I considered preventing Bella from leaving. But I couldn't keep her away from my family forever, especially since Victoria needed to be dealt with.

And if I went, I could provide an alternative viewpoint, although I was determined not to abide by their decision, regardless. But I couldn't let her go by herself. Who knew what would happen, especially if they agreed with her!

I picked her up and leapt silently out of the window with her in my arms. Then, unable to keep the disapproval out of my voice, I put her down so she could climb on my back. "All right, then. Up you go."

I ran in silence for a while, hoping it wasn't making Bella sick, as I hadn't reminded her to close her eyes. However, I could see her face out of the corner of my eye, and she seemed to be enjoying it, leaning over my shoulder, her eyes eager.

I thought about what we were going to do and wondered if I would have any allies amongst my family. Obviously Alice was going to side with Bella – her decision told me that much – but what about everyone else?

This was the one time I knew I could count on Rosalie. She hated the vampire life, and wasn't that fond of Bella, either. I was sure she would never vote for anyone to become a vampire, and she would probably think Bella was crazy for doing this.

I might also get Emmett, especially when he heard my plan for protecting Bella against the Volturi when they came. He would be in on anything that meant a fight, regardless of the force that came against us. For this reason, Jasper might vote my way too, although I knew he had a healthy respect – even fear – of the Volturi that might make him reluctant to bring their wrath down upon us all. Not to mention the fact that his wife would be in favor of the change. That might sway him on its own.

Esme I was unsure of. She cared a great deal for both Bella and me, and I worried that my headlong dash to Volterra might sway her in Bella's direction. Carlisle might think the same way. But I knew he had resisted a suggestion from Bella that he change her himself because he knew how I felt about it. I trusted that would still hold true. And as he was the only other member of my family who was capable of changing her – in spite of her promise, I didn't think Alice would be brave enough to try – I felt sure that that job would fall, once again, to me, which meant it wasn't going to happen.

I heard Bella sigh, and, to my surprise and delight, she pressed her lips to my neck. A feeling of warmth trickled through my veins. Did she finally believe what I had said? Or perhaps she had just come to the conclusion this was all too vivid to be a dream.

"Thank you," I said. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

She laughed, and my heart warmed at the genuine, care-free nature of it. "Not really," she told me. "More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

That brought me down again. She still didn't believe in me. "I'll earn your trust back somehow. If it's my final act."

"I trust you," she replied. "It's me I don't trust."

We were nearly at my house, so I slowed and turned my head to her. I didn't understand what she meant by that. Or was it just something she was saying to make me feel better? It's not you, it's me … "Explain that, please."

She paused for a moment, searching for the words. "Well, I don't trust myself to be … enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you."

I couldn't believe she was still thinking this way. I suppose it was understandable – she hadn't known how I really felt when I had left, so she assumed that it meant that I didn't want her – but surely all I had told her tonight would have made it clear how much I loved her. There's no denying it hurt.

I stopped walking and took her off my back, setting her on her feet in front of me and drawing her near. I held her against my chest for a moment before I whispered in her ear. "Your hold is permanent and unbreakable. Never doubt that."

She looked down at her feet, and I knew what I'd said was still not enough. "You never did tell me …" I began, as I ran over our conversation in her room once more.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is." What could rank higher than the Volturi?

She sighed and smiled sadly. "I'll give you one guess." She touched my nose with the tip of her finger.

Ouch. "I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that." And I had. I had left her bleeding on the inside, and I didn't know what would stitch her up again. Was there anything I could say or do that would ever make it right?

She rolled her eyes at me as if that conclusion was obvious. That made it worse.

"The worst the Volturi can do is kill me," she replied. "You can leave me. The Volturi, Victoria … they're nothing compared to that."

I couldn't answer her. I knew her lack of trust in me was justified. And I knew I deserved my place on the podium of her troubles – first place. I had hurt her more deeply than the vicious creatures who wanted to take her life.

Again, here it was. I was the monster. The monster destined to destroy her. But I had already done so, in the worst way.

Her eyes softened as she read my face, and she reached up to touch it. "Don't. Don't be sad."

I tried to make my expression happier, if only because she wanted it, but I couldn't. Everything seemed hopeless. "If there was only some way to make you see that I can't leave you. Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

"Okay," she agreed. But she still didn't look like she trusted it to last.

For the first time, I wished that she could read my mind, instead of me always wanting to read hers. So that she could see how sincere I was. So that I could show her the misery I had suffered in her absence, and what I'd really been thinking when I'd spoken the words that had hurt her so much.

She was upset by my distress, but I couldn't make myself look any different. So she took on a lighter tone, in an effort to try and make me happy again, I thought. "So, since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?"

That's right. Her photos. The photo of the two of us – the one she had mangled so that I was visible and she was not. I had straightened it out and carried the memory of her face in that photo all the time I was away. The CD of my music. The plane tickets.

I laughed. I had wondered if she would have ever found them on her own, both dreading and hoping she would. "Your things were never gone," I explained. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the picture, the tickets – they're all under your floorboards."

"Really?" She seemed delighted by this revelation, and my mood brightened, just a little.

Then she frowned, deep in thought.

"I think," she said eventually, "I'm not sure, but I wonder … I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

"What did you know?" I asked. I tried not to get my hopes up, but could it be that she finally realized what she meant to me?

Some realization lit her face, and I could see her thinking it through. "Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

That brought me up short. "Voices?"

She looked hesitant to enlarge on what she had said, but the look on my face must have made her realize that I needed to know. "Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story," she sighed and looked away.

I wasn't letting her stop there. "I've got time." She'd heard my voice? What had I said? Had my departure driven her to the brink of insanity?

"It's pretty pathetic," she confessed, still trying to get out of telling me the whole story, but I waited, looking at her expectantly.

With great reluctance, she finally spoke. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

Yes, I certainly did. Bella the daredevil. "You jumped off a cliff for fun." That concerned me no end.

"Er, right," she said, still hesitant. "And before that, with the motorcycle –"

"Motorcycle?" I tried to keep my voice calm, but I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Cautious, responsible Bella; clumsy, unlucky Bella, had been riding a motorcycle?

She laughed nervously. "I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"No." I would never have forgotten that.

"Well, about that … See, I found that … when I was doing something dangerous or stupid … I could remember you more clearly. I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much – it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt.

"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."

I almost missed the last part, distracted as I was by the realization that Bella had been riding motorcycles and throwing herself off cliffs because it triggered a response in her that sounded like me. She had been so desperate for my presence in her life she had put herself in danger, time and again, just to feel close to me. "You … were … risking your life to hear –"

But she wasn't looking at me anymore. She was concentrating on something else, her brows knitted together. "Shh. Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

I waited anxiously for her to speak again, hoping that she wasn't hearing my voice in her head, or some other voice now, telling her to do things. But did I really think that Bella had lost her mind? Or was she right? Had it been a subconscious impression trying to communicate the reality of my love to her?

"Oh!" she said, delight dawning on her face.

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay, I see."

"Your epiphany?" I prompted.

A smile lit her features. "You love me," she declared, turning her beautiful eyes to mine.

This was what I wanted to hear. "Truly, I do."

Joy and conviction appeared on her face, making her so beautiful that I could not resist her. I drew her close to me once again and put my lips to hers, feeling their silkiness against my cold, stone mouth, and relishing in the warmth and response I could feel.

Finally, I released her, and she and I were both gasping for breath. I was so relieved that her epiphany seemed to have finally gotten the message through. Even if it took strange voices and risky experiences for her to realize it, I was glad the truth had dawned in the end. And how could I criticize her for reacting this way? She had still done better than me. She had stayed with her father and tried to live for him. I had run away from everyone.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," I said.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was … totally useless. I couldn't be around my family – I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me. It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."

She smiled. "I only heard one voice."

I laughed at that and pulled her close to me, before leading her towards the house. Best to get this all over with.

"I'm just humoring you with this," I cautioned her. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

"This affects them now, too."

I shrugged, although I didn't want to think about what she said. Even if I hid Bella and the rest of my family remained ignorant to her whereabouts, would Aro leave them in peace? If he wanted to continue being seen as the benevolent leader, yes. But would his desire for Bella's transformation override that? I didn't think so. He didn't consider her that important.

But he did consider Alice that important …

I put that out of my mind. I couldn't let it influence such an important decision as this.

I led Bella into the dark house. My family were all at home – I could sense their minds and their scents – but they hadn't bothered with the lights because they didn't need them. But Bella did. So I began turning on lights as I went.

The house was back to the way it had been when we had left. It hadn't taken Alice and Esme long to get it in order. I knew that Alice had warned them we were coming, and I let them know – officially – that we had arrived. "Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?"

Carlisle appeared immediately and smiled in greeting. "Welcome back, Bella. What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

Alice hadn't told them the full reason for our coming, although she had told them all about our visit to Volterra and the promise she had made to change Bella herself, even before Aro had insisted on it. It was in the forefront of Carlisle's mind as he spoke, and I didn't like the way he was viewing it. I began to scowl.

Bella didn't notice. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay," she told Carlisle. "About something important."

Bella glanced up at me nervously and I tried to make my face more neutral. Although I didn't agree with what she was doing, I didn't want her to feel distressed by my anger.

"Of course," Carlisle replied, glancing at me too. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"
Everyone else, having heard the conversation, were behind us, and they followed us into the room. None of them, except Alice, knew what Bella was going to say, although they had guessed it was something to do with the promise Aro had forced on us, and I was dismayed to discover that most of them were in favor of it.

If this is about Bella becoming a vampire, it's about time you gave in, Edward, Emmett thought.

It would be nice not to want to kill her all the time. Jasper's thoughts weren't aimed at me directly, but I could sense apology in them, especially as he felt my emotions.

Rosalie, as expected, was not in favor of it, and Esme was still thinking about nothing more than how happy she was to see Bella and I together again. But I didn't think it would take much for her to swing in the wrong direction.

Alice was choosing not to look in the future at the moment, and if she had glanced at it before we'd arrived she was shielding the memory now. But her every look was smug.

I tried to keep my temper. I didn't want to keep upsetting Bella with it. I took her hand, but I couldn't keep my face neutral anymore, not with the others' thoughts assaulting me.

Bella looked at me, drew a deep breath and began speaking in spite of my darkening expression. "Well, I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice said meaningfully. Every last detail, Edward. Deal with it.

I tried not to glare at her.

"And on the way?" Bella questioned with raised eyebrows.

"That, too," she confirmed with a nod.

Bella sighed with relief. "Good. Then we're all on the same page.

"So I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing – something to avoid.

"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." She looked around at all of them with affection as she spoke, her eyes turning to me at the last, giving me a pleading look. "But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

Esme was about to say how much she loved Bella, but Bella stopped her.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then … I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have them coming here."

I began to growl immediately. There was no way, as long as I could draw breath, that Bella would ever set foot in Italy again.

I stifled my noise as Bella continued speaking without looking at me. "Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

She turned to Carlisle to take his vote, but I spoke before she could. I was determined to sway them in my favor. "Just a minute."

Bella narrowed her eyes, but I squeezed her hand. After all, she herself had said I should be here to air my opinion. "I have something to add before we vote."

Bella sighed, but made no objection.

"About the danger Bella's referring to," I said, trying not to speak so quickly that Bella couldn't understand. "I don't think we need to be overly anxious."

He doesn't think we need to be worried about the Volturi? thought Jasper.

Oh, please! Alice thought. I ignored her.

Emmett was happy. I knew he'd have a plan. I wondered if it would get him on board one hundred percent.

Well, I'll listen, thought Carlisle, but he was also thinking of what it would be like if the Volturi came looking for Bella. It wasn't a pleasant picture.

So was Esme. Not only that, she was also thinking about how she felt when she had heard I was going to Volterra to end my life. That was no more pleasant than Carlisle's thoughts, so I tried to ignore them, too.

I knew my plan could work. I just had to convince them that it was the best idea.

"You see," I told them eagerly, "there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in."

"Which was?" Alice put in. This should be good.

I ignored her sarcasm and pressed on. "The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem." I looked at Bella. "You remember Demetri?"

Her face went pale and she shuddered. I stifled a grimace. I shouldn't have put it quite that way. Like she could forget.

"He finds people," I continued. "That's his talent, why they keep him.

"Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker – a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the … flavor? I don't know how to describe it … the tenor … of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.

"But after Aro's little experiments." I tried not to grit my teeth at the thought of them. "Well …"

Bella had given me her full attention, but her expression was not pleased. "You think he won't be able to find me."

I smiled. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

Bella blinked a couple of times, as if trying to work out why I thought my plan was so brilliant. "And how does that solve anything?"

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless." I grinned at everyone. "It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"

That sounds like fun, making them dance around like that! Emmett thought.

But he was the only one that was completely enthusiastic. For the others had all seen a hole in my plan. It wasn't one I was concerned about, but I didn't want to give Bella anymore ammunition, so I was hoping they wouldn't mention it.

It didn't matter. Bella had worked it out herself. "But they can find you," she pointed out.

"And I can take care of myself," I assured her.

"Excellent plan, my brother," Emmett told me. There's bound to be fun in that! I leaned over and smacked his fist, the two of us grinning in exultation.

But there was still disagreement from most of the others. Even Rosalie. For her, it wasn't about Bella so much as Emmett.

"No," she hissed. What, do you think I'm going to let you get Emmett killed because you think you're so clever?

It seemed her contrite attitude after what she'd done had evaporated quickly.

Bella was, not surprisingly, the next to voice her objection. "Absolutely not."

Much to my delight, Jasper was viewing it as a possibility. "Nice," he said. He still wasn't sure it was worth the risk, but the strategist in him wanted to try it to see if it would work.

Alice did not support him. "Idiots," she spat. She also made it clear through her visions that it was not going to happen. There was still only one future for Bella. The one I didn't want.

Esme was thinking, not of me in Volterra anymore, but me burning in a pyre right in front of our house. Why does he keep doing this to me? she thought.

Carlisle's thoughts were on Aro. He was remembering him and his cold blooded determination when it came to anyone who stood against him. Although he said nothing, his thoughts were negative. It won't work, Edward. You can't hide forever, and what do you think it's going to do to Bella if you're killed, especially for her sake?

I paid no attention, trying to think of something else that could convince him.

Bella spoke up before I had an answer, her nose in the air. "All right, then. Edward has offered you an alternative to consider." Her voice suggested it wasn't worth much consideration. "Let's vote."

To my surprise, she turned to me first, her eyes daring me to object. "Do you want me to join your family?"

I wasn't about to give her a definitive no, not after I had just convinced her how much I loved her, so I qualified it. "Not that way. You're staying human."

She nodded and moved on to Alice, as if it was of no concern. "Alice?"

"Yes," my sister answered promptly.

"Jasper?"

"Yes," Jasper answered after a moment's hesitation. I scowled. He hadn't been sure which way he would go until asked directly. I could see a number of things had prompted this decision, with fear of the Volturi being overruled by his wife's love of Bella and his desperate need to make sure he didn't try to take her life again.

Bella didn't pause. "Rosalie?"

To my relief, Rosalie hesitated only a moment before answering, "No."

Bella didn't seem surprised, although perhaps a little disappointed, and, seeing this on her face, Rosalie spoke up before she could move on. "Let me explain. I don't mean I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that … this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

Bella nodded before turning to Emmett.

"Hell, yes!" he said, without even waiting for her to speak. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri." I'm sure Edward will think of something, he chuckled to himself.

I scowled at my brother. There was only one reason I wanted to fight with the Volturi.

Bella turned to my mother.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family," she replied.

"Thank you, Esme," Bella said, before turning to Carlisle.

Esme's eyes darted in my direction as Bella looked away. She was apologetic, but resolved. If her loss is going to drive you to such lengths, there's no way I'm going to risk it.

I tried to keep my temper in check, especially as Bella had now come to the most important member of the family: Carlisle – the only other one who could possibly turn Bella himself.

I knew Carlisle had often thought that changing Bella might be the right thing to do. Although he didn't want to end her human life so abruptly, especially knowing that it would probably be the end of her relationship with her parents, he knew how attached I was, and worried, even then, what I might do if I lost her. He had no fear for her soul, as I did. He thought we could reach the afterlife in spite of the fact that we were vampires. However, he had been reluctant to do anything, as he knew this was something I had to work out with Bella myself.

But, in the face of my behavior when I thought I had lost her, and the realization that my reaction was exactly what he'd feared it would be, he had changed his mind. Carlisle didn't look at Bella. He was looking over her head at me. I could see what was in his mind. It was me, going to Aro again – perhaps not for twenty, fifty, seventy years, but going, nonetheless – and ending my life. He winced in pain. He could not bear it. He thought of how heartbroken Esme had been when they thought they couldn't save me; how bereft my whole family had been without me. He made his decision.

"Edward," was all he said aloud. I can't do it, he added in his mind. I can't risk you killing yourself again. It would destroy our family. It almost did.

I felt my fury spill over. "No," I growled. I dropped Bella's hand and pushed myself up from the table, marching out of the room.

Incensed, I went into the lounge room. I could still hear the words and thoughts bouncing around in the dining room, and heard Carlisle confirm his opinion for Bella.

The rest of the votes were irrelevant, but Carlisle could act. He could change Bella regardless of what I thought.

My anger was growing without end, and I knew I had to take it out on something. In the corner of the room I could see our new sixty inch flat screen that we'd had flown in from Korea. It was bright, it was new, and it was reflecting my image back to me: the image of the monster.

It was like it was mocking me. I picked it up and ripped it in two, watching as the pieces rained down on the floor.

Disturbed thoughts drifted in from the dining room.

What was that?

Oh, please! Why does he always overreact like that?

Emmett's not going to be happy. Alice could see that in her head. Emmett had ordered the new flat screen himself. He would not appreciate its loss. It wasn't available in this country. No matter. He should have thought of that before he'd voted.

But their attention was drawn back to Bella, who thanked them all for supporting her. Esme rushed to hug her. They all looked so happy with her decision, except for Rosalie. She was the only one who had any disapproval over Bella's choice.

After all this, it was ironic that Rosalie was the only one who agreed with me.

But then Bella spoke again, and her words hit me like a jolt of electricity.

"Well, Alice, where do you want to do this?"

Fortunately, Alice's eyes opened wide with fear, terrified of what she might do if she tried to change Bella herself. And those words were more than I could stand. I charged back into the room, straight up to Bella.

"No! No! NO!" I roared at her, barely pausing when she flinched and put her hands over her ears. Couldn't she see how foolhardy this was? "Are you insane? Have you utterly lost your mind?"

Fortunately, Alice was on my side in this, at least. "Um, Bella," she said nervously, "I don't think I'm ready for that. I'll need to prepare …"

"You promised," Bella frowned, while I tried to keep her turned away from Alice.

"I know, but … seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to not kill you."

At least Alice realized that truth, regardless of Bella's faith, which was instantly expressed.

"You can do it," she said. "I trust you."

I snarled directly at Alice, making it clear what I thought of Alice's chances of succeeding if she tried.

Alice's eyes darted to mine for a split second. Don't worry, I agree with you now! she thought, before shaking her head at Bella.

Bella was unperturbed. She turned straight to my father. "Carlisle?"

I took her face in my hand and forced her to look at me instead of Carlisle. There was no way he was agreeing with this.

But Carlisle, having made his decision, was not going to back down. "I'm able to do it. You would be in no danger of me losing control."

"Sounds good," Bella mumbled, even though my hand was firm on her jaw.

"Hold on," I said, desperate to delay this somehow. "It doesn't have to be now."

"There is no reason for it not to be now." Bella was still just as stubborn, even though I was doing my best to stop the words getting out of her mouth.

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can," she retorted, her eyes sparking. "Now let go of me."

I released her then, worried that my temper might make me hurt her. The last thing she needed was a trip to the hospital just after she had gotten home. Charlie would …

And there it was. My trump card. Her father. That had always been the thing that had made Bella hesitate whenever the subject was raised. Her family. The parents she would leave behind. Could she really agree to this when she had only just returned home from a mysterious three day disappearance, leaving her father so worried? She would not.

And what would he do if, the very morning after she'd returned, she went missing again? I would be his number one suspect, no doubt. It would arouse too much suspicion, I thought with glee, especially considering Charlie's profession.

I folded my arms, sure that, in this case, my logic would be unassailable. Even Bella knew how important secrecy was for us.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

Bella frowned. "All three of them." But she didn't argue further, and I could see my reminder of her father had affected her, if only to give her pause for thought.

Now I had an advantage, I followed through quickly. "In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," I said through my teeth, throwing a meaningful glance at Carlisle, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

Carlisle pondered that, nodding. That is a good point. "That's a reasonable request, Bella," he said. The others agreed with it, too, although I could see Alice double checking her visions. Bella still only had one future ahead of her – an existence as a vampire.

Bella frowned. "I'll consider it."

I let myself relax. I had achieved all I could. Hopefully, she would consider it for some time, and this delay would be enough, regardless of what Alice was seeing just now.

"I should probably take you home," I said, anxious to get Bella out of there before someone could find a hole in my plan. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early."

But Bella turned to Carlisle first. "After graduation?"

He nodded. "You have my word."

Bella sighed, smiled, and turned her face up to mine. "Okay. You can take me home."

I grabbed her and raced out of the house before anything else could happen. No one had thought of an objection to my plan yet, but the last thing I wanted them to do was put doubts in Bella's mind, at least not until I could think of counter-arguments.

We ran home in silence, Bella radiating smugness at what she perceived was a triumph. How she could still be so foolish I didn't know.

I wracked my brains for anything I could do that would delay her from making Carlisle come good on his promise. What could possibly make her change her mind and wait a little longer? I was sure that the few remaining months before the end of school would not be long enough, but what would be? A year? Two? Five? Was there anything I could do or say that would make her wait?

I thought about that for a moment. While I was rarely right about exactly what Bella thought on anything, one thing I was pretty sure on: it would mean a lot to her if Carlisle was not the one to change her. I had always detected hurt on her face at my refusal to do it in the past, and, although I had always thought it was because she was angry she couldn't get what she wanted the most, now I wondered if she thought it was a sign I was rejecting her. So what would she do if I told her I would do it myself? And was that a promise I could make?

I didn't want to do it now anymore than I had seven months ago when I had left her, but I didn't want to lie to her anymore. If I promised to do it, would I be able to follow through if she did still want it after the wait was over? I would have to hope that I never had to answer that question. But that wasn't good enough. I resolved, with a sigh, that I would do it – after all, Carlisle would do it anyway if I didn't – but would hope that she would think twice after waiting, say, five years or so.

But then I happened on another thought. What if I offered her another condition? What if I showed her the true measure of my love? Even though she'd had an epiphany, I couldn't help but worry that its effect would wear off, and then what if she went back to thinking I didn't really care for her?

But there was something I could do to counter that. She wanted to be with me forever. I wanted that, too, just not as a vampire. I wished I could become human for her, but that was impossible. So what was the one thing I could offer her that would make her realize how much I loved her?

There was only one thing: marriage. I would beg to receive her hand in marriage. That would, surely, show her how great my love was. Even though marriage was not as esteemed these days as it had been when I was human, I knew that many girls still dreamt of the day they would dress in white and walk down an aisle towards the man they loved. Did Bella dream of these things? I didn't know, but I thought the odds were good. And weddings took a while to prepare. That could delay things nicely. I could be a few years after an engagement before a wedding occurred.

I imagined how Bella would look when I asked her. Would she be happy? Would her eyes widen, and the rush of pink fill her cheeks? Would her heart rate quicken and her breathing become shallow as she realized what I was offering her? It would be the ultimate trump card, I thought.

But I didn't have a ring.

Well, I did have one. I had my mother's ring. But I wasn't sure if it would fit Bella, or even if she would like a ring that was old-fashioned, as I knew it was. Damn. I hadn't thought of getting a ring for her. After all, I had thought, for the last seven months, that I wouldn't need it.

Could I propose without a ring? I felt that wouldn't be wise. So I resolved only to pull out my trump card if nothing else worked, at least, until I could check the ring to see if it needed to be resized. Then I would fall on my knees before her and propose marriage to the woman I loved.

Once we arrived at her house I sat her on the bed and paced as I sorted out exactly how I would approach this. Her face darkened as she watched me march backwards and forwards across her room. "Whatever you're planning," she cautioned me, "it won't work."

"Shh. I'm thinking."

I had everything in order quickly. I would offer to change her myself only if she delayed it for a few years. If that didn't work, I would offer to change her myself if she married me, but I really hoped I didn't have to use that one just yet. I wanted to wait until the time was right.

Bella rolled her eyes and groaned, throwing herself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over her head.

That distracted me. I lowered myself onto the bed quickly and removed the quilt so I could see her face. I brushed her hair away from it, drinking in the sight of her beauty. "If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now … tell me something."

"What?" she asked, her voice wary.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

Her answer was prompt, and although it wasn't quite as specific as I wanted it to be, it delighted me. "You."

I shook my head. "Something you don't already have."

I could see her thinking that over carefully. After a few minutes, she answered, and I was pleased to discover that I had guessed correctly. "I would want … Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want you to change me."

"What would you be willing to trade for that?"

Her reaction was more than I had hoped for. Her eyes widened and she answered quickly. "Anything."

I wasn't sure she would be quite so willing when she heard my condition, but I proceeded anyway. "Five years?"

Her eyes became horrified and accusing.

"You said anything," I reminded her.

"Yes, but … you'll use the time to find a way out of it."

Ah, how well she knew me.

"I have to strike while the iron is hot," she went on. "Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human – for me, at least. So, anything but that."

She did have a point about the danger, but I wouldn't let it sway me. "Three years?"

"No!"

I sighed internally. "Isn't it worth anything to you at all?"

She thought about that for a moment, before answering, "Six months?"

I rolled my eyes. That wasn't much longer than we already had. "Not good enough."

"One year, then," she said. "That's my limit."

"At least give me two," I begged.

"No way," she declared. "Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere near twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

One year wasn't enough for me. I needed more to try and ensure that it was enough time for her to change her mind. It looked like I would have to play my trump card. Hopefully, she would want the wedding to be so perfect that the arrangements would take a while. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one – then you'll just have to meet one condition."

"Condition?" she asked suspiciously. "What condition?"

I kept my face neutral, not wanting to give the game away. "Marry me first."

I waited for the reaction I was hoping for: the widening of her eyes, the quickening of her heartbeat, the blush on her cheeks. But she merely looked at me confusion. "Okay. What's the punchline?"

There was no denying that hurt. Did she really think I'd joke about this? "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

Her eyebrows pulled together as she gazed back at me. "Edward, please be serious."

She still thought I was joking! "I am one hundred percent serious."

She began to look scared. "Oh, c'mon, I'm only eighteen."

Officially, I was seventeen, so what was she complaining about? Her fear really hurt me, but I tried to laugh it off. "Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."

She glanced away from me for a moment and swallowed. Her heart was accelerating now, but it was clear it was not because of joy or excitement. "Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."

She clearly didn't see the irony in that. "An interesting choice of words."

"You know what I mean."

I couldn't believe she was so upset about this. Was she really worried about us getting married because it could lead to divorce? If so, why wasn't she worried about what might happen to our relationship if she became a vampire? "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment."

"That's not it exactly," she said, looking away. "I'm … afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before your thirty."

And what did she think her mother would say if she found out her daughter wanted to become a vampire? By the way, Mom, I'll never be able to see you again, because I might kill you and drink your blood if I did. And it's likely, if I ever do die, that if I go anywhere, I'll end up in hell. "Because she'd rather you became one of the eternally damned than get married." I couldn't help but chuckle, even though it was not funny. It was ridiculous.

"You thing you're joking," she told me.

She couldn't be serious. "Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for eternity as a vampire … If you're not brave enough to marry me, then –"

In spite of my disappointment, I started to see a positive side in her reluctance. If anything was going to delay her becoming a vampire, it seemed this was it, just not in the way I had thought. But whatever worked. If she was desperate enough for me to change her it just might be enough.

But it seemed she thought I was bluffing. "Well, what if I did?" she said suddenly. "What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

I smiled, although the idea of Vegas had never entered my head. I was now positive that she was the one bluffing. "Sure. I'll get my car."

Before I could move, she tried a counter-condition. "Dammit, I'll give you eighteen months."

"No deal. I like this condition."

"Fine" she said, folding her arms and glaring at me obstinately. "I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate."

"If that's what you really want," I replied with a smile, for now I was sure it wasn't what she wanted at all.

"You're impossible," she told me, pouting. "A monster."

That tag hurt a little, but I managed to chuckle. "Is that why you won't marry me?"

That was something I really wanted to know, and was at a loss to answer. Why didn't she want to marry me? The tag monster burned in my mind. Did it say more than she would let on?

But she wouldn't reply with more than a frustrated groan.

I became desperate to find out. Why didn't she want me? Was there something she was hiding? Was it …

Was it Jacob Black?

No. I didn't think we'd be having this conversation at all if it was. Maybe if I gave persuasion another try.

Considering how much I didn't want her to become a vampire it showed how desperate I was for some reassurance from her. "Please, Bella?" I said, looking deep into her eyes.

Much as it had before I had left, it seemed I dazzled her. Her eyes widened, her heart stuttered and her face went blank. Then she frowned and shook her head, as if trying to clear it.

I felt like sighing. Maybe I should have waited. "Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?" I asked hopefully.

That was the wrong thing to say. "No! No rings!" she declared at the top of her voice.

"What?" That was Charlie's voice. She hadn't heard it, but the look on her face made it clear she realized what she'd done.

"Now you've done it," I scolded her.

"Oops."

My time with her was abruptly over, it seemed. "Charlie's getting up," I explained reluctantly. "I'd better leave."

The look on her face became so crestfallen that it warmed my heart. I looked back at her; I didn't want to leave anymore than she wanted me to go. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?"

"No," she whispered, desire clear on her face. "Stay. Please."

I smiled and darted quietly into her closet before Charlie had a chance to reach the door.

He approached it tentatively. His thoughts seemed doubtful, like he wasn't sure she was really going to be in her room at all. I looked through his eyes, even though I could only see very dimly, and I could see him peek through a crack in the door.

"Morning, Dad," Bella said.

I could sense Charlie's embarrassment. At the very least, he had expected her to be sleeping. "Oh, hey, Bella. I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah. I've been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower," she told him, beginning to gather her things together.

"Hold on," Charlie said, turning the light on so he could see her properly. Bella squinted as the light hit the room, and her eyes darted in my direction and then away. "Let's talk for a minute first."

I held my breath as I remembered that we hadn't thought of an excuse for Bella's absence. I wondered how Bella would deal with that, not to mention what restrictions Charlie would place on her seeing me, assuming she was allowed to see me at all.

I could see Bella dimly through Charlie's mind, and she looked reluctant, but steeled herself, ready for what her father would say.

"You know you're in trouble," he began.

"Yeah, I know."

Charlie went on as though she hadn't spoken. "I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's funeral, and you're gone. Jacob would only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when – or if – you were coming back. Do you have any idea how … how ..." Charlie's emotions overcome him for a moment, and I could get a dim view of what looked like Bella's funeral in his mind. I winced.

"Can you give me one reason why I should ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

Bella's eyes narrowed. Then she sat up, looking unconcerned. "Because I won't go."

I could hear from both Charlie's mind and his voice that he was heating up. "Now just one minute, young lady –"

She didn't let him finish. "Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too – but that won't make me go to Florida."

I could tell Charlie was making an effort to control himself. His mind became even harder to read as his anger escalated, and Bella's image narrowed to almost nothing. Then he took a few deep breaths and regained control of himself – marginally. "Would you like to explain where you've been?"

Bella grimaced. "There was … an emergency."

Uh oh. Bella had never been a brilliant liar. I hoped whatever she had thought of would be convincing enough.

Charlie waited impatiently for her to continue.

With a deep breath, Bella began. "I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand."

That wasn't enough for Charlie. He waited for more.

Bella continued reluctantly. "See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff …"

Bella again disappeared from what I could see in Charlie's mind as he took in what she was saying. I gathered he hadn't known about the cliff jump. That wasn't going to make things any better.

"I guess I didn't tell you about that," I heard Bella say. "It was nothing," she added quickly. "Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to … L.A., to explain it in person."

Charlie seemed to be too busy digesting news about the cliff jump to notice the unconvincing nature of some of Bella's explanation. He latched on to the suggestion of suicide immediately. "Were you trying to kill yourself, Bella?"

"No, of course not," she answered immediately, and her sincerity seemed to ease Charlie's mind. "Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing."

But Charlie was moving on to other thoughts. Me.

"What's it to Edward Cullen anyway?" he said in an agitated voice. "All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word –"

"Another misunderstanding," Bella put in.

Anger clouded his mind once more. "So is he back then?"

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is," Bella said, and my heart plummeted for a moment, as I thought she still didn't believe I was staying. But my agony eased a moment later when she added, "I think they all are."

That did not make Charlie happy. Again, Bella's image became unrecognizable in his mind. "I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."

I couldn't see Bella, but I could hear the sharpness in her reply. "Fine."

Charlie missed her tone. "Oh, I thought you were going to be difficult."

"I am," she continued. "I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'"

Charlie was gasping for breath now, his fury choking him. It was then that Bella calmed her voice.

"Dad, I don't want to move out," she said. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"

"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay."

"Then be nice to Edward," she insisted, "because he's going to be where I am." The confidence I could hear in her voice made my heart lighter, as much as I wished she didn't have to fight with Charlie over me.

"Not under my roof," Charlie declared.

I heard Bella sigh. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight – or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

"Bella –"

"Think it over," she told him. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I really need a shower."

Charlie didn't seem much calmer, but he did leave the room, slamming the door behind him and stomping down the stairs. The only image I could get from his mind was a blurry image of him kicking me out of the house.

I was out of the closet and in the old rocking chair before Bella was off the bed. She gave me an apologetic look. "Sorry about that."

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I assured her. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please." I knew I deserved everything he gave me.

"Don't worry about it," she replied. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" She widened her eyes in mock fear.

I looked at her with half a smile. "You'd move in with a house full of vampires?" Of course she would.

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides …" she added, grinning at me. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

I tried not to roll my eyes. "So eager for eternal damnation."

But her answer blindsided me. "You know you don't really believe that."

"Oh, don't I?" I replied, trying to hold my temper in check. I believed nothing more strongly.

"No. You don't," she asserted.

I opened my mouth to contradict her, but she spoke first. "If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't – you said, 'Amazing, Carlisle was right'. There's hope in you, after all."

I gaped at her for a moment, thinking about what she had said. No, that wasn't right. I had no hope, no thought of eternity beyond whatever life I had here …

But what had I thought when I was in Volterra? Why had I stopped myself killing that man? Why had I been so determined to hurt no one when I revealed my inhuman nature to the humans? Why had I even bothered to imagine Bella in my arms when I thought I was about to die? I tried to deny it, but she was right – in those moments hope had refused to allow me to think the worst. I had thought – however slim the chance might be – that I might join Bella. Hope had prevented me from taking any chances if it meant I could be with her again.

I could see the triumph on her face as she realized I saw the truth in her words. She gave me a steady look. "So let's both just be hopeful, all right?" she said, a hint of scolding in her tone. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

I was staggered. Staggered that she had taken my own actions and revealed the faith in them, faith in her own beliefs. And not just hers, but Carlisle's as well. Could it be true? Could I have my Bella forever now, and in a possible afterlife as well? Could I change her and still preserve her soul? Would I have her always, no matter what our destiny was?

Did I dare allow myself to hope?

Looking into her confident eyes, I felt it was possible. I rose and went to her, taking her face in my hands and looking deep into her chocolate brown eyes. "Forever," I vowed.

"That's all I'm asking for," she said with a smile, and she stood on tiptoe so she could press her lips to mine.