(So, it's been forever since I updated this. I've tried my best to wrap it up without making it too horrible. Maybe I'll try to clean the rest of the story up sometime in the future.)

Chapter 9 - What We Could Be

After waking from a nap, John went to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. The baby was sound asleep in his crib, so John didn't try to pick him up. He liked letting Winny sleep as long as he wanted.

He chuckled quietly to himself when he thought about how much the little boy slept. For all he took after Sherlock, they definitely differed in that area.

At the thought of Sherlock John found himself wondering where the man was. Surely not sleeping, as he had promised to stay awake in case Winny needed him while John got some much needed rest. But if he was in the flat, he'd be making some kind of noise. Violin, experiment, something.

He put down his tea and ascended the stairs to his former bedroom. Since Sherlock had decided to once again make 221B his home, he'd taken the room upstairs as his own without much fuss.

The door was partially opened, but John knocked rather than opening it. When there was no response he peeked inside, only to find no sign of Sherlock. Where could he have gone, he wondered. Surely he wouldn't have just left without saying anything?

That was part of their agreement. John had to know Sherlock's whereabouts at all times. So he pulled out and texted him, where are you?

Thankfully it was only a few seconds until a reply came.

Roof.

Then another came just after.

Not doing anything dangerous.

And John sighed with relief and checked on the baby again before going up to join him.

"What are you doing up here?" John asked as he carefully sat next to his friend.

Sherlock answered without looking at him. "What I'm always doing. Thinking." It was just starting to get dark out, and Sherlock's eyes were fixed on the melding blues and oranges of the sky.

"Care to tell me what about?"

This time Sherlock did look at him. "Since I've been back, there have been only two things I think about. Anything else, myself, cases, comes second to those two things."

"Is having a family really such a difficult puzzle to figure out?"

"That's not the puzzle I'm working on. That's part of a bigger thing I haven't even started working on yet."

John nodded, though he didn't really understand. "Do you mind if I sit here with you for a little? Winny is sleeping, and I assume you put him to bed pretty recently."

"No, I don't mind. And your deduction skills improve every day."

They chuckle for a short moment and then fall silent for long one.

"I wasn't supposed to come back," Sherlock said.

John's fingers twitched into an almost-fist. "I know."

"I know you know. I knew you figured it out. You may seem ordinary to everyone else but I know you are far beyond ordinary."

"You thought I was ordinary at first."

"One of the many mistakes I've made where you're concerned."

"Sherlock-" John started, half expecting the man to continue. When he didn't, John did. "I figured it out as soon as Mycroft told me you were back. The amount of anger in his voice... I knew you'd done something to make him miserable. But it didn't seem like he was upset for something you'd done on purpose. And then I knew... if you had planned to come back, you wouldn't have had to go to Mycroft first. You would have come here, because that path would have been in place."

"I didn't want to never see you again. To never work with you again," Sherlock admitted.

John looked up at him. "That's not all though, is it?"

Sherlock shook his head. "It wasn't fair. Theoretically, I could have seen you whenever I wanted. One phone call to my brother and I could watch you on my laptop. But you were never going to see me again. And I was alive. And everything I'd done was for you. Yes, there was technically more at stake and the papers say I saved so many lives and... but none of it mattered. I did it for you. So when it was all over, I couldn't stand the idea of not seeing the person I was willing to do all that for at least one more time."

"For what it's worth, I am so glad you came back."

"That's what held me back even once I was back in London. I kept asking myself, would you even want me anymore? All I'd put you through... it didn't matter that I'd been on the hunt for three years trying to keep you safe, if you hadn't wanted me here... I don't know what I would have done."

"Probably gone off to be the Lone Consultant again," John offered. "Found another sidekick."

Sherlock's answering gaze pierced him like a red hot blade. "No."

John scratched the back of his neck. "All this... all this fuss. Over me?"

"You're the one always trying to get me to admit to my sentiments and yet you have such a hard time believing that you're the only person I care for."

"I'm not the only person."

"No, not now that we have a child. No one else matters. Some are important, and I am able to admit that people like Molly and Lestrade may be my... friends... and in some small about I care about them. But I only care for you."

"I don't see what the difference is."

"You are a terrible liar, John."

John licked his lips and nodded. "I'm not sure I'm ready to have this conversation."

"Alright," is all Sherlock said. No anger. No prompting for when he would be ready. Just one simple word.

"There were so many times when I thought..."

"John, if you're not comfortable talking about this, don't force yourself. I am not the same Sherlock Holmes I was when I 'died'."

"I know."

"That's why you're worried."

John shook his head. "I'm not worried. At least, not about what you think I'm worried about."

"You're worried I'm saying this out of guilt rather than genuine affection."

"Okay, maybe it is what you think."

"I won't mention it again, if that would-"

"I care for you too, Sherlock, you stupid man."

One corner of Sherlock's mouth twitched upwards. "Remember what you said a few months ago, about us not being a traditional couple? About us being partners?"

"Yes."

"I keep replaying that in my head. Sometimes separating audio from video and analysing each individually."

"And your analysis?"

"We couldn't be a typical couple." He paused, gauging John's reaction. "But we could be a couple."

John laughed and looked away for a second before finally meeting Sherlocks' gaze. "You know, I kind of thought we already were. Or mostly. Like we've been stuck in a sort of Limbo."

Sherlock nodded. "There are things... that would not be a part of our relationship. Things that most couples do..."

"I know you don't have sex. It didn't take me very long to get over that."

"Are you sure? Because sex is important to some people and there's nothing wrong with-"

"Have you seen any sign of me having had sex recently? I honestly haven't since before your fall."

"You could though," Sherlock told him. "Being in a relationship with me doesn't rule out other possibilities."

"I love that you're being open-minded about this, but really, I'm more than happy taking care of things myself."

Sherlock nodded again. "Of course, there are things we can do. Things I've thought about doing, especially recently."

"Like?"

Sherlock reached out and grabbed one of John's hands. "Like this. Being close to you is... it makes me feel free. A kind of freedom I have found nowhere else. And when I touch you... when you hug me or our fingers brush when you hand me a cup of tea... I feel more like myself than ever. More at peace with the self that I was and the self that I am."

"Why?"

"Because you give me what no one else can. Some people meet me and they want me to change, they want me to be more normal. Others see me and say that I'm brilliant, that I shouldn't change because I am the way I am for a reason. No one has simply taken what I've offered and run with it. You wanted me the way I was then, and you want me the way I am now."

"I just want you. With me. All the time. You can change all you want but you will always be Sherlock at the core. And I'll change too, but I'll always be John and those two things will always belong together."

Sherlock squeezed John's hand and lifted it to his mouth. "Do you want to know another thing we could do?"

"Sure."

He lightly kissed John's knuckles before leaning closer and letting their hands rest on the shingles. "We could kiss."

"Are you sure this is what you want, Sherlock."

"Everything we just said to each other, and you doubt my feelings?"

"No, I just..." John stared at him, not breaking eye contact.

"It won't be easy. I know that. And I'm ready for this challenge, John."

"Okay. Okay, me too." He leaned in, determined to not let anything ruin this moment between them.

When they heard a loud cry come from inside the building, they pulled away slightly. John sighed while Sherlock laughed. "Duty calls. We can resume later tonight."

John nodded as Sherlock stood, offering a hand to help him up. He took it, and as soon as he was standing he pushed forward, careful not to cause either of them to lose their balance, and pressed his lips against Sherlock's in a short kiss. "I didn't really feel like waiting."