Chapter 1

Author's Note~ I know what you're thinking...a highschool fic? How cliche. I can assure this is like no other high school fic you've ever read, for the sheer insanity of it. I had a hell of a time writing it though. XD

Note: Nothing in this fic should be taken seriously. This fic doesn't even take itself seriously.

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist is not mine.

Al listened as his brother constantly muttered to himself.

"I hate this place," Ed said begrudgingly.

"Relax, Brother. It could be fun," he tried to reassure his older brother.

"Fun? Yeah, right," He chuckled darkly. "Holy shit, it feels like we've been here forever now." Al rolled his eyes at his brother's exaggeration. "How long has it been?"

"5 minutes," he sighed.

"Damn!" Ed whined. "I hate my life," he grumbled, "And Mustang." He didn't feel to add.

(Note: This flashback is a complete exaggeration in Ed's mind of what actually happened.)

Ed stomped in Mustang's office in his usual cheery manner.

"Hello, Fullmetal Pipsqueak," Mustang said snidely. Ed, of course, took the height reference very maturely because he was an understanding person. After his little flurry of intelligent well-thought out insults was over, Mustang glared at him.

"You can't talk to me like that. I'm promoted, which makes me better than you. Heh heh heh." Mustang boasted.

"Oh, how nice for you," Ed rolled his eyes.

"Say, Fullmetal, I've got a proposition for you." Mustang put his legs on his desk.

"What is it? I'd love to hear it," Ed said positively.

"Well, because I'm a total jerk-ass prick, I'm going to torture you some more by making you go to school," Mustang stated. Ed took this new mission with a smile on his face just like he always did.

"School? What for?" he widened his golden eyes innocently.

"Because you need your education and to interact with kids your age blah blah blah I could care less about the words I'm saying but I need something to shove up your ass so I'm gonna keep boring you to death with this meaningless lecture," Mustang said in a bored tone.

"Oh, I completely understand, but I don't think I need school," Ed said politely.

"Oh, there's another catch. Like I said, I'm a total jerk-ass prick, so since you went overboard with the research funds last year, if you don't go to school, I'll force you to do strenuous labor for me for a month. It's your choice. Look at me. Aren't I cool? I spend my free time picking on innocent children," he chuckled arrogantly.

"I guess I don't have a choice, do I?" Ed sighed.

"Ha ha ha! Of course not! It'd be no fun if you did!" Mustang said cheerily.

"Are you going to make Al do it too?" Ed asked, concerned.

"Nah, he's not as fun to be a jack-ass to," Mustang dismissed.

"Colonel Mustang, I won't go anywhere without my brother. He's the voice of reason between us so without him, I'm lost!" Al said distraught.

"It's okay, Al," Ed said noblely, "I'll face the burden alone."

"No! I insist, Brother!" Al said forcefully.

"Alright, it's your choice, Al."

(end of flashback.)

Al sweat-dropped at his brother's recap. "Um, Brother, I don't think that's how it happened."

"What?" Ed broke his fantasy, "Did you say something, Al?"

"Nothing!" Al said hastily. Should he tell him what actually happened? Eh, he seemed in a better mood, so why ruin it?

"Excuse me! What do you two think you're doing without school uniforms?" The brothers turned to meet the voice, Al looking guilty, and Ed just annoyed. A professional looking older lady came storming up to them, her carefully pinned hair coming loose.

"Who the hell are you?" Ed asked rudely.

"Brother," Al chastised. The woman gave his brother a cold stare.

" 'Who the hell'? That sort of language is not allowed in this building, young man," she said sternly. Ed gave her a blank look, but Al put his hand over his brother's mouth. He didn't want to get in trouble on the first day.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. It's been a long week, and he hasn't had a lot of sleep so he's cranky. He's not usually this disrespectful. It won't happen again," Al lied nervously. She cocked an eyebrow.

"Well, it's good to know that one of you has manners," she said haughtily, but then her head snapped. "Did you say brothers?"

"Yes ma'am," Alphonse said uncertainly.

"Oh, are your names Edward and Alphonse Curtis?" she asked in awe.

"Yes," Al said proudly.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry! I didn't realize who you were! I yelled at you for not having uniforms but you don't have them! I need you two to come with me," she said, regaining her professional manner. Al took his hand off his brother's face hesitantly, afraid of another outburst from the brash teenager.

"Behave," Al whispered to his brother. Ed said nothing but waved his hand dismissively. Al would take that as a good sign. The lady led them to a decent-sized office.

"Your uniforms are here. They've already been taken care of," she gestured to two cloth bags. Al saw his brother eye the bag skeptically. He rolled his eyes, and threw his brothers bag to him. Al nearly had a heart attack when he saw the price of the uniforms. 35,000 cens for some clothing? Who could afford that?

"Excuse me," he called politely to the stiff lady. She looked at him and let him know she was listening. He continued, "You mentioned that these uniforms were already taken care of."

"That's correct," she affirmed.

"May I ask whom it is that's paid for it?" he asked almost nervously. She brightened up,

"Well of course, young man! Your adoptive father has paid for all the expenses," she said happily. Al exchanged a questioning look with his brother.

"Adoptive father?" he asked quizzically.

"Yes, Mr. Roy Mustang," she said slowly. Ed snapped his head up. Al started to hustle out of the office and out of earshot of the stern lady as he noticed his brother's face turning red from suppressed rage.

As soon as they got outside, a bomb went off. Literally. Al stood patiently as his brother raved for 5 minutes straight.

"That lecherous, sadistic bastard is going to pay for this!" Ed finished off his rant.

"I don't see why you're so angry. You should be grateful that he's paying for us, Brother," Al reasoned. Ed groaned.

"Don't you get it? The fact that he was able to pay this off so easily means he could've just paid for the research grant in the first place! But no, the dirty, womanizing pyromaniac decides to torture us instead! Sadistic asshole!" Ed fumed. Al sighed. What did the Colonel being a womanizer have to do with it? He sometimes didn't understand his brother when he was in one of his moods and there was no getting through to him at this point either.

"Excuse me!" The stiff lady came running to them from down the hall. Al tried not to snicker at how silly the poor lady looked when she ran in heels. He was afraid that she was gonna trip and fall her face. If that happened, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to control himself…or his brother. She panted when she finally reached them.

"I forgot to mention that I'm supposed to escort you both to your classes. Unfortunately, since class has already started, I won't be able to give you a tour of the building," she stated.

"Uhh, that's okay," Al said sheepishly, "We have a map, and if we need any help, we could just ask one of our classmates to help us, right Brother?" He elbowed his brother knowingly.

"Yeah," Ed mumbled.

"Oh, good. Well, go get in your uniforms and I will escort you to your proper classrooms," she said awkwardly.

"No fucking way," Ed muttered.

"C'mon, Brother. It's not that bad," Al said optimisticly. Ed rolled his eyes at his overly-positive brother.

"They may be your thing, Al, but there's no way in hell I'm doing it," he said defiantly.

"Ugh, why don't you stop being stubborn for once, Brother?" Al groaned.

"Because it's too damn hot!" he snapped.

"This coming from the guy who waltzed around in the middle of the desert wearing a heavy red jacket?" Al asked dryly.

"I was a child then!" Ed dismissed.

"Right," Al said sarcastically, "Because you've changed so much. You're so much more mature now. That would explain why you're moaning and swearing over an article of clothing." Ed shot his brother a hard glare.

"It's just not my style, okay?" he pouted.

"Brother, just put it on," Al ordered.

"No," Ed huffed.

"Put it on," Al ordered more sternly this time, glaring at his brother.

"I'm not gonna put it on if I don't wanna," Ed snapped.

"Dammit, Ed! Just put on the stupid sweatervest!" Al yelled. His brother stared at him coolly, holding the sweatervest up by the tip of his fingers. He smirked and Al narrowed his eyes.

"Brother," he said cautiously, "Don't you dare." Ed grinned deviously.

"What do you mean, Al?" he asked innocently. Al gave his brother his scariest glare so he would back down but to no avail. Ed very quickly let go of the vest and it dropped onto the dirty bathroom floor.

"Oops," Ed shrugged. "It's dirty so I guess I can't wear it now. Too bad." Al twitched with annoyance. He was extremely attempted to take and the sweater and force it over his brother's fat head. Maybe smelling like piss would teach him a lesson. Oh how he wished Winry was here so she could beat some sense into him. But of course, his brother was in one of those moods where he purposely acts like an ass to piss people off, so there was really no point in stooping down to his level.

"Fine. I guess the sweatervest doesn't matter that much, but you atleast have to wear the tie," Al sighed. Ed groaned loudly.

"Please, Brother? For me?" he pouted expectantly, giving his older brother his most adorable look. Ed rolled his eyes.

"Fine, Al, but only for you," he relented, ruffling his brother's hair affectionately. Once Ed had finished putting on the white button-down, he grabbed the red tie. He threw it over his neck and started twisting it. He didn't get the results he wanted. He stared at the tie quizzically. What had he done wrong? If he hadn't been so focused on the piece of cloth, he would've heard his younger brother snickering at him from behind.

"Uhh, Brother?" Al asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Yeah?" Ed responded distantly.

"Do you need help?" Ed blushed slightly in embarrassment.

"Yeah," he said defeated. He watched with fascination as his brother looped the smaller end through the bigger end. Who knew ties were so damn complicated? After his tie was all situated, he grabbed the navy blazer, and was surprised at how light it was. After straightening his coat, he gazed at his reflection in the mirror. He tightened his ponytail, which had come loose from putting the uniform on. He snuck a peek at his brother who had his tie tucked under his pale yellow sweatervest and his button-down was buttoned up all the way. He then turned to look back at his own appearance, his top three buttons undone at his shirt, and his tie hanging loosely at his neck with nothing to bind it down.

"Brother, you ready?" Al asked.

"Sure, can't wait," he replied darkly. Al gave him a sympathetic smile.

"Let's go then," Al said, walking out of the door, his street clothes in the same cloth bag that his uniform came in. Ed gathered up all his clothes in his bag and followed his brother, unable to share his optimism. Looked like he was a schoolboy now, whether he liked it or not. He was officially on the level of every single other dumb-ass teenager.

Yippee.

A.N. ~ So what'd you think? Did you shake your head at the stupidity? Laugh your ass off? Both? I wanna know!