AN: So this is the end. I decided not to split this up because it wasn't as long as I thought. I hope you like it.

Epilogue

"He'll wake up, Sam. At least a part of him knows it's not real." Cas and Sam stood outside the small room, looking at Dean through a small glass window.

Sam rubbed his fingers through his hair. "How do you know? You said you couldn't get through.

Cas took a step away from the window, hating what he saw through the glass, knowing that much of it was his fault. "I have a few reasons. The most obvious is that he never gave the Cas in there, the over coat. He gave mine back to me. At least a small part of him knows that isn't really me." He saw the confusion on Sam's face. "I was able to get through last time. He's getting weaker and as a result, the defenses he put up are crumbling."

"So he's dreaming of you?" Sam questioned. "Tell me what's going on, Cas. Why is he like that? His doctor says all the injuries from the 'bear' attack have healed. Why won't he wake up?"

"Yes, he's dreaming of me; you and Bobby too." He chose not to tell what else the hunter was filling his mind with. "Among other things."

Sam easily noticed the look on Cas' face and knew immediately that whatever he'd just left out wasn't good. "Wake him up, Cas. He's been like this for two months."

Cas shook his head. "If I wake him up, something that he's trying to work out will be left unresolved. It's best to let him come to terms with it on his own."

Sam glared at the angel. "Damn it Cas, if Dean were here he'd pitch a fit until you just did what he wanted." He fell back against the hospital wall, angry and tired and worried. "Wake him up. I know you can."

Cas could see the worry and fear on Sam's face. He wished he could just 'wake him up', but it wasn't that simple. "You aren't Dean and there are limitations to what even his 'fit pitching' would accomplish." Cas rolled his eyes at the reminder that apparently everyone was convinced he'd do whatever Dean wanted, regardless of the consequences, which was entirely untrue. He was more than capable of saying no to Dean if the circumstances warranted it. "If it were you in there, I would tell Dean the same thing that I'm telling you."

Sam stood up, facing the angel. "What happened? Between you two? I'm not stupid, Cas. When he got back, he couldn't even look me in the eyes when he talked about you. Why didn't you come home with him?"

Cas turned away from Sam to look back into the small room at Dean. "I made a choice, that's all."

Sam spoke to Cas' turned back. "So you chose death and an eternity of running from monsters over coming home with Dean." It wasn't a question, it was and accusation. "I get it, really I do, but to him, with his issues… Can't you see how your 'choice' probably hurt him? How could you not realize what you were implying by that choice?"

Cas turned around to face Sam, his eyes sad, full of doubt and guilt and everything else that real angels weren't supposed to feel. Dean's words; 'tell me that you want me' ran through his head over and over again like a broken record that wouldn't stop. "Yes Sam, I think I realize that now. Thank you for reminding me. But even so, he has to work this out on his own. That is all."

Cas turned away and started to walk down the long hall. He needed some air, some space, and possibly even a liquor store. But of course Sam would have nothing to do with allowing that. He chased the angel down the hall and stopped his escape. "Is that all, Cas? Because the way I see it; you can wake him up and fix this, but you won't. Is Dean really the one who needs time to work something out, or is it you that needs the time?" He took his hand off Cas' shoulder and stepped back. "You need to decide, Cas. Stop popping back into his life just to abandon him again. It's cruel."

"You mean, like you do?" Cas glared at the taller man, but regretted his words immediately. Sam wasn't to blame. If he'd come home with Dean, Sam's choice would have been easier for Dean to handle. "Go home to your wife, Sam. Get some rest. Dean will be safe with me, I promise."

"Yeah, I know he will." Sam's features softened. He realized that he was projecting his own guilt onto Cas and it wasn't fair. "Melanie just got done with her finals and really deserves a night to celebrate. I've been here more than home these last couple of months. So yeah, okay. I owe her at least one night."

"Melanie, you wife…She's a student?" He questioned Sam, realizing another piece of the puzzle.

Sam smiled, pride pouring off him. "Yeah, med school. Why do you ask?"

Cas ignored the question. "May I see a picture of her?"

"Sure." Sam pulled out his cell phone and tapped the glass a few times then handed it to Cas. Melanie was beautiful. She had blond hair and blue eyes. Her smile was gorgeous. It was a picture of her and Sam together. They both looked happy, peaceful. "She's very pretty. Congratulations." He handed the phone back to Sam.

Sam took a last look at the picture and smiled before putting it back in his pocket. "She's beautiful and smart and kind and funny… I just wish I could make Dean understand."

"He will. I think that's one of the things that he's currently trying to work out." There was no way he was going to tell Sam exactly how his brother was currently working that particular issue out. "Go home. We will both still be here when you get back. I promise."

Sam shot Cas an unsure look. It's not that he didn't want to believe the angel. "I don't mean to sound harsh here Cas, but if you're not here when I get back… don't come back at all." He started out the door, but turned back around. "For what it's worth, I hope you're here."

Cas sat down in the chair beside Dean, watching as he slept. He contemplated everything. Over the years Dean had been let down by both him and Sam, but it seemed that this time, they'd let him down even worse. He picked up Dean's hand and laced his fingers with Dean's. The fit was so right, so natural, just another reminder of more feelings that he shouldn't even be able to have.

It wasn't that he doubted where he wanted to be, it was more that he doubted that his continuous presence would do anything except cause more pain. He was cursed, bad luck, a constant burden. Friend, lover, no matter the title, he had always been the one who made the wrong choices and hurt the person he cared about the most. Dean was far better off without him around.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening. He looked up to see the young, female doctor walk into the room.

She glanced down at their intertwined hands and smiled. "You should get some sleep. You look exhausted."

He looked back down at Dean and frowned. "I don't need to sleep. I need to watch over him until he's okay."

She wrote something in the chart she was holding, then looked back at Cas and nodded in understanding. "He's lucky, I guess… to have his own, personal guardian angel." She smiled and crossed the floor, extending her hand to Cas. "I'm Dr. Kristine Mansfield. I've been taking care of Dean since he was brought in."

Cas took the offered hand and shook it. "It's nice to meet you, Dr.

"Please, call me Kristie. Dr. is such a stuffy title, don't you think?" Her mannerism was friendly and kind. He immediately understood why Dean chose to send her to help Sam; to be his ally while Dean had to be the enemy. She looked at the clip board in her hand, then back to Cas. My chart says that you're Castiel Winchester, Dean's older brother?"

"Um…" Cas stumbled. Sam must have forgotten to mention that he'd lied to the staff about the nature of his and Dean's relationship. He nodded. "Yes, I… yes, I am his brother."

She cocked her eyebrow and smirked. "Good, because only family can be here after official visiting hours are over." She smiled knowingly. It wasn't the first time she'd seen the cover of 'brother' or 'sister' used to get around the 'family only' rule. It was an unfair rule anyway.

"I know that you want to stay by his side, but if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to you out in the hall." She waited for his affirmation. "I ran into Sam out in the parking lot and let him know before he left, but he requested that I talk to you instead." He could tell by her demeanor that he wasn't about to like what she was going to tell him.

He nodded and got back up and followed her into the hallway. "Is something else wrong?"

"I'm not gonna beat around the bush, Castiel. His physical injuries healed a long time ago. There's nothing physically wrong with him." She looked through the glass and frowned.

Cas already knew this. "His brother told me that he was attacked by a bear. I'm sure that type of trauma must cause some type of psychological injury." He knew it wasn't really a bear. Sam told him that Dean had gone after a wendigo alone and been badly hurt before the local sheriff found him, unconscious and close to death in the woods, just off the main hiking trail.

"I'm sure there must be, but this type of sustained coma is rare without physical cause. There were no severe head injuries. Really, considering the circumstances, his physical injuries were minimal." She realized that the man in front of her was not going to be any better about this than Sam had been earlier. "Look Castiel. I think you and Sam should prepare for the worst. He isn't getting any better and his brain functions are rapidly decreasing. If this pace of deterioration continues, he will require artificial means of life support." She pulled some papers off the clipboard. "He has no living will and that leaves you and Sam with the burden of making that decision."

She tried to hand him the paper, but he refused to take it. "No, that is not my decision. Sam is…"

"Sam insisted that you would be the one to make the decision. I am sorry, but there's not much time to think it over or argue about which one of you makes the call. I need this form to be filled out by morning, just in case." She grabbed his hand and put the paper in it, putting a pen into his other. "I'll check back in with you first thing in the morning. Take good care of my patient." Before he could object, she was already on her way down the hall.

Cas pulled out his cell phone and dialed. As soon as he heard the other end pick up, he spoke. "That was completely unnecessary."

"Hello Cas." Sam spoke into the other end. "I'm guess that you just had a pleasant chat with Dean's doctor?"

"Yes, and I am very aware of how serious Dean's condition is. I did not need you to sic the doctor on me. You do not understand what is going on in his head, Sam."

"Don't I? Because I'm guessing, by your level of hesitation and frustration; that it has something to do with you and him banging in his little dream world." Sam paused for the expected huff from Cas' end of the line. "I've got news for you, Cas. You're the only one that would be shocked by that development. Wake him up and deal with it."

"Do you really think that I would be unwilling to wake him up for that reason alone?" Cas held the phone out and glared into it, momentarily forgetting that Sam couldn't see him, no matter how he held the phone. "Not that it's any of your business, but Dean and I have already dealt with that issue, long ago."

Sam was stunned. "Really? When?"

"This situation is not your opportunity to discover all Dean's dirty little secrets, Sam. If Dean wants you to know any details, he can share them with you when he wakes up." Cas sincerely hoped that Sam would get the point and drop it. "That is not what my hesitance is about. If I force him to come back before he's ready, you may not like the version of your brother that returns."

"Damn it Cas, I'll take any version. Don't you get it? He's dying and you can stop it."

Cas shook his head. "Waking him up won't stop that. It could very well, make it worse. Why won't you listen to me?"

"Oh, I'm listening, you just don't get it. Wake him up, then we can deal with whatever problems may or may not exist."

"He will not be happy if I…"

"He's dying Cas. You think dying would make him happy?"

"Yes actually, I know it would." He was so determined not to let Sam in on any of the more gruesome details, but he failed to be able to communicate the gravity of the situation otherwise. "He wants it to be over Sam. That is why we have to let him work this out. Please trust me."

"You're telling me that he's happy wherever he is, really?"

"Cas sighed. He was starting to feel like a recording set on an endless loop. "Yes Sam, I'm sorry, but he's happier right now then I've ever seen him. You're asking me to rip that pure peace from him." He paused, knowing Sam would get the wrong idea in what he was about to say. "He deserves some happiness after all the pain and suffering the two of us have caused him. He knows that if he comes back, chances are that we'll just cause him even more. I can't say that I blame him. He knows this. That's why he won't come home."

Sam was suddenly terrified. "Oh my god. You are seriously considering letting him die, aren't you?"

Cas felt like throwing the phone into the nearest wall. He took a deep breath instead, trying to remain calm. "Don't be ridiculous. I just need time to figure it out, convince him to come back on his own." There was no way he could continue this conversation. "I have to go Sam. Enjoy your evening out with your wife." Cas hit the end button before Sam could say anything else. He turned the phone off completely and stuck it in the pocket of his overcoat.

He walked back into Dean's room. He looked from Dean to the Life support form that was still in his hand. He shook his head, crumpled it into a ball and tossed it into the small wastepaper basket next to the bed. He sat down next to Dean and picked up his hand again. "Of course I'm not going to let you die." He brushed a few strands of the way too long hair off Dean's forehead. "Although Sam's life may be in jeopardy when you wake up and see how long he let your hair get."

Cas smiled at the sleeping hunter before laying the palm of his hand gently over Dean's forehead. Instantly, he was transported into Dean's reality.

The air was cool and crisp. It appeared to be a clear autumn morning, just after sunrise. A gentle breeze blew, causing leaves, all different shades of gold and red to sway in time with the wind. Rays of morning sunlight seeped through the foliage in patches, causing shadows to dance on the soft ripples of the familiar lake in front of him.

Off to the side of a small cabin, he spotted himself gathering wood, of all things. The idea that either one of them needed the warmth of a fireplace seemed a little silly, considering where they were. The other him was identical to himself in every way except one. He didn't have a tie, jacket or the overcoat that seemed to have become symbolic to Dean. He smiled at how easily the other him seemed to take to something as human as wood gathering. He had never actually let himself imagine what 'normal' life would be like if he'd ever be given the chance to experience it, to simply 'live'. It never seemed a possibility.

Cas strode up to his other self and placed a hand on his shoulder. The other angel turned, startled, dropping the wood to the ground. "I'm sorry, my friend, but it's time for you to go."

The other Cas smiled back and nodded. "I expected you sooner. I know that I failed, but it was the only choice I could make. I love him."

"I know you do and you didn't fail. You were everything he needed you to be. You did good." Cas knew that the angel in front of him was more than a simple hallucination. He was, for all practical purposes, himself; the same memories, feelings, insecurities…Memorex, as Dean would say. "You were thrown into an impossible situation. You did the best you could, but now I need to fix it."

The other Cas questioned him. "Would you have made the same choice?"

The question seemed silly and unnecessary. The other him shouldn't have even had to ask. "With the information that you had at the time; yes, I would have made the very same choice. And I would not consider it a failure." Cas put two fingers to his twin's forehead and the other angel slowly drifted from sight.

Cas turned around just in time to see Dean opening up the front door of the small cabin they were apparently staying in. He quickly took the overcoat off, along with his suit jacket and tie and stuffed them behind a pile of wood. He'd barely gotten the clothes hidden before he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to face bright, green eyes. "Hello Dean."

Dean laughed. "Yeah, hello Cas. What cha doing out here so early?" He put his arms around the angel who tried not to stiffen, knowing that he should be used to the unguarded displays of affection by now, but in reality, it had been a long time since Dean had touched him with any measure of intimacy.

"I was just…" He looked behind him at the fallen wood on the ground. "I was getting us some firewood."

"Yeah, I can see that." Dean took a step back and frowned. "You okay, Cas? You seem kind of distracted."

Distracted was putting it mildly, he thought. If he said the wrong thing, his plan would be ruined. "No, not distracted. I'm still just getting used to all this, that's all." He stepped forward and placed a soft kiss on Dean's cheek. "So, what are our plans for today?"

"We talked about this last night. You forget?" Dean eyed him suspiciously. "Sure you're okay?"

Cas ran his fingers through his own hair getting more nervous by the second. "I am fine, dean. I think the changes to this world may be affecting me, that's all." It was a solid cover and logical explanation. He just hoped Dean would buy it.

Dean put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. "Okay, if you're sure." He stepped up closer to Castiel and pulled the other man towards him by his belt loops, slowly running his lips over Castiel's stubbled neck, up to his earlobe. "We could always revisit a few of last night's activities if you think it'll help refresh your memory." He wiggled his eyebrows up and down, playfully.

Cas smiled sadly. This was too much. He thought he could do this, could just walk in here and convince Dean to come home, but who was there to convince him? The feel of Dean's fingertips on his skin, his breath playing at his neck. It's not as if they'd never been intimate, but it had been so long ago. Even then it was never out in the open, never without underlying hesitation, guilt, even shame. The fear of being caught weighed heavily on them and tainted much of their time together.

This…this was everything he'd ever wanted, but was too afraid to ask for. To just be allowed to let go, allow this without abandon or regret…

He didn't know when it happened, but suddenly he was moving back against the woodpile, his hands pulling at Dean, wordlessly asking for everything they'd denied themselves for so long, everything he'd denied them by his many mistakes.

Not that he wanted to, but he forced himself to pull away. He was there for a purpose. The beauty and peace, being surrounded by pure perfection, everything he'd ever wanted, but didn't even realize, it was addictive. It was too easy to forget that any other reality existed. It was a lot like Neverland, in that it made you forget, never want to go home. He couldn't afford to get lost in the illusion, it would be too easy to stay.

As if Dean could sense his inner conflict, he looked deep into Cas' eyes, trying to figure out what was wrong. "You are not okay. Please tell me what's wrong?"

"I love you too much."

Dean cocked an eyebrow at Cas, not sure if he'd suddenly lost his marbles again or not. "You can love me as much as you want here. There's no such thing as too much."

"I killed you, Dean. The choice I made; Bobby was right. I screwed up, because I love you too much."

Dean shook his head, His forehead creased with worry. "No you didn't. You lowered the gun. You chose me. Don't you remember?" He studied Castiel's face looking for some sign of understanding. "Are you really forgetting things because of the prophesy being fulfilled?"

"Stop it." Cas pushed Dean back, away from him. Hoping the distance would give him space to breath, to think. There is no prophesy, no game. This isn't real. Why can't you see that?"

"Cas, you're scaring me."

"Good, get scared. Because I'm terrified right now." He took a deep breath and lowered his voice. "We can't lose you. We can't do this without you. You are what holds us together. Sam and I…"

"Sam is with Bobby. He's fine."

"No, he's not. He's worried about you. He wants you to come home." He closed his eyes and reached out, grabbing Dean's wrist. "We both do."

Dean pulled away, suddenly getting angry. "Damn it Cas, I am home. You are home."

Cas rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration. "You have no idea how true that is."

He spoke the words under his breath, but somehow Dean heard them anyway and his eyes shot up. "What?"

"This is Heaven Dean. We are in Heaven, your heaven. You are dying, your soul has already accepted the fact that you will die, that's why you're here. The game, the prophesy; that was your axis mundi…the crossing point between life and death."

"They lied." He pushed Cas away from himself. "They said that if I won, we could be together; happy. Sam and Bobby too." He pointed at Cas and took another step back. "But you're trying to ruin it. You aren't supposed to be able to ruin it."

"I'm supposed to be everything you want, right?"

Dean looked down, almost embarrassed. "Well, yeah."

"Those beings that you made a deal with, they weren't any ancient gods. They were angels." Cas stepped closer and picked Dean's chin up to look into his eyes. "They did this to punish you, make you suffer and eventually choose death. Heaven is cruel, Dean and they play very cruel games."

"No, it was never heaven. I was supposed to make you think that so you'd say yes."

"That was part of the fail safe, in case I got through. I promise you, I am not lying." Cas watched, helpless as Dean shook his head, realizing that the game had been too real, to well thought out for him to ever be able to get through.

Cas looked around at the beauty that surrounded them. It was perfect and pure, but it wasn't real. "You aren't perfect either, Dean."

Dean's eyes snapped up and he looked at the angel, now wearing the overcoat. "What?"

"You are sarcastic, immature, and hard-headed. You drink too much, watch pornography, and play your music too loud. You are stubborn and quite frankly, annoying and demanding." Cas glared at the hunter.

"Yeah, so what's your point?"

He took a step closer to Dean and cupped his palm over the other man's cheek. "That is the person I fell for. Not what you're pretending to be here. I want you, the real you." He gently kissed Dean's lips. "I want you, Dean. I need you and I love you. No matter how you want me to word it, I will always choose you. But I won't help you give up. If you want me, you know where to find me. I made my choice, now it's your turn.

Cas turned away and closed his eyes, hoping that he'd done the right thing. He walked slowly down the path, fading from sight as he walked away."

Dean sat up in the bed and grabbed the angel sitting next to him, wrapping his arms around him. "No, you can't leave me. You have to stay." His breathing was heavy and his voice panicked.

"Shh… It's okay now. It's over. I'm here." Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair and kissed his forehead.

Dean stared at Cas, then looked around. He pushed Cas back, suddenly angry. "No, I won. This can't be." He looked up at the ceiling. "I won, you can't do this."

"Dean, you need to calm down, or they will come in here to medicate you." He carefully pushed Dean back down and pulled his chair up even closer to the bed. "You did win, Dean. I choose you. I'll always chose you. It's okay now."

"No, you don't understand." He grabbed the angel's hand and stilled. "You always feel so real."

"I am real. I promise." Cas intertwined their fingers and ran his other hand gently over Dean's cheek.

"No Cas, this is the beginning again. She will come in here and say that you're not real and it'll start all over again. It always does."

Cas smiled, amusement shining in his blue eyes. "If she comes in here and says that, I will smite her for you, okay?"

Dean smiled back at the angel, finally relaxing. "I did really horrible things. Cas. How can you still want to be near me?"

"You didn't do anything, Dean. It was just a bad dream. Kristie is your doctor." He hesitated a moment, before adding the rest. "Melanie is Sam's wife. You haven't hurt anyone."

"I hurt you."

"No, you didn't." He gently kissed Dean's lips as reassurance. "Dreams are just the subconscious' way of working things out. Everything's worked out now."

Early morning sunlight seeped through the heavy hospital drapes. Dr. Mansfield walked into the room, a smile on her face. "I hear my patient woke up last night."

Cas nodded and ran his fingers through Dean's hair. "Yes, but he still seems to go back and forth between believing I'm real and thinking I'm just a hallucination."

"Well, I'm afraid that he woke up a few times thinking you were here. He just needs time to work it out. Sometimes there's an adjustment period." She read the numbers on a machine and scribbled something on her clipboard. "It shouldn't last long. Two months is a long time to exist is an altered state."

Dean opened his eyes and groggily looked at his doctor. "My angel says he'll smite you if you say he's not real this time."

Kristie laughed. "Your angel, huh? Wish my husband was so romantic."

Cas looked panicked for a second, but then smiled, nodding towards the IV strip. "I think that whatever the nurse put in there last night is effecting his ability to communicate properly."

"Yeah well, it's not exactly the first time he's referred to you as his angel." Cas looked away and Dr. Mansfield grinned. "Don't be embarrassed. It's cute, really. All the nurses are jealous."

"You're part angel too, ya know." Dean mumbled as he rolled over.

"I promise you, Mr. Winchester, I'm no angel." She closed the chart and hooked it to the foot of the bed and addressed Cas. "I called Sam first thing this morning. He's on his way here. We'll have to keep Dean here for a few days for observation, but after that you should be able to take him home."

"Thank you, doctor."

She walked to the door and pulled it open, but turned back around. "You made the right choice, angel." She smiled and winked at him, fingering a small pink globe that hung from a chain around her neck before closing the door behind her, retreating down the hallway.

Cas looked over to Dean and smiled. "I know."

-The end.

AN: Thank you all for reading and sticking with me through this journey. I can't believe that it's finally over. It's literally been ages since I started this. I can't tell you how much it's meant to me to hear your comments. It kept me going when I really just felt like giving up. This was a lot of fun for me and I hope that you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.