Chapter 1

Kensi bursts trough the hospital doors and walks to Hetty, who is sitting on a chair in the waiting room. She's not sure how she managed to drive here. It's the middle of the night and her hands are shaking. She doesn't know how she managed to make herself presentable before she left the house nor does she know how she managed to get there in one piece. Hetty's words still echo in her mind, almost twenty minutes after her call. Mr. Deeks has been tortured and shot. Meet me at the hospital as soon as you can.

Kensi sits next to Hetty and the older woman turns her gaze towards her. Kensi sees a single tear on her cheek and she barely manages to get the words out. "How is he?"

Hetty sighs and Kensi notices the papers in her hands. "He's in surgery but the doctor told me we should get ready for the worst. I'm sorry, Miss Blye."

The news hit her like a ton of bricks and she is not sure of what to do. She's not sure if she should have some hope or simply accept she might never see that stupid grin on her partner's face ever again. He's still alive so that has to mean something. But the doctors know what they're talking about, right?

Torn between both choices, Kensi barely registers Hetty's voice. But, after a few seconds, she turns back to the older woman who hands her the papers. "He made me promise I would give you these, right before the ambulance brought him here. I think you should read them."

Kensi nods and accepts the papers. She starts reading, noticing his messy handwriting right away and smiling slightly at the sight. Hetty gives her some space and the agent can't help the tears that start running down her face as she starts reading.

Day 1
Kensi, chances are you will never read these letters but I have to write them. They will help me stay sane. I don't know that much about what I'm expected to do here but there is something that is leaving me restless with this one. I hope it doesn't come to this but, if something happens to me, I want you to know everything. Hetty knows I'm writing these and I promise you I will write one every single day. If, for some reason, something happens, she knows where I hide them and she promised me she will give them to you. So, this is the first day of the first undercover assignment I do ever since I realized I loved you. It probably doesn't come as much of a shock to you (you've always managed to read me like an open-book) but I do love you. I love you with all my heart and I never told you because you're my partner. I can't tell you something like that, something that can change everything. I guess I should start working now. I hope I will get to write something more because I don't want to leave you with just this one letter.
Love,
Marty Deeks

She loves him too, more than what he knows. She thought it was obvious to him, the person who always read her like an open book. But it seems like he had no idea of how she felt and she should have told him before. Now, she might never get the chance to do that and regret washes over her. Still, she moves onto the next letter.

Day 2
The first contact with the drug's dealers was made yesterday, after I wrote that first letter. They look like bad guys but that was more than expected. LAPD wants me to be Luke, a guy who just got out of prison and is out looking for a new ticket inside, it seems. I'm tired. It was a long day and I feel like I'm ready to go home. It's the first time I feel like this. Undercover has always been my thing, something I've always loved. But it doesn't feel right this time. Maybe that's because everything's different, Kensi. This time, I feel like I have something good waiting for me at home. Don't let Monty know this because he will feel unloved but the prospect of seeing you soon is much better than the idea of seeing him. I know I probably look very cheesy at the moment but I'm pouring my heart out in this paper. I still hope you'll never have to read these letters but I want to play this one on the safe-side.
Love,
Marty Deeks

She finds herself liking cheesy-Deeks, as much as it pains her to admit it. Suddenly, a thought hit her. He was undercover for 40 days. Does that mean he wrote her forty letters? Judging by the amount of paper in her hands, she's willing to bet he did. And she can't wait to read every single one of them while she waits for some more news.

Day 3
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face. I dreamt with you. I wish it had been a different dream (one of those in which I get to see you naked) but this one was still good. I saw you kicking someone's ass and, you'll never hear me admit this out loud, it's incredibly hot. I don't think you know how much that makes me smile. You're beautiful, there's no denying it, but there's something different about you when you are kicking someone's ass. It makes me see that you're more than just a pretty face. You can take care of yourself, something I admire. That's just one more thing that makes me love you, I think. Bu don't get me started on that because it's late and if I start writing all the things I love about you, I won't get much sleep.
I love you, with all my heart, princess Blye.

Day 4
I met someone new, today. His name is Jack and it made me think about you and the whole thing with your ex. I don't know much about this guy but something about him seems off. Anyway, I want you to know that, if we ever have the change to be together, I will never willingly walk out on you. I know I can't promise you I won't leave because I can die on the job, just like you. We knew that when we first started doing this. It's one of those consequences that come with doing what's right. But I can promise you that I will fight as hard as I can to stay alive, to stay with you. I will never do what that guy did to you. I will never walk away from you, princess. You mean the world to me, even if you don't know it at the moment.
Don't ever forget how much I love you.

This is my brand-new story. Let me know if you like it and if you want me to continue with this idea. I thought about actually writing the 40 letters and that's what I will do if you want more of this story. I'm still not sure of what will happen to Deeks but I don't want to kill him off so don't worry. I'm not that mean.

Liked it? Hated it? Loved it? Let me know…
Love,
Sarah