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August 6th

"Well, it's been a whole year. A lot has changed," I said to the headstone. I sat down and leaned against it. "Your daughter is just like you, by the way. Charms everyone. I think it's the blue eyes and the smile."

I was talked into getting counseling by a social worker at the hospital. Carlisle had said that particular worker recommended counseling to all first time moms but I had assumed it was because of the strange circumstances regarding me, Nora, and Edward. Also I randomly burst out into tears during my hospital stay. I hated it at first, but by the second month I was starting to feel better. Like a weight was lifted.

When my counselor discovered I had never visited Jasper's grave, she asked me why. I couldn't give her an honest answer. She gave a noncommittal mm-hmm and wrote something down on her legal pad. I'd come to realize that mm-hmm meant I was supposed to dig deeper and analyze why I might avoid Jasper's grave. Instead I simply said I would visit it the next day. So I did.

I picked up a blade of grass and twirled it between my fingers. "My mom came to help out. She's been surprisingly helpful and supportive. I think it's to show up Maria, who has only stopped by once, probably to make sure Nora is really yours." I scratched my nose absently, wondering what else I could say. "Rose is huge this time. Everyone says it's going to be another boy. She wants to name it Jasper if it is. I told her it was all right with me. Alice is still with Victoria, amazingly. Vic is good for her; she's got Alice applying for social work jobs in Seattle and Portland. And Edward . . ." I felt the blush creeping up my neck. There was something very awkward about talking to your dead boyfriend about your current one. Especially when things were still going super slow with the current boyfriend.

"I feel as though if you didn't want us together, you'd give me a sign. Like a lightning strike or something. But I think you're okay with it. I think you were probably okay with it way before I was. He's amazing with Nora, which I hope you can see." A lump grew in my throat. It was still hard for me to talk about Nora and Jasper in the same conversation. It might always be hard.

"He's really patient with me, you know. I don't necessarily deserve it." I saw some other mourners off in the distance. They had flowers, something I didn't think of bringing. I did bring a guitar pick and his Batman glass. His second favorite glass. I dug them out of my bag and after putting the pick inside the glass, I set them next to the headstone.

"I miss you every day. There are days when I feel like it's getting harder, not easier." The tears started rolling down my face. "It hurts. I love you so much. I will always love you. Nora will always know that you are her father and that you would have loved her with all your heart." I pulled some tissues out of my bag: I came prepared.

"I wish I had never sent you out for Chinese that day. You know, I haven't eaten it since? I can't. The thought of it makes me sick. I was only just recently able to drive down that road. Edward and I did it together." I hiccupped, a sign I was crying a little too hard so I took a moment to compose myself.

The breeze rustled the leaves on the trees behind me and the noise was so peaceful it had a calming effect on me. I sat in silence for a long time against Jasper's headstone. This was my good-bye, the one my counselor wanted me to have. I understood that now. The funeral was a farce, a show Maria wanted to put on. It wasn't like I wouldn't be back, either. I had plans on bringing Nora when she's old enough to understand.

But this was my closure. This was my acceptance that Jasper was truly gone and I could finally let go. I would always love him; I would never forget him or all the happiness he brought me. I could move forward finally to a future with Nora and Edward. I could love Edward now without feeling so guilty. So I kissed my fingers and pressed them against Jasper's carved name and I walked away.

Eighteen months later . . .

"Fuck! I am never doing this again!" I cried.

"You said that the last time." Rosie patiently reminded me as she flipped through her magazine.

"Yeah, well, last time I really didn't think I would ever be doing this again. Now I'm positive I don't ever want to do it again." I was so uncomfortable. Bigger than last time, by far. I was convinced Edward's child was going to be born as big as a toddler. A boy this time, that's why, every one kept telling me.

I paced the hospital floor. I was scheduled for my C-section and the nurses were due any minute to start prepping me. The doctor didn't want to risk a VBAC because of health concerns, so here I was, starving and thirsty, and miserable.

"Where is Edward?" I asked as I tried to stretch my back.

"He's only been gone for ten minutes. It takes more than ten minutes to corral our family into one room. Get back into bed."

"I don't want to." I pouted like a child. I was sick of being in bed.

"Don't make me get the nurse." Rosie was always very threatening.

"Fine!" The head maternity nurse was scary. Even Carlisle was a little afraid of her. I crawled back into the bed just as Edward, the doctor, and a team of nurses walked in.

"Okay. Alice and Vic finally showed up, so the whole family is in the waiting room. The nurses put on a movie and Esme brought all the kids snacks so everyone is patiently waiting. Emmett picked up Nora. Let's have us a baby!" He was so excited and nervous, it was adorable.

"I'll be in the waiting room." Rose gave me a kiss on the cheek before she left. I was prepped and as Edward dressed in scrubs and we were good to go.

"Ready?" he asked me as they wheeled me out the door. I looked up at him. He loved me so much and I loved him and it took me a long time but I've realized that Edward is the person I'm meant to be with. I still believe that Jasper was my soul mate but since I couldn't keep him, I was lucky enough to be granted with another one. Now we were making an addition to our happy little family, though I didn't tell him that everyone was right, it's a boy. I figured I'd let that be a surprise. I smiled, grateful that he stuck it out and forever amazed at his patience with me. I don't know where Nora and I would be without him.

"Ready."

THE END

it's over. done. finished. =(

thank you to everyone. i cant' thank you guys enough for all the reviews and pimping and just general hand-holding i've received. i love all of you! thank you thank you thank you.

a very super special thank you to larin20 for making this readable. seriously, this was a mess before she touched it.

so i hope you enjoyed the story. i'll update First a few more times but that's pretty much done as well.

thank you so much for reading!