A/N: Thank you for all the awesome reviews and the favorites and the following! I am honor and a little scare. I hope this story will be everything you guys want it! I promise I will try to do a piece about how Ethan and Will got together.
As always reviews are like ice cream! You can never have enough.
All the previous chapters' warnings apply. I am assuming by chapter 5 you know this is a very dark fanfiction; Implied rape, torture etc. I promise I will put Brandt back together at the end!
Chapter 5 – Self-Blaming
10 minutes later Ethan opens the door and Benji nervously jumps up.
"Ethan?" Jane asks quietly. However, she sees the pile of bloodstained towels on the floor and understands the pure fury she witnesses.
"Uh…Can we get you anything?" Benji anxiously asks.
"Stay with him."
"And you?" Jane looks at Ethan.
"Going to finish the mission."
The next time Brandt becomes aware, he feels a soft hand is wiping a cool cloth against his burning forehead. He tries to kick the blanket that is covering him away, but the soft hand keeps pulling it up against him.
Voices. He tries to focus on what they are saying.
"He needs a hospital. Infection has set in and I can't get his fever down."
"Is there anything you can do for him? We can get any medicine or equipment. He is in no condition to travel."
Jane…She must be the one that is continuously applying the cool cloth.
"I don't know. If his fever doesn't come down by tonight, we would have to resort to our last option. I really don't want to put him in ice water with his injures, but the fever might fry his brain before his injures kill him."
"Dr. Alvang, Ivan, he is a good friend, please let me know what you need to save him."
"Jane, he needs a hospital and not a run-down clinic."
"Ivan, if I could take him to a hospital I would have."
"I will try my best." Dr. Alvang shakes his head and leaves Jane.
Ethan…
Brant must have done something to indicate that he is awake, because the next thing he realizes is Jane puts a straw between his lips.
"Here, this will help you."
The water feels good against his parch lips. Brandt blinks several times, but his vision would not come in focus. He can't clearly see Jane and that scares him.
"Eth..an…?" He asks quietly. His voice sounds harsh and dry.
"He went to get some supply for you. He'll be back ok?" Jane carefully brushes his hair off his brow and applies the wet cloth again.
"O..k"
Jane is not sure if Brandt understands her because a few seconds lately Brandt's eyes scan the room back and forth.
"William, Ethan will be back soon ok?" Jane comforts the young agent.
"I…I…I can't…see"
And that sentence sends Jane into completely panic mode.
"What?" Jane waves her hand in front of Brandt. But Brandt stares pass her into the room.
"It is ok, it is ok, is just a side-effect of the drugs we gave you. It will past ok?" Jane is not sure if she sounded convincing, but the last thing she needs is for Brandt to panic like her.
Brandt grips onto the edges of the blanket tighter and nods slowly. A sick and anxious knot of fear builds inside him. He knows deep down Jane might be lying to him, but he does not want to fall apart in front of her.
"Ethan?" Brandt asks again. He doesn't remember how long ago he asks for Ethan, but he wants his partner here.
"He went out remember? He'll be back very soon." Jane answers. She wishes Ethan would walk through the door right now and fixes this mess. She is too afraid to leave Brandt alone and too worry to scream for Benji.
Five minutes later, Brandt fells sleep mumbling Ethan's name.
Physically exhausted and emotionally drained, Jane sits down on the floor beside her fallen comrade. She only knows one thing for sure when Ethan comes back; she is going to punch the hell out of him for taking so long.
"What do you mean he can't see?" Benji asks and looks at Jane and the doctor.
"What it means. He woke-up complete minutes ago and told me he can't see." Jane looks at the doctor as well.
"It might be temporary due to the fever. But we can't know for sure unless we get a CT…" Dr. Alvang stares at Jane. "However, that's actually not my main concern. His fever is."
"What do you need?" Jane stares back at the doctor.
"Here is the list." Dr Alvang holds up a piece of paper. "Try to get everything."
"Got it. Benji you stay with Will." Jane looks at the tech.
"Ok, what happens if Ethan doesn't come back in the morning?" Benji nervously asks Jane.
"I don't care what Ethan is up to. Our priority right now is Brandt. When it is safe for us to leave the country, we will arrange for transportation."
"Alright…I guess we will leave Ethan behind and have Brandt panic the next time he wakes up…"
"Benji, I don't appreciate your sarcasm." Jane stares down at Benji.
"What do you want me to say? Ethan just leaves, Brandt can't see and we got a general selling US military secret. We'll most likely got severely reprimand when we get back. I mean it is not all looking too good right now!"
And then Jane slaps Benji. All is quiet for few seconds until a glass shattering noise comes from Brandt's room.
"Go get the stuff, Benji. We have to do whatever we can to save Brandt." Jane holds the paper up in front of Benji.
"Ok…I…"Benji swallows, nods and takes the paper from Jane. The slap still stings, but it feels good like a shot of vodka.
When Ethan returns, his hands are still covered in blood. How many did he kill? Maybe 20 or 30? He cannot remember. But these human bloods can't and never will ease the rage burning in his heart. They hurt Brandt…his Brandt. No. Ethan Hunt's failure hurt Brant. All of this is because his incompetence.
"How long do you plan to stand there?" Jane's voice is cold as ice.
"It's my false." Ethan states like a fact.
"Self-blaming is not going to change what happened." Jane walks up and stands by Ethan. It has been two years since Jane started working with the lead agent. Ethan Hunt is skillful, talented, and one hell of an agent. But above all else, Ethan Hunt is detached from everything including his wife. But all that changed with William Brandt.
Couple years ago, in Croatia, Brandt was the lead agent to shadow and protect Ethan and his wife. The mission was a decoy from the start to protect Julia from Ethan's dangerous life. But Brandt paid the price with his career as an IMF agent. If not for the Secretary's intervention at the time, Brandt would have left the agency. When Ethan found out about the incident, he took it upon himself to make sure Brandt would find himself back in the field again. Brandt only told Jane pieces of what happened in Rome with Ethan and Ethan, well Ethan was very quiet about the whole thing.
"He never asks anything in return." Ethan blurts out.
"What?" Jane is confused by Ethan's declaration.
"Brandt never asks anything from me. Not my love, not my time, not my commitment, nothing. He just loves me unconditionally." Ethan explains.
"Will really loves you." Jane adds.
"And I couldn't even protect him." Ethan looks at Jane.
"It is the nature of our work Ethan. Will knows this and understands the risks of being an IMF agent. We all do. He doesn't expect or want you to protect him any more than what you as a team leader should do. We all took this job knowing today might be our last, or tomorrow we might end up in some foreign prison and…getting torture." Jane whispers the last part, knowing that every agent including her has thought about being torture and the horror that is associated with it. However, now this has become a reality to someone so close to her, she is not sure if she is prepared for the aftermath.
"I am not going to let this destroy him. I am going to fix this." Ethan is determined.
"Killing those that hurt him is not the solution." Jane softens her look.
"It's a start. I don't want to lose him, Jane. I am not sure if I can fix this."
"I know Ethan." Jane smiles sadly. Jane knows self-doubt is not something Ethan Hunt shows lightly. But Brandt might never be able to recover physically and mentally. After this, he most likely will never be cleared for field. But at this critical moment, Ethan Hunt chooses Brant. Ethan Hunt's life has always been the IMF. Even when he had to choose between Julia and the agency, he chose the agency. But today, William Brandt has just become his top priority.
Tbc.
Let love change a season to bloom
Maybe then I can protect what we have
Let the emotion change a respective to emerge
Maybe then I will understand what is at stake
In the tender moment, we fail to see what we are losing
In the gentleness of this season, we fail to love each other