A/N: I don't want to write any more angst! :(

For the love of two women

part 21

"Hey hey hey! How was the weekend away?" Pete practically shouted his greeting as Myka entered the B&B Sunday evening.

"It was good Pete." Myka tried to escape up the stairs to her room but found the way blocked by her well-meaning partner. Seeing the curious faces looking at her from the living room she sighed. "Really it was good. Let me put my things away and I'll be down. Have you eaten yet?"

"Yeah, but Leena saved you a plate."

"How did she save it from you?" Myka teased as she slipped by him and headed up the stairs.

Pete mock winced. "Fair Ophelia you wound me!"

Giving a dismissive waive over her shoulder Myka continued on to her bedroom. Setting her bag down on the bed she pulled out her cell phone and dialed Emily putting it on speaker when it started to ring. Setting the phone down she began to unpack her bag.

Emily's slightly distorted voice answered after only a couple of rings. "Well hello lover. Miss me already?"

"Yes I do." Myka chuckled. "I just wanted to let you know I made it home safely."

"Thank you. I am glad to hear it."

Reaching down Myka pulled off her boots and tossed them toward her closet. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I just had a quiet evening here with Dickens. I suspect he doesn't like sharing me with you. He was very snuggly."

"I asked him to pay extra attention to you while I was gone." That made Emily laugh out loud and Myka smiled at the light sound.

"No you did not."

"No I didn't, but I did pet him goodbye."

"Ah, progress. I will turn you into a cat person yet."

"Hmmm. We will see about that." Myka sat on the edge of her bed and picked up the phone taking it off speaker. "I'm going to ask Mrs. Fredrick about getting access to Helena. I'll let you know as soon as I do."

"Thank you Myka."

"Of course. I should get going and spend time with everyone here and have a bite to eat." Even though she had spent the past two days with the woman Myka was reluctant to let Emily go. Leaving had been harder this time. She knew it would continue to be hard. They would have to talk soon about what this long distance relationship would look like in the long term once things were more settled between them. She didn't know how it would work just yet, but she knew she wanted it to.

"Then go! Eat. Bond with your family."

"Okay. Good night Emily. I love you."

"I love you to. Good night Myka."

As they hung up Myka sighed and set her phone on her bedside table. Determined, she stood back up and headed downstairs. Bypassing the living room she went straight to the kitchen in search of her meal. She was pretty certain she was still making up for her lack of appetite the week prior. Not to mention the great number of calories she had probably burned off with Emily which caused a rather salacious grin to spread across her face as she waited for the microwave to stop.

"That's a happy look."

Pulled from her thoughts by Leena's comment Myka's small grin grew to a full smile. "Because I'm a happy person."

Leena gave Myka's arm a little squeeze as she walked by. "I'm glad to hear it. For both of you."

Plate in hand, Myka turned to follow the innkeeper into the living room only to nearly run into Artie. "Oh! Artie! I didn't hear you."

Artie skirted around his agent to retrieve his own plate held for him in the refrigerator. "Not everyone in this house has to bellow a greeting every time they enter a room."

Myka chuckled. Even Artie's grumpy attitude couldn't tarnish her good mood. "I'm actually glad I ran into you in relative private. Can you please let Mrs. Fredrick know I would like to speak to her?"

Artie paused looking up at Myka through bushy brows as his scowl deepened into one of real concern. He knew where she had spent her weekend. "Is something wrong?"

"No. Not at all." Taking a breath, Myka decided on full honestly. "Emily has been told her true past." Holding up a hand before he could explode, she quickly explained. "Mrs. Fredrick informed me that as my 'One' Emily could be told the true nature of the warehouse, and by extension her true identity. She even gave Emily the warehouse file on HG. The real one Artie. Not the agent records you keep on us."

This surprised Artie, but after a moment he nodded his head and spoke in his regular gruff tone. "I will make sure she knows you want to speak to her. In regard to what specifically?" This time he was fishing unable to disguise his own curiosity.

"Emily would like to meet the holographic Helena and I've agreed to ask if she is willing."

"If Mrs. Fredrick has already released her files to the woman I can't imagine her saying no to that." He paused in contemplation before adding, "The Regents may be an issue though. They will want safety measures in place…"

Myka cleared her throat. "Ah, Mrs. Fredrick has already said it's okay. I just need the Coin and the sphere. But, um… I'm actually going to ask Helena if SHE wants to talk to Emily."

Artie's eyebrows shot up to his hairline in surprise. "Ah… Myka…"

"I know! I know it's weird… but I just need to do it Artie. Helena has had every single thing taken from her. I want to give her this choice."

Nodding his head in understanding, Artie couldn't help but still be concerned though, "And how does, ah, Emily feel about this need of yours?"

Myka practically snorted and rolled her eyes. "Emily has complete confidence that Helena will be unable to resist meeting her so as far as she is concerned it's a safe bet."

"It doesn't bother her that you are choosing Helena over her?"

"No! That's not it Artie! I just…" Unable to explain to the man she stopped talking. "Emily is fine with it."

Shrugging his acceptance, Artie turned back to the open refrigerator to retrieve his plate of food. "Very well. I will pass on your request."

"Thank you Artie."

"Agent Bering. I understand you wished to speak to me?"

Mrs. Fredrick's voice made Myka jump as she sat at her desk in the warehouse office typing up a report that Pete and Steve hadn't bothered to complete after their last assignment. She was alone as everyone else had gone off to do inventory (Steve and Pete) or maintenance (Artie and Claudia).

"Gah!" Grabbing her chest as if her heart were about to explode, Myka spun in her chair. "Mrs. Fredrick!"

"Agent Bering. You wished to speak to me?"

"Yes. I did." Taking a moment to save her work Myka steadied herself with a deep breath. When she turned back around she met concerned and caring eyes. "Yes. It's about Emily. Well, Helena. Emily speaking to Helena..."

Mrs. Fredrick raised her eyebrows in silent question at Myka's rambling.

"Emily would like to speak to the holographic version of her memories and I..." Myka hesitated unsure how to voice her request. "I would like to speak to Helena to see if she would be amenable to that..." Her voice trailed off, unsure as Mrs. Fredrick's gaze shifted from interested to mildly annoyed. Or at least Myka thought it looked annoyed. "That is... if you will let me speak to her. It. Speak to it...her."

"Agent Bering. I am more than willing to allow you to speak to the stored memories of HG Wells." Without changing expressing Mrs. Fredrick drew the sphere out of her hand bag and set it on Myka's desk. When the agent just sat staring at it the Caretaker let out a long breath before pulling over a nearby chair and sitting down to look Myka in the eye. "Are you not ready?"

Myka grimaced slightly as she finally pulled her gaze away from the object on her desk to meet her boss' concerned look. "I just… thought I would have to wait. That it wouldn't be so quick and I would have more time to prepare."

"I suspect you've done nothing but think about what you would say in this moment since Emily made her request."

"You are right," Myka nodded her head, "but it doesn't mean I'm prepared."

They sat in silence for a moment before the older woman spoke, "May I ask you a question?"

More than a little leery, Myka agreed. "Yes."

"Do you truly understand the difference between the stored memories on the Janus Coin and the living breathing person that is Emily Lake?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I understand…" Myka was immediately offended.

"Then articulate it for me Agent." Mrs. Fredrick softened slightly at the pained expression on Myka's face. "Make me understand."

Myka pursed her lips as she thought about what to say. How to clarify the complex situation into words she herself had yet to articulate. "I am in love with Emily. With the person she is, flawed and struggling and imperfect. And she loves me back. I believe that. Our feelings for each other have grown deeper over time, and I know I want to build a future with her so bad I ache. And I am, was, friends with the woman who was Helena Wells. The woman the memories on the Janus Coin represent." Myka looked directly at Mrs. Fredrick clear eyed and certain. "Then there is the more complex question of person hood and if the hologram of HG Wells is a person in and of herself or is she simply an extension of Emily? What rights does Emily have over those memories if we all acknowledge they are hers to begin with? And is the Regent punishment cruel and inhumane at this point?"

Myka reached out and brushed her fingers across the smooth surface of the sphere. "So my feelings and my logic are both at play here and I… I just want to do what is right." She looked up at Mrs. Fredrick. "For everyone involved."

Mrs. Fredrick was quiet for a moment before gently asking, "And what about you Agent Bering? What is right for you?"

Despite herself Myka's emotions began to push to the surface and she found herself speaking more plainly to her boss than she intended. "You know, I wanted something with Helena for a long time. I tortured myself with the idea of what could have been. And every time I've interacted with her projected self from the sphere …she would say all the right things, but we aren't in love." Myka choked off monetarily as the sadness of that statement overwhelmed her. Swallowing down the lump in her throat she continued, "We never took the opportunity to try. And now I don't know if she even FEELS anything or is simply a collection of memories without a soul and therefore isn't Emily the one with the soul?" Without thinking Myka accepted the tissue Mrs. Fredrick pulled out of her purse without realizing that a few tears had escaped her control. Wiping her eyes and nose she looked miserably at her boss. "The woman I love is not in that sphere. She is in Wyoming and she has suffered a severe trauma that has erased her memory. But she loves me with all her heart and wants a future with me. And I love her. That's what I need. Not a talking record of the past. I can't live in the past."

"No you cannot, Agent Bering. No one can. As HG Wells herself is proof of." Pulling out another tissue from her bag she waited for Myka to wipe her eyes again before continuing. "Are you ready?"

Myka nodded her head and reached out carefully to pick up the sphere and twist the two halves before losing her nerve.

As HG materialized in the room a bright smile bloomed on her face as she saw Myka and Mrs. Fredrick sitting looking up at her. "Hello! Is it time to save the world again?"

Myka gave a small shaky smile in return. "Not the world, but maybe me."

HG's smile slowly fell. "Are you all right Myka? You look like you've been crying. What is wrong?"

Pulling a set of headphones out of her bag, Mrs. Fredrick spoke before Myka could answer the question. "Just so you are both aware I've had to give the Regents certain reassurances that I will maintain control of the Janus Coin at all times. This means I can't leave the two of you alone to speak privately." Adjusting the ear buds in her ears she smiled, "But I have been meaning to listen to this playlist Claudia put on my iPod and now seems like the perfect time to do so."

HG and Myka watched as the older woman closed her eyes and a small smile tipped up the corners of her mouth as she sat with her hands folded on top of her pocket book. Apparently lost in the tunes queued up by their resident techie.

Dragging her gaze away from the very unusual sight of the Caretaker of the warehouse apparently 'tuning out' HG looked at Myka completely baffled. "What is going on?"

Letting out a big sigh, Myka scrubbed her hands over her face hoping to wipe away any last traces of recent tears before dropping them to her lap and looking up at HG. "Nothing is wrong Helena. I just needed to talk to you about something personal and Mrs. Fredrick is doing her best to give us some space to do so." Standing up she ran her hands through her hair distractedly. "I guess I didn't give it much thought that the Regents would be afraid I might try to run off with the Coin."

Narrowing her eyes, HG took in Myka's disheveled appearance. "If nothing is wrong why do you look that way? And why would you try to steal the Janus Coin?"

Tucking her slightly shaky hands into her jean pockets Myka turned to face her friend. "I wanted to talk to you about something that has been going on in my life, and to ask you if you would do something for me. But you don't have to. I want you to know you don't have to do it."

HG huffed slightly. "Very well. Please continue."

"I've fallen in love. With a wonderful woman and…" Myka tried to read HG's expression but couldn't interpret the blank look that was being leveled at her so she plunged ahead. "And her name is Emily Lake."

Crossing her arms over her chest, HG spoke in a neutral tone, "I see."

Clenching her hands deep in her pockets, Myka continued hesitantly, "You and I never... had a chance to be together really. Romantically I mean. I honestly don't even know if you ever wanted that with me. And I know that doesn't make my relationship choices any less strange."

The two women stared at one another for a few more minutes before HG dropped her hands to her sides. "That is a bit of an understatement Myka. I'm not even sure it's sane. The Regents are okay with this? Mrs. Fredrick?"

Myka nodded her head, "The Regents are uncomfortable, but everyone else seems... supportive."

"But... how can you love... HER?" This time the disgust in HG's voice was very clear.

Myka sat down heavily looking up at HG. "Oh Helena..."

"You love this meek school teacher? Or are you misdirecting your affections Myka? I understand that due to certain… circumstances we have never explored anything between us, but I was aware of your affection Myka. And I am very sorry I've never been the person you wanted me to be, but is it healthy for you to be with HER?"

Smiling sadly, Myka spoke, "Do you think I am actually in love with you and just using Emily as a convenient substitute? You think so little of me Helena?"

"You must admit this seems a bit unhealthy. Something I know quite a bit about by the way."

"I suppose you do." Myka had to look away even as she quietly added, " But I think you are underestimating who that meek school teacher really is."

When Myka continued to stare sightlessly across the room HG knelt down in front of the seated woman waiting for her to make eye contact again resisting the urge to raise her hand and touch the solemn woman. "Look at me please."

Finally turning her gaze back to focus on HG, Myka sighed. Raising her own hand she nearly touched the holographic face in front of her before she thought better of it. "Are you even real?"

HG's mouth opened and closed a couple of times but it took a moment for her to find words. "I feel real enough. I have consciousness. Does that not equate to being real? I think therefor I am?"

Sadly, Myka shrugged. "I don't know." Myka raised her hand again and this time didn't stop herself from breaching the hologram's border. As she ran her fingers down what should have been a solid arm the image of Helena's gray jacket fluctuated in and out of focus until she stopped returning her hand to her own lap. Watching as Helena stood up from her crouched position and began to pace agitatedly.

"Yes, non-corporeal. Not real. But I still think Myka. I am still me!"

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"Excuse me?"

"What is your last memory before we activated you here today in this office?"

Helena frowned as she thought briefly about the question. "I suppose that would be sitting across from Mr. Kosan as he once again extracted all the memories he didn't want your Emily Lake to have to carry."

The nastiness in the other woman's voice caused Myka to flinch but she didn't back down. "That was nearly a year ago Helena. A year. A year I spent grieving for you. And getting over you. And moving on from you. A year in which I met someone who makes me happy. A year that I learned life is far too short and opportunities for love far too rare to waste one minute living in the past. You can't get time back. And I can't get you back. You will never be the person I imagined you to be, so I have to move on. You stay static and I move on."

Helena looked shocked. "I… I didn't realize Myka…" Any fight drained out of Helena. "Of course you move on. That is the true nature of life I suppose. Of being real. The ability to change and grow over time. Life always changes and healthy people change with it I suppose."

Silence settled between them as Helena wrapped her arms around herself lost in her own thoughts. When Myka suddenly appeared directly in front of her she was jerked back to the present. "Do you think you would change?"

Giving a little self-depreciating shrug, Helena tried to smile. "I don't seem to be particularly good at letting things go…"

Myka knew she was referring to her never ending pursuit of saving Christina. If not in practice then in her mind. The itch she would eternally need to scratch. "Oh Helena…"

Running one hand through her hair Helena stepped back from Myka and put on her best smile, "So what was it you wished to ask of me Myka? Why did you draw me out of my dark abyss today?"

Myka was suddenly appalled, "Is it dark where you are? Do you have sensory perception?!"

Helena held up a hand quickly to stop what would clearly become an irate tirade, "No Myka. No. I'm sorry for my choice of words. I do not perceive anything while not activated." Seeing Myka frowning at her with doubt she added reassuringly, "I swear."

Myka felt off kilter. She had assumed that Helena felt nothing, experienced nothing, while in the Sphere. But isn't that the same assumption she had had about the bronzer? How could she be certain...

"Myka!" Helena stepped closer to the woman trying to break her out of her thoughts. She could tell what the younger agent was thinking about. "Myka look at me." When angry green eyes met hers Helena spoke carefully and concisely. "I swear to you I do not experience the passage of time. It is not like the bronze. If it were-" Helena cut herself off abruptly.

Myka tried to read the expression on Helena's face. "If it were?"

Helena shrugged and gave a sad smile, "If it were I am certain I would not be capable of having a coherent conversation with you right now."

Myka understood exactly what Helena meant. That form of isolation would drive the woman mad in an instant. "I wont ever let that become of you Helena. I swear. Whatever I have to do I wont let that happen."

"Thank you. I appreciate knowing I have an advocate." Helena paced away a few steps before turning back to face Myka with her best smile. "So, what was it you wanted to ask of me today?"

Myka took a breath to gather her courage. If Helena said no then she would abide by that. She believed Emily when she said she would accept Helena's choice but Myka knew it would have a negative impact on their relationship. Perhaps not catastrophic but certainly not good. "I again want to say that you do not have to do this. I am asking you so that you may have a choice."

"How novel."

Myka knew the flippant response was a defense mechanism so continued on as tactfully as possible. "Emily has been informed of who she really is," rushing on before she could lose her nerve at the hard look that was crossing Helena's features, Myka continued, "and she knows that her memories are stored in the form of a hologram…"

"Yes?"

Myka squirmed a little under the arch look she was receiving. "She would like to meet you. Speak to you. Learn about her past from you…. If you are willing."

Dropping her hands to her sides Helena stared at Myka in disbelief. "Are you out of your mind? You want me to talk to the woman living my life? The SHADOW of a woman who you have 'fallen in love with' I might add. How big of a masochist do you think I am?"

Myka stepped back at the venom being spit at her. "You don't have to do it Helena. Just think about it and decide."

Raising her hands in agitation, Helena shouted, "Oh, but as you pointed out I CAN'T think about it. I can't think about anything. I am either on or off! That's it!"

Myka stood rooted to the spot unsure what to do in the face of Helena's anger or logic.

"Perhaps I can help?" Mrs. Fredric stood beside the two women calmly. No sign of the earphones or iPod. "Ms. Wells can accompany me for the next few days to have time to think about the circumstances and how she wishes to proceed. Would that be acceptable to you both?"

Myka stood with her arms wrapped around her middle giving a weak nod of acceptance unable to look directly at Helena.

"Is that allowed?" Helena asked sharply.

Ignoring Helena's angry tone, Mrs. Fredrick answered calmly. "It is at my discretion Ms. Wells. And I am willing to accommodate you. Do you wish to have the time?"

"Yes." The one word was wrung reluctantly from her causing Myka to shrink further into herself.

"Very well." Picking up the sphere, Mrs. Fredrick began walking toward the exit.

About to follow in a huff, Helena hesitated looking back at Myka. Her friend looked as if the weight of the world was crushing her down. "I will consider your request."

Raising solemn eyes, Myka nodded. "Thank you." And then she watched as Mrs. Fredrick held the door open so that HG could walk through it without brushing against anything and causing her hologram to shift. As the door clanked shut behind them Myka sat down heavily in her chair elbows on her knees and face in her hands unable to even cry at what a mess everything was.