Summary: When his friend begged him to help her send a text to her newly acquainted foreign boyfriend-to-be, he had thought it was a one-time thing. Obviously it wasn't. Curiosity quickly sprouted, but at the end of the day, who was really doing the talking?

Dirl

by sherlocks.

dirl—(v.) to thrill, to vibrate, to penetrate; to tremble or quiver

"My apologies for the interruption, but would you be so kind as to direct me to Ms. Higurashi's office?" Inuyasha's eyes displayed no hint of the proposed guilt, only mischief and polite appreciation for the front desk staffer's ample bosom.

He strides through the crowd of clients and employees, up the mirrored elevator, down the hall on the 21st floor, and into Kagome's lavish office.

"You suck and I hate this game." Inuyasha announces, as he approaches the single desk in the middle of the room. Kagome's face, as expected, remains in a state of perpetual confusion.

"What game?" She asks.

"Deliveryman." He grunts out, rolling his eyes and taking a regal seat, one leg over the other and hands folded neatly on his lap. The walls were made of glass; it would not do for passerby to believe Kagome a miscreant, prone to ill-mannered visitors. Inuyasha wouldn't allow it.

"Sorry, Inuyasha, I was in a rush this morning. And you're the only one with a spare key to my apartment." She means well, but her shrill giggle does little to lighten Inuyasha's cranky mood.

"Yes, well," he sniffs, "I anticipate a copious amount of frozen yogurt and truffles in the near future."

"You got it!" She parodies a salute, but frowns when it evokes no reaction from her friend. "What's got you all up in a bunch, Yasha?"

A moment passes before Inuyasha lets out a weary sigh, fingers reaching up to rub his temple. It would seem his sulk was determined to stay. He must really be off his game, if even Kagome could see through him. It loathes him to think that the asshole had such an impact on him.

"I was given an interview I didn't even want," Inuyasha explained slowly, exasperation evident in his tone, "and then humiliated for having even a trace of decorum."

Kagome, the good friend that she was, responds most astutely: "What the fuck?"

And that was permission, if any, for Inuyasha to burst into hysteria.

"Ugh, I know right! I don't know what his fucking problem was! I can't believe I respected—admired—a ghost for so long, only to be handed that kind of shitty reception. God, the nerve of that man!" Inuyasha sags into his seat just a tad; it was most difficult not to flail like a wild animal, then and there.

Kagome tilts her head, unable to catch up, but sits up straighter nonetheless. "What do you mean, Yasha?"

"I mean," He begins, somewhat forlorn, "that the current CEO of Hibiscus fucking Industries is a right asshat, I told him as such, and still, Icannot bring myself to write him a letter of apology that he doesn't fucking deserve."

The droll look of shock on Kagome's face manages to settle the ire inside Inuyasha, albeit marginally. She had known about his borderline obsession with the corporation and its elusive head, which made present circumstances all the more vexing.

Abruptly, Inuyasha stands. "Fuck this." Self-pity, he decides, is unbecoming. "Let's go bar hopping tonight, Kags. When do you finish work?"

A reply, unfortunately, does not come, for they heard a familiar squeak of metal and padding against laminate.

"Ah, what do we have here?" A curious baritone hums into the room.

The air pressure began to shift towards a different direction, but Inuyasha remained casual as he turned his head around to judge the new visitor.

"So sorry to barge in, darling." The man directs a guilty smile towards Inuyasha, bespoke upon his skin and maple coating his tongue. "But I'm afraid I have need for Ms. Kagome."

Kagome would be the first to speak, this time around.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Onigumo! I'd forgotten to deliver the pen that you ordered." She trailed off, as she began rummaging through the contents on her desk. "It came in just this morning—ah ha! Here we go."

Inuyasha absently spots a spider on the man's wrist as he receives the box, the arachnid's abdomen on the swell of his ulna, undulating as if alive and hungry. As fleetingly as it emerged, it was gone, slithering back beneath the man's cuffs while the gloss of the diamond links deftly befuddled any witness of its existence.

"Montblanc." Inuyasha corrects, startling both the man and Kagome.

"Pardon?"

Bemused, Inuyasha replies, "In your hand. Is that not a Montblanc?"

The man's eyebrows spike as he chortles merrily, "Why, yes, it is indeed." Inuyasha sees him pause, contemplating, before running his eyes down and up his body. And down again. Yeah, okay, not subtle at all.

Feeling somewhat exposed, Inuyasha presses on. "Meisterstück?"

The man bears his teeth at that, pearly white and impossibly smug. "Bohème."

"How ostentatious of you." Inuyasha retorts, tendering a smirk of his own.

They do not stop leveling each other until Kagome's curiosity got the better of her. "Wait, what just happened?" Her glances shifted haphazardly between the two, blissfully unaware.

Inuyasha calls it upon himself to clarify when the man fails to. "That," he drawls, pointing to the case in the man's hand, "is a Montblanc fountain pen, a masterpiece which you just insulted with the mere label of a pen. Seriously, Kagome, if it had the glands, it would be crying."

"It's quite alright, Ms. Kagome." The mystery man tries to comfort the affronted woman, hand up in mediation. "Might you introduce me to your delightful friend?"

Kagome clears her throat, as sheepish as could be. "Mr. Onigumo, this is Inuyasha Taisho, my friend and colleague. Inuyasha, Mr. Naraku Onigumo, CEO of Hämähäkki Holdings and my current employer."

He'd suspected as much, but the confirmation was welcomed. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Mr. Onigumo." Inuyasha declares in earnest, extending the man a firm handshake.

"Please, Inuyasha, call me Naraku." The man replies, an impish sparkle in his eye. If Naraku's fingers linger on his skin a bit longer than proper, Inuyasha does not overthink it. "And I assure you," he purrs, "the pleasure is all mine."

Inuyasha notices Kagome's lips parting ever so slightly from the corner of his eyes and winces internally. She's totally going to bombard him with questions later and he's so going to get fantastically drunk, just to avoid them all. Yup.

But he supposed he could at least try to remain professional, for Kagome's sake. "Much obliged, Naraku. I have heard only fond things about you from Kagome. I must thank you for your kindness."

"Oh, no need for that. Ms. Kagome certainly deserves all that she has." Inuyasha briefly wonders if that statement involved any actual sarcasm, or if he was just being paranoid. "She mentioned colleague. A fellow secretary, I presume?"

"Yes, that's right." He nods, and then shrugs belatedly. "Though the services we offer differ."

Naraku raises his chin as he coaxes, "And what services, pray tell, do you offer?"

The question was so daringly loaded with innuendo that Inuyasha had to blink a few times before deciding on a suitable response.

He brings a finger to his lips and smiles. "Spoilers."

Kagome looks absolutely horrified.

Feeling merciful, Inuyasha excuses himself before the friendly banter with Naraku took an even stranger turn. Kagome texts him about an hour later ('what the hell was THAT!? Omg yasha I swear he was totally hitting on you or something') and Inuyasha hopes that his friend will one day learn the art of not stating the obvious.

Inuyasha readily files the one-time encounter with Kagome's eccentric boss to the back burner, as he had no intentions of playing deliveryman (or boyfriend, for that matter) in the foreseeable future. Of course, the frozen yogurt and truffles were still on the agenda—he wasn't that merciful.

It is not until much later, when Inuyasha is stepping out of the shower, clean and refreshed, that he identifies the spider on the man's wrist as that of a black widow.