The Fun Fun Happy Nonsensical Day (Taking a Break with Yamato)

Hiro: Hello, readers…welcome to the next episode of surviving the Apocalypse… As always, I, Hiro Kageyama, will be your host. Please welcome…the chief as our guest in this…chapter.

Yamato: How pathetic, Kageyama

Hiro: Hey, we mortals here need some time to rest and recuperate rather than dropping down dead, O Glorious Leader.

Yamato: Nonsense, the end of the world is nigh. Yet, you're asking for vacation?

Hiro: …Come on, chief, not even if my Hiro juniors still need to recover…after being torn to pieces…by brute force?

Yamato: Just patch it up along the way

Hiro: You monster! I'm going on strike!

Yamato: Suit yourself…

Hiro: I'll cry!

Yamato: Suit yourself…

Hiro: I'll throw a tantrum!

Yamato: …Suit yourself

Hiro: Then I'll hug your leg and call you Chieffy!

Yamato: …

Hiro: Chieffy! Chieffy!

Yamato: …

Hiro: CHIIIEEEEFFFFFYYY!

Yamato: …Cerberus, get rid of this nuisance…

Hiro: No, wait! Not the demon! SAVE MEEEEEE!

Friendly Editor's Note: Warning – Retarded humor imminent.

JPS Headquarter (11.30PM)

With Hiro Kageyama still too traumatized from his groin injury another normal day went by in the JPS headquarter like a calm before a storm. Alas, that brief time of peace and tranquility was soon coming to an end when Hiro rose anew, wandering the hall in search for more crazy antics.

Victims…No, no, volunteers located…

Cackling, Hiro approached a group of Makoto, Io, and Daichi, who were huddling in front of the chief's office.

"Oh, Kageyama, you've recovered?" Makoto was the first to take notice of Hiro.

"Hiro-kun, welcome back," Io flashed him a smile.

"Geh." Only Daichi seemed peeved about Hiro's recovery.

"Hel~lo there, I see you're having some trouble here~?"

"Yes, I'm a little worried in fact," Makoto said, casting a worried glance at the door. "The chief been inside since yesterday afternoon. He hadn't come out for a meal or sleep either."

"Any chance that an Ongyoki had already slipped in and shanked him?"

"I don't think so." Makoto replied, a little disturbed at Hiro's choice of words. "I can still hear him walking around the room every now and then."

"Workaholic, ain't he? Henceforth, he shall be known as Robo-Yamato," Hiro remarked. "Why don't we give him a break…? Who's in with me?"

"Y-Yeah, it's not good to be pushing yourself too hard all the time. We should let him take a little rest." Io agreed with enthusiastic nods.

"Excellent, in that case, I'll leave this matter to you, Kageyama." Satisfied, Makoto gave her approval. "Don't to bother the chief too far though. That would just defeat the purpose of what we are trying to achieve."

"No, ma'am." Hiro straightened up and gave Makoto a military salute. "Not even in my wildest dream! Look into my eyes and what else can you see but good will and integrity!"

"Very well, I'll leave this matter to you."

"Yes, ma'am!" Enthusiastic, Hiro gave Makoto a salute as she continued on her way.

"That's right. Let's do our best, so that the chief will not overwork himself," Io nodded in earnest, apparently not realizing that her goodwill was being hijack by a certain Hiro Kageyama.

"Uhh…Why am I getting the feeling that the chief will be happiest if we just leave him alone…?" Daichi began to alternate a look between Hiro and Io.

JPS Headquarter (12.00PM)

"As predicted, he's not going out for lunch break…There doesn't seem to be any lunch on his table either…" Hiro mulled the interior of Yamato's room from Nergal's report. The infernal spy seemed especially miffed about being forced to such a stupid task, before Hiro desummoned him.

"Maybe, we should we cook something for him?" Io suggested innocently.

"In-deed…" Hiro nodded in replied, suppressing a cackle.

Nevertheless, there was two most important lessons that Daichi had learned the hard way from about Hiro. First, never trust Hiro Kageyama. Second, never trust the crazy glint in Hiro's eyes. Third, never EVER fall for any persuasion when there is the crazy glint in Hiro's eyes.

"Dude, don't you dare try that demon stew again!"

"How rude, it wasn't all that bad."

"Yeah, right! I was scrubbing my tongue for hours after, how about that?!"

"Then I shall bestow upon you the title of 'sissy,' but don't mistake me for a simpleton who would play the same joke twice, you lousy peon! This time, I have the most capable ally at my side!"

"…Can I object? Things always get more complicated every time you say that…"

"Fools, you have relinquished that right as soon as you have chosen to follow me! Come forth, Nisroc!"

"Bonjour, Mesdames et Messieurs." The red-skinned mustachio demon poofed in amidst the smoke and smell of sulfur. "I believe you would like a meal, yes?"

"Wrong, you numbskull! We're not going to serve any cafeteria-level puke!"

"Oui, oui, what do you have in mind?"

In contrast to Daichi's paling face, the demon's grin seemed to grow wider with every second after lending its ear to Hiro until it finally broke into a fascinated tirade.

"Tres Bien, Monsieur Hiro! Your culinaire taste is utmost satisfying!"

"Isn't that right? You're the first ever one with enough culinary sense to understand. High-five!"

"That's good, Hiro-kun. Looks like you've made a new friend." Io gave both the man and the demon a satisfied smile.

"Uhh, am I the only here to feel like this is not a good thing?" Daichi asked, feeling like he was the only in sane person remaining.

"Shut yer trap, you lowly miscreant! An unartistic mind cannot hope to comprehend our grand vision!" Both the demon and the man turned simultaneously condemn Daichi's objection with equal fervor.

"Now, let's do this, partner!"

"Partner!"

The sight of a demon and a man running hand in hand to the kitchen brought a warm smile to one face and a clearly worried look to another.

Indeed, the only sane one remaining.

Yamato's Office (12.30PM)

"…Noon already?" Yamato looked up from his table. His shoulders were strained and his eyes bleary from overworking, but there was much to be done on limited time.

At the same moment the door to his office swung open with a loud crashing noise.

"Rejoice, Yamato Hotsuin! Today you shall have the opportunity to taste the finest food from the depth of hell itself!" Hiro bellowed as he rushed into the room with pot in hand, viscous liquid seemed to be oozing from the rim.

"Oui, cooked by the best cuisinier in all of hell," Nisroc echoed.

Without giving Yamato the chance to protest, the tray was theatrically plopped onto Yamato's working table over piles of documents.

Yamato frowned. His documents weren't water-proof (and weren't muck-proof for that matter).

"What in the world are trying now, Kageyama?"

"Giving you food!"

"What?" Yamato could comprehend the word's meaning, but absolutely refused to link it to the pile of abomination that sat on his working table.

"Foooooddd!"

"Non, non, not just ordinary food, monsieur," Nisroc added. "This is ze most délicieux cuisine in the nine circle of hell."

"Which is?" Unimpressed, Yamato shot the unlikely pair an incredulous look. He was far more concerned about the slime that was dripping on his documents.

"A Legion bouillabaise, cooked to ze perfect tenderness!"

Amidst the silence that followed, one could almost hear Yamato's popping veins.

"…Be gone, you vermin."

Bufudyne!

"Non! Non! Noooonnnnn!"

"Partnerrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Screeched Hiro as hail of razor sharp icicle transformed the mustachioed infernal chef into a cold entrée.

"You, monster! You didn't even have a taste."

"I don't need to. This is clearly an attempting at poisoning." Yamato returned to his stack of paper without as much as batting an eyelash.

"Rest in peace…partner…I'll make sure to throw a huge feast in your honor, and you'll be there on top of the cold cut table…"

"If you're going to mourn, take that frozen statue somewhere else. It's an eyesore."

"Fine, you've won this round, Yamato Hotsuin, but I will be back!" Bellowing like the boss of evil organization from a retro superhero films, Hiro dashed out of the room with the same crazy laugh.

Yamato kneaded his temple. Having Hiro Kageyama around was bad for his migraine.

JPS Headquarter (14.00PM)

It didn't take long for a man with the resilience of Hiro Kageyama to recover from the earlier failure. Within a few hours another plan was perfected and ready to be executed.

"Commencing Operation Love Love Hug!"

"Dude…That name gave me shivers." Daichi visibly cringed at the name.

"Don't remind me…Crud, I'm getting shivers myself. My foundation of manliness is being shaken just by saying it." Hiro nodded in agreement.

"I think it's a nice name though…" Disappointed, Io alternated questioning looks between her male companions.

"…Uh, yeah, my bad…."

And, thus, the operation-that-must-not-be-named continued with the three that were snooping around the edge of Yamato's office, watching their ever-diligent leader slaving away over a pile of report as always.

For a reason that was beyond the comprehension of testosterone-laden macho man that was Hiro Kageyama, Io seemed to single out the Jack Frost for one tactical advantage of of 'rainbow-sh*tting' cuteness.

That very same Jack Frost, nicknamed Mister Frosty 2, now stood between them, alternating glance between Io's warm smile and Daichi's increasingly looks, but deliberately avoiding the crazy grin on Hiro's face. Indeed, there possible signs seemed to scream out that a trouble was brewing.

"Make yourself huggable. Do something, anything, make a cute sound, cuddle up and hug that bastard, or piss on his leg if you need to. Just that tear Mr. Diamond-stick's attention from the documents for a second, capisce?"

"Give it your best shot! I know you can do it." Being the only genuinely enthusiastic member of the group, Io egged the demon on. Hiro's crassness either went over her head or she was just too polite to point it out.

The Jack Frost seemed a little morbid about its peculiar order, but nevertheless seemed to be giving its all. Walking in with teetering steps, it gave a helpless looks to Yamato, like a lost puppy.

"Hee~ho…"

Arghh, crap! It's even more effective that I thought! No person in hell can stop themselves from hugging him now!

"Hee~…"

Finally, after a theatric of helplessness, it collapsed on to Yamato's lap in an admittedly desperate but sincere attempt to tear the chief's attention from the pile of reports.

"~Ho…"

Now, how can you resist this ungodly force, Yamato Hotsuin! Muahahahaha!

Alas…

"Begone, you little vermin…" Without as much as a glance up from his worktable, a torrent of blazing flame reduced the demon to puddle of melted goop.

Agidyne!

"HeeeeeeeeeHOOOOOOOOO"

"Nooooo, Mr. Frosty 2! Come Back!" Jumping out of his hiding place was Hiro Kageyama with tears flowing from his eyes. "You, monster!"

"You again, Kageyama? It seems that I apparently need to find a padlock." Yamato sighed and kneaded his head in frustration. "But before that…"

A magic circle appeared on Yamato's table. An albino lion-like beast emerged from it, growling and staring Hiro down with a murderous glare.

"Seems like the pest issue in this base is getting out of hand. Take care of it, Cerberus. I permit you." With a sneering grin, Yamato gave the order to Cerberus to chase after Hiro.

The demon immediately sprang into action, leaping forth like a bullet toward the retreating form of Hiro Kageyama.

"Run, you mongrel! See if that'll make you think twice before interrupting my work!"

"Wait! I'm against all kind of violence! Gyaaaaaah!"

As the scream and the footstep faded into the corridor, Yamato walked toward his office door and silently closed it.

Another good three minutes wasted due to one man's stupidity. For a good reason, he was certain this would not be last of the shenanigans he would see today.

JPS Headquarter (16.00PM)

Once again, the three were back to their planning stage, after Hiro managed in the nick of time to summon his Kama Pua'a, fondly nicknamed Bacon. After which, Cerberus took a forty-five-degree turn to zoom after the pig-like demon.

Forgive me, Bacon, but the survival of your master takes priority.

Once again, the three huddled at a corner just outside of Yamato's room. Their creative options were near being exhausted.

"Well, that sure was a disaster…"

"But, as they say, third time's the charm, so good luck both of you." Io said with a smile.

"In~deed…" Hiro Kageyama gave her a wink and a sly grin, having recovered from his slump in matter of seconds.

"Wait, you're not coming along, Io?" Daichi asked

"I think I should look after Jack Frost and Nisroc…I mean we did get them injured in the first place after all."

Ahh, an angel…An angel has grace the surface of this world… Both Daichi and Hiro thought in unison as she disappeared at the corner that lead to the medical ward.

"Okay, we lost Io. What now?" Not at all pleased with the development, Daichi turned to Hiro, arguably the only one in the group who hadn't lost their grip with reality at that point…only to be stopped by the wide grin that unmistakably screamed EVIL!

"What now? Foolish question…now that the innocent one is gone, we shall march full-force onward without fear of tainting her with insanity. Time to implement drastic measures!"

"Wait, what? You mean all that we were doing so far weren't drastic?!"

"In~deed, what else would you expect, soldier…?"

"No! No way! No freaking way! Don't make me a part of this madness!" Being left alone with a madman sent Daichi's danger senses into full alert mode. There was nothing left to do but to run.

"Traitor! Get him, Rainbow1!"

"Arggghhhh!"

Daichi only managed a few steps before his right ankle was caught by something slimy, flaccid, and fabulously multicolored.

"What the? What the hell is holding me?!"

"Look we got rainbow snakes! More giddy rainbow factor! Rainbow1 and Rainbow2!" With Hiro still in his crazy mode, the two newly summoned Yurlungurs could only comply with their ridiculous nickname.

"…Okay, I'm scare to ask, but WHAT in the sweet name of Polaris are we doing with them?!"

"Aside from tying you down, Captain Kamikaze?" Hiro cackled. "You will know soon enough…"

Thump!

Then came a sound of something heavy falling to the ground from inside Yamato's office…possibly human body…more specifically Yamato.

A look of horror washed over Daichi's face as he saw a demon's moony face came rushing out of Yamato's office. "Wait, is that a Sandman, I saw?"

"Mission accomplished, sir!"

"Great job, Mr. Drastic Measure!"

"Aye, sir!" Sandman gave Hiro a salute before fading away in a cloud of smoke.

"So we're done…? The chief is finally sleeping…anyway," Daichi asked tentatively.

Of course, he couldn't be more wrong when Hiro was in his full blown crazy mode.

"Too easy! That Robo-Yamato will get back to working as soon as he wakes up. We must eliminate the root of his workaholism!" Hiro exclaimed. "And we shall settle for no less!"

A striking hunch in Daichi's gut told him that whatever Hiro has planned would likely do an irreversible damage to the chief's sanity. The question was whether he had enough courage to disobey Hiro in this current stage?

"Carry the cargo, soldier! We must be swift while Yamato Hotsuin is still pickled with Mr. Drastic Measure's sleeping drug! Onward march! Hut-hut! Let's go!"

Of course not.

JPS Headquarter (17.00PM)

Yamato Hotsuin came to his senses in a dark prison-like cubicle, finding that he was tied down hands and feet by two fabulously multicolored strands of rope.

"Finally awaken, huh?"

"What joke are you playing now, Kageyama?" Yamato shot Hiro a murderous glare, although Hiro with his crazy smile seemed immune to the hostility.

"Joke? This is no joke. This is the Operation Restoring Innocence. Rejoice, Yamato Hotsuin, today you shall receive the opportunity to relive those shining days of youthful innocence!"

"Unbind me now!"

"Now, now, don't be so caught up with your lack of freedom and let's move on to the program. For the morning, you will be listening to infinite loops of Barney and Friends theme song. For the afternoon, you will be watching Barney and Friends. For the evening, you will be also be watching Barney and Friends. For the night, you will be watching all the freakin episodes of Barney and Friends back to back for a 100 hours! Isn't that exciting?"

"Release me at once! This joke had gone on long enough!"

"No can do, Yamato Hotsuin! Until your childhood innocence is returned! Relive that innocence!" Hiro bellowed and pressed play.

"Wait! Get back here!" Yamato fumed in vain, struggling against Rainbow1 and Rainbow2 that tied down his arms and legs. "HELPPPP!"

With a wave goodbye, Hiro promptly left as the upbeat jingles continued to erode approximately one man's sanity.

Approximately 100 hours later

"GO Barney!"

A reluctant Ammut followed Yamato's command and toasted the enemies, although finding a no small qualm with its new nickname and the fact that it was painted completely in purple and green.

From a short distance away, two observers could be seen following their leader's movement.

"Dude, we said to make him lighten up, not transform him into this…" Daichi looked on apprehensively, clearly disturbed at the outcome.

"Ahh, well, I do make mistake some times. You can't expect me to be perfect every single time, can you?"

"Yeah, but this is…a freakin' disaster"

"Nonsense! Can't you see how happy he is now? Ahh, what greater happiness is there than to be prowling around the desolate Tokyo with your purple dinosaur?"

"I love you, Barney!"

The future indeed looked hopeless…

Yamato acquires the title "Dinosaur Lover"

A/N: Sorry not updating the story for so long. I've been caught up with my other projects. The next chapter will feature Joe, so stay tune. Also, ideas and suggestions are welcomed. Many thanks to those who had given me ideas about future chapters!