CHAPTER EIGHT – Failure to Compromise

WARNINGS – None really. Maybe swearing, if you think that's worth mentioning. Lots of talking.

"Do we have to? I'm tired from the trip..." Allen thought quick to come up with excuses. Although he wanted to thank Kanda immensely, he still wasn't comfortable talking about what happened in that store room. He didn't think he would ever be alright with it. Let alone anything else that Leverrier had done. Talking about it just made him feel worse, and ruined any chance he had at being happy that day. He fiddled with his hands in front of him, and looked at his feet. He wished he was bold enough to just tell Kanda 'no'. Alas, this wasn't the case, with Kanda, and with anyone.

Kanda walked forward. Allen looked so sad. Oh, how he just wanted to bring him into his arms, and hug away any problems. Kiss his neck, drown him in a pleasure that would simply whisk away al of his troubles. But, he was realistic. Touching, hugging, being possessive, all of those things - that he knew he was - would not not help the Moyashi in any way. He needed appropriate space, but also a companion that he could be comfortable around. Still, he just wanted to bring his smaller chin up with his fingers, and brush away the strands of white hair from his face. All for a glimpse of his beautiful grey eyes. Just the smallest touch wouldn't be good enough though, for Kanda. He would want more. And Allen couldn't give more. More wasn't okay.

"Meet me in the living room, or we can talk here." Kanda said, with a tone of finalization, leaving no room for argument. Allen just looked down at his feet and nodded, but again, Kanda didn't comment. He could do that later. Kanda nodded towards the door, but noticed the slight tremor of pain in Allen's step. He narrowed his eyes, realizing that perhaps the walk there would make his anus bleed again. So he stopped in his tracks, and asked, "Would you like me to carry you? Or would you rather stay in here? I don't want you bleeding again."

Allen thought of his options. He bit his lip and shrugged. "I can walk." He tried. Clearly he wasn't very good at making decisions, Kanda noted. Kanda just shook his head, "No, Moyashi. I can see that you're in pain, and I don't think you want me to clean you again." Allen just took a step back, and looked to the side, a way of backing down from an argument. So Kanda sighed, and stepped forward. He held out his hand, and rose an eyebrow. Allen went to grab it, but stopped halfway. He didn't want to touch him... but he faced his small fear and did anyway.

Kanda lifted him up bridal style, being careful not to touch his butt, but to slip his arm under his knees and the other around his back. He gently carried the shaking boy out into the hallway and back into the living room, and placed him gently on the plush couch. He went and pulled a chair over to him. "Do you think you'll need some tea, Moyashi?" Allen sat again and looked away, biting his lip. He dipped his eyebrows and thought. Then he nodded. Although it took some time, Kanda was proud that he finally made a decision on his own.

As Kanda left to go prepare the tea, Allen thought. What did Kanda want from him? He certainly didn't feel like talking about his feelings. That was much too personal for him. He also didn't want to talk about his experiences with Leverrier. Those were too personal as well. It all hurt too much to think about, so he just wouldn't think about it. If Kanda asked any questions, he would have to deal with the short answers or lack of answers that his questions entailed. Allen nodded. That was his plan.

Kanda then returned, two mint teas in his hands. He had a tray with various tea fixings, and Allen put some milk and stirred it in. Kanda seated himself across the small sitting room, and put his tea aside. He leaned forward and put his hands together, studying the Moyashi. He fiddled with his tea and looked down into it, like he was searching for answers. How could someone go through so much, without any help whatsoever? Kanda would never know. For now though, he would help the Moyashi heal from his ordeals. This was a promise he made to himself.

"First off, we're going to lay down some rules." He said finally. Allen looked away quickly, nervous as to what these rules might be. They could be the bad kind of rules. The ones where Allen wouldn't be able to help breaking them, and the older would simply punish him. Even if it wasn't something he could help. Kanda studied him. He knew Allen was waiting for some type of threat to his health. Like he was expecting it. Leverrier really fucked him up, for him to just be expecting punishment. He was so horribly scarred. Allen finally nodded.

"Okay. Well, for one, I need you to promise not to try an kill yourself again. I don't have the supplies necessary to deal with a suicidal teenager." Allen nodded, looking solemn and more then a little ashamed. "Also, I will know when you harm yourself, and I will correct it. I can be like a parent when I want to, Moyashi." Allen glared at him, almost defiantly, but nodded again. Kanda smirked at him. "Which includes not eating and not sleeping. I will know when you aren't doing either. And like I said, I will correct it." He realized he was sounding like a threat, but he needed Allen to hear this. He was too important to just kill himself.

Inside, Allen was smirking. Did Kanda think he was that bad with just these tiny, harmless rules? It honestly wasn't nearly as terrible as the rules his.. his master (Leverrier) had come up with. Leverrier made rules that he couldn't help but break, if he wanted to live. Say, for one, he was not allowed to eat for a week, because instead of going up to the mans quarters, he fled to the adjacent forest near HQ. But he was already malnourished from the week before, so he had to eat. There was no escaping it.

Allen felt his hands clam up, and suddenly his vision went foggy. He felt hands, so many hands, gripping, touching, molesting him. Hairy fingers plunging into his opening. A skilled, but pedophilic mouth running its way down his shaft. He let out a whimper. Why was this happening? He wasn't with Leverrier, was he? He didn't know what to do, so he just called out. "Kanda! I – I can't breathe!" And he couldn't. The air was thick around him and felt like water going into his lungs.

"Moyashi. Allen." He could hear from right beside him. By instinct, he scurried away from the voice. Close voices were never a good thing. Why could he hear Kanda, yet all he could see was Leverrier?

"You're having a flashback, Moyashi." He said it more to himself, but Kanda easily recognized the signs. The boy was pale, very very pale, and shaking all over. His hands were clutching at his skull as if he were trying to rip the memories from his own brain. His eyes were shut, but when they would open they were glazed and unfocused. "Allen, listen to me. Can you hear me?" Allen nodded. "Okay, I want you to reach out in front of you. I'm right here." Allen did, his cursed arm shaking while it clutched on to Kanda. "Good, good. Now take deep breaths."

But Allen couldn't. He couldn't draw any breath at all, let alone deep ones. This only made his panic rise even more. Another cock, sliding it's way up his ass. He wanted to scream but he just couldn't, not if he wanted Leverrier to keep this between them. He was ordered to come, but he couldn't. It was too painful. Not even a slight bit of lube or preparation.

Kanda looked on with an expression of pain. There was only one thing he could do to ease the discomfort. It was something he had learned in secret, while on a mission. He placed his palm on the kids shoulder, and slid it into position. Allen flinched once, and Kanda clamped down. Quick and effortlessly, Allen went limp. His eyes fell back into his head, and he was free from the flashback.

Clearly, even something as simple as rules aren't something Leverrier left out of his prolonged torture. Kanda glared at the ceiling, willing away his own distress. How am I ever going to help him?

And a lone tear escaped his eye.