Mortal Rubato

Act 1 Scene 1

On November 4, 1891 5:40 pm, Kanda was found unconscious by Chaoji Han and General Tiedoll, who were returning from a mission. His body was approximately 20ft away from the balcony where Lenalee was murdered. It is assumed that he had been out there unconscious since the night of Lenalee's death.

It was raining.

I could tell even though I couldn't see it. I could hear the constant soft taps against the window of what sounded like rain. What's starnge though, is that I must have be on some level of consciousness to notice such a detail and yet I couldn't open my eyes.

In fact I couldn't move my body at all. I felt a slight panic rise in my chest but calmed myself down. Instead I opted in focusing my senses on what was around me.

Sheets, cool but soft under my hand, palms obviously faced down, fingers lightly pressing on the fabric. Knuckles face up grazing on other sheets; a blanket. One that covered my whole body, resting against my collar bone.

Everything smelled crisp and clean with a hint of antiseptics. I briefly wondered how I recognized a smell like that but chose not to dwell on it because it left a nauseating feeling in my throat and stomach. I also realized that there was something covering my face, wrapped around my nose, over my mouth and settling on my chin, like a mask.

Where was I?

Flexing the muscles on my arms I felt a pinch in the pit of my elbow, something was poking at my skin. I flexed again and tape tugged my taut skin.

What was going on?

Off to my left I heard another sound besides the rain. It was rhymithic, repetitive.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

And it went on like that, monotous. Continous.

How did I get here? Was I sick? Hurt?

Agh, what happened to me!

I felt that panic in my chest coming back and I shoved it down immediately. I needed to keep calm. Focus.

I tried to get up but couldn't. A lingering numbness prevented me to do so. That didn't stop me from trying. I knew I was gaining consciousness so it would only be a matter of time before my body could function properly and I figured out what the hell was going on.

I began attempting on regaining control of the feeling in my body. I curled my fingers, rolled my ankles, and streched out my toes. I was able to purse my lips and flare my nose as well as furrowing my brows. Opening my eyes was still a challenge but I kept straining.

This sensation... where I was able to keep touch with reality, be in tune with it and yet at the same time be so detached. Unable to have a firm grip on what was really there. I would say it left me breathless except for the mask that provided me with what seemed liked was oxygen. But that feeling, on some level, still existed.

I felt my hair slide down over my neck and chest, leaving tickling pricks on my exposed skin. Did I always have long hair? For some reason this minor detail felt odd to me. Why couldn't I remember if I did? Even if it was such a petty detail, I shouldn't be having this feeling of doubt. Right?

This was begginning to frustrate me and it was getting harder to swallow up my consistent growing panic.

Forget it, I must ignore it for now. Not until I find out what was going on.

That's when my eyes began to open. I only managed to see through slits and view the blurred world in front of me. My eye lids felt so heavy and they threatened to close once more. I forced them to stay open and the blurred shapes of whites and greys slowly shifted into a more clearer image.

The first thing I could distinguish was the white ceiling. I blinked a couple of times to sort out all the fuzziness that held onto the edges of my vision and with much effort I was able to turn my head to the left and see the machine that matched my heartbeat.

So I was in a hospital. But how did I get here? Why couldn't I remember anything?

My arms and hands began to shake, it was not from fear. No, this was just the beginning of my undulating frustration that was coercing to be released.

The numbness in my limbs slowy began to dissipate leaving behind a prickly feeling to poke and prod on my skin. Within a few short minutes I was able to sit up, I was able to move. Finally...

This room definitely appeared to be apart of an infirmary. Mostly white walls and not many decorations although the navy blue and grey curtains did match the dreary weather outside. It seemed like the rain poured harder than when I first noticed it a while ago. All the machines and equipment around me only added to the dismal, depressing atmosphere of this room.

Enough of this, I thought and quickly sat up causing my vision to blur again for a second. A sharp pain assaulted my head and no matter how hard I clutched it or tried to calm myself down the pain continued to rage. It hurt to take deep breaths, it felt as if the air was clogged up in my throat, making it harder for me to brethe.

I tore off the mask, taking big deep breaths with much pain and struggle. I yanked the IV in my arm out and took off any other thing that was attached to me. I swung my legs over the hospital bed and stood albeit weakly. I wanted to get out of here. Now.

I wobbled slowly towards the door, I just couldn't stand to be in here anymore. I know it was only a room but it made me uneasy…

"Mister Kanda?" Dammit. I was only a few steps away when the door opened and a nurse peered in.

"Mister Kanda? You shouldn't be forcing yourself up. How are you feeling?" The woman said in a soft gentle voice. She looked kind. Warm brown eyes to match her brown hair that framed her heart-shaped face. But none of that matter to me, except for what she said.

Mister Kanda. Kanda. She called me that twice. A name. My name? But...

I couldn't remember Kanda.

What the hell was going on!

"No. No. Who are you?" I was giving all my willpower not to lose my comppsure.

"I'm one of the nurses placed in your charge. Nurse Regiere. Come on let's get you back to bed." She responded, still using that tender voice of hers.

"No." That's not what I wanted.

"Mister Kanda, it's not good for you to be u-"

"NO!" I didn't mean to shout or interrupt the young nurse but I didn't care. I was not going to go back. I want to get out of here. I was prepared to force my way through when another woman, many years older than the one I was just yelling at, appeared at the doorway. Blocking my only exit.

"Kanda."

"Stop calling me that!" Everytime I heard that name, it made my head hurt more than before. It was like taking torturous stabs to my mind.

The elderly woman casted a stern gaze at me, she was scrutinizing. She pushed passed the young nurse and stepped closer, making me take a step back.

"Kan-"

"Shut up! Who the hell are you!" I probably looked crazy shaking my head wildly. But I felt like I must've been losing mind. Thoughts ran rapidly through my head and I couldn't focus on any of them. My fragile composure was broken.

The woman's eyes widened when she heard that question, like she wasn't expecting me to say that. But she soon wiped her face clean of her temporary shock and answred solemnly, "I'm the Head Nurse of the Black Order, Matron." Black Order? What the hell...

Everything around me slowly began to lose balance, as if the world was losing it's sense of presence. Or rather, it was me who was losing my sense of presence.

The old nurse looked worried, no, more like apprehensive as she asked me, "Do you know what the Black Order is? Do you remember? How you got here?"

I shook my head again and glared at the ground. I couldn't move, I could see my hands slightly tremble but I couldn't make them stop. And my feet felt as if they melted into the ground. My legs began to shake, threatening to crumble on top of themselves.

The woman took one more step closer as I was able to see her feet in my line of vision. But I glared up at her when she asked again, "Do you remember anything at all?"

I was struggling to repress the anxiety stuck somewhere between my heart and throat. I gasped for air, it was becoming harder to breathe again.

Nothing. I remembered nothing. What happened to me. How I got here.

My own goddamned name!

I felt too dizzy, the lights were too bright. My sight couldn't focus on anything as the room twisted and distorted itself. It felt too surreal.

"Kanda.." a distant voice called out. I ignored it, the sudden heaviness of my limbs dragged me down to darkness.

The last thing I remember before blacking out was thinking how Kanda sounded so strange and yet... somewhat familiar.

Thank you everyone who reviewed, faved and followed! I'm sorry for taking so much time to come out with the next chapter ^^!

Okay so this is the first act, alas no fancy chapter title names. Each act will be told in first person but in a different point of view between Kanda, Allen and Lavi. There will be a final act that will be reverted back to third person. Just giving a heads up there.

I'm sorry that nothing much happened in this scene but it will pick up as we go along. Also sorry if Kanda comes across as ooc, I'll let you know now that some of it is intentional but he will have his normal "Kanda" moments. Then again most of the characters won't be acting normal or in character because Lenalee just died, that's some emotional trauma to their psyche.

As always, reviews fuel an author, so fill 'em up! ;)

Take care!