Disclaimer: Touhou belongs to Zun, and the only things that belong to myself would be Usagi the Mimic, and Moegi the Japanese Beetle! Everything else belongs to their rightful owner.

U/N: Well, here's a story I'm sure only about 3 people in total knew was coming! This was made with a great deal of help from Luminous Beginnings, who you should totally check out the work of!

Lunasa: Greetings, everyone. I was sent by Mr. Beginnings to assist in the story, and to be his voice in all regards. May jubilation now commence.

U/N: Right! And this would be the Author version of Usagi! You know, the one that talks to people in PMs and the like. Honestly, I was expecting it to be Merlin... He does seem to have a bit of a thing for her, if you ask me...

Lunasa: One would think that, wouldn't they? However, he decided it would be rather unfriendly to play simple favorites all the time, and delegated the task to me. It is also his belief that prolonged exposure to my sister may induce symptoms such as brain damage, shaking, schizophrenia, and general insanity, he'd prefer that no one besides himself be exposed to such conditions. Damned cretin.

U/N: So he'd rather expose himself to her? My, that sounds a bit...

Lunasa: Exactly. Insane, the both of them. The tea's rotted their brains.

U/N: Shh...! Be carefull when you say such dangerous things! Do you want to anger the vast majority of the population, who all drink tea?

Lunasa: Eh, I don't care. Can't kill something that's not alive in the first place. But there's something else he told me to do... bah, where is it. Oh, yes. Ahem. This is the Cirno News Network with a breaking news stor-

U/N: How the heck did that get mixed in with the cue cards...?

Lunasa: I'm paid to read it off. But he never said I had to finish it. Besides, all it would be is obscure plot hints that are barely even apparent after the fact.

U/N: Yeah, I've yet to even really pay close enough attention to them to really gleam anything useable from the things...

Lunasa: I'll be sure to pass it on. He should really stop taking writing advice from Merlin, anyways. As for now, I'll just sit here and drink my coffee. My nice, expensive coffee. That he paid for.

U/N: ...You're only here because he's paying well, I take it?

Lunasa: Very well.

U/N: ...Indeed. I take it that you've said everything in which he paid you to say?

Lunasa: Well, I haven't advertised his works. But he simply said to talk about his fics. And I did just that. So, that covers everything. But let it be on record, I will not star in a Devil Went Down to Georgia pastiche, no matter how amusing the idea seems to him.

U/N: The what now? Also, we destroy our records hourly. Well, I guess big sis Flan does anyways...

Lunasa: Never mind, it is of no import. I will simply continue to sabotage his efforts. With prejudice.

U/N: And why, pray tell, are you trying to do such a thing?

Lunasa: I abhor being written of behind my back. He should be thankful that all of his plans thus far have been innocent. Or it would been extreme prejudice.

U/N: Note to self: Write about Lunasa. Specifically, behind her back. In very, very lewd ways.

Lunasa: Fair warning. I do know how to play banjo music on my violin.

U/N: Fair warning. I do know how to enjoy banjo music on a violin.

Lunasa: We shall see how long you survive. But for now, should we get on with the story, before we start another one? My coffee is getting cold.

U/N: Ahh, that's true... Well, you heard the woman! On with the show!

The grey haired woman stepped delicately over the floor, skirting the small pockets of blood and piles of debris that littered in its way. Eventually coming to a stop in front of a bruised body, she leaned down, perching herself on her toes as she stared at him.

Pulling a knife from her apron, she twirled it about her fingers as she asked, "You really should know better than to ask someone in this mansion to hit you, boy. But now that I'm here, I have a request." Gripping the knife in her hand, she held it over him. "May I stab you? I'll not hit anything too vital, now…"

Grunting, he looked back up at her. "What? You're asking permission to…" Blinking, he shook his head and looked away, gritting his teeth. "You might as well, since you are probably going to do it anyways. Just nothing too vital, alright?"

"Of course, stranger." Giving the oddest bow of her head, she suddenly plunged her knife into the meat of his belly. Shivering in delight, she said, "You have my gratitude."

Attempting, merely attempting to stagger back to his feet, he gripped the knife by its handle and yanked it out. "You're welcome… But right now…" He began to sway sideways, unable to keep his feet under them. "I think I'm gonna have a nice lie down…" With that, he collapsed back onto the floor, staring at the ceiling.

Strutting over towards him, she straddled him before picking up the knife. Seemingly wanting to caress the bloody blade, she instead slid it back inside to one of her sheaths and pointed out, "You know, you would have bled less if you had left it in…"

Shrugging on the floor, he cringed at the pain that shot through his wound. "Sorry, I did just get stabbed. Not an ordinary every day occurrence for me. Didn't remember everything." With a tight grin on his face, he continued. "At least this way, I can head down to see Komachi. Maybe share a few drinks."

She stepped over him, offering a fleeting glimpse of her undergarments before she settled in on the floor, elegantly perched once more. "That could possibly be… interesting. Even if she does snore loud enough to wake the dead."

Taking a few moments to realize she was being serious, he snorted. "That does sound like it would be a benefit, considering her job."

Giving him the slightest of nods, she countered with, "but consider what she is. One would think someone like her wouldn't need sleep."

Feeling oddly jovial, perhaps due to the lack of blood as it was drained by the wound, he said, "Well, one does sleep when they're dead, if that's how the phrase goes. And if you consider that she's a goddess of death…"

The woman snorted, shaking her head. "She herself isn't dead, I do believe. From what I understand from… personal, experience, they would simply cease to exist, at least." Thinking on her statement for a moment, she qualified, "Not that I've exactly seen such a thing happen, of course."

Closing his eyes, he laid back, beginning to feel tired. "Yes… yes… but still. Are the goddesses not powered by the faith humans have? Should they not live and die in the same manner as humans? But it does make one wonder…" Coughing, feeling a wet spatter erupting from his lungs, he finishes… "If a goddess dies… Where do they move on from then? Do they go to the afterlife?"

As he breathed his last, he nearly laughed at himself. Where else but Gensokyo would one debate the philosophy of a god's existence while bleeding out in a manor home.

"Now be holdin' on there a second. Who be sayin' I'ma god? It just be a title, really…"

If he had been drinking instead of bleeding out, he would have taken that moment to spit its entire contents out of his mouth out. Instead, he did the next best thing. He choked. "Eh, What's that? Who're you…"

His eyes fell down, staring at his body. Where his legs had been a moment before, was a white wispy tail. "Oh. So that's it." Nonplussed, he turned to the source of the voice, rubbing his arms together at the cold. "Bled out. Dead. No legs. I suppose I can work with that. Howdy Komachi."

As she was still quiet, he continued, answering her question from before. "And it is easier to say goddess than shinigami, and it's… about as accurate. Unless you'd prefer reaper?"

Scowling slightly, she turned away. "I'd honestly be preferrin' Komachi… For I'm the only one of us that be left."

"Ah." Turning away, the man looked away, not meeting her eyes. "Sorry there, Komachi. …The only one left? What happened to the rest? Downsizing?" Waiting a few seconds, he shivered and tried to ask, "Do you… happen to have a spare coat lying around here? Being a ghost is… colder, than I imagined."

Turning about, he was met with the face of the reaper, giving him an odd grin. Darting forward, she seemed to press her. "Cold, be you? Oho… you mustn't be dead then… The dead not be feeling nothin' of the sort while here in this land."

Blinking idly at the abrupt closeness, he took a smooth step back. "Hrm… Ok. That's good. So that must mean that I'm only mostly dead, which means a little alive. Good… good… very good."

"…Crap."

At the raised eyebrow from the amused shinigami, he began to panic. "Oh dear… that means that my body is bleeding out up at the Scarlet Devil Mansion, which means if I do survive, I'll probably be killed again." A few seconds went by, before he raised a finger to his lips. "Unless she literally does dye the floor with blood…"

"Well, considerin' that she has sent one poor fool to his reward in your own reality today, I don't be belivin' that she'll be hungry for quite a while." Holding a hand up to forestall the inevitable questions, she continued. "While I'ma the only one left, that's just takin' this reality into consideration. The stitches holdin' the realities together have been in a little bit of a flux, what with them gettin' all tangled up like three cats and a ball of yarn. That's why you be sent to my Sanzu."

The man tilted his head. "Wait a minute… so I not be even being sent to the correct reality? That does kinda suck." He blinked momentarily. "Wait, does that mean I could meet myself?" Immediately shaking her head, he retread on his earlier question. "Does that mean I can't see him, because of some weird rule? Or am I already dead here?" Finally getting an affirmative, he sighed. "What fun."

After a few minutes of sitting around, staring at each other and everything around him, he snapped his fingers. "You know, I just thought of something."

Komachi barely even shrugged at his statement. "Shoot."

Taking a deep breath to lay out his idea, he began, "Well, isn't it true that there have been some budget cuts…"

"Budget, what budget?" Judging by the wide eyes and somewhat harried expression, not to mention the somewhat lethal sheen that her scythe had taken on, he felt that he had ticked her off. "Do you honestly be thinkin' we be paid for this job? What a hoot. This be a form of hell in and of itself… Eiki and me are but the only ones left. There be nobody that truly runs the show; the inmates be the warden, the guards, judge, jury, executioner and everythin' that be between! Elly… she long been gone, havin' paid for her sins, so I be havin' even fewer ways to be passin' the time. I don't even think to remember what I be doing that was so horrible to earn this spot."

With a grand shrug, she continued, swinging the scythe dangerously close to his face. "Maybe I was a slut of a woman, a murderer of epic proportions… Somethin' truly despicable." Slumping slightly, she looked away. "This place sure does get tiresome after… hell, how many years have I been here, for Pete's sake? Ten thousand?" With a snort, Komachi turned back to face him worth dark eyes. "Time may be healin' all wounds, but only by forgettin' that you ever had 'em. I may be enjoyin' my self, sure, but it is another form of hell. Purgatory at best, if you will."

Cringing back at her diatribe, he floated away slightly. Still, he did his best to meet her eyes and respond. "Sheesh… Nobody's left? Pete's bloody sake.. I imagined that there might be other Yama in contact, but they're all wrapped up and gone, at least from here? That's horrible."

Tilting his head to the side, he began to think out loud. "And you don't even remember why you've been stuck here? That honestly sounds like a bunch of bull. If it's been so long that the memory itself has rotted away, could the crime be worth keeping you here? And is there anything stopping you from leaving?" Stopping, he started to gesture with his hand before looking away. "Or are you chained in more ways than one?"

Shaking her head at the curiosity the man had, she let herself fall down and lean against the side of the boat. "If I be leavin' for too long, I would slowly have my soul extinguished... Though, the immortality is a bit of a perk, in and of itself." Looking away, she gazed off over the water. "And it's not a system made to be fair; it be bindin's of the laws of life and death, and ain't much of a system at all. Do you know why Eiki be warnin' others of their sins?" The dark clouds in her eyes were telling him that he well ought to imagine why.

"She doesn't want help, because it be a fate worse than death in her eyes. I see it as a bit of a cursed blessing, a hell of a deal with a heavenly payoff way on down the road, further than you could holler… Once we finally be gettin' our freedom, we be left immortal and pure, so to speak. Compared to the other hells I could be experiencin' instead of this one, I suppose it ain't too bad. I've no idea what the others are like, but this one ain't half bad, really... Just a bit... dull. Really dull. Really, really dull."

He floated there silently for a few minutes, staring away over the water. "That is an interesting arrangement… But I know Gensokyo enough that I can imagine she has her work cut out for her if she wants to keep them out." Turning to face Komachi, he raised a hand to scratch his chin. "Curiously, it almost sounds like you would become one of the Celestials once you're done. Or something similar. I can see why you keep going."

Pausing, he opened his mouth, deciding whether or not if he wanted to offer. Seeing no harm in doing so, he asked, "Any thing that I can do to help you, Miss Komachi?"

The shinigami gave him a wry grin. "Live well. Eiki tends to end up cryin' when she has to be sendin'. Not that you'll be likely to wind up in this here reality when you kick the ol' bucket, mind you. I just hate to be hearin' her cry, so that'd be enough for m-" Her cheeky statement was ended by a piercing wail, cutting through the fog that surrounded the two. Any hint of joy fell off of Komachi's face as she turned back to man the boat.

A few seconds of silence met the two, as he stares at her back. Floating forward, he takes his hand and lays gently it on her shoulder. "I'll… do my best. Do you want me to go and see if I should, or do you need to be…" Unsure of how best to finish his statement, he waved his hand off in the direction of the sobbing.

She turned her head and gave him a ghost of a grin. "Heh… why ever not? Sure kid. I could even be bringin' some souls along, save us both a bit of time. Let's cast off."

Blinking, he attempts to remain stabilized, not bothering to count for the fact that it should be impossible for someone with no legs to fall over, if they're floating in the first place. "I probably shouldn't be getting near the edges, should I?"

"Heh." She gave me a twisted grin. "Kid, we be already there. I can be fast. All it takes is but a blink."

He looked around, taking in the similar yet obviously completely different landscape. "Oh. So we are here." Floating off and onto the dock, he turned back to Komachi. "But shouldn't we get on and see Miss Eiki, then?"

Smug grin on her face, she shook her head, her twin ponytails dancing back and forth. "We? You're the only one that be goin' in there, kid. She be out of souls to judge for the time bein', so it ain't like it's a sin to go in, as of now. And as for now…" She raised her scythe onto her shoulder, while giving him an evil grin. "Get goin' Earl. I don't want to be waitin' too long."

Snorting at the shinigami's remark, he shook his head. "Ah, alright then, I gotcha. …But wouldn't it mean that it would be a sin to be judged in the first place." Sighing, he raised a hand in farewell, beginning to float towards the large doors before him. "Oh well, above my pay grade. Thanks Komachi. I hope you'll be getting along well. And it becomes less dull for you out there.

As he reached the interior of the building, though, he stopped and spun around, eyes wide. "Wait! How did you know my-" Before he could finish his sentence, the doors slammed shut. "-name…" Mentally cursing the woman, he turned about, making sure to walk quietly. He had still forgotten that he was floating instead of using his feet.

Entering into the chamber, he couldn't help but gaze around the room in admiration. It was abnormally large, too big and too old to have been constructed by human hands. Pews lined the majority of the room, offering space for what could have been thousands to sit. All were facing the middle of the room, were stood a simple wooden desk on an ornate pedestal. Gazing around for whomever might be there, Earl decided to try and call out. "Hello, Miss Eiki? Are you there?"

A quiet soft voice responded, from the center of the room. "Genocide, homicide, infanticide, and suicide. Those are major si- You're not dead." The voice sharpened, becoming sterner and louder as a figure arose from the shadows surrounding the desk. It revealed a small figure, short in stature and even mores in bust, yet with blue eyes weighted down with tears and age. Those eyes met his, drilling directly into his soul. "Those were my own, not yours. It is not your time. Why are you here, boy."

The weight of her vision seemed to burden him, seemingly preventing him from moving from his spot. The sheer presence from the girl pounded down on his ears, forcing him to remember each and every one of his wrongs.

Eventually, though, he managed to croak out, "I am here because… because Komachi brought me along. She heard you sobbing, and we both thought that you like some company." Swallowing, he felt the presence lift ever so slightly. "Some company who hopefully hasn't been damned, or damned himself already. But as for why I am in Higan to begin with… I am only most dead, so to speak."

The presence lifting even further, Earl took the opportunity to step forward, trying to smile through the dark mood. "So, if I may ask Miss Eiki, do you wish for some?"

The woman continued to stare at him for a few seconds, before looking away. "…I'd offer you a seat, but mine is the only one. As such, I will stand." Giving a large sigh, seemingly filled with years of regrets, she stood. He walked forward next to her, but did not sit. Standing next to her, he simply waited for her to speak, as he could not think of anything to say.

A short few seconds later, she did finally continue. "Even after so many years, I can't help but break down at the sound of their screams... Every time I open the gates of hell, I have to listen to ever single sinner within…" She turned to him, eyes starting to shine again with tears, even though her was still set firm. It's not the act of sending one particular sinner to hell that breaks my heart... It's how I can hear every single sinner screaming out in agony, all at once. I've had plenty of time to get used to those screams, those cries, and the pleading... voices!"

She closed her eyes, her fists starting to clench by her side as her mouth began to twist into a frown. "And yet... I likely never will…" Eiki looked pointedly over the shoulder, still attempting to stay calm. "I would like to request your shoulder, boy. Would that be acceptable?"

Without even hesitating, he nodded, giving her a small smile while putting a hand on her shoulder. "Of course it is, miss. Of course it is." In a flash, she took the opportunity to cling to his ghostly torso, burying her face into his shoulder. As she began to shake, Earl patted her gently on the back, pulling her close while whispering in her ear. "I can't even try to imagine what it must be like to go through all of that. To keep going through all of it, and to still be able to stand here. You're a stronger person than I could ever be, Miss Eiki. Stronger than I ever will be. But it's still alright. Even the strongest need a shoulder to cry on."

"T-thank you…" Giving another sob, she began to cry again, tears coming out, thick and black. He nearly started when he realized what it was that those tears were made out of. But he knew that he couldn't dart away now. It would frighten the poor girl, making her thing that he thought her abhorrent. So, instead, he held his ground, and let her cry.

As she did, though, he felt himself growing lighter. He took the opportunity to look down, seeing that the black tears were pulling a dark liquid out of his own being. Both ended up flowing down his body, ending up in a puddle beneath the two of them.

Suddenly, Earl felt her shift against his shoulder. "Y-you've no particularly grand sins, boy… Still not going t-to…" She clutches even tighter, but he could hear the smile in the voice. The little Yama was overjoyed to finally meet another who wasn't destined for the fires.

"Thank you…"

After what felt like hours, she finally calmed down. Squeezing her gently, he nodded his head and accepted her thanks. "You're most welcome, Miss Eiki. You needed it, and I'm glad that I could be there for you." He looked away for a moment, voice quieting again. "…It's good to know that I haven't done anything that would cause you even more pain, too."

Cautiously, he reached his hand up. Hesitating slightly, he raised his hand to her cheeks, wiping off the tears with the back of his thumb. Smiling slightly, he asked, "Is there anything else you might need of me, Miss?"

The woman sniffed once more. "Thank you again, boy. I needed that." She looked up, meeting him with a wide smile, nearly shining in happiness. "As much as I wish I could ask more of you… It is time for you to go." Raising her own hand, she placed the small palm on his face. Breathing deeply, she stared at him with sad eyes over that smile. "Just remember… I have judged you, and found you clean. If you are to die as you are now, you'd be free of sin, and could reincarnate however you may wish. Be careful, and do what is right." She looked away, blushing slightly.

"For me, if anything else."

At that, Earl's vision erupted in white, and he felt himself being forced away, and being propelled back to his own body. Opening his actual eyes up with a groan, he looked around at the unfamiliar landscape. Mind reeling at the thought of being in the courtroom moments before with Eiki, and now being in the middle of a plane, he stood stock still.

After a few minutes, the shock bleeding off of him, he finally gained the wits to understand the what had happened, making him sigh in regret. "Didn't even get to say goodbye. I hope she'll be alright."

"Now, need to make it to Youkai Mountain. I can decide what to do from there."