Learning to Trust.
*********I do not own any of the character rights. No copyright intended. ************
PLEASE DO NOT READ ME IF YOU ARE NOT AT LEAST EIGHTEEN YEARS PLUS. THIS STORY CONTAINS PROFANITY, VIOLENCE AND ADULT SITUATIONS. THERE ARE VERY GRAPHIC DETAILS. SO IF THIS OFFENDS YOU SHOULD STOP READING NOW.
Chapter Eight.
BELLA POV:
Oh Great Spirit, I come before you, one of your children. Make my hands respect the things you have made, I seek strength not to be superior to my brothers,
whose voice I hear in the winds,
and whose breath gives life to all the world
-hear me-
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes ever
behold the red and purple sunset.
my ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise, so that I may know the things
you have taught my People,
the lesson you have hidden in every leaf and rock.
but to be able to fight my greatest enemy, myself.
Make me ever ready to come to you,
with clean hands and straight eyes,
so when life fades as a fading sunset,
my spirit may come to you without shame.
I sat here quietly on the floor Emily's home, repeating the prayer that Old Quil had taught the three of us. Leah, Emily and I sat with our hands connected to one another, hearing one another chanting the same prayer and hearing the individual tone blend into one voice. The voice that we had to achieve to come into contact with our individual and combined magic!
Set in the centre of our circle was an Aloe plant, well a dead Aloe plant. This was our task set by Old Quil. We had to use our magic's to bring the plant life and start its new regrowth. So far, nothing! We'd been at this for most of the damn morning. Copying the instruction Old Quil had given us.
Quieten the mind and the body. How we could do this by chanting this damn prayer was beyond me. We had to feel the vibration from the earth and channel that vibration through our body, where we then had to picture the vibration as a white energy form, which we then had to get from us into the plant, to start the healing. Easier said than done!
I just couldn't settle. Emily and Leah had seemed to respond quicker to the instruction than I could. I don't know what it is, something just felt off! I pulled my hands from theirs breaking the connection and I sat there huffed and pouted. God! I was in a major mood if I was pouting.
"Bella! What's wrong?" Emily said in her sweet tone that instantly made me feel guilty for feeling like such a bitch.
"I can't do this, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just can't seem to switch off. I just have this feeling that's something's wrong. Really wrong." Trying not to sound too panicky! But I was sure that they could sense my anxiety through our connection.
"Well you haven't had any more dreams, because we would have been brought there with you if it had been another dream path!" Leah exclaimed
"I know that! I don't know how to explain it! It just feels like a sinking feeling I have in the pit of my stomach and I don't like it." God I needed to calm down before I had a full blown panic attack. "Well! Whatever it is, it'll have to wait. I have my shift at the diner."
"How is that going, Bella?" Questioned Emily! I think she was relieved to be away from the panic, that woman couldn't stand anything confrontational and I thought I was meek.
"It's going as well as can be expected. It'll give me what I need at the moment, money and experience. All to go towards my own little place! Hopefully sooner, rather than later!" Dreaming of the day that I would achieve this. We all needed our dreams. My dreams were cut short by the pack barging in through the door. How they expected to be able to catch vamps was beyond me, especially when some of them were as graceful and as loud as elephants.
We got up off the floor to make room for everybody in this tiny room. It was a good job I wasn't claustrophobic, especially when in the presence of the pack. Being surrounded by those tall, dark, hot bodies sometimes got a bit much and I became overwhelmed, even more so if Paul was there. Like he was today, but luckily I had an easy out this time and started to get my stuff together to leave for work. As I was doing this I could feel his presence behind me. I swiftly turned to face him and like every other time I saw him, I became all tingly by just being in his presence, it was uncomfortable as I wasn't ready to face it yet. But I knew we had to discuss the imprint soon, else both of us would be in pain. And I didn't like pain.
"You don't have to leave on my account, I can always leave. You don't have to!" He looked like a kicked puppy. Damn it and I'd made him feel this. Shit!
"Paul! Trust me, I'm not leaving because you're here, I really do have to go. I have work and if you looked at your rota you'd know that as well. Look! I know I've been a bit of a bitch when it's come to this imprint thing, I really want to talk this through with you. Leah's taking me to work today, so how about you come and pick me up and we come back here and then we can talk things through and I'll just explain a few things about me. Is that okay?" I had to bite the bullet sometime and like a Band-Aid I was just going to have to rip it off.
"Yeah, absolutely fine! Anything you want!" Okay that was going to have to stop, if this was going to work out it would have to be an equal thing and not whatever either person wanted. I could see Leah stood behind Paul, waiting for me.
"You ready, Bells!" I nodded my head and made a decision of my own, it made me feel sick about doing it, but I was my own person and did as I pleased. I stood on my tip toes and placed a chaste kiss on Paul's cheek.
"See you later, Paul!" I whispered quietly. The moment was ruined by Leah.
"Well, fuck me sideways and make me your bitch. Who knew that the Paul LaHottie, could fucking blush!" She then proceeded to bust a gut laughing her ass off. Trust Leah! I quickly dashed around Paul, dragging a cackling Leah behind me, we walked through Emily's home and made our way passed the howling pack, all holding their sides. I waved a bye to Emily, who was shaking her head is dismay.
By the time we made in the car, Leah had started to sober up. I sat there and gave her my best scowl.
"What? Come on Bella, he has it coming to him. The amount of shit he's given the imprinted wolves is just coming back to him, as they say fates a bitch and so is your imprint." She again laughed until there were tears flowing down her face.
"I'm not that bad, Leah! Am I?" She shook her head in disbelief and proceeded to make our way to the diner, it had been a week and loved working here and getting to know new people and especially getting to now, Sue! I was starting to fall for her too, just like my father had. She was a caring and loving mother and always accepted me with no hesitance, unlike normal future step-mothers would. It was nice to have that comforting female in my life and it filled the hole that my own mother couldn't fill.
With her flighty ways, I was never her number one priority. Why she didn't just let grow up with dad is beyond me, well not really. The damn woman didn't like being alone, so she took me purely for selfish reasons, not because she cared for me it was so she would always have someone to fall back on whenever her next conquest left. Selfish bitch, I could do without her crap, especially since now I'm getting my life together. Cutting her out my life wouldn't be difficult.
I stopped dwelling on the crappy parts of my life, when Leah pulled up to the diner. I got my stuff and made my way out the door and just for practice, I touched her hand and through our mind link bid her farewell, I could tell it had worked when I saw the smile break her face. As she drove away, I loved seeing her happy like that, I wished she'd smile more, but I knew how difficult it was moving on while she still felt all alone. She needed to learn to love again, but like the shit I deal with, it's easier said than done.
Entering the diner, I was greeted by the regular customers; it was so heart-warming to know that even though I'd only been here for a short time, people were coming to make me comfortable like an old piece of loved furniture. I greeted Kim and Sue and made my way out the back to put my uniform on, one of the down things about working here, pink was so not my colour.
Half-way through my shift the bell above the door rings, as my dad comes in. He sits at the counter as Kim pours him a coffee, I make my way over to him and he looks tired. He looks up at me and smiles sadly. I sit down next to him. "Dad, what's wrong? You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders!" He reaches over and hugs and kisses my forehead. Okay! Something was seriously wrong. I held his hand. "Dad, just spit it out!"
"Okay! I had a phone call from Phil while I was at work today, he was enquiring if we'd heard anything from Renee, I told him no and then he informed me that she's been missing for a week. Apparently she just upped and left, her clothes and some of her possessions are missing, but she left no note and hasn't touched her bank account. I don't know what to think. You know Renee better than anyone else, what do you think?" Not really a shock considering it is Renee we were discussing.
"Dad to be honest, it's not the first time she's just upped and left without letting anyone know, she used to do it all the time, but the only difference is she never took her clothes. I suppose she's just had enough of Phil and it's his time for the chop. It lasted longer than I thought it would anyway! Regarding the money issue, she's probably been saving money behind Phil's back and as for a note, it's not her thing. Renee being selfless and letting people know where she is, yeah not bloody likely." I could feel myself getting riled up; this must have been the bad feeling I had. It's not that bad in my book, as long as she didn't show her face here, then all would be good. I felt dad rubbing my back.
"Sorry to put this on you, but I thought I'd get it ironed out before Phil did something stupid like getting the police involved in Renee's hijinks. I'll let him know what you told me. Poor man, another body to add to Renee's pile of rejects!" He said, as we both chuckled. It wasn't sour grapes with dad, as he was happy, it was just the truth. Renee was a love and leaves them type of woman. I had thought she was different with Phil and she'd found her purpose, but obviously a leopard doesn't change its spots.
Dad finished up his coffee as Sue came out, he kissed me and her goodbye and he left with a smile on his face. I loved seeing him like this and him finding a love like he and Sue had gave me hope, which brought me full circle to Paul. What was I going to do? I couldn't deny that there was an attraction to him; hell even blind women would want to jump him. That right there was my issue, I wanted to jump him and that scared me. I was used, would he see me like that and what if I couldn't please him. Not pleasing always led to punishments. Before I could stop myself I was sent head first into a full blown panic attack. I vaguely heard Sue talking to me as she ushered me out the back, where she sat me down and I automatically put my head between my knees. She was rubbing my back as she was calming me.
When I'd calmed enough, I was scared out of my skin by Paul barging into the back room and I don't know what came over me, but as soon as I saw his panicked face, I just started to laugh. Uncontrollably! I think I even might have snorted a few times. Sue bent down and whispered in my ear that I was to go home with Paul, I smiled at her thankfully. I watched her walk out the door and as soon as that door shut my laughter stopped and I was silent. Paul and I were just staring at each other. Awkward!
"Is it alright if I come and sit next to you?" I nodded my head. Well, I suppose we'd be having this chat now. "Bella, I'm going to be honest with, I don't want there to be any secrets between us. I know why you're reluctant to give me a chance and I can understand why you feel like that. But Bella, I'm not him. I would never dream of treating you like that. Sure I may lose my temper, more than most and I'm sure we'd argue when we're together, but I would never abuse you like you have been. If I hurt you, I'd hurt myself and to be honest I'd rather not suffer in pain with something that I can prevent." I smiled, god he was sexy when he smiled! Plus I noticed he said when we were together and not if. Confident, isn't he.
"Paul, I don't want to be held back by my fears, but it's so difficult. I've feared for my life for so long now and I'm tired of being scared. I want to be happy; I want to be able to work towards what everybody wants. I want that home, marriage and family. It's something that I crave as I never had that growing up. But it's all about taking that step into the unknown. My dad, Sue, Leah and Emily have helped me with so much, but I need to do things by myself at my speed and that scares the living shit out of me. But I need to do this for myself." I paused taking a deep breath; I turned to Paul and reached out to hold his hand that was an achievement in itself. Band-Aid Bella, Band-Aid! "Paul, will you go on a date with me!" There done it, and nothing went wrong. That felt good! It was my decision and my choice. Paul sat there with his mouth open and suddenly his face was plastered with that smile that I liked so much!
"Seriously, you want to go on a date with me!" I nodded my head in confirmation. "Bella I would love to go on a date with you. I… can I do something; I mean you can say no, I'll understand… I mean you don't have to, I don't want to rush or anything like that!" He was starting to panic like me, it was kind of cute.
"Paul, just ask me!" He took a deep breath.
"Okay! Here goes! Bella can I give you a kiss. Please!" Oh boy! I don't think he was used to having to ask for something like that. Calm down, Bella! He's not asking for sex. No just a kiss. Come on girl you can do this. Grab the bull by the horns. So to speak! Without letting him know what I was going to do, I leaned forward in my chair and chastely kissed him on his lips, they were soft and warm. Mm! I pulled back, if I wasn't careful I could get to use to that.
"Come on Paul, let's blow this joint!" We both laughed at that as we made our way to the car, I kissed Sue on the way out. The trip back to La Push was quiet with the occasional chatter. It was comfortable! It felt nice! As we pulled up outside Emily's home we both got out and were greeted by an excited Emily and Leah who were jumping around like mad people.
"What the hell!" Paul commented! My sentiments exactly! Did they smoke something while I was gone? Emily made her way over and her face was beaming. She should learn to believe in herself more, I loved seeing her free like this. Without saying anything she grabbed my hand. No way! Through our memory and thought bond, I understood why they were so excited! I broke away from Emily and Paul and made my way to the kitchen and there sat on the table was a healed Aloe plant.
"Oh my fucking god! It worked!" I then proceeded to start acting like a loon. Paul just stood there looking confused.
"What worked?" He asked as the rest of the pack came strolling in through the back door.
"Our power to regenerate this dead plant has worked, even though it didn't this morning. Something's changed. What is it?" Leah asked. Emily cleared her throat.
"I believe that it could be because Bella's opened herself up to the opportunity of giving Paul a chance." She said as she smiled at me. The traitor! Congratulations were abruptly put on hold again as Sam started to talk and by the looks of his face it was serious.
"This is a quick pack meeting; we need to change all of schedules again, unfortunately not for less, but for more patrols. That female vamp is back and the bitch is making it a daily occurrence. She's trying to get to something but what. She hasn't been back like this for years and even then when she did show up it was only every few months. But the problem is with her coming back like this all the time it could trigger some more phases, so unless we find her and cut her off before any of this starts, we're going to have a massive influx of new wolves." The wolves started to talk amongst themselves and then suddenly red hair was mentioned. No fucking way. Not after all this time it couldn't be. Emily, Leah and even Paul stared at me.
"Bella are you okay?" Emily asked. Everybody went silent. Damn it, why did she have to come back now when I was just setting my life in motion.
"No, I'm not okay! I know of the read head that you're looking for and I know what she wants." They all looked at me expectantly.
"Well, what does she want?" Sam asked abruptly, causing Paul to growl.
"She wants me!"
Sorry about the delay. Hopefully I can make weekly updates now, but if not it won't be longer than a fortnight. Let me know what you think.