AN: A one shot I'd written about Kacey committing suicide. Instead of making the story focus on Kacey entirely I added Stevie in to add to the story. I may write more one shots of Kacey, Stevie, and maybe even Zander. Rated for mentions of adult themes. Please leave a review with any of your thoughts, questions, and/or concerns. All other stories will be updated soon. Enjoy the story!

WARNING: Mentions Self Harm and Suicide

"I have to go
And leave you alone
But always know
Always know
Always know that I love you so
I love you so"

Goodbye by Avril Lavigne

Kacey Marie Simon wasn't as strong as she made everyone around her believe. She was a broken, weak and desperate little girl still trying (trying so hard) to find her way, but no one had to know that; after all the best part of believe is the lie. So lie she did, to everyone around her while the scars on her wrists began to multiply and the ones on her thighs grew wider day by day.

She couldn't (wouldn't) say a word, not to her friends who were still not used to (shouldn't they be used to her by now?) the mask she wore so expertly, or the flashy clothes and heavy sparkling makeup. Mostly because, she feared that if they knew what ugly little secrets and monsters were lying underneath her skin, they would leave her just like Molly and Grace.

(best friends for never)

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she finished retouching the makeup to her wrists. Today was one of the many times she was thankful for having theater makeup in her locker. Oh, the secrets it could hide, and how pretty her demons would look with just a touch of power.

"Now, I can go see Stevie and the guys at practice and say goodbye," the teenaged girl sighed softly to herself putting her makeup into her bag and smoothed down her skirt.

As she walked down the hall to the band room, she thought of the fight, the secret war she'd been having with the demons that clawed at the walls of her mind. It had been a battle that she'd been losing every day and today, she felt quite content with putting up her white flag in defeat. It's not like she was ever strong enough to win.

"Hey Kacey, are you okay?" Stevie questioned the other girl in the eye, her face and voice full of concern.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired, that's all," she flashed a practiced plastic smile and only smiled bigger at the skeptical look she'd received. "I'm fine, come on the guys are waiting for us."

Stevie gave her a half smile trying not to over think that maybe, just maybe her friend was lying to her. But Kacey wouldn't lie to her, right? They were best friends. Shaking her head, the bass player picked up her instrument just as Kacey suggested to do "Goodbye" by Avril Lavigne. The other members quirked their brows at the song choice, but went along with it, much to Kacey's hidden delight.

'They'll try to change my mind…but I have to,' she thought biting her lip as the music started. 'I have to say goodbye.'

I have to go (goodbye)
I have to go (lullaby)
I have to go (goodbye)
And leave you alone

But always know (goodbye)
Always know (brown eyes)
Always know (goodbye)
That I love you so

I love you so (goodbye lullaby)
I love you so, oh (goodbye)
I love you so (goodbye brown eyes)
I love you so (goodbye)
I love you so
I love you so

Goodbye brown eyes
Goodbye my love

Kacey did everything in her power to blink back the tears that threatened to fall; with a quick glance she exhaled a soft breath glad that her band mates hadn't seen her struggle to maintain her composure. But before anyone could comment on her glassy eyes, she suggested they sing one of their newer songs which all agreed to easily.

She was in the clear now.

"Great practice guys," Zander said as he and the others put away their instruments. "The songs sound great; we're totally gonna rock that gig tomorrow."

Kacey smiled tightly and pulled out her phone while pretending to read a text before speaking. There wasn't going to be a tomorrow for her.

"Ugh guys, I'll see you all later, I've got some things to do when I get home," she said while keeping her smile perfectly in place so they wouldn't suspect a thing.

"Alright, we'll see you later," Stevie smiled giving her friend a bright smile and a quick hug, her brows furrowed when the other girl slipped on a charm bracelet to her wrist. "Kacey, what are you doing?"

"You said, you liked it once and I wanted you to have it," Kacey smiled, her heart swelling and clenching painfully. Don't cry. Don't cry.

"But, Kacey this is your favorite. Your mom got this for you and-

"No… I want you to have it, you're my best friend and I love you," a genuine smile stretched her lips as she pulled the girl before her into another hug. "Don't ever forget that."

No words left the hazel eyed girl's mouth as Kacey Simon left the room armed with a smile as she waved at the rest of Gravity5 and ducked out of the band room. Something didn't feel right.

"What was that all about?" Zander's voice broke Stevie from her disconnected thoughts; she looked into his curious brown eyes from the delicate bracelet that felt heavy on her wrist.

"I don't know… I just hope she's okay," the hazel eyed girl said nervously, a heavy feeling coiling in the pit of her stomach.

The dark eyed girl carefully set her things down next to her door after entering her bedroom and going straight to her nightstand. Opening the drawer she saw the small altoids box and picked it up, her hands started to shake slightly.

It's now or never.

Taking a deep breath, Kacey emptied the contents of the metal box into her hand, the pills settling into the palm of her hand without any significant weight, but felt as if they weighed a thousand pounds. Another breath left her lips before she tips her head back and swallows all the pills she gasped momentarily wishing that she'd washed them down with a bit of water.

But that seemed ridiculous to her, that her final moments should be comfortable in any kind of way. Her vision began to blur, all the colors bleeding into each other as she crawled across her bedroom floor to get her phone. Just one more goodbye, for all of them even if they wouldn't miss her (no one would miss her).

Goodbye Gravity5. I'll always love you guys. Xoxo -Kacey

Dropping the mobile device she crawled back to her bed, her head swam and her stomach lurched. Breathe, just one more breath. Pulling herself onto the bed, she sighed and rested herself against her pink plush pillows, a happy smile tugging at the corners of her lips as her vision finally went dark.

"Hey did you guys get that text from Kacey?" Stevie asked her friends after an emergency band meeting was called in the band room.

"Yeah… um Stevie… Kacey's dead," Zander said his voice thick, his eyes red and watery as the two boys next to him kept theirs on their shoes. "Sh-She killed herself."

At that moment, Stevie wanted to say that her friend was playing a trick on her. Kacey Simon loved herself too much to take her own life… right? But the broken look on the guitarist's face made any accusation stop cold in her mind.

"How… Did she say why?" the hazel eyed girl suddenly began shifting her weight on her feet trying to calm the emotions starting to surge under her skin. "I texted her back, I wanted to know what she meant. Guess, I know now."

"Stevie-

"No, Zander… I-I need to go home," she replied running from the three boys who only stood as if they were glued to the spot. She didn't want them to see the hot tears streaming down her cheeks; she was supposed to be the strong one.

Stevie Baskara didn't get any sleep that night.

The band had later found out that Kacey did leave a note marked in the last page of her diary with the lyrics of the song she wanted to sing at practice that day. Why couldn't they see it then, that their friend wasn't happy?

She'd said her goodbyes before they could even get a clue.

May 15, 2012-

I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of fighting. I'm sorry everyone, I didn't mean to hurt you.

I love you.

Kacey Marie Simon.

If only she'd known how much she was missed, then maybe, just maybe she could have been saved.

Four years later, and Stevie still wore the charm bracelet Kacey gave her and made sure to tell the boys (now they were back to being Gravity4, no one could ever take Kacey's place) that she loves them everyday, because she can't bear to lose another friend without trying to save them first.

Goodbye brown eyes
Goodbye my love

Thanks for reading. Monsters Underneath and Bucket List will be updated as soon as possible. Please leave a review xoxo