Well... Hi everyone. Yeah, look who's showing her face again. Well, so to speak... Guess I've got a lot of explaining to do... Don't I? So, if you don't wanna read all about my horrible issues and problems, then skip this. If you wanna know why my life has been so... Dang awful, then just keep reading.

Well... I'm very sorry for not writing lately. But, as of the past few months, I've been suffering with a lot of heartache, and a lot of heart break too. And due to that, plus everything else that's happened with my mother being so seriously ill for a while there, as hard as this is to actually admit, but I fell away from writing... due to depression... I've been suffering with it for a few months now... I was hit very hard with problems, after problems, and that only caused me to, well, slip away you could say. For those of you who have had your own struggles with it, then you know how badly it can get to you. And how badly it can make you think of yourself too...

I'm sure there are some of you who are very surprised by this. But, that's because, I've tried to hide it from people, for a while. This isn't my first time dealing with depression. And I've learned to hide it better each time I've had it. But, I also learn, that doesn't always help me either... Just, don't expect me to admit that often.

Perhaps someday, I'll figure out a way to talk about how I feel... but until then, I'm pretty much just... Doing whatever it takes for me to survive. And, I mean that literally.

And well, things still aren't getting much better for me. I'm, still dealing with things that have caused me to fall so far. Thank God, my mother is finally starting to actually get better now. Almost losing her... That really scared me. My mother means so much to me, and I've now become her care giver, until she can take care of herself a little more. And honestly, that's a lot to put on an 19 year olds shoulders. But don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I'd do anything to get her better, because I love her. But it is stressful.

When it feels things are starting to get better, sometimes it seems they just start getting worse. My strength has been tested a lot. My physical, and my mental strength as well. And honestly, I sometimes wonder how I even have survived as long as I have.

But, then again, I do know how. Because, I have so many people. Here, people in my every day life, everyone, they've been there for me, whether they realize that they're making a difference in my life or not, so many of you have reminded me of who I am on the inside, and that I am strong.

And I honestly can never thank all of you enough for the love you've shown me. The caring that you have done. The prayers, the thoughts, the words. You're the reason I'm here now.

Thank you. To everyone. You have kept me going through one of the worst times of my life. And I know you'll be there to keep me going through the rest of my problems, until I've finally got everything figured out.

I can honestly say, I've missed writing. I'm missed you all. But, depression is a hard thing to beat. But, I am starting to get a slight hold on it. And I hope that this chapter marks my return to FFN.

Again. Thank you. This chapter will show most of how my life has been lately, why I haven't replied to some of you, and all that. So if you don't understand what it's like, you will soon. Now, just remember, I haven't tried anything Shadow did. I'll admit, there were a few times I wasn't eating very well, and had a many sleepless nights, but just know I've never done anything else.

The only reason I'm finally coming clean with this, is because I can't keep it in any longer, without it hurting me more. And it's time I finally started to talk about it.

I ask that you all not worry about me. While, I'm sure to a lot of you, this is serious. To me, it's still a work in progress, but it is slowly starting to get better. Just... It will take a while. For some of you though, please understand why I can't always reply. Life is hard. Especially when I'm having problems, which, I'm having a lot of lately. So, if I still can't reply well, just, please understand that it isn't you, but problems I'm having.

So, onto the chapter, and hopefully, my return to writing as well!

Chapter twenty seven: Into Darkness

When I finally opened my eyes again, my life changed.

I sat up and looked around. My head was hurting, and I reached up to touch it, and felt soft bandages wrapping it. I looked around and saw I was in Kato's room.

I yawned, and rubbed my eyes a little, and looked over when the door opened, and Shawn walked in. He looked at me, and saw I was awake, and I saw worry cross his eyes.

He slowly walked over to me, and sat down on the bed. I smiled at him, but he just stared at me, blankly.

"S-Shawn? What's wrong?" I slowly asked, beginning to worry.

He sighed softly, and ran a paw over his head. He looked around, and I could tell he was looking for the right words to say.

"Shadow... sweetie, we need to talk."

I very slowly nodded, thinking I would have to stay in bed for a while because of my head. But, that was the least of my worries. And problems too.

Shawn slowly began to talk, and finally what I would come to remember to this day, the time I truly felt my heart stop. Three little words, that I never will forget.

"Kasaru is gone."

Three words. Three little words, that might have been nothing to some, were tragedy to me.

That was the moment everything stopped. I don't remember what happened after that. All I remember was laying in Shawn's arms, screaming and sobbing. I still can feel my body shaking sometimes, when I think about it. No one could do anything for me then.

After a while, Shawn gently tucked me into Kato's bed again, and left to try and get something for me to eat, but I refused to eat anything. I just laid in bed, staring at the wall, crying.

And that's what my life became.

I felt my life slow down, I could feel every ache in my body, my mind, my heart. I wouldn't speak to anyone, and Shawn soon had Kato staying in his and Lily's room.

The only times I would ever eat anything came when I was forced too.

The day slowly turned to weeks, and the weeks slowly turned to months. Shawn had doctors of all sorts in, to see what they could do for me. But none could do anything. Shawn had one of them hook me up to an IV, to keep from having to force me to eat. Shawn finally had one staying 24/7 at the house, to care for me.

I hadn't spoken to anyone, since Shawn broke the news to me. I didn't have the heart for it. My whole world was burning around me, and my heart was fading fast.

Kasaru was my sister, my best friend. I loved her so much. And the fear of her truly being gone forever, possibly dead at Tanis' hand, was too much for me to take.

At times, I don't even remember what was happening to me. I'd just lay there. Sometimes I wouldn't even sleep. Many days I went without any sleep, then there were days that I slept the whole day away.

Nothing was right. I constantly felt myself slipping farther, and farther away from everyone.

Kato would come, and try to talk to me, even try to get me to play a game with him. But I didn't even want to meet his eyes. My heart was shattered.

As the time went, I would question myself. Why was I even still here? Why didn't I just give up?

Once, I did try to end my misery. Shawn thought he had hidden the key to his secret medicine cabinet, but I had seen him, and one night, I somehow found the strength to crawl out of bed, and rip my IV out, and had I not knocked over one of the chairs, causing Shawn to come running, I wouldn't be here.

At the time, I didn't know what else to do. All I was doing was suffering. My young life felt like it was over, I had nothing, but a broken heart now.

First I lost my mother and my father. Then, I lost two of my best friends in the world. Now I've lost Kasaru too. Not just my best friend, but the closest thing that I've had to family since the fateful night I lost it all.

Many months had past, and my condition only worsened. I could hear the doctor talking with Shawn, who stood watching me.

"She's not getting any better Shawn. If you can't figure out some way to somehow brake this, then... you'll need to start saying your good byes soon, and contact any family she has."
"We're the only family she has... her parents were killed before she came to us. She has no one else." Shawn replied softly.

The doctor slowly nodded. "Then all I can tell you to do, is just... make her comfortable."

He slowly walked away, and Shawn stood in the doorway, watching me. He slowly walked over, and sat down on the bed, and stared at my frail form.

"Shadow... I know you can hear me. You have to fight this. You have to come back to us. Somehow..."

I didn't make any movements, and just stared out the window. Shawn deeply sighed, then stood up.

"I'm not just going to lose you Shadow. You're like a daughter to me. And I'm not giving up on you."

He walked out, and I heard him talking to Lily, saying he would be back soon, then I heard the back door close, and it all got quiet.

Shawn was gone for a while, I'm not sure exactly how long, but I knew it was a few weeks at least.

I knew that I was getting worse, when Lily and Kato were checking on me more. Finally, the doctor began to sit in my room at all times.

Most times, I barely knew that they were in the room. All I could think about, was my sister. All I could do, was pray she was safe. And all I could hope for, was to see her one last time.

I still remember Lily having to take Kato out one time, as he had begun to cry. I knew that I wasn't doing well. But somehow, it just didn't seem to hit me that I was dying.

Finally, I began to feel as if nothing was holding me back now. I could feel myself falling. And the doctor sighed softly.

"I only wish I could do more for you little one." he said, as he gently stroked my forehead soothingly.

He reached into his bag, trying to find some medicine to help me sleep, when Shawn suddenly came running in.

"Wait!" He yelled, as he ran over to the doctor. "Wait... I think we have a chance to save her."
"How?" The doctor asked confused.

Shawn turned, and watched as a young lioness walked in, and her eyes went wide when she saw me, and she ran over to my bedside, and grabbed my paw.

"Shadow!" she cried, as tears began to fall down her face.

For the first time in months, I very slowly looked over, and my eyes fell upon the sad, scared face, of the lioness who gripped my paw.

And for the first time in months, I spoke.

"Kasaru..."

I stared her, and she gently stroked my face. She forced a smile, and held my paw tightly.

"I'm here Shadow... I'm here, my sweet sister." she whispered softly to me.

A soft smile slowly crossed my face, as my eyes began to close, and my breathing slowed.

I heard Kasaru screaming my name, shaking me, and the doctor beginning to bark orders at Shawn, calling for different medicines.

"Hurry Shawn, we are not losing her, not yet!" he yelled, as Kasaru continued to shake my, trying to keep me awake.

I couldn't fight my fading feeling, my body was weak. But for the first time, my mind was strong. I wasn't going to give up now. Because now...

I had a reason to fight.

Yes, yes, after being gone so long, yes I am leaving you all on a desperate cliff hanger. Heh, I hopefully will be continuing soon, once I've caught up on a few other stories, unless I'm bombarded in reviews for me to continue of course, heh heh.

So as I said before, I have never tried anything that Shadow did. But, I have felt like she has a lot. But, I can promise you, that I have a reason to fight too. And I'm not giving up ever. I've got to many things to do, and to many people that I care so much about, to ever give up. And don't any of you think I'm leaving, ANY time soon! You all are stuck with me, for a LONG time.

For those of you that I still haven't been able to reply to in a while, I'm very sorry, but I'm still not sure when I'll be able to reply. And even after this, I really don't know how much I'll be able to talk... I probably will be a bit quiet after this, since... I don't like talking about this at all. So, just, Please understand, I'm very sensitive. I've been sensitive for months now, but bringing it up, just makes it a bit painful for me. So, when I can reply, just, please keep that in mind, or if you reply to me first, still, keep that in mind.

So, until the next time, I can honestly say, that I really have needed to write for a long time. And now that I am again, maybe things will start to get better. So, thank you again, to everyone. And I hope to hear from you all soon.