I always think about Ally. I wish I didn't, because Ally's dead.

But as I lay here in this hospital bed, I still feel her presence.

My heart aches over here, and they all tell me that's why I 'feel' her, it's just my mind's wishful thinking.

But they don't know what it's like.

Ally is here, guarding me. She's my angel.

"Dude,", Dez interrupts my thoughts, "how do you change the channel on this thing? I don't wanna watch this Physic Sally rubbish, football's on!".

I'd got hooked onto these physic shows. They seemed to help me feel Ally's presence stronger…

It was kind of like she was half dead, half alive.

I pass Dez the remote, and he switches to some match.

I used to care about football, soccer, athletics passionately, but now…

When ever someone mentions any kind of sport, I just feel… Numb. Sport is in my old life, the life with All in it.

I never want to go back to that life.

There will be a empty, hollow space where Ally used to be, and that will be worse than anything.

Everyone appears to be forgetting Ally, even her father.

Everyone, except for me and Trish.

Trish is the only one who seems to feel as much pain about Ally as I do. She would be here right now, but Ally's funeral is today.

I remember last week, going through magazines with Trish, to decide what her outfit was going to be.

'Black, big and flouncy', she told me, 'black, big and flouncy.'.

That was fun, but extremely painful… As it brought us down to the harsh, grim reality: Allyson Dawson was dead. Nothing could ever change that.

Of course, I laugh and smile as much as I can, but the only times I feel relaxed and at ease is when I'm on my hour walk with Dez, and whoever else tags along.

I'm allowed to get out of this bed one hour every two days, and walk around the hospital grounds. This times is gradually increasing, until I'm finally allowed out of this prison.

When I'm out there… It's like, a weight has been lifted across my shoulders.

I manage to forget about Ally… As if she had really never existed.

I think she stays in the hospital room, so we can all get as much happy time as we can.

"YES!", Dez hollers at the TV screen, "WE SCORED!". He looks at me. "Hey Austin, do you want peanut butter ice cream sundae pancakes? I'm happy now, I'll get some.".

I nod, and he leaves the room.

If everything has changed about my personality, one thing's stayed the same: my love for pancakes, peanuts/peanut butter and ice cream sundaes.

I've been living off all that for nearly a month now.

Well, except from the fluids the doctors put in me when I'm asleep. I don't think the realise I know they do that.

Thinking about peanut butter ice cream sundae pancakes, I haven't played video games for ages! Or sung…

I feel myself slowly slipping back into the old me, and I immediately tell myself:

Ally's dead. You're not going back into that life without her, Austin. This is the new you, that was the old you.

I lay there for a little while longer, until Dez enters the room again, carrying to white plates.

"Here you go,", he says, and places one on the tray in front of me, "five pancakes, all with peanuts, whipped cream, strawberry sauce and a bit of ice cream. And any leftover I'll make a smoothie out of!".

I give him a fake smile. I'd love to laugh at my crazy, stupid, redheaded friend, but I can't. I just can't.

Luckily he doesn't seem to realise the differences between the fake smiles and the real ones (though there are none anymore).

"Oh, and your parents are on their way over. The funeral's finished. That hot girl Nancy at the front desk told me to tell you. I kind of wish I could've gone to the funeral now, though I know it would've just made me super-depressed.".

I nod. I feel the same way.

Oh, yeah. Another thing you may have realised. I do not speak anymore.

Not to anyone except Trish now.

I'll write on boards, text, use my own, made-up sign language… But nothing verbal, unless me and Trish our alone, and we're talking about Ally and how we feel.

Yes, I know, girly, talking about your feelings… But I've realised it really does help, and knowing Trish feels the same way makes me feel… Just, not alone.

I suppose you could say that Trish has took Ally's place as my best friend who's a girl. That options open.

But my songwriter/partner option is now and forever closed to everyone apart from Ally, and she's not coming back anytime soon, is she?

I can make a tune, think of Ally, and then lyrics will just come flooding into my head… I know they will.

My parents enter the room, dressed head to toe in black.

"Heya, sweetie!", my mum says, and envelopes me into a tight, warm embrace. I hug her back.

"What up, son?", my dad exclaims, and we high-five.

"You know, honey, it's me and your father's anniversary today. Twenty-five years.", mum informs me, and I know what's coming next. "The best present you could give us is your voice… Just one word…", my mother trails off, and dad nods.

I keep my lips sealed.

They both sag a little, but try to hide their disappointment by turning their attention to Dez.

"Good morning, Dezmound.", mum trills.

"How are you?", dad asks as he shakes Dez's hand.

"I'm good, thank you Mr and Mrs Moon!", Dez beams, "Just watching footie with a peanut strawberry sauce mint choc chip pancake sundae! So, the usual! Would you like one?".

My parents are fazed for a moment, but then they regain their senses.

"Er… No thanks, Dez. We just ate.".

I can tell by the way my fathers ears go slightly pink that he's lying.

"We'll be right back,", my mother suddenly pipes up, "see you in a minute, darling!", she blows a kiss through the door and then they head down to the hospitals cafeteria.

"Wow, your mum's nice!", Dez says, "She called me darling and blew me a kiss!".

I shake my head.

Silly, silly Dez… He'll never learn, will he?

I finish my pancakes and ice cream sundae, and reach for my book. Yes, Austin Moon is reading a book!

It's called, Wind in the Willows, and it was Ally's book. She told me it was her favourite when she was a child, so I decided to read this one first, and then gradually move onto harder books.

I'm nearly finished, but I already have another book patiently waiting on the desk.

I told myself once I've finished both books I'll be out, back home.

I read about four pages, until Dez interrupts with a weird question, "Austin…", he starts, "What do you think Ally would say, if she had survived to? D'ya reckon she'd be moaning about how Sonic Boom's instruments will be dusty and smudged?".

I give a small laugh. Yeah, that's what Ally would've been doing.

For a brief moment, I can see Ally, laying in a bed on the other side of the room, and we're laughing, reading… Forgetting about the whole accident.

I nod to Dez, and grab my whiteboard and write:

Yeah, that's definitely what she'd be doing.

"Thought so.", Dez said. "Hey, do you think we should call Trish? If your parents are here, and the funeral's over, shouldn't she be here?".

I nod again.

I want to talk to her about the funeral.

Dez leaves the room to go to the reception, the only place with signal.

I sigh. Everything seemed so complicated now, and yet everything should be so simple.

"What's wrong, Austin?", a sudden, faint whisper calls out. I whip my head up, and look around the room.

"A-Ally?", I say, my voice slightly hoarse with not being used enough.

Suddenly the pen drops, and clatters to the floor. I look on the board, and in Ally's neat printing, it said:

Hello, Austin.

Yes, it's me.

I haven't left you… I never will.

Expect a visit from me soon,

Ally xx

So Ally was here! I blink, and rub my eyes to check that it's all real.

Now all that's there is a single smiley face.

Dez enters the room, my parents just behind him.

"Trish is just coming.", Dez informs me.

"Honey, we've got to go now. Love you!", my mum says.

"Later son.", dad says.

They turn, and I suddenly say, "I love you.", to them. I can feel them smiling.

"We love you too.", dad says, and they leave.

My eyes suddenly feel droopy, and I stifle a yawn. I look at the digital clock next to me: 3:15 pm.

It's about time I have a nap.

As I prepare to sleep, I think about Ally.

I'm still thinking of her as I fall into a deep sleep…

Heya, guys!

How was the story? Hope it wasn't boring!

Feedback, please?

Review, favourite and everything else!

- Faith xx