to that".
Even though Sasuke left for a few years he was positive Sakura was still in love with him. How could she not be? He was Sasuke Uchiha. And no, he is not modest at all.
Sasuke smirked. At least he'd get a few dollars off the bet. Maybe he'd hit up the market for some tomatoes later?
"Fine."
Sasuke took a deep breath and did his Uchiha Swagger Walk (USW) towards Sakura who was busy picking a book to read the group of six year olds anxiously waiting before her. Sasuke leaned against the wall closest to her and opened his mouth to say the coolest thing the world's ever heard. It was an amazing thing that can't even be labeled anything but mind-blowingly cool, it was the apocalypse of all words previously thought cool. Seriously, bring your blankets 'cause this is so cool its ice cold! What he said was…
"Hi,"
Sakura turned around to give him a blank look and nodded in acknowledgment, walking off with the desired book tucked under her arm.
Naruto giggled from his hiding spot under a table and mouthed "smooth one" to the shell-shocked Uchiha.
Did she just…ignore him? Uh-uh, oh hell to the naw! He was going to make her blush rather she liked it or not!
Sakura had taken her seat in front of the smiling children and opened her mouth to read the first lines of "Jobs of our World" when Sasuke oh-so-politely cut her off.
"Go on a date with me," he ordered stoically.
Sakura raised an eyebrow but waved him off.
"I'm busy. No."
Ouch, there went Sasuke's ego.
Naruto was having a hard time containing his hyena-like laughter.
Sasuke huffed childishly and moved to stand next to Sakura before snatching up her book much to the childrens' disliking.
Sakura stood up at face him and crossed her arms over her chest, a mean expression on her face as she glare him down…well up considering the minor height difference.
"Sasuke Uchiha, I have no idea what the bananas you think you're doing but it is not happening! Give me back that book right this instance and get your head checked on before I make sure you'll need a cranium-check for a different reason. You're 'bout to be really familiar with the ER in two seconds."
Sasuke shook his head, ignoring the threats that had Naruto almost wetting himself.
Sasuke took a deep breath and mustered up all of his courage like chakra to concentrate on a single thing. He continually chanted "you can do this" in his head at an attempt to make this plan at least a little easier. With all the confidence he had he said the words he never thought he'd say to a woman—especially not Sakura Haruno.
"You are… really beautiful."
The room stilled and silence eased into the air like an elephant.
He stared at her face and waited, waited for that light pink tint to ease in and be drowned by red. The shy smile and eye twinkle of a blush and a soft, giddy "thank you" from such a compliment.
However, his waiting was only met by a raised eyebrow and a "are you crazy" expression that didn't seem amused in the least.
"Just give me the book."
And so he did, not too sure on what to do and feeling awfully stupid at the moment.
Naruto sniggered from under the table and Sasuke shot him a death glare.
He stood there awkwardly before taking a seat at the end of the group of children and waiting for her to finish the book. Within a few minutes she did, and it was now discussion time.
"So what do you guys want to be when you grow up?" Sakura asked the group overly cheerfully. Hands shot up and Sakura pointed down the line.
"A firefighter!"
"A princess!"
"An astronaut."
"The hokage!" Sakura thought of Naruto and smiled at this one.
"A teacher."
"A doctor!"
"A princess!"
"The best ninja ever!"
Sakura raised an eyebrow when she reached the end of the line where Sasuke was smirking with his hand raised. She sighed and decided to humor him.
"Yes, Sasuke?" She drawled, not nearly as cheerfully as she asked the rest of the children.
Your lover, that's a perfect one to make her blush, do it, do it, do it!
"A dentist."
Sakura's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Why would you want to be that?"
"So I can do your mouth."
That… was not what I meant to say…
Sakura jolted back and covered her mouth with an "eep", a sudden dark pink shade flushing her face and ears. The children looked around confused, wondering if they missed something and Naruto was too shocked to even move.
Well… she blushed for sure.
He looked over to Naruto and mouthed a "pay up, I win".
"S-Sasuke…" Sakura stammered, surprised and embarrassed all at the same time.
After a moment she smirked and leaned forward to the raven haired teen.
"You can," she whispered seductively against his ear before taking a slow and sensual lick on his lobe, "do more than just my mouth, Sa-su-ke~"
It was Sasuke's turn to blush.
A/N: My friend and I were talking when he told me he wanted to be a dentist and I said his business card should say "I'll do your mouth right!" or something like that. Any that's where I got the joke. XD Thank you for reading and have a great day, night, whatever you're in right now.
I love you all~!