DOC'S JOURNAL

This is a continuation of END OF AN ERA and THE MOST WONDERFULLEST FORD COUNTY SOCIABLE EVER. This story took a turn I hadn't planned on it taking but it seemed to have a life of its own as I wrote.

I set this story in the year 1915 – 25 years after the retirement of Matt Dillon in the story END OF AN ERA.

Marshal Newly O'Brien sat behind his desk doing paperwork when the jailhouse phone began ringing. Aggravated, he got up to answer the blasted thing – that's what he'd called it ever since it had been installed. Most of the improvements of the jail were to his liking – the jailhouse had been enlarged and even had indoor plumbing. But the phone was the bane of his existence. Newly put the phone to his ear saying hello rather too loudly and heard the voice of Dr. Eli Roberts.

Eli asked, "Newly? You answering the phone now? I thought you hated the thing."

"Yeah, it's me. My deputy is out of the office. You have an unruly patient who I need to arrest?"

Asking if a patient needed arresting had become a running joke between the two of them over the years. And, a friendship had been forged immediately upon meeting each other. Eli had been fresh out of medical school when he arrived in Dodge at the request of Doc Adams. He brought his widowed sister, Anne, who kept house for him. Newly had instantly been smitten with Anne, and after a short courtship, they had married.

Eli laughed, "You know you are going to have to accept this new fangled telephone."

Newly responded grumpily, "Hmmph."

Eli continued, "Are you busy? I found something in Doc Adams' old quarters that I want you to look over. Can you come to my office?"

Newly heard the door open and saw his deputy, who happened to be his oldest son, Dillon, walk in. He responded, "I'm free. Dillon just walked in the door."

"I'll be waiting for you in the upstairs rooms."

"I'm on my way." With a shout at Dillon telling him to hold down the fort, he left and strolled down the street towards Eli's office. Newly stopped and looked in the window of a department store that once held Mr. Lathrop's store. He could see his reflection in it. Gone was the young man with dark brown hair who came to Dodge to open a gunsmith shop. Now, he saw a man with the years of responsibility on his shoulders showing, more gray than brown hair and eyes that had seen a lot of bad things over the years. He shrugged his shoulders and moved on just grateful he'd made it this far in his job without serious injury.

Newly paused at the door of Eli's office. Eli had done a lot of modernizations to Doc's old office. He had moved his office downstairs below the original office and used part of the old office for storage of files and for recuperating patients. After Eli had succeeded in having a hospital built, the rooms were used mostly for storage.

Newly climbed the familiar stairs to Doc Adams' old office and walked in to find Eli sitting surrounded by boxes and holding a large notebook.

Eli motioned for Newly to sit down. "Newly, glad you could come over. You know that Doc Adams left me his patient records when I took over his practice in case I ever needed to refer back to them for one of his patients?"

Newly nodded yes.

"Since I've been planning on retiring in the next year, I thought I should start going through the records and disposing of those of anyone deceased. Well, I found these journals Doc kept in a box." He pointed at them. "Curiosity got to me, and I started reading them. He's written about so much of Dodge's history in them. I got to thinking that this would be a wonderful addition to the local historical society. I even mentioned it to one of the reporters at the Dodge newspaper. There are tales about famous people who came to Dodge, gun battles and how Matt Dillon tamed the town. These are not medical journals, per se; it's more his personal thoughts or concerns. When I got to this journal," with that he handed the one in his hand to Newly, "I came across something that I'm unsure Doc would want shared with the public. I thought I'd show it to you and get your take on it. Open it to January 10 of that year and start reading, if you don't mind."

Newly took the journal and opened it. Its pages were yellowed but Doc's firm handwriting was clear. He began to read out loud.

January 10 - Another cold day in Dodge. One of the coldest on record according to the old-timers around here. Kitty came to see me today. I examined her and told her what she already knew – she was carrying. I asked her if Matt knew, and she shook her head no. Matt had left four days earlier on a trip that will keep him out of town for at least a month. I asked her why she had waited so long to come see me – I figured she was about 3 months. She said she had finally faced up to it today.

Newly looked up in surprise, "I never heard about this. Not that I should have. It was years before I came here."

Eli nodded, "Yeah, you moved here later. Now go to the 29th."

January 29 - Kitty came to see me. She nor Chester have heard from Matt. She's worried about him. He should have been back by now. She's not feeling well. The cold weather is at least enabling her to hide her pregnancy. She's keeping herself wrapped up, and as it's so cold, almost no one comes in to the Long Branch anyway. She says Sam knows. I think that man knows everything that goes on in the Long Branch. I feel better for his knowing because I know he loves her like family.

Newly paused as he absorbed what he had just read, and then asked, "What else should I read?" Eli answered, "Go to the 15th. It's short. Then go to the 22nd."

February 15 - Kitty got a telegram from Matt. She is so relieved. He plans on leaving soon and should be in Dodge by the end of the month.

February 22 - A blizzard has hit Dodge. It is the worst I've ever seen. No one can travel in this weather. I fought my way through the snowdrifts to check on Kitty. I found her in her room, in the bed, crying. I tried to comfort her but I know the only person she wants is Matt. I hope he's somewhere warm. If not, he could freeze to death out there.

"I heard about this blizzard from Doc. He'd look sort of sad when he talked about it. But, I thought it was because there were a number of people who died from the cold and sickness." Newly added, "He never said a word about this to me."

Eli said, "There's more. Turn over to March 1 and read through March 8."

March 1 - The snow has begun to melt. I have a few patients managing to get in. There have been more than a few deaths from the cold and other illnesses are going around. The roads are passable now.

March 2 - Sam came to get me tonight. Kitty was not feeling well. Before I got to the bottom of my stairs, I saw Matt riding in looking cold and exhausted. I hurried over and told him that he needed to come with me because Kitty was sick. Matt became alarmed and walked into the Long Branch taking the steps to her room two at a time and quickly outpacing me. I shouted at him to wait, and he stopped on the landing. I told him that she was going to have a baby. He turned pale. I told him that she was not doing well, and Sam had just come to get me. Matt opened Kitty's door and rushed in. Sam came out and told me that he was worried. I patted Sam on the arm as I passed him. I walked in to find Matt on his knees by the side of the bed holding Kitty in his arms, rocking her back and forth as he talked quietly to her. I couldn't hear what he was saying but she was crying.

When she saw me, she reached out to me and told me that she was hurting. Matt insisted on staying while I examined her. She was in labor. It was too soon and there was nothing I could do that would save the baby. I think they both knew from the look in my eyes. I went downstairs to give them some privacy.

Sam sat at a table and looked sadly at me as I shook my head. I asked him to put Matt's horse up before anyone saw it. I knew he and Kitty needed some time alone. Sam came back shortly and locked up for the night. Kitty labored for several hours. Matt stayed by her side until she delivered a baby girl. She was too tiny and never took a breath. I left the two of them and went downstairs where Sam sat with tears running down his face. I sent him to get Percy and bring him in the back way.

I poured myself a drink and waited until Percy came in. I explained the situation and asked him to keep this to himself. I trust Percy as he's always been the soul of discretion. Percy told me that he had a casket for a baby. I made it back upstairs to find Kitty holding the baby, and Matt stroking her little tuft of red hair. I told them that I had talked to Percy. With that, Kitty broke down again. Matt's eyes were full of unshed tears. What a miserable day.

March 3 - Just came back from the baby's funeral this afternoon – the saddest thing in the world is a baby's funeral. I drove out to the Roniger's earlier this morning to ask if the baby could be buried in their family cemetery, which is on the edge of their property. These two good people quickly agreed. When we got to the cemetery, the Roniger's met us. Matt and Kitty were both unable to say or do much. Mr. Roniger read scripture, which seemed to please both of them. Sam, Chester and Percy attended. Matt plans on putting a marker as soon as he can. They named the baby Marie, which is Kitty's middle name.

Kitty fainted at the end. Bess had Matt put her in a wagon, and they took her to a cabin next to the cemetery. She is running a fever. Within hours, her fever was even higher, and I knew she had childbirth fever. Matt is distraught. I told Matt that there was almost nothing I could do but keep the fever down. We took turns washing her down with cool cloths.

March 4 - Word has gotten out that Kitty is sick. Sam told everyone she had a fever and was staying at the Roniger's to be cared for. There is so much sickness going around that no one questioned it. And, as Matt had not been seen in Dodge, he was able to stay with Kitty at the cabin with Bess helping him take care of Kitty.

March 5 – Spent part of the day tending to Kitty. No change. I have many other patients needing care but my thoughts are never far from Kitty.

March 6 – Kitty is at a point where she will either get better or succumb. Matt is exhausted, and I can tell he is beginning to despair.

March 7- I arrive at the cabin to find that Kitty's fever has begun to abate. She wasn't talking out of her head anymore, and Bess had gotten her to eat and drink a little bit. I can see the relief on Matt's face as I'm sure he could see it on mine.

Newly looked up at Eli. "That's the cabin they lived in after they married. Now, I know why that place was so special to them. Even though it had bad memories, it was near the cemetery where the baby was buried." With a sigh, Newly began to read again.

March 8 I examined Kitty. She's still weak. I took Matt outside the cabin and told him that, from my experience, when a woman gets childbirth fever, she is unable to have another child. Matt was visibly upset and asked if Kitty had to be told anytime soon. I said it was best to let her get completely well. Matt said that she wanted the baby, as he did once he found out about it, and he'd never get over feeling guilty for having left her.

Eli looked at Newly, "You know Doc was right. She never had another child."

Newly, sat in thought for a moment and then asked, "Is there more for me to read?

"Turn to April 22."

Kitty came to see me for a checkup. She is doing well although she has not regained the weight she'd lost. I explained about the infection and that she may never be able to have another child. Kitty asked if Matt knew. I told her he did. She broke down and cried. I heard footsteps on my stairs and hoped it wasn't another patient. Matt walked in, took one look at Kitty and pulled her to him. I left them alone and went on my rounds.

Eli said, "That's the last Doc ever mentioned the baby. At least, as far as I've read. If this journal is published, can you tell me if Matt and Kitty would have wanted this to be the public knowledge?

Newly looked at him. "I don't know what to tell you. I knew there was a grave by Miss Kitty's that appeared to be a child's grave. I first saw it at Matt's funeral. I really need to think about this for a while."

"Well, let me know because the reporter is dying to get hold of the journals. He even has a notion that he could serialize it and sell it to some of the bigger newspapers back East."

The following day, at the jailhouse, Newly was still unsure what to do about releasing that one particular journal. Eli had referred the reporter to Newly, and the reporter had sent a message asking to meet. Newly had managed to avoid him but he knew he'd have to deal with him soon. But, first, he wanted to be sure he made the right decision.

Newly's shift was over for the day, and he started out walking as he was want to do when he needed to think things over. He aimlessly walked down Front Street. He passed the Long Branch. It was no longer a saloon but a restaurant. Newly remembered some fine times in there. He could almost hear Kitty's laughter and the bickering between Doc and Festus. In his mind's eye, he could see Matt sitting at a table next to Kitty, his eyes on her while laughing at Festus' tall tales. He missed his old friends. With a sigh, he started walking again. Down the street he walked, old memories rising up each step of the way. Four blocks, five then six and then seven blocks, he walked taking long strides as he went. Without realizing it, he ended up at the Congregational Church. He stood for a moment and then walked into the cemetery. The graves were freshly cleaned, the grass mowed and swept. He walked his usual route when he visited. It seemed the older he got, the more he visited. He guessed it was because it would be his last resting place.

He looked for familiar names, and it wasn't long before he saw Louis Pheeters. Poor Louis – one drink too many finally finished him off. Over to his left were more familiar names. His first wife, Patricia, was buried beside an oak tree. He paused there for a moment and then walked on until he came upon Sam's. Sam Noonan who had left his mark on the Long Branch and on Kitty Russell's heart. His death had broken her heart. Festus was buried next to him. His death had been a shock to everyone – he had come upon a thief and unbeknownst to him, his partner shot Festus through the heart. But Newly had paid them back. They both had hanged. A little further on was Doc Adams' grave. Doc had worked himself practically to death before finally moving in with Kitty and Matt. He had lived with them for three years before his heart gave out.

Newly turned and walked to the grave of his lastborn child. He and Anne still grieved over the loss even though it had been 16 years ago. He heard footsteps. There stood Anne, the quiet woman who had won his heart so many years ago. Her dark brown hair was streaked with gray but he still saw the young woman he married so many years ago and had given him a home and a family.

He smiled at her and asked, "How did you know I was here?"

"Saw you walking down the street in this direction and knew you'd end up here. What's bothering you?" She walked to his side and took his hand.

"I don't know what to do."

"Do about what?"

Newly looked at her sadly and said, "Come this way." They walked until they came to the grave of Kitty Russell Dillon. On the monument, it simply said 'Kathleen Russell Dillon My Beloved' with the dates of her birth and death. Next to it was Matt's grave. He had died almost three months after her death from, Newly was pretty sure, a broken heart. On the other side of Kitty's grave was a small grave with a marker that simply said Marie and the date of birth and death.

"Anne, I learned something yesterday." He explained about Eli showing him Doc Adams' journals, and the personal information about Matt and Kitty in them.

"What did he find?""

You see this grave that says Marie?" She nodded yes.

This was Matt and Kitty's baby – born years before they married. The baby was born too early and died. Kitty became ill and was never able to have another child. The whole story is in one of Doc's journals. I feel unsure about letting the information go out into the public."

"Are you worried about Matt and Kitty's reputation?"

"Sort of. But it's more about respect for their privacy. Just about everything else in their lives was public knowledge. Matt tried to keep his and Kitty's relationship out of the public eye, and he succeeded for many years. After Jude Bonner, it was pretty much out in the open although they still were discreet. Even after they married, Matt tried to protect her. One of the reasons they traveled so much the first few years of their marriage was to keep them out of Dodge, and Kitty out of danger. Anne, I just don't want to do something they wouldn't want me to do."

"Newly, where had the baby been buried for all those years?"

"At the Roniger family cemetery. Kitty and Mrs. Roniger were very close for as long as I knew them. I commented once to Doc about what an unusual friendship they had because Mrs. Roniger had all those kids and took in even more kids, and there was Kitty, a businesswoman who ran a saloon."

"What did Doc say when you mentioned it?"

"He said that the bonds of friendships are created by common interests, good hearts and loving spirits. And, now that I've read that journal, I know now why Matt and Kitty bought the cabin on the Roniger's property. The cabin was within walking distance of Marie's grave. I knew that, even before they married, Matt and Kitty would take a buggy ride out to the Roniger's on a regular basis. I just assumed that they were socializing. Now, I know that they were probably visiting the baby's grave."

"How sad. But how loving at the same time."

Newly hugged Anne, "And, we know how they felt, don't we?"

"Yes, but we had three other children when we lost the baby. And, we could grieve in public. It must have been so difficult to grieve only in private."

Newly nodded in agreement and went on to say, "I always noticed a sadness about Miss Kitty when there was a baby around. And, Matt would be especially attentive to her. I thought so much of those two – I would never want to tarnish their reputation or be disrespectful to their memory."

"Why don't you ask Bess Roniger's opinion?"

"She's in her 90's!"

"But, Newly, her mind is sharp as a tack. Let's get the buggy and take a ride out to the farm."

Within the hour, Newly and Anne were on the road to see Bess Roniger. It wasn't long before they passed the cabin where Matt and Kitty had spent their last years. A few hundred feet from the cabin was the cemetery and about a quarter of a mile from there was the Roniger home. Now, the oldest son lived there with his wife. Bess lived with them having outlived her husband.

Newly knocked on the door. Emma, wife of Will, Jr., opened the door. "Hello, Newly, Anne." She put her hand over her heart and looked a little frightened, "You aren't here with bad news are you?"

"No," Newly assured her. "That's one of the things about this job that I hate. People always expect bad news when I turn up on their doorstep. Actually, we've come to see Bess, if that's all right."

"Well, come on in. She's having a good day today so I know she'll enjoy your company. She's been keeping me company while I bake cookies."

As they walked into the kitchen, Bess, sitting in her rocking chair, said, "Who's there?" Bess's sight was almost gone because of cataracts.

Emma said, "It's Newly and Anne."

"Oh, Newly, Anne, come sit down. Emma, get them some coffee and some of those delicious cookies you've just baked."

"Yes, ma'am." Emma poured everyone a cup of coffee and placed the plate of cookies on the table. Before she sat down, she put Bess's hands on the coffee cup so she could find it.

Bess asked, "Now, I know you haven't come just to visit an old woman. No bad news, I hope."

"No, ma'am." Newly answered as he took a sip of coffee. "I've come for your advice."

Bess frowned, "I'll be glad to help but I can't imagine how I could give you advice."

Newly began to explain why they were there, the journals and finally he got to Kitty and Matt's baby.

With that, tears welled up in Bess's eyes. "Oh, that sweet baby. She was such a pretty baby. Kitty grieved so hard, and she blamed herself. The only time I saw Matt cry was the day they buried the baby." She stopped and brought out her handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. "Then, Kitty became so ill, and we were all afraid she was going to die. Newly, you say that Doc wrote all this down in a journal?"

"Yes, ma'am. Eli just found the journals and after he read that particular one about the baby, he didn't know if he should release the journals. You knew Matt and Kitty so well. Do you think they would care about people knowing about the baby?"

Bess sat back, her eyes closed, and she rocked as she talked. "My boy, Will, helped Matt move the baby's casket after Kitty died. I had offered to have Kitty buried at our cemetery but Matt wanted her buried in town. Don't ask me why, but that's what he told me. He said he and Kitty had pledged to have the baby's casket moved when the first one of them died. They wanted all three of them to be together. He mentioned that he was going to order another stone – one that said Marie Russell Dillon. He wasn't able to have the casket moved for a few weeks after Kitty died- you might remember that we had some big rains then. By the time the weather was better, he had begun to have problems with his health. I think he was pining for Kitty. Anyway, he and Will, Jr. dug the grave at the church. Reverend Kincaid knew about it. But he's gone too. Newly, you say you don't know if Matt and Kitty wanted anyone to know about the baby?"

Newly nodded yes and then remembered her blindness. "Yes, ma'am."

"Matt told me once that the reason they kept the baby's existence quiet was because he didn't want to put Kitty in harm's way. He had so many enemies. Of course, after Bonner, the whole state found out about their relationship, especially during Bonner's trial. Most of Dodge knew long before that but they respected Matt and Kitty's privacy." She opened her unseeing eyes and said, "Oh, Lord, forgive me for being so forgetful. Newly, we need to go out to the barn. Emma, help me up and go with me."

Bess took her cane and with the help of the three of them, they managed to make their way to the barn. When they entered the barn, she told Newly to look in the first stall.

Newly walked into the stall, "There's something under this horse blanket."

Bess said, "It's a crate. Open it."

Newly looked around and found a crowbar. He opened the crate and, to his surprise, found a headstone. Newly read the engraving out loud: Marie Russell Dillon, our angel, daughter of Matthew Dillon and Kitty Russell Dillon with the date of her birth and death.

Anne asked Bess, "Why wasn't this put on her grave in town?"

Bess answered sadly, "It was delivered the week after Matt died. We didn't know what to do so we crated it back up. Over the years, it just slipped my mind. Newly, would you put the headstone up for them?"

"Bess, I'll be proud to do it for Matt and Kitty. And, I can take it from the writing on it that Matt and Kitty wanted it known that Marie was their child, a most wanted child." Newly hugged Bess, "Thank you for your help."

Bess smiled, "Glad an old woman could help." She added sadly, "They were dear friends, and I miss them so."

Newly carefully loaded the headstone onto the buggy, and he and Anne headed back to the church cemetery. As their buggy made it's slow way back to town, Newly considered all he had discovered about his friends. He looked at Anne, "Tell me I'm doing the right thing."

"You are, Newly, you are." She squeezed his hand. "Matt and Kitty will be there in spirit when you put the stone on their baby's grave."

Newly pulled the horse to a stop when they arrived at the cemetery. He hopped out and began the work of removing the old headstone while Anne stood nearby and watched. Carefully, he put the new headstone in place of the old one. As Newly was finishing up, Anne walked to the graveside and whispered, "That reporter is walking this way." Newly nodded in acknowledgement. He stepped back, brushed the dirt from his hands and inspected his work, satisfied that the headstone was in place when he heard the reporter clear his throat.

Newly turned, "May I help you?"

"Marshall, you might recognize me. I'm Dave Jackson from the paper." Jackson put his hand out to shake.

Newly looked at his dirty hands, "Mr. Jackson, glad to meet you. If you don't mind shaking my dirty hand . . .

Jackson laughed, "No problem. I'm just glad I finally caught up with you. I'd like to ask you about these journals that Dr. Roberts found. I'm hoping there will be a good story in them."

Newly looked at the headstone and then at the reporter, and replied, "Mr. Jackson, do I have a story for you!"

FINIS