A/N: Hey, I'm alive! This is my first update since February, I think. Well, I hope you still like these interviews.
A Guest asked about where did I hear of Breck hair care. And well, to answer you, I just found it on Google, really.
Thank you for everyone who sended the fan-letters, you can still send more, and if you haven't seen yours yet, just remember there are still some on hold. I copied and pasted the fan-letters just as readers sent it to me; I didn't change a letter in them.
I wanted to add Mal, Neil and Brian in the beggining. The user "EveningInHornersCorners" was the one who reviewed about wanting Brian to appear. I know it's short, but I hope it's enough! Maybe he'll participate more in future interviews!
MAL: That's it! Stop it, you two!
Q: Huh? Stop what?
MAL: John and Paul!
BRIAN: Again? What did they do this time?
NEIL: We caught them… again.
JOHN: Why does everyone keep walking on us?
NEIL: Why do you never shut the door and make out everywhere?
RINGO: Bah, I'm used to it. I once caught them on my own house.
NEIL: Up against the wall!
BRIAN: They broke my coffee table!
GEORGE: Inside the closet!
MAL: In the van!
BRIAN: In the back seat of my car!
GEORGE: Inside an elevator!
RINGO: And in a good amount of loos!
PAUL: Stop it, will you?
Q: I have to agree with Paul! We have to start today's interview! Now, we have three more people with us, because apparently my sanity isn't something people worry about. Introduce yourselves?
BRIAN: I'm the Beatles' manager.
GEORGE: Why so serious, Eppy? Tell them more! Tell them about how you found us!
JOHN: Yes, Eppy! Tell them how much you fancy me!
GEORGE: Will you fucking behave, Lennon?!
BRIAN: It all began one October 28 of 1961…
RINGO: You remember? Gee, sometimes I even forget John's middle name.
BRIAN: A lad came into my record store and asked for a Beatles' record. It was difficult to find it, because it was under the name of "Tony Sheridan and the Beat Brothers", but once I found it, one thing led to another, and there I was, walking to the stinky Cavern to hear them.
Q: Yes, I knew about you, Brian. You're the one that sets up the interviews, after all. Now, who are the other two men?
NEIL: I'm Neil and he's Mal. We're friends and rodies!
RINGO: Run fast before they try to turn you into a queer!
MAL: Yes, we better go now… Let's get something to eat, Neil.
GEORGE: Eat? Food? Hungry? Yes!
BRIAN: Unfortunately, I'm sure you have plenty of fan letters to answer.
Q: And boy, you do!
GEORGE: But I want to eat!
NEIL: Bye, everyone! It was a pleasure making a TV appearance!
BRIAN: We'll pick you up when we're done, lads.
PAUL: You're leaving us?!
RINGO: Life's not easy, kid.
Q: Alright! First letter!
"Dear Beat-Owls ,
it seems that you 4 get REALL friendly in these interviews ! should we start keeping score on the whole McLennon and Starrison thing ?
Paul you totes look like a girl , but hey ! at least your pretty . :)
John you are a fantastic bastard and don't let anyone tell you different ! even though your nose fan club has revlatively less than Ringo's.
Ringo I would be honored to be Vice President of your nose fan club , your awesome .
George your relationship with food is a better love story than Titanic . kudos to you sir .so I heres my questions ,if you could change your names what would they be ?
what's your favorite animal a lion or a bear ?
what would you do before the apoclype ?Love always and forever , Bianca ."
GEORGE: I can't believe that something that started as a simple joke went that further. I mean, McLennon? Starrison?
JOHN: What joke are you talking about?
RINGO: Yes, George, what joke?
GEORGE: Agh, you are impossible!
PAUL: I look like a girl but I'm pretty. Should I be flattered?
JOHN: I'm the fantastic bastard. So I'm the one that should be flattered.
PAUL: That's not fair!
RINGO: Relax, kid. You're still the "cute Beatle"
JOHN: And we have to talk about that bloody fan-club for Ringo's nose!
RINGO: She wants to be vice-president of my fan-club and not yours!
JOHN: I'm the president of my own fan-club! And Paul's the vice-president!
PAUL: Wait, what?
JOHN: Don't you adore my nose?
PAUL: I can't say no… But there are certainly parts of your body that I like better.
JOHN: …Like what?
GEORGE: So hey! A better love story than Titanic? I didn't know Titanic was a love story… It's a tragic one, ain't it?
PAUL: Imagine everything that died on that ship! Not only the people, but also a lot of dreams, hopes, romances!
RINGO: You look like a girl and sound like one. Just lovely.
Q: Don't forget about the questions, boys!
"so I heres my questions ,if you could change your names what would they be ?
what's your favorite animal a lion or a bear ?
what would you do before the apoclype ?Love always and forever , Bianca ."
RINGO: I practically changed my name from Richard Starkey to Ringo Starr, so…
PAUL: I like my name! In the past I liked to call myself Paul Ramone, but nah, that's an old story. Maybe I would eliminate the "James"? I love you dad, but seriously? James Paul?
JOHN: I like my name. The bad thing is that it's such a common name… Nevertheless the four of us have common names. There must be plenty of Paul McCartneys and George Harrisons out there.
GEORGE: Mmm… Maybe I would change it to Georges?
JOHN: No, thank you. One George is enough.
GEORGE: It's a French name! There was a guy in Hamburg whose name was that!
JOHN: And you shagged him? Jesus, then you say I'm the queer one.
GEORGE: No, I just met him and I thought his name was really cool!
JOHN: Maybe I would eliminate the "Winston". Reminds me of Churchill so much. But then again, I like it 50% of the time.
Q: And the question about if you preferred a lion or a bear?
RINGO: Bear? They're friendlier, I think.
GEORGE: Teddy bears are friendlier. I don't think you want to come across a real one.
JOHN: But you have to be more specific about what kind of bear! Polar bear? Panda bear? Brown bear? Asian black bear?
PAUL: I like panda bears!
JOHN: Bet you would look extremely adorable with a panda hat.
GEORGE: Lions!
JOHN: Yes, lions! But fuck off! I always have to be the original one!
GEORGE: You fuck off!
Q: Alright… And about the apocalypse?
GEORGE: Pray?
JOHN: Fucking pray? More like a fucking orgy?
PAUL: You would choose an orgy over me?!
JOHN: I thought you would be in it!
PAUL: It's the apocalypse! Which means we'll die! Which means people have to choose to spend their last moments with their loved ones!
RINGO: I would kidnap my mates until they agree to add one of my songs to our next record.
PAUL: Those are not songs. Those are random lyrics with an already existing tune.
JOHN: Remember that song about dogs with the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel"? It didn't even rhyme!
GEORGE: Song about dogs with the tune of that Elvis classic? I didn't hear that one!
RINGO: You were ordering more waffles.
Q: Alright, next! "Hello, Beat-owls! :D (By the way, owls are my favorite animal. You should seriously consider changing your name.)
Some questions for you:
John: Which do you like better, platypi or aardvarks?
Paul: What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Ringo: Would you rather eat your least favorite food or a million waffles (in one sitting)?
George: MARRY ME! Ahem... sorry. Like I was saying, what would you do if you were transported to the future with no way back to your own time?
Beat-owls, you are the best band ever, and it would be so amazing if you would pay me a visit... or at least tell me where and when your next concert is.
Love,
Mrs. Harrison
Um, I mean, an anonymous George- I mean, Beatles- fan 3 :D
P.S. Ringo's nose is not ugly, John!"
GEORGE: Wow! Everyone made such a big deal about the "Beat-owls" thingy!
RINGO: Meh. I wouldn't mind changing the name.
JOHN: So, why did she ask?
Q: "Which do you like better, platypi or aardvarks"
JOHN: What's that supposed to mean? Platypuses or sharks?
PAUL: My favorite ice-cream flavor? If I say vanilla is that too cliché?
Q: "Ringo: Would you rather eat your least favorite food or a million waffles (in one sitting)?"
RINGO: My stomach isn't like George's. I do gain weight, and I do get full. I guess I'd have to eat my least favorite food.
GEORGE: Coward!
Q: "George: MARRY ME! Ahem... sorry. Like I was saying, what would you do if you were transported to the future with no way back to your own time?"
GEORGE: I just keep getting and getting these marriage proposals…
JOHN: Yeah, sure, Mr. Popular.
GEORGE: Was that sarcasm?
JOHN: Indeed!
GEORGE: Well… One can never know! It could be something kind of near like the 70s, or a year like 5000… I don't know… I guess I'll freak out? And then eat? And then go to a record store to see if they still sell our records?
Q: "Beat-owls, you are the best band ever, and it would be so amazing if you would pay me a visit... or at least tell me where and when your next concert is.
Love,
Mrs. Harrison
Um, I mean, an anonymous George- I mean, Beatles- fan 3 :D
P.S. Ringo's nose is not ugly, John!"
JOHN: If people keep saying we're the best band ever, I'm seriously going to start believing it.
GEORGE: And when is our next concert, lads?
PAUL: Eppy knows.
RINGO: Yeah, ask Eppy, girl!
JOHN: And you're right, girl. Ringo's nose is not ugly: it is horrendous.
Q: There's more! "Dear Beatles,Greetings from America! I loooooooooooooooove you guys so much and you make the best music! My first question is for Paul. First, Paul, I love how babyfaced cute you are. Do you do something to your eyebrows? They can't possibly look so precise all the time! Second, John. Firstly, claps for you for being such a fantastic bastard. (I'm clapping but you can't see 'cuz this is a letter.) (P.S. You're my favorite.^^) I dare you, yes dare you, to go the rest of the interview without swearing. Third, George. I love your accent! Especially when you pronounce your r' s.^^ What's the one food you'd NEVER eat? And finally Ringo. I think your nose is cute. And it goes good with your baby blue eyes! Since your the oldest, are you the most mature?Alright, I love you guys!Love, Kirstin"
PAUL: I love how baby-faced cute I am too, hun. Now, for the millionth time: my eyebrows are just perfect and I don't do anything to them!
RINGO: You're never going to admit the truth, are you?
PAUL: What truth?
RINGO: That you shape your eyebrows and wear fake lashes!
PAUL: OK, YOU WENT TOO FAR, THAT'S NOT TRUE!
JOHN: Fake lashes, really Ringo?
GEORGE: Yes, Ringo, you don't want to make Paul angry. He gets so bitchy.
JOHN: Anyway. Claps for me, because I'm such a fantastic bastard and everyone keeps reminding it to me! And I'm everyone's favorite Beatle and they keep reminding it to me, too!
GEORGE: Let's go to the interesting part, where you can't swear for the rest of the interview.
JOHN: Hell, that's not fair!
GEORGE: That counts as a swear! No "hell", "bloody", "fuck", "damn" or something similar!
Q: "Third, George. I love your accent! Especially when you pronounce your r' s.^^ What's the one food you'd NEVER eat?"
GEORGE: Well, thank you! Mmm… something I'd never eat? Maybe bugs?
RINGO: That's not food.
JOHN: It is for some animals, and we're all mammals too.
GEORGE: Or raw meat. Who likes undercooked meals?
PAUL: I'm sure that if you spend three complete days without eating, and then we give you a dish with raw meat, you won't think twice before eating the whole thing.
Q: "And finally Ringo. I think your nose is cute. And it goes good with your baby blue eyes! Since your the oldest, are you the most mature?Alright, I love you guys!Love, Kirstin"
PAUL: Cute? That adjective can only be used to talk about me!
JOHN: And Ringo the most mature? Pfff…
RINGO: Maybe I am!
JOHN: Didn't we all agree that even Julian is more mature than us?
GEORGE: But I think I'm mature!
JOHN: As mature as raw meat?
RINGO: No, I am, because I'm the one who ends fights!
PAUL: You also start them!
Q: You have plenty of time to discuss that after the interview, all right? Now let's move on!
"Hey it's me again,
Sorry for being weird and immature the last time. I have grown up and moved on. Alright, question time!
-Why do you pick on Ringo? He's a cute, big-nosed, kind-hearted, Little, puppy-dog.
-What's you're first memory?
-Is George really a vampire?
-What shampoo do you use? Can you give me some?
-Baths or showers?
-Favorite item of clothing?
-Paul and John do you need therapy for ego problems?
-Blondes, brunettes or red-heads?
-Do you miss your old DA hairstyles?
- What year is this?
-Spoons, forks, chopsticks?
I'm done now. I still love you and my future children will grow up singing your songs (why did I put that there?) I don't know spanish but I can speak welsh so
Wrindaguradi (i said I could speak it not spell it)
Meg"
JOHN: Why do we, or most specifically, I pick on Ringo? He deserves it.
RINGO: I'm a little puppy-dog!
GEORGE: Bark, puppy, bark!
RINGO: Hey!
Q: "-What's you're first memory?"
RINGO: I think I talked about this in the first interview… But I do remember fondly that time when I was finally out of my mom's belly…
JOHN: First memory? Me crying in the crib and the neighbors complaining.
PAUL: My dad playing the piano while I was still inside my mother's belly.
GEORGE: Ah, the first time I tried that warm breast-milk.
Q: "-Is George really a vampire?"
JOHN: I don't know. Are you, George?
GEORGE: Wait, what?
RINGO: I hope you're not…
PAUL: I don't like vampires.
JOHN: They scare you, Macca?
GEORGE: I can't possibly be one!
JOHN: Your pale skin and teeth tell another story.
RINGO: And your appetite!
Q: "-What shampoo do you use? Can you give me some?"
PAUL: Like I told before, I use Breck shampoo, and the other three use it too, because I'm the one who buys it ―or orders someone to buy it―, and that's what they find when they decide they are dirty enough to take a bath ―or at least a shower―. But seriously, Breck shampoo is the best. I would give you some, but I only have one bottle left which I'll use tonight, but you can find it everywhere!
JOHN: Not everywhere. You can't find it on a lion's cage, or inside my wallet, or inside Ringo's nose.
GEORGE: I think I emptied the last bottle when I showered while you were trying to write a song with John…
PAUL: You what?!
RINGO: George, what did you do?! Run fast and go buy the kid a set of ten bottles or he's never going to forgive you!
PAUL: The horror!
JOHN: It's pretty late, actually. All the shops will be closed by the time we come out.
PAUL: That's it; I'll take my bath in your house, John. You live with Cyn. She is a girl. She must have Breck shampoo.
JOHN: Did you just forget the fact that she is in Kensington and we're in America?
PAUL: The horror!
Q: "-Baths or showers?"
PAUL: Is that even a question? Baths!
GEORGE: Yeah, sometimes that's what you need after a hard day's night.
RINGO: I like bubbles!
JOHN: Do they fit inside your nose?
Q: "-Favorite item of clothing?"
JOHN: Definitely not ties.
RINGO: Different item of clothing? People have that?
GEORGE: Girls do. And they are people. So yeah.
RINGO: Do men have that?
JOHN: We can always ask Brian, or Paul.
GEORGE: Do you have, Paul?
PAUL: Why do you assume I have a favorite item of clothing?
GEORGE: I don't know. Why are there some people that think I'm a vampire?
JOHN: Why do people that like Ringo's nose exist?
RINGO: Why does John never shut up?
Q: "-Paul and John do you need therapy for ego problems?"
GEORGE: They sure do.
JOHN: We're fine.
RINGO: You're definitely not fine.
PAUL: We don't have time for therapy, anyways.
JOHN: I can always be your therapist.
PAUL: Get me a bottle of shampoo, and I'll consider it.
JOHN: Damn you, George!
GEORGE: YOU SWEARED!
JOHN: That's not a fucking swear!
RINGO: Johnny-boy has lost the bet!
Q: "-Blondes, brunettes or red-heads?"
JOHN: Blondes. I love blondes. Like Bardot.
PAUL: My girlfriend is a red-head and she's really hot.
RINGO: As long as she has a good heart…
JOHN: Cut that crap!
GEORGE: Language, John!
JOHN: Why don't you die your hair blonde, Paulie?
PAUL: Why don't you die your hair red?
JOHN: It's auburn; kind of reddish, don't you think?
PAUL: Yeah, I love it.
JOHN: Mmmm… But no, don't die your hair blonde; you're kind of the reason why I like brunettes.
GEORGE: Why does it have to be like this every time?
Q: "-Do you miss your old DA hairstyles?"
PAUL: I love my mop-top!
JOHN: We used to wear our hair whatever way our arses wanted to, but bah…
GEORGE: But it's fun to shake it!
Q: "- What year is this?"
JOHN: How disoriented one can be? Are you drunk?
PAUL: Today's date is on the newspaper.
RINGO: Don't be mean!
JOHN: You and your nose can shut up.
Q: "-Spoons, forks, chopsticks?"
GEORGE: That depends. If it's soup, spoon. If it's waffles, forks.
RINGO: And rice? Do you eat rice with a spoon or with a fork?
PAUL: The polite thing to do is to eat it with fork? What kind of person older than 10 eats rice with a spoon?
JOHN: Me, to piss off Mimi!
Q: "I'm done now. I still love you and my future children will grow up singing your songs (why did I put that there?) I don't know spanish but I can speak welsh so
Wrindaguradi (i said I could speak it not spell it)
Meg"
PAUL: I hope we're still alive and making music together by the time you have children!
JOHN: Wrindai-whut?
Q: Wrindaguradi! Now guess what?
GEORGE: Another letter?
Q: Well, there is a bunch on-hold, but today's one is over!
PAUL: Now my three best mates can find me a bottle of shampoo!
GEORGE: All right… Bye, people! And please, please, for our ―or at least mine― own sake, can you not take these too serious?
JOHN: Bah. You tell someone to not do something and they end up doing it.
GEORGE: That's it; I'm screwed.
AN/ About the letter where Bianca says that his relationship with food is a better love story than Titanic, I just wanted to let you know that they didn't know about Titanic's love story because by that time the movie wasn't released yet!
Thanks again!