By Videl - [email protected].
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For three years now I have lived in darkness. Lost by my memories of one. I know he sits there waiting for me to return, for i have watched him silently, never to reveal to him who i truly am now. I miss him deeply and the others too, but i fear myself and what i could possibly do. So i hide. Hide from my true power, the tears and resentment that fill my heart, hide from the fire that burns inside me, and more than all... hide myself from Gohan.
I remember the words Saggess said to me, when she gave me this "dark gift" as she put it. "Fear only the light of day, fear not those of mortal blood. For light is death and blood is life." If i had only have known then how true her words would have been, then maybe i would not have had to suffer. Of coarse, then again if i had known and listened to her, would i still hold the power that i now posses? Well... no need to think of the past now, it's not like i can change what happened. What's past is past, and that's all it will ever be! How I wish i could just go back! turned down a different street, why did Saggess have to choose me? I has happy before all of this! Damnit! I'm sick of thinking about it and dwelling on these pathetic memories! Happiness? Love? Darkness feeds on evil not wondering, thinking of love and things past! I'm not human anymore damnit! So why do i still have to suffer with these stupid mortal emotions?!
I don't understand these damn emotions at all anymore! I don't even understand myself at the moment. Isn't darkness and all the creatures that lurk in its shadow evil? Isn't that what i am now? Evil? I exist in this world only to feed off of humans, god's creation. Good, Evil, innocent and the weak, I have to kill them in order to serve my purpose for living to live, or so to speak. But the questions still press on me, hanging above my head unanswered. Why am i here? Why was it me, off all people, did Saggess have to choose me! I am evil. Even Saggess said so. "All of the night's workings, no matter what form, are evil." But i still don't know if this is true, and if so can evil love those of good?
All my feelings are heightened with my powers, sometimes to maddening
points. My anger is burning rage once that first spark is lit. My simplest
sadness is magnified to its deepest points. I haven't know happiness since
before that night of inevitable doom. It was like all things that i took
joy in were erased. Even the one i loved... now only fills me when sadness
when i think of him. I want to just talk to him, kiss him, but i cant.
I cant let me see me. I know he knows I'm still out there, I know he waits
for me to come back. But I cant go back... I'm not who I used to be.