Hey guys it's been a while. Sorry, I'm late from when I said I would post it in my last submission. I underestimated how much time I would have to work on this. Not to mention I was busy juggling my other fics. I honestly wanted to make this longer, but I figured it was long enough. So I hope you had a great holiday and enjoy the new year! Read, enjoy, and Re-

JUST START THE DAMN STORY ALREADY!

Jeez, okay! Don't mug me!

I don't own Naruto. Otherwise, the second Chunin Exam Filler Story would have had Naruto in it

"Heh, it's been a while," Naruto let out, "nah, its been a long time since then."

"I see," Kakashi let out. "You forgot what you did next, didn't you?"

"Yup," Naruto said scratching his head. "I don't exactly remember what happened. I know it was around the line of grabbing Fu the next day, but I think one of them heard me and I ended having to sneak my way back to pervy-sage. I'm not sure, I just know I ended up right back to that old man."

"I see, well, it was a while ago. Imagine what happens when you get my age. You start helping people here and there, and before you know it you get lo-"

"I'm not buying it, ever," Naruto said bluntly, cutting Kakashi off, "it's one thing to get 'lost in the road of life,' but to be late all the time is something else entirely."

"Heh, so it's a no go, well least I tried."

"Whatever."

"Crap," Naruto muttered, "Whaduahdo" he said as sneaked his way back into his room.

"OH YEAH LADDIES!" he could hear his master yell while he crossed the room followed by lots of rhythmic creaking noises.

"OH YES HARDER! HARDER!" One of his two female companions shouted in ecstasy.

"AW~ Don't ignore me~" Whined the other.

"I WOULD NEVER! HE! HE!"

"OH MY~"

"AH~"

"Bleah," Naruto let out with his tongue out as he rolled his eyes, forgetting his worries for a brief moment. "At least close the door after you open it, dattebayo," he muttered with a disgusted look.

He walked back into his room, thankful that he couldn't hear anything anymore.

"Alright," Naruto said to himself, he was alone in his room, sitting in the middle of his bed with his back to the wall, staring at his door. He took a deep breath and took a quick minute or two catch his breath and think the entire situation through. With that done, he let out an evil grin.

"How do I make her situation worse," Naruto thought out loud to himself with a devious smile as he rubbed his hands together. Yes, Naruto was pretty broken up about earlier but he had no idea what he did and she didn't bother explaining. Really if your mad at least explain why, right? The punch he might have deserved, emphasis on might, but the knee, no way in hell. Of course, he wasn't going to expose her, but he was going to scare the living crap out of her with a prank. Yes, a prank.

"A prank," Naruto muttered with a small chuckle with darkness in his eyes. He was smiling ear to ear while unconsciously moving his head side to side, he couldn't remember the last time he had a good prank. "Well…" he knew he was somehow going to have to apologize to her and the prank might be adding to insult to injury after whatever he did to make her cry. But hey, everything has its own pace, right?

"Okay now what do I know about her," Naruto said as he rubbed his chin. She was pretty mean, to him at least, and she does not handle surprises well. And right now her cover is….!

"Ah heh heh heh," Naruto chuckled, "I am so going to enjoy this, dattebayoooooo hahaha." He then moved his already bitten thumb to his lips.

"Still like to dig your holes, I see," Kakashi observed.

"Oh c'mon, you know meeee. You honestly think I would normally take that shit and swallow it down, dattebayo?"

"Well I guess not," he admitted.

"Right? If I didn't do something she would hold it over me or something, well that was my thought process anyway."

"You mean it wasn't simple-minded revenge?"

"…okay maybe it was…." Kakashi just shook his head. "Oh c'mon, don't tell me this is uncommon for me."

"True, if someone doesn't put you in your place, or make it obvious, you usually tend to escalate things. Honestly," Kakashi paused a bit, probably picking his words carefully. "I shudder thinking what would happen if someone declared war on you, no holds barred."

Naruto just smiled at him, then he replied, "oh you know, all hell would break loose."

"Alright, I'll think more about in the morning," Naruto said out loud as a small white cloud in front of him disappeared. Naruto let out a small sigh. "Jeez this is such a hassle. All right, now for some light reading," he said he pulled out one of the PARC documents. Naruto didn't exactly seal them in order so he just stuck to the first one that came out and hid his scroll. Hey, he had three versions, one that was a vocabulary mess, the second was a top-secret military research type of shit, and finally, the one in his hands, was some weird and poorly written porn involving crabs. He was in no rush. He just began to read through the poorly written porn, hoping to rip off something useful the next time pervy-sage asked him to contribute something. But….

"Shit this is boring," Naruto said, using his left arm as a head rest while he read lying on his belly on the bed. "A lot of the words aren't spelled right and besides the initial shock there really isn't much going on. I think there's good concept somewhere in here, but…" he sighed as he finished skimming the last page. He flipped the page over on top of the stack of read pages, wishing they were stapled. "Mm?" He noticed another set of writing on the back of the last page, one that didn't follow the layout the other documents had.

"Ooooooh, I wrote this," Naruto let out as he read his own work. Honestly it seemed like a rip off from one of his "master's" novel with a few deviations here and there but for the most part it oddly didn't stray. "Yeah not keeping this habit," Naruto said to himself flipping the pile of documents over.

"Yo," he heard along with the sound of the door opening. "Hey kiddoooooooohh whateryou doing?"

"Ah…." Naruto let out like while looking at the old man dressed in a yellow robe this time and tied with the attached yellow belt. "Just…some uh-some light reading…yeah. I…uh…yeah," Naruto said unsure of what to say.

"I see," Jiraiya said as he quickly made his way and snatched the files before Naruto had a chance to secure them. Naruto, after pushing through his initial shock, tried to recuperate them.

"Hey!" He yelled, failing to recover the documents.

"tsumea-cra-fghe-darithe-" the old man muttered as he read. "Huh," he eventually said skimming through a few pages, "Kiddo, you got a fucked mind, interesting, certainly creative, but fucked up nonetheless," he said turning it over and began to read something on the back that caught his eyes.

"Wha-I DIDN'T WRITE THAT!"

"Sure you did, it's your crappy handwriting," he said, dawning on Naruto that he and Gamatatsu, assuming he wrote it, had very similar handwriting. "Also a bunch of grammatical and spelling errors. Really, who the hell spells park with a 'c' huh? Also, this bit of work on the back, I could tell you were trying to make something and I get it, fanfic is a good learning tool and all, but c'mon kid, if you're going to follow the script from my book, deviate a little more, experiment, add details that were not originally in my book, have more fun with it. Be creative!"

"But I-" Naruto stopped in mid-sentence as he realized that if he denied it any further, he would be questioned as to how he got the document. And knowing the old man, Naruto was not going to have a good time. Or least he would have to put in a lot of effort to be annoying. Wasting effort and time that could be used to train. "Oh sonnavabitch," he muttered after realizing what he was about to take credit for.

"It's alright, kid. God knows you're not the most literate person in the world, and before you guess, it means you're not good reading and or writing, but low and behold, you're trying. You're finally coming around to my way. All that training is finally paying off," he said with a proud smile accompanied by a small sniffle while wiping away imaginary tears.

"OI! I want real training!"

"AND YOU'LL GET IT MY-BOY! BY THE TIME THIS TRAINING TRIP IS DONE, YOU'LL BE AN ARTIST THE WORLD HAS NEVER SEEN BEFORE! YOU'LL BE THE VERY DEFINITION OF SE-!"

"NO-STOP!" Naruto quickly interrupted, "you very damn well know what I mean, dattebayo!"

"Of course-of course," Jiraiya quickly waved away. "But you see, this little writing interest of yours couldn't have come a better time. You see I met my contact earlier-"

"WHEN?" Naruto said out loud, as far as he knew, the perverted old guy didn't do shit the entire time.

"-and we got into a bit of hiccup if you can imagine it," he continued, ignoring Naruto.

"Oi oi, what the hell is going on?"

"Oh well you see, I need to go to a nearby village to collect something very important, ah, documents I think. And the thing is ah-well, we already paid for the days we'd stay for sooo… I'm going to leave you here alone and issue an ultimatum."

"…."

"…"

"…A tomato? Really?"

Jiraiya sighed. "Ultimatum, basically, do one of two things I will make you do, and as reward for your recent attempt, you can do a mixture of both, or I will give you shit techniques."

"Wait…you mean…."

"I realized that taking away your ramen has become a rather boring punishment. To remedy that, I am mixing it up a bit. Instead, since you are SO eager to train, instead of giving you mind blowing techniques, I will give you shitty ones instead. I know, I know, you'll say something like 'that's stupid' or 'I not gonna do it, believe it,' wah. But the thing is…you will do it because you have nothing else to do, no other way to fulfill that desire of yours to train. Oh and the good part, just to add salt to the wound, I will eat very expensive and aromatic ramen around you. Ramen you can't afford. And by the time we get back you'll be known as 'that one idiot in Konoha dressed in orange with a bunch of shitty moves.' Don't get me wrong, they work and will keep you alive, but they're shit."

Naruto just stared at him with wide eyes. "…You sick fuck," was all he was able to say.

"Oh I know, hehe," he laughed as he envisioned his plan. "So you have two goals and you can mix and match to a reasonable degree. One goal is to write constructive criticism and or short stories like you have so far but the short stories must be about the book series and it has to be a continuation. In total, it has to add up to 60 pages, really 30 if you count both sides but whatever. And no you can't make the words giant or big to fill up the page nor can you do something like make one huge sentence with a lot of verys in the middle. With me so far?" Naruto grumbled and nodded. "Good. The second alternative goal is that you have to steal used panties."

"…Sorry what?"

"Five used panties, a single one is worth twelve pages, ah six pages if you count both sides. No you can't buy them and you can't use old women. Well you can but for your sanity I hope you don't. And believe me I will know if they were worn by girls, you can 'believe' that. Oh and that mixture can be you writing how you stole the panties plus a few pairs, I mean it is for research purposes so it counts."

"…Pervy–sage…" Naruto slowly began, "what the fuck is wrong with you? I really wanna know. I mean I get if you want me to take pictures of sexy girls in bikinis and what not, but used panties, that's kinda fucked up 'ttebayo."

"Hint-hint as to what the next antagonist will be like," Jiraiya said.

"Don't you already have a bunch of panty creeps in your books?"

"Jeez this kid; those were just perverts! Trust me this guy's the creep of the creeps. He's the type that would sneak into girl's room when they're fast asleep and steal all their panties."

"Um…"

"I know I know, not much but I am developing him. I'm going to escalate him to do bigger worse things. Like rape girls in front of their lovers or parents or something then get them involved in cruel but very lewd ways."

"…goddamn dude."

"Yeah, I know, I need to work on it, I mean really work on it. I want this guy to be able to piss my readers and get them going if you know what I mean."

"Please stop," Naruto begged. Then it hit him. "Wait…when are you leaving?"

"Um…" Jiraiya trailed off. "The story I'm working on is on the table, it's a copy."
"Okay, when. Are. You. Leaving?"

"Ohhhh about say um…quite a while ago?" Jiraiya could barely contain his smile when the look on Naruto face began to reflect his thoughts.

"No, fuck no, you're not-"

"SMOKE BOMB!" Jiraiya yelled making his hand explode as he exploded into smoke. A shadow clone.

"HEEEEY! YOU ASSHOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"I'm guessing that's a reoccurring thing." Kakashi said, taking Jiraiya's punishment into consideration for possible future use.

"After that yeah. He would leave, let me know in some way, and by the time I found out, he was long gone. He'd leave hint and it would take me days or so to figure out where the hell he went. And the worst part of it all, he never pays me back and leaves me without any cash! How fucked up is that?"

"Meh," Kakashi let out with shrug. "It shouldn't be a big deal for us. But I have to ask, even if we did just talk about it. You made that girl upset, crying basically, and she made you pay for it physically, and the very first thing you do is think of a way to retaliate?"

"…I had no idea why she hit me and she didn't say," Naruto defended himself once again, "if you're going to hit someone out of anger, at least let them know why, right? Also, what part of this surprising to you? I used to be the best goddamn prankster in Konoha with a long history of awesome stunts."

"…Oh yeah, that's right," Kakashi said recalling the historically acurate bit.

"I don't know how you forget that."

The morning came and Naruto was near the entrance to the resort henged as a guy with orange hair and tanned skin with brown eyes. "I don't know why I plan things," Naruto muttered. Honestly his original plan was to just go around dressed up as a guy with two salamanders and attack Fuu and her perverted lover and see what embarrassing thing he could do to her.

Once more, one of his summons said it was stupid and the other said he wanted cake. Both were tired. So, they didn't bother with it. Instead he gave them one job and hoped it worked.

"It never goes according to plan," Naruto muttered. But improvising, well it's not that he was good at it but he knew how to have fun with the tools he had available.

"That was not your plan," Kakashi said, "pretty sure you had something bigger in mind."

"Meh I forgot what the original plan was. All I remember is that it required henge and two toads. Anyways, I improvised," Naruto continues to explain.

Naruto waited near the entrance, there were two guards armed with spears posted but they just assumed the kid was waiting for someone, and Naruto was. Next to one of the guards was a statue of wolverine mimicking a Tanuki. The statue was actually a clone using henge. The guards were originally curious but have since dropped it. Good thing too because it was necessary for his plan.

The entrance to the resort looked like the entrance of Japanese castle with roof tiles and everything. In front of the entrance had marble floors that led to three different directions, one led to the pools, another led to nature path, and the third led to the main office, all three paths were separated by buildings, as to what they were, Naruto didn't know and he didn't care.

He had the toads set up nearby and this time they did agree with his plan. Fu could be anywhere and if she was the ninja they were looking for then they'd probably tail her and corner her somewhere away from the public. But Naruto had clones henged into tourist he had seen, they'd disturb them until Fu got to the entrance. If he wanted his new improvised plan to work, then he needed her in a clear site for everyone to see.

It's around times like these that Naruto gets really vivid imaginations of what his clones do. Naruto shook the thoughts away and got ready, for his plan to work he needed Fu near the entrance. He smiled when he saw Fu walking his way. She wore a red winter Kimono that looked like it was heavy, probably for the snow, along with a few scrolls tied to her kimono waistband and a sheathed sword. She had her short hair tied back into a ponytail, her orange clip nowhere to be found.

Then Naruto saw Masahiko approach with a posse of what Naruto could only assume to be shinobi dressed in tuxedos, including the blond guy with purple lipstick and steam tattoo for eyebrows…oh and Kimiko…FUCK!

OH C'MON! Naruto shouted internally. IT NEVER GOES ACCORDING TO PLAN!

"Okay, now I'm really curious, what was the plan that time," Kakashi asked with genuine curiosity.

"Look it doesn't matter," Naruto quickly tried to brush it off.

"In other words, you forgot," Kakashi clarified which irritated Naruto.

"Like I said, it doesn't matter," he justified, "the important thing is that I needed to improvise!"

"Oh, um," Naruto said to one of the guards, but it caught both of their attention. "Look I'm really sorry about this."

"Huh? Sorry about what, kid?"

"I kind of had something planned but now I need to improvise, Shadow Clone jutsu!" Instantly five clones came into existence and attacked the guard!

"WHa-What the-MMMGNNFGLndgilkng," the guard was quickly overwhelmed and was dragged out of sight.

"Wha-hey!" the guard near the tanuki statue brought his spear to bear but the clone disguised as a tanuki statue released its henge and quickly put the guard in a choke hold while dragging him away from sight, "HEOK!"

Fu was walking out in a henge that made her body physically taller, touched up her features, or rather made her neck more aged (one of the ways you can tell a woman's age is by her neck) but her clothes were still normal clothes, a small way to save chakra.

She failed the mission. She was in the right spot, but she misjudged the time and the opportunity she would have. And now some asshole with a salamander had her prize and she….

Fu sighed. You win some and you lose some. She dreaded leaving empty handed, especially since it wasn't her plan, not entirely. But what else can you do? The thing was gone, the copy was gone, and if by some chance she figured out there was an extra, it would be way too closely guarded at this point.

So now her only option was to leave empty handed and face whatever was coming to her.

"Chiaza," she nearly jumped when she heard Masahiko's voice. She turned to greet the man only to find him wearing a black suit that matched what she assumed to be ten shinobi around him.

"Masahiko," she said. You can do this. At worst, I can run out and use Usappe as a distraction, she mentally prepared herself, "here to see my off," she asked with a warm but sad smile, then she acted like she just noticed everyone else. "Oh, um…I, I don't think you should pressure my father."

"Chiaza…you can drop the act," Masahiko said casually.

"Whatever do you mean," she kept up the facade.

"I've known from the very beginning that you were acting," he admitted. "I'll admit though, I'm pretty impressed by your act."

"Oh yeah. That's right," Naruto said, "I remember him saying that the night before after Kimiko told him to quit playing dumb. Something like 'Pooh! and I was having so much fun with my new toy,' or some crap like that. He said that if it was going to 'break' anyway, he might as well be the one to do it," Naruto rolled his eyes, "fucking asshole."

"Naruto, tell the story, if you forgot the bit, just drop it and make something up," Kakashi said.

"Yeah-no this is my fucking story. I'll tell it how I want, thank you very much!"

"Jeez, just offering advice," Kakashi said raising his hands in order to calm Naruto down. "No need to be hostile. So, what did you do next?"

"The only thing I could do…I…needed a little help with something."

Okay and now…ah…how do I…! Right I can do that! Alright, furball I don't need a lot, just a smidge to puff my chest out! Naruto thought to himself as he eyed the events from the edge of the entrance.

"Huh? What do you mean? I've been truthful with you," Oh C'mon! Fu mentally yelled, now you're playing that card? You didn't seem to care last night!

"Sorry, but that's not gonna fly this time," Kimiko interjected, "a lot of the background you provided sounded too farfetched to begin with. While you have been jogging in your spare time, we have not seen your swordsmanship, either by demonstration or in your personal time."

Crap, this is why I hate busybodies like her, so freakin' anal! Fu mentally seethed.

"Huh? But you guys never asked for one?"

"So you'd show us something right now, then?"

"Weeeeeeeeelllllll…." A few shinobis chuckled, knowing the answer was no.

"Facts are facts," Masahiko shrugged as he walked close to Fu.

"That's right. And everything I said is the fact-ful truth," Fu said, about ready to produce a kunai from her sleeves. Masahiko however grabbed her hands with surprising speed, he caught them by the wrist, keeping them up.

"Say, we're you about drop your hands in a motion for kunais to come out? That's a shinobi trick innit," Masahiko asked with a small grin. Fu kept a straight face but she was gritting her teeth. Seeing no option left…Fu was now-

"UNHAND MY CHIASA YOU CRETIN!"

"Huh?" Everyone turned their sights to the entrance to see a tall man walking through the front gate, casually tossing two armored men to the sides with each hand. The tall man looked aged and a bit tanned by the sun, obviously a guy who wasn't shy to hard physical efforts. He had lime green hair that was obviously dyed that way (the original color underneath the green looked like it was fading brown), he wore black kimono that didn't go well with his hair and body color. He had a few light scars on his face, but the one that drew everyone's attention was the scar on his right eye.

"Wait, is that," Fu muttered under her breath while her eyes slowly grew wide.

"Oh, that's a good one," Masahiko said with a playful smile as he released fu. "Let me guess, you're her father," he said as he pointed to the newcomer.

"HUH?" the green (dyed) haired man let out in annoyance. "What did you just call me?"

"Tch," Masahiko let out with an amused smile, "I'll admit it's a good performance but I-uh," Masahiko was interrupted when one of his men grabbed his shoulder, Masahiko turned to give the man a glare, he was Dan-Ken, one of the two and he was pail with cold sweats trailing down his face, evidently scared.

"S-sir, please, don't mess with him," the man said as he trembled, "his chakra I-I never felt something so malicious before." Masahiko just stared at the man, remembering that he was specifically hired for his aspiring sensor-nin abilities, not top class but it was still rare. He turned to face the old man who kept walking forward. He noticed that the man was not carrying any swords.

"Are you really her father then, funny I don't see your swords anywhere," Swordsman or not, Masahiko had a bunch of shinobi with, had it been Akatsuki or one of the three Sanins or some other well-known S-rank shinobi, then he might have backed off, but to an unrecognizable person? You can bet he was going to stand his ground.

"Again? Why you little-"

"I apologize for the rudeness but your 'daughter' ha-" He cut himself off. Right away he felt it. Dread, the feeling the sensor-nin was talking about, he didn't exactly know what it felt like but right now it felt like someone was going to kill him.

"You brat," the man gritted out with veins popping from his neck, an ominous and downright malicious aura radiating off him while his face was filled with pure rage, almost like a demonic angry Buddha. All the shinobi's were more or less ready to act, all they needed was one good quick movement to respond to. "YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE I'M OLD I CAN'T HAVE A YOUNG FIANCEEEE!"

"...Huh?" various shinobi let out.

"…" Fu was speechless, her mouth was opening and closing but she couldn't say anything.

"F-fi-f-fiancé," Masahiko stammered as he stared at the old man.

"That's right, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was at my private villa in a lovely little village far from the affairs of the world. Then one day this stunning young woman shows up my school asking for a fight. She held her own but my school's explosive palm knows no equal!"

"Explosive palm," one of the shinobi questioned.

"DID I SAY YOU COULD SPEAK!"

"Sorry!"

"Ahem, after our bout, she confessed her love for the technique, and by extension, me. At first I stupidly refused, but she did not give up. She would follow me around, watch me from afar, and even meditate with me. I saw her dedication and not only that I realized that we had so much in common. She had the exact same hobbies as I do, the exact same favorite foods, the same interest in stories."

"N-no," one of the members from the shinobi posse muttered, "it just sounds like she studied everything about you."

"We even had the same allergies and childhood nickname. Pancho!"

"That uh, that kind of makes it obvious," The blond eyebrow-less shinobi with purple lipstick said with his eyes wide open.

"I know! Oh-what a fool I was to ignore such a kindred spirit let alone a soulmate!" The old man shouted for everyone to hear. "After that day, I welcomed her into my arms and began to teach her my art while she, in turn, taught me swordplay! It's a long painful process you know! But there's no way in hell I would subject my lovely fiancé to such a thing and ruin her beautiful hands!"

"Don't you get blisters from practising to use a sword?" One of the shinobi asked another.

"Yeah, you get calluses on your palms and fingers for any weapon," was the reply from a different shinobi.

"So I'm searching for a less intensive way to get the same result as a wedding gift! And actual wedding gift! And then, when she finally masters it, we can finally marry!"

"You won't marry unless she learns the technique," the blond shinobi with purple lipstick questioned. "Isn't that-"

"I know! What dotty, doting, dutiful young woman she is, isn't she? She doesn't want to hurt my image by being a wife who can't stand by her man or support him," the old man had his eyes closed while he smiled, a fist brought up and clenched tightly, almost as if to contain his joy. "Oh, how blessed I am to be the man to such a chaste woman."

"Chaste," everyone but Fu, who was still more or less stunned, asked out loud with a level of skepticism.

"Yes, my sweet little angel!" He shouted once more. "Yes, she is such a shy and sweet thing that we made a promise to not do "intimate" acts before our wedding day! Not only that, but her drive and dedication was so strong that it also motivated all of my students! Oh I remember how they were all eager to have private sessions with my sweet Fu and teach her the basics of my school. They were all secretive about it but I caught my students going with her into the room of endurance where even sounds can't leave the room to practice, I'm brought to tears just thinking of my student's attitude to help her marry me," he said with literal tears in his eyes while he smiled. "Sometimes she would even go with two or three of my students at a time! And every day everyone would have this glow radiating off of them, it's like all their stress and frustrations were washed away after a training session!"

"Actually…it sounds like she was just getting them off," the blond shinobi with purple lipstick said.

"I KNOW! GETTING THEM OFF THEIR LAZY ASSES AND THRUST THEIR HARD AND ERECT PASSION FOR THE SCHOOL! OOOOH WHAT YOUTHFUL VIGOR!" The man yelled as he was engulfed in what could only be described as the youthful flame of extraneous effort!

"Ah…" were the multitude of drawls that leaked out of present party's mouth.

"It, it was just a short time ago that tragedy struck. My mother, who was against our promise, became ill with a terrible fever. Chiasa, like the most angelic daughter a mother could ask for, took it upon herself to nurse my dear ol' mum back to health. Sadly as the days passed by her sanity deteriorated she failed to see the goodness in my angel's heart," he said with actually sad tears in his eyes. "Each and every day she would refuse to eat the delicious soup my angel made and shout 'she's poisoning me, she's poisoning me!' Until she finally died. But I know from bottom of my heart that she's in heaven thanks to my angel's gentle care and her secret family remedy."

"…I, uh, I have no response for that," the blond shinobi admitted.

By this point Fu had a mortified look on her face with her eyes open wide and jaw just barely hanging on. If anyone could read her thoughts they would know it was around the lines of, "God kill me now! PLEASE!"

"My darling Chiasa was so upset over my mother's death that she asked to come here instead of my mum's wake and funeral and full-heartedly agreed. She needed to get away from death."

"…yeah," one of the shinobi said.

"She asked me to wait with a carriage a fair distance away but I couldn't wait to see my darling angel. And what do I come to find. A snot-nosed brat about to take advantage of my angel," he said with veins appearing on his forehead, "or are you going to tell me it was something else."

"Well I um-" Masahiko began while trying to process everything he heard.

"Oh Honey," Fu began as she walked up to the old man with a very cheery expression. She wrapped herself around his left arm and used one hand to console him, "he caught me when I was about to fall. He didn't mean anything bad by it," she explained.

"Oh," the old man labelled as "Honey," said as he visibly relaxed. "I see." He turned to face Mashiko and bowed a bit. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions."

"Ah no," Masahiko struggled at the new revelations, "I'm sorry for my rudeness I've been on edge ever since some tricky business went down last night."

"Tricky business? Was it this parks filth?" honey pulled out a stack of paper.

"HUH! This! This is-!" Masahiko shouted as he grabbed the stack of paper.

"A poorly written excuse of smut," Honey said angrily before he realized what he said. "AH! Not that I read such things, my darling little angel," he quickly said in a failed suave voice that just sounded weird.

"I know, honey," Fu said with an obviously forced smile, and in such a fashion that it would not show, she gripped his arm so that it would hurt. "You're a very pure man," she said.

"Uhahahaha, yes." He said while facing the opposite direction, in an attempt to ignore the pain.

"He cheated," one of the shinobi whispered, clearly confusing the gesture.

"Ah huh," another agreed.

"It's different but there's no mistake. Where did you get this," Masahiko asked with a hint of desperation?

"From a guest who checked out this morning. He sold it to me for 200 ryos then ran off. Then I found out from another person that resort is handing out a bunch of these out for free! I will kill that swindler should we meet again," he swore.

"200 RYOS! Wait...This resort," Masahiko asked with a panicked expression.

"Who the fuck writes this smut," everyone turned to see a bald guy walking while reading a stack of papers. "Why would the resort just hand this out." Right away Masahiko ran up to the man.

"Um excuse me I'm with the resort, where did you get this unauthorized material?"

"Huh? What? But the guy was wearing your uniform."

"That man is an imposter, we need to catch him right away!"

"Oh well he's at the hot spring with the slides." He quickly turned to them and stared at the blond Shinobi with purple lipstick. He immediately knew what Masahiko wanted and pointed to half of the shinobi with him and then quickly pointed to the direction of the hot spring with the slides, the shinobis who were pointed at quickly ran off in the direction.

"I am very sorry that you had to read such garbage sir," Kimiko told the man, then grabbed a paper and gave it to the old man, "if you hand this to the main office down there you will get a free massage."

"Oh, a massage, why thank you, I suppose I can stay a while a longer," the man said as he headed that direction.

"If there's nothing else," Honey said loudly. "I'll take my angel home," he said as both he and Fu turned around and began walking.

"Out of curiosity," Kimiko began "explosive fist, its a kekkei genkai related technique isn't?"

"Huh," Honey let out, "it's my own brand of martial arts."

"Really? How rigorous is the training course?"

"Very rigorous."

"How long is the average basic muscle training?"

"two months."

"That's for the whole body?"

"Yes."

"I see. How far up does one have to kick?"

"As high I say."

"…. What does kicking have to do with hand techniques not to mention full body strengthening?" Honey twitched. "It's longer than two months also wouldn't the focus be on learning the principles behind an explosion on your palm and not blowing it up?"

"Well that's-" he began to try to explain himself but it was obvious he was fumbling and Kimiko cut him off.

"It was a good idea to make your hair look dyed for us to assume you did it out of misplaced love, but in the end, you weren't smart enough to focus on the things that mattered, like the hands. For a technique that is supposedly so intensive that you worried for the sake of your bride to be's beauty, there are no scarring on your hands whatsoever." Honey looked at his hands in mild surprise. There was, in fact, scarring on his hands…but the thing is, he still looked down in surprise. "Looks like we caught the idiot."

"Ah," he let out realizing what he had done.

Two kunai sailed through the air at high-speed at Fu and Honey only for the two to explode into white smoke and disappear.

"Che!" The blond guy with purple lipstick let out with his hands in front of him. He was the source of the Kunai. "SPREAD OUT!" He yelled as he and the remaining shinobi ran out the gate in search of the duo. Said duo, however, we actually still inside the resort.

"what the-" Masahiko let out, clearly confused by what just happened. Then his faced morphed into one of anger, "arrrrg YOU BETTER FIND THEM!"

"So?"

"I think my original plan was to go around and give out the porn version of the thing I stole and have them too busy searching for the copies to bother with Fu while I embarrass her in some way but Kimiko was there and that messed it up somehow. Anyway, had Gamatsu whip a bunch more and then I had a clone hand it out," Naruto said with a smile.

"So…your solution to a group dead set after a secret document was to make it public and spread it out as much as you can…that's a really good idea," Kakashi said while putting his hand on his masked chin. Honestly, Kakashi would have just traded it back for a girl he was invested in or a teammate if he couldn't bail the person out with his strength. If didn't care about the person, he'd just keep it a secret and return it to the village. So, doing what Naruto did was not something he would have ever considered.

"Document doesn't mean jackshit to me but they cared a lot about it so I figured I'd have a laugh and make them work hard to keep it a secret, dattebayo," he said with big smile.

"You messed up in the end, though," Kakashi pointed out.

"Well-I-um…Yeah," Naruto admitted sheepishly while rubbing the back of his head, but still smiled, "thank god Gamakishi was smart enough to substitute me and Fu with his brother and then cancel the summoning contract."

"I see, still that was pretty bold what you did."

"Yeah, I know, hahaha the look on her face, that alone made it worth it. I could barely hold it together," Naruto laughed.

"I see, so they left the resort to look for you guys. Where did you go?"

"Back to where I was staying."

The door shut as two shinobis ran inside and put their backs against the door. They were both huffing, running straight from the entrance all the way there at full speed would do that. Fu had long since abandoned her henge but now the clothes clung a bit loosely on her. Naruto had also dropped the henge. He was still wearing his attire and band-aid, but he was huffing pretty hard too. That was too close for either of them.

Fu turned to look at Naruto. Naruto noticed and turned to look at her. After a few moments of staring at each other Naruto started a slow laughing between huffs. Fu's face began to morph to angry expression as Naruto laughed.

"Heeeh hahaha heeeeh haaahahahaa heeh hahaahahaa," he laughed.

"Arrg," Fu growled while flushing a bit, "youuuuu ASSHOLE!"

"HAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" Naruto quickly got off the door as Fu quickly tried to get her hands on him. She quickly chased him and talked him down to the ground! "OH! HOHOHOHO!"

"You little-YOU THINK THAT WAS FUNNY?" She shouted as Naruto turned to face her, still amused.

"YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR FACE! PRICELESS!" He shouted while she straddled his waist.

"Arg!" She let out a growl while blushing, most likely remembering what she had to endure, and then proceeded to bring her fists down on him in a very chaotic matter, looking more like a girl throwing a tantrum than a hardened shinobi.

"OW-hahaha-OH-OW-hahaha," Naruto was using his arm to block her "attacks" but it didn't stop his mood.

"Not only did you say all that crap! YOU STILL BLEW THE COVER!"

"It-it was already blown hahahaha!"

This went on for another two minutes before the two of them managed to calm down, Fu was catching her breath again while Naruto rested his well-bruised arms.

"Haaaaa," he drawled for a bit. "I overheard them last night. You didn't really fool them."

"I know," she said. "But he played along and I figured he would keep doing it thinking he was playing me if kept the act up. I had a job to do and it was the best plan."

"Was it really worth it?"

"…I'll kill you."

"Ah huh," Naruto said, used to her death threats, but this one felt a bit different. Still, he brushed it off.

"Look I don't have time for this. Do you even know what thing you gave him was?"

"Something weird porn called with Parks with crab in it," Naruto answered with a nonchalant shrug.

"It's something else, retard. Probably a bad translation or stupid cypher. Either way, whoever was distributing it must have the original I need to get it while everyone thinks I'm on the run." She got off of Naruto and was heading towards the door. "Thanks for the help but I need to get the original copy. So, stay out of my way!"

"You mean this?"

"No, you idiot" she glanced at Naruto before opening the door, "you don't even know wha-" she stopped herself. She closed the door. She slowly turned around to see Naruto with the smuggest smile anyone could have while he laid on the ground holding up a red file with a golden eagle wax on it. She opened her mouth and sort of closed it and then opened it again. "Wh-ahem," she cleared her throat, "tsk-where did you get that," she calmly asked.

"I stole it last night, at the thing. Stole a cake too," Naruto said while he stood up, still smiling.

Fu walked towards him. He put the file in front of her. Nodded for her to take it.

"Bullshit," she finally said as she took it. She looked over the file, she kept scanning it, "this can't be real."

"Permanent Artificial Recreation of some Crab Summoning," Naruto said holding up another stack of papers. "Cyphered," he said smiling.

"DE-cyphered," Fu corrected as she snatched it. She skimmed it. To her dismay…it looked legit. "HOW? I mean…it's you! Do you know how long I spent trying to get this?"

"Beats me, was it that long?"

"Yeah, how long did you plan this!?"

"Um…beats me, two minutes maybe," Naruto replied still smiling.

"What?"

"Hey I was there and I thought, "why the hell not?" Ya gotta admit though. Not bad for a "poor excuse of a ninja," huh? All that time you used and it barely took me any effort, dattebayo."

Fu was silent for a bit before she said, "Hey. Thanks for the help and...about this-"

"You can have it," Naruto said with a shrug, "got nothing to do with me. Just wish I got some decent training but this was pretty fun."

"…thanks. Mind doing me a favor?"

"Hmm?" Fu put one hand on Naruto's shoulder and gripped it very hard.

"Let me beat you to death until the stain on my soul comes off," she said with her part of her face darkened by the way she positioned her head.

"…Your…Y-you're not asking…are you?" Naruto asked with cold sweats trialling down his cheeks.

"…I'm not," she admitted.

"Saw that a mile away," Kakashi admitted with a small chuckle.

"Yeah-yeah," Naruto waved, "but she did make it up to me."

"Really now?"

"Well yeah," Naruto shrugged, "I mean for once pervy-sage screwing with me turned out to be a good thing. I hate it but that tomato thing of his probably saved my ass that day. And well," he smiled, "one thing led to another and…." Naruto blushed a bit.

"And?" Kakashi egged on.

"I…um..." Naruto shuffled in place a bit while still blushing, "I got to know Fu better."