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Italic = memory
Chapter 8: Hearten
Kagome lounged at the bottom of the waterfall next to Kiba, she watched as he crawled around sniffing at the ground and searching for things to explore. She watched Kiba from the corner of her eye making sure he didn't stray far from her, if she didn't watch him closely he could easily slip away. Soon Kiba would be six weeks old and according to Suzu he would be able to take his first steps and speak his first words at any moment. Kagome was so not looking forward to Kiba learning to walk, she was afraid she could never catch up to him!
She signed audibly, it had been just over two weeks since she immersed herself with the life amongst the wolves. It was a very different world to how her life was prior to Kiba coming into her life, she didn't mind too much however. Kagome was so excited to hear Kiba speak his first words, she desperately wanted him to call her, "mama." When she told Kouga this, he would scoff at her and told her she should let his first word come naturally. That didn't stop Kagome from secretly coaching him.
Kagome buried her face in her palms, grounding loudly. She was mad at herself for thinking about Kouga when she told herself not to think about him, they had an argument last night and she felt terrible, she berated herself and mentally tortured herself over and over with the still fresh memory.
It was the middle of the night; the cave was silent and all that could be heard was the soft noises of the small family of three sleeping in the cave. Kouga had expanded his fur pelts that covered the floor, but Kagome had insisted that they remain two separate piles. It didn't make sense to Kouga as only a few inches of dirt separated the fur piles but had learned very quickly to not argue about such things with her. Kiba suddenly began screaming and wailing, his cries echoed through the cave and was ear piercing to both Kagome and Kouga.
Kagome groaned audibly, she hadn't had any sleep the past two nights. Kiba had gotten an ear infection and he would wake up in the middle of the night in pain.
"Kouga, please take care of Kiba." Kagome sat up and pleaded with the wolf demon. She watched his form and saw that his eyes were closed and he breathed softly. "Kouga, please don't pretend to sleep. I'm so tired, I'm not in the mood for this." Kagome pleaded but her temper slipped through into her voice.
He groaned and sat up, "I'm exhausted Kagome, he keeps crying every night. I need sleep too you know!"
"Yes, I know that. Because for the last two nights I've been the one to take care of Kiba and spend hours trying to get him to go back to sleep!" Kagome was visibly upset.
Kouga growled loudly, "Okay hand over the kid then." He had decided to just give in, he hated to be the reason that would upset Kagome.
"No, not it you're going to have an attitude about it! You're such a jerk." she said on the verge of tears, her voice cracked at the last part.
Kouga then proceeded to plead with Kagome to hand Kiba over to him but she was stubborn and too mad to swallow her pride, saying that she would handle it. It took Kouga ten minutes to convince her to give Kiba to him. After which Kouga put her to bed and Kagome fell asleep crying.
Kagome had been so embarrassed at her childish behavior that she took Kiba with her first thing in the morning and avoided talking to Kouga about last night. She didn't want to treat Kouga so harshly, she was easily frustrated and felt like she was losing her temper much easier than she normally had. Kagome shook her head and made a decision to stop being so pushy.
Though Kagome did feel like she had a right to be a little angry about this argument, she also thought she was snapping at and becoming much more easily angered with Kouga. The other day she yelled at him for not bringing any firewood for the night, he said that he had forgotten and had offered to go get wood. But Kagome couldn't let it go and she berated him. She felt even more terrible.
She had decided, she just needed to go back to the cave and apologize. She couldn't spend the next four weeks snapping at Kouga. She got up from the floor and dusted the dirt off of her skirt. She went up to Kouga and scooped the small wolf pup in her arms, he let out a squeal and a few giggles. She smiled down at Kiba in her arms, taking care of him was number one. And that meant being more patient to 'papa' she would do it.
She walked up to the entrance of the cave and said her good mornings to the others along the way, she felt embarrassed and hoped they didn't hear Kouga and her arguing. At the entrance of the cave, Kagome took a deep breath. She needed to swallow her pride and get it over with! Kagome walked inside and saw Kouga with a pile of furs in his arm that he was laying precisely on the ground.
"Good morning, Kouga." Kagome called sheepishly behind him. He turned around and gave her a smile, "I missed you two this morning!"
Kagome shook her head, "About that, I wanted to talk about last night. I'm sorry that I got so upset. I'm just really tired and I don't have the best temper, though I guess you know that."
"I'm sorry too, Kagome. I should've helped you more with Kiba. I know that you've been pretty drained." Kouga responded.
She gave a small smile, "I appreciate that Kouga."
"Maybe you can try not to bite my head off for every little reason too?" he suggested with a small laugh.
She frowned, "What are you implying?"
"Come one Kagome, it's a joke. You have been getting mad at me very, very often. Sometimes I don't think I can win with you." He tried to explain.
She raised her voice without even knowing it, "Well maybe if you helped me out more, I wouldn't get so angry. Maybe if you helped without me having to ask, I'd appreciate more."
"Where is this coming from all of a sudden?" Kouga asked bewildered.
"I'm, I'm so..ugh! You're such a jerk!" Kagome felt herself heating up from angry. She took a very shaky breath, "I'm going for a walk!" She quickly stormed out of the room before she lost her temper yet again. She didn't care what Kouga was calling back at her, he could watch Kiba for a short while one his own!
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After taking a very long walk along the mountain range, Kagome finally made her way back to the cave she was living in with Kouga. She inhaled deeply and did the best to swallow her pride (again), she wanted to teach Kiba good manners. She wanted him to learn that not all battles needed to be won with yelling and fighting. She wanted nothing more to show him that she was a woman with grace who could pick her battles.
She did her best to walk inside the cave and prove that. She quietly walked inside and she heard Kouga speaking, "Alright Kiba, I just need you to say one word! Just one little word. Got it?" he asked almost pleadingly. Kagome furrowed her eyebrows and as quietly as she could, she made her way closer and closer into the cave. She could see Kouga with her back to her on the furs he had rearranged, she assumed Kiba was on his lap.
"Now copy me, 'papa!' 'Papa!'" he told Kiba in his lap, he worked very hard to stress the syllabus slowly. She heard Kiba coo and giggle up at Kouga, thinking whatever game it was they were playing was very funny. Kouga shook his head, "Come on little pup! You can do it! 'Papa!' I'm your 'Papa!'
Kagome couldn't stay quiet for a second longer, she felt herself break into a big fit of giggles. They were contagious to herself and she couldn't stop laughing. Kouga quickly looked back to see her holding her stomach failing to contain any of her laughter. He growled and quickly stood up, "W-what are you laughing about?!" He watched as her cheeks flushed and tears filled her eyes, her laughter didn't seem like it would stop anytime soon.
Kouga couldn't help but break out into a smile, it was the most he had seen Kagome have fun in a long while. She was always wound up and stressed out. It felt like no matter what he did, he would upset her and make her very angry. He was happy that for once his actions had a positive outlook.
"I'm sorry! It's just you were the one telling me that trying to make his first word 'mama' was a waste of time and that it could come naturally! But here you are, doing the exact same thing!" Kagome spilled out between fits of giggles.
After a few minutes Kagome's giggles died down and she wiped any stray tears from her eyes. It felt good to laugh and wind down. She looked up at Kouga and sighed, "I came to apologize again. I snapped at you for a silly reason again."
"I know things are tough Kagome. I didn't realize you felt like I wasn't supporting you enough. Being a parent is new to me too. I'm not used to having to care about anyone else's personal needs but my own. I'm sorry I was selfish." Kouga admitted sheepishly.
Kagome smiled, he had thought about her side of the problem when she had been away. She was glad that he wasn't trying to pick more fights with her, "I need to be more honest about how I'm feeling. Otherwise I'll just keep snapping at you when I feel like you're not doing what I think you should."
"That sounds like a good idea. From now on we need to talk things through and let the other know when we're getting ticked off." He suggested.
Kagome grinned, "I like that! I definitely get much snippier when I keep my emotions bottled up." It was a bad habit she had done ever since meeting Inuyasha.
Kouga put his free hand to tuck a stray hair behind her ear, "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too." Kagome smiled up at him.
Kiba struggled in Kouga's arms, he must have realized their argument was over. He reached over for Kagome and began to grunt and whine for her attention.
Kouga struggled to keep him still, "Hold up, little man. I'll give you to your mama, just stop struggling for a second!"
Kiba reached out for Kagome again, "Mama!"
She let out an ear-piercing squeal and quickly pulled Kiba into her own arms, "He said 'mama'! He said 'mama!"
While disappointed with his first words, Kouga couldn't help but smile as he watched as Kagome coddled the infant in her arm.
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Kagome ventured into the main den surrounded by the other wolves that left their personal caves to socialize with the rest of the pack. She had spent the last hour parading Kiba around the room to anyone who would listen to his first word, she felt so much pride swelling up in her chest. At the entrance of the cave, Kagome saw Suzu enter with her pup. Kagome made a beeline to the wolf demoness.
"Suzu, he said his first word! He said his first word!" Kagome could not contain her excitement for one second. She held Kiba out in front of her and looked at the infant's eyes, "Who am I?"
Kiba squealed excited from the extra attention and happy aura his mother admitted, "Mama!"
Suzu laughed softly and led Kagome to their normal spot at the main cave, Kagome let Kiba sit on the ground and he quickly started to crawl around and sniff at the surrounding wolves around him.
"You seem to be in an awful good mood today, Kagome?" Suzu mused.
Kagome smiled brightly, "Of course I am! Today was such a milestone, I'm so happy I was there to witness it!"
"I'm glad to hear that Kagome. Some of the packmates from your neighboring caves were a little worried that Kiba's first word would be 'jerk.'" Suzu teasingly said.
Kagome's whole face turned hot and she was sure her face was bright red, "Oh know, they did hear?" She was so embarrassed.
Suzu giggled, "I'm sorry, Kagome! I was just teasing you! Arguing is very common between parents, especially new parents such as yourselves."
"It is?" Kagome asked incredulously.
The wolf demoness nodded her head, "Of course! Taking care of a wolf pup takes a lot of work and time. Tempers are sure to run short and arguments are bound to happen. Forgive me, Kagome. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I just wanted to make sure that you know it was okay."
"I just want to make sure that I'm doing this right. I don't want to be a bad mother. I've also definitely never had anyone that I needed to rely so much on for support." Kagome looked over at Kiba, he was sleeping rolled up close to a wolf demon, he was snuggled up in the wolf's fur.
Suzu put her hand on Kagome's shoulder, "You're doing a great job! You have the whole tribe impressed, the way you have Kouga in line is impressive. No one would've thought our pack leader would be so submissive to his intended. Did you know that he constantly comes to me for advice? He's had been worried that you."
Kagome blushed, "He is not submissive to me! He is just very understanding." She paused, "Though I guess even I am surprised. Kouga has been so helpful and kind. He never really argues back with me."
"I'm glad that you have each other to take care of Kiba, he is very lucky to have you both." Suzu added.
Kagome agreed with her, "Thank you, Suzu. You're words really put me at ease. There's a lot of things I didn't consider when I decided to become Kiba's mother. I'm glad I have Kouga, you, and the whole pack to rely on."
With that both woman decided it would be a nice moment to take a nap with the rest of the pack. Suzu did note that Kagome had not argued that she was not Kouga's intended, though she thought she had embarrassed the priestess enough for one day.
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The next day, Kagome found herself alone in the cave as Kouga took Kiba to Suzu for his feeding, one of those few moments she had a moment to herself. There had felt like there were positive things about living here with Kouga and Kiba, it left Kagome very little time to think about her own problems. She was often too preoccupied and/or tired to even think about Inuyasha. The more she thought about Inuyasha the more frustrated she became, she was mad that he asked her to wait for him. She let out a growl of frustration. Here she was again however, doing exactly what she didn't want to.
"What's up, Kagome?" Kouga came into the cave yawning, fatherhood made him much sleepier than Kagome had initially thought.
He had surprised Kagome and she looked quickly away from him, hoping he didn't see her blushing. The last person she wanted to talk about this was to Kouga. He walked around and plopped himself in front of Kagome watching her expectantly, but she didn't make eye contact with him.
He sighed, "We promised we wouldn't let ourselves bottle up when we were upset, right? If it's something I did, I'd like to know about it."
She bit her lip, Kouga was very kind and considerate of her feelings. He was patient when she lost her temper and rarely raised his voice at her. "It's not something you did Kouga. It's not really about Kiba either. It's unrelated stuff on my mind." She tried to shrug it off, hoping he'd drop the subject.
Kouga pulled her hands from her lap into his and help them tightly, she could feel the head of his hands envelope hers. It had a calming effect on her. "If it's bothering you, I want to hear about it. I'll even try to help you if I can."
She wanted to tell him. This thought surprised herself. When had Kouga's opinion mattered so much to her? She had known Kouga for a long time, but he always just breezed by the talk to her for a few minutes and would leave as quickly as he came. Kagome realized that she trusted Kouga a lot more than she had ever thought she would. He had sacrificed a lot to help her to raise Kiba, and he was doing a pretty outstanding job. She had a new-found respect and caring for him that had suddenly developed over the past two weeks.
"I don't think you really want to hear about it, Kouga." She paused hesitantly, "It's about Inuyasha."
Kouga had been about 90% sure that this what was ailing Kagome's mind. How else could it not? He was there when Inuyasha embraced and whispered words that had a great emotional effect on Kagome. Did it piss him off? Hell yes! However, if there was something he was growing ever more accustomed to was patience. He smiled his wolfish smile, "Don't get me wrong Kagome, you know how I feel about that mutt. But if you need to get something off your chest, I want to be the person you tell." And he meant it.
Hesitantly at first Kagome vaguely told Kouga about her situation, she still didn't offer up about her true timeline. However, she did tell Kouga about Inuyasha and Kikyo and their tragic relationship at the hands of Naraku. She told him how she came to play in the relationship and how the resurrection of Kikyo had made their relationship rocky. How Inuyasha made both herself and Kikyo promises, promises that nobody was sure he would keep.
"And after all that. When Kiba comes along, and I knew that it was going to be tough for not just me but for him as well. But he couldn't accept Kiba, and for the last few weeks. I don't think he really ever tried." Kagome ranted, her words suddenly spilled out of her, "That day, when I first came to you. Inuyasha asked me to wait for him. What did he think I had been doing this entire time?" Kagome felt her voice crack and she breathed heavily, god she prayed she didn't cry in front of Kouga about Inuyasha.
Kouga wanted to yell at the mangy mutt, how could he put so much emotional hardship on the woman he supposedly loved? He felt if he saw the idiot in that moment he would pummel him into a pulp. He looked back at Kagome and she looked at him with worried eyes, he watched as she nibbled at her bottom lip nervously. He sighed and stood up and stretched his arms over his head, he offered her his hand and she looked at him confused. He just nodded his head to the entrance of the cave.
Kagome took his hand and let him lead her outside, she kept her grip on his hand and followed him outside. He led her to the edge of the bath and took a seat at the edge of the ridge. It was dark and all Kagome could see were the dark outline of the trees far below the mountain and the stars shining bright in the sky. She took a seat next to Kouga and looked at him expectantly, though she appreciated the nice cool air.
"Kagome, you probably know what I think about the hanyou. So, I won't bother you with a speech, but I think you're an amazing woman Kagome. Your patient, kind, loyal, and loving. I find those traits about you incredible. You are incredible." Kouga added.
Kagome smiled up at Kouga, he was so genuine and straightforward. It made her feel giddy and she let a small giggle escape her lips. Kouga looked down at her confused, "What's so funny?"
She shook her head at him, "It's nothing." She leaned her head and rested it against his shoulder and smiled happily. It took all his willpower not to look down at her and keep focused on the scenery before him. "Thank you." She whispered.
A/N:
I'll probably be updating the chapter a few times as I read it to catch errors that I missed the first 10 times I read this over. Please forgive me for any typos.
Since I don't have any children of my own, I of course had to do a lot of baby research! Hopefully it's enough. Haha.
Edit: 7.17.18
I've fixed a few silly errors since posting this last night, including some that were brought to my attention in the reviews. Thank you for the reviews, I do read them all and consider them carefully!