A/N: This is a short silly-fic written for the ridiculously awesome Suilven to thank her for organizing the mid-year fic exchange we had over at CMDA.

Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect.

Stress Relief

"What did you say, Mordin? It didn't translate."

"Clitoris. No translation. Exists only in human language. Exists only in human women. Asari have similar reproductive organ, but no clitoris. Highest level of sexual stimulation obtained by joining minds. Like hanar. Different with human women. Clitoris stimulation essential –"

"Mordin," Garrus interrupted him, "what the hell are you talking about?"

"Stress relief before suicide mission. Sexual activity normal stress relief for humans and turians. Non-life-threatening intercourse would be preferable. With one of the Cerberus operatives, perhaps. Indifferent now. Shepard already chose you as her mate."

Garrus swallowed and blinked at him, too shocked to actually say anything.

"EDI showed me your extranet research record. Information you found, not reliable. Shepard has to be in peak condition for the assault in the Collector base. Already talked to her. Warned her ingestion of turian tissues not recommended. Gave her allergy shots to be safe. Still, no point in engaging in potentially dangerous intercourse if it won't lead to the stress relief she needs."

The turian almost choked. "You're joking, right?"

"Interesting. Shepard made the same accusation. Different species, different upbringings, similar thoughts. Good when looking for lifetime partner."

"I… ah… uh… mmm…"

"Not relevant. Mission probably our last. Forwarded advice booklet to your e-mail, valuable diagrams, positions comfortable for both species, erogenous zones overviews. Sent them to Shepard too. Gave EDI electronic aid relationship demonstrations vids to use if necessary. Shepard dismissed them. Strongly recommend you watch though. Locating clitoris can be tricky."

Garrus scratched his head. "This word again. What does it mean?"

"Small mass of erectile tissue partially hidden between the anterior extremities of the labia minora and partly covered by a prepuce."

"Mordin… uh… I didn't get any of that."

"Here," the scientist gave him a datapad.

Garrus' eyes flicked over the tablet and back to the doctor. "Is this really important?"

"Yes. Proper clitoris stimulation very important for female human pleasure and climax during sexual activity."

"Fine. Show me." Garrus could hardly believe he was agreeing to sit through what would undoubtedly be the most awkward Sex Ed class ever. But he really wanted things to work with Shepard. So much had gone wrong in his life after she had died. Now she was back and everything seemed to be falling into place again. This… whatever it was that was going on between them, he needed to get it right.

Shepard and Garrus arrived together for the briefing in the comm room. The whole crew was already there, waiting for her orders. The tension in the air was palpable. They were about to storm the Collector base, the mission they had been referring to as suicidal for the past months.

The Commander was her usual fierce and confident self. They all looked at her as she came in and she looked in the eyes of each one of them. Purposefully, she strode towards Mordin, her lips quirking up a bit. The others exchanged confused glances as she opened her arms and when she closed them around the salarian they all stared incredulously at the scene. The scientist stood there, stiff for a moment, and then returned the hug awkwardly.

"Thank you, Doc," she murmured, letting go of him and immediately back to her usual implacable soldier posture.

Garrus gave the doctor a nod and he nodded back.

It was Jack who broke the stunned silence in the room, blowing out an irritated breath. "What is this crap? Are we hugging each other now? I'm out of here!"