Um... hi.

So it's been a long long time where we've tried over and over to restart this thing, but life kept getting in the way and this chapter was literally written in chunks over the course of the past almost three years now. We really appreciate all the reviews and support we've gotten, and the story's been haunting us for a while now, so it's time to bury it. There's about two or three chapters left after this, but if all goes well, we should be able to finish it soon, but classes will be starting up again in a few weeks so I don't know how that will affect this, but we will do our best.

Again, thank you so much for reviewing and reading during our unplanned hiatus, and don't forget to vote for who you want to get kicked off, whether it's through a review or on the poll located on my profile.

We don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, American Idol, the songs used in this fic, or anything else you recognize.

"I'm deeply sorry, Stella, but you're going home!" Ryan Seacrest announced. "And that means there's only guys left in the Top 4!"

Stella began to cry while Riley was secretly appeased. Yes, he had lost his servant, but he had also ridded himself of a vaguely stalker-esque female.

Life was good.

To celebrate, Riley suggested the next day that they all play mini golf and blow off their meetings with their "mentors". Nobody was in disagreement.

Being reality television stars, they felt it suited them best to rent a hot pink Lamborghini to escort them to their destination. There wasn't nearly enough room for all four of them to begin with, and adding in the driver, a hapless Steve, made the situation that much more complicated. This resulted in several traffic violations, particularly when Melvin took control of the wheel and sped through three red lights. Living in an underground tomb certainly had its disadvantages, and never learning to drive was one of them.

Fortunately for them, the one unsuspecting cop that did pull them over was a fan, and was more interested in getting autographs than questioning why five people were crammed in a vehicle that was really meant for two.

They pulled up to the golf course, sending the Steve to the Shadow Realm as he finished parking. He had been such a pain in the Lamborghini, taking up excess space and all. Of course, this might've created a teensy issue later on when they needed to get back to the hotel, but there was sure to be another Steve floating around somewhere that they could mind control. Never a shortage, that was for sure.

Upon arrival, Melvin felt slightly uneasy. There was a giant statue of a golf ball. Knowing it could be his greatest foe yet, he dealt with it the only way he knew how.

With a chainsaw.

After a detour involving the police (again) and a potential lawsuit, they were finally able to start the game. Josh had panicked and begged forgiveness whilst Riley argued that he was a lawyer, having gone to the law school that was founded on Iron Island. The police didn't seem all that impressed, but it was an accredited school, there was no denying that. Riley could practice as he pleased. While Riley talked some legal jargon, Bakura leaned up against the Lambo, bored out of his mind. Melvin simply ran around wreaking more havoc. Why the cops were more concerned about the destroyed golf statue than the psycho racing around with a chainsaw, they would never know.

Finally, they managed to pay for their golf game and choose their clubs. Riley knocked Josh over to get the blue golf ball, forcing Josh to choose the green one, which he really didn't mind. Melvin claimed the purple ball, leaving Bakura with the pale yellow one.

Bakura sighed; the quicker they got through this nightmare, the quicker he'd be back to the hotel, figuring out how to please the masses and win this blasphemous singing competition.

Melvin grinned as small children raced past him. This was going to be fun.

The game started like any other game: Melvin transformed it into a shadow game. Bakura was secretly very happy with this. If he was lucky, the Shadow Realm would swallow up the children currently tugging on his hair. Their parents had turned a blind eye, and he was getting sick of the children calling him a kitty.

He was not a kitty.

Melvin was the first up. He hit the golf ball with such force that it ricocheted off the bricks and hit an unsuspecting patron in the back of the head. Josh recommended less power.

Luckily for Melvin, as the ball knocked out the patron, it flew back and landed right next to the hole. Then, a roar from one of the monsters hidden deep within the Shadow Realm shook the earth and Melvin's ball rolled right into the hole, giving him a hole in one.

As usual, evil was on his side.

Bakura was less than amused. But if Melvin was going to play that way, then so was he.

Bakura walked up to the ball. He swung the golf club, completely missing the ball. He swung three more times, also missing. Maybe with all his free time, he should've considered picking up a sport. Something that would improve his hand-eye coordination and all that jazz.

Scratch that. Dueling was a sport. And he could whip a card onto a duel disk like nobody's business.

Clearly, Bakura just wasn't giving himself enough credit.

"I'll help!" Josh said brightly. "Have you ever played mini golf before? It's easy once you get the hang of it!"

"I don't need your help to hit a bloody golf ball!" Bakura yelled. Apparently Josh wasn't giving him enough credit, either.

"Fine," Josh huffed. "But when I win this game and become famous, you're going to regret rejecting my help."

After a few more attempts, Bakura finally managed to hit the ball. It rolled up the hill, then back down, past the starting point. Bakura yelled some very bad words very loudly. Parents of small children covered their ears. The children were riveted.

Next up was Riley. Riley was in good condition for golfing. In fact, he was so good he was on the Iron Island golfing team.

To be fair though, the team only consisted of Riley and Lucario. Riley was its founder and primary benefactor.

Riolu had been kicked off the team after being accused of cheating. Riolu was the only one of the three who had legitimate golfing talent that could get him to the pro league. Unfortunately, when he kept beating them, the only explanation Riley and Lucario could think of was that he had been cheating.

The whole thing ended up backfiring on everybody and Riolu is currently part of the pro league, under an assumed name.

But that is a different, completely irrelevant story.

ANYWAY, Riley was all set to hit the ball. He swung and the ball went over the hill past the hole. Riley went over and hit it. It rolled past the hold again. Riley let out a battle cry.

"Just tap it in," Josh instructed. Riley gave him a death glare.

After one more hit, Riley got it in.

Josh was up. He hit the ball. As with Riley, it rolled over the hill. However, it stopped right before the hole. Josh hit it in.

Bakura calmed down enough to try again. He managed to hit the ball over the hill, but he could not hit it in the hole no matter how hard he tried. The score stood as follows:

Melvin-1

Bakura-6

Riley-3

Josh-2

This was going to be a longgg game.

The next hole was the dreaded stereotypical windmill course. Its utter unoriginality caused Riley to gag on oxygen and Melvin to dramatically raise his fist in the air. Bakura and Josh shrugged and accepted what they had paid for, which was not very much.

Melvin was up first. He recklessly hammered the golf ball, where it proceeded to fly directly over the windmill and into the hole thanks to the altered gravity the shadow realm provided. Riley took extra care to line up his shot and swung at the precise moment of a particular windmill movement. It passed the windmill blades but got stuck underneath the windmill. Unable to get it out with a swing, he had to forfeit the hole with a plus 6. Josh hit it and got next to the hole, and then tapped it in. Bakura swung so hard he lost his grip on the putter and it flew and broke the windmill. Afterwards, he got the ball in with 3 strokes.

Riley rolled his eyes. He may have slipped behind on the last hole, but that was not going to stop him.

Making his way briskly to the third course, he tripped over an unassuming rock, in turn falling straight onto Josh and together the two of them tumbled down the hillside right up against the edge of the generic small pond that always shows up at every golf course no matter which one. The next few seconds unfolded slowly.

Josh's eyes widened as he green golf ball flew out of his outstretched hand, terror evident on his face as it landed in the pond with a dramatic splash, disappearing out of sight deep below the surface. He disentangled himself from Riley, standing up with a scowl.

"You did that on purpose!" The normally happy-go-lucky teen accused.

Riley stuck his nose in the air from where he lay crumpled on the ground like a discarded sack of socks. "Did not. There was a rock."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Whatever," Josh glared at him. "You just wait." Suddenly his mohawk seemed much more menacing. "Once I get my ball back, I'll crush you." He dove headfirst into the water.

Riley shook his head. He was the pro here. Josh's incessant advice hadn't helped him one bit. And it certainly hadn't helped Bakura in the least, the poor kitty. If anything, Josh challenging him was a blessing; it was the perfect opportunity to put the annoying turd muffin in his place.. Besides, didn't the kid know he could just steal another, equally attractive ball from the place where they'd paid instead of swimming through an indiscernible mass of watery sludge?

While those two had been sorting out their issues, Melvin and Bakura had finished up the latest hole. Relatively speaking, anyhow. Melvin's hole-in-one streak was still going strong while Bakura remained less than stellar. He barely scraped by with a five, and only because one of the demons of the Shadow Realm had taken pity on him and shifted the odds in his favor. Needless to say, Melvin wasn't too happy about that, but ultimately didn't matter all that much in the end.

Josh emerged from the water, sopping wet, but victorious all the same. He held his prize high, the elusive green golf ball covered in muck glittering in the sunlight. He took his place at the head of the course and hit the golf ball, all in all taking three strokes to make it into the hole. Riley went last, scoring four, earning himself a malicious smile from Josh. Perhaps now wasn't the best time to be making new enemies.

But if that was how Josh wanted to play, then so be it. They were men. This was war, dammit. Albeit on a golf course, over a silly little spat, but war all the same. And Riley would prove himself the victor. The Iron Island golfing team was unstoppable.

Or so he thought until Josh kept beating him by one point, hole after hole.

Josh continued to help Bakura regardless of his situation with Riley, but the owner of the Millennium Ring adamantly refused to listen while Melvin continually racked up perfect scores. All was going well as they reached the tenth round of the 18-hole course.

So going on and on and on about each and every hole would be totally great and fantastic and all but skipping right to the fun part is much better- where Dartz decided to show up.

Out of nowhere, the sky exploded, raining down on the four abnormal men.

Dartz stood up first while the other three remained splayed out on the ground, grabbing his personal set of golf clubs (studded with shiny Orichalcos stones) he had with him. Seeing the Atlantean in a suit and the other strange concoctions he had worn on American Idol was bizarre enough, but the outfit he proudly wore now topped all. Dartz was sporting a stereotypical golfer get up, classy plaid and all, right down to the awkward pants and hat. His ever-changing hair only made the outfit that more concerning. The image was forever seared in Bakura's eternal brain.

Alister jumped to his feet, also clad in golfer attire, though his shirt was cropped short like his regular clothes. "How dare you betray Master Dartz and not show up to your meetings with us as he commanded." Raphael and Valon, wearing golf clothes as well, though much less obnoxious and more toned down, looked rather bored, used to the antics of their close compadres.

"Yo, Awistah, calhm dawhhn," Dartz drawled. "We shwall pwunish thweir inswubwordinahnce wiff galhf! We shwall cwush them, make them beg fwor mwercy! They ah nahthwing cwompahed to us!"

Melvin facepalmed while the others looked on, perplexed.

Bakura sighed. "What else could go bloody wrong," he muttered.

Josh immediately tried damage control, not wanting to get into any sort of golf-related altercation with the absurdly dressed men. "There's only room for four people in a game," he explained quickly.

Dartz waved him off. "Fwine, fwine. Dwetails, dwetails. We'll jwust staht at da hole bwehihnd youz! And at de ehhnd, we cahn cwompahe owr scwores!" As usual, there was no arguing with Dartz. Alister stared up at his master with stars in his eyes.

"Can we get on with this?" Raphael gazed off in the distance. "I have things I should be doing."

"Awwight! Let da gahmes begwin!"

Debating whether it was best to press on or flee, the singers had a new dilemma. But then, they did in fact pay for the game, and it would be silly to not get their money's worth. So that more or less made the decision for them.

When it was Josh's turn, Dartz tried to interfere with his shot, but Josh remained unnerved. Dartz stood directly in front of the hole, running in circles. Ignoring the stupidity going on around him, Josh swung.

Alister shrieked like a banshee and propelled himself through the air, knocking Dartz into the air with him and off the green. They landed on the ground with a crash, in a rather scandalous position.

"Awistah, what da hwell do youz think youz doin?" Dartz tossed his henchman aside. "You wuined evwething! He nevarh wouldahve mahde that shawt!"

"Oh Great and Powerful Master Dartz, I am sworn to protect you! If you die, then my life has no meaning!"

Raphael face-palmed. "Not this again."

Valon shrugged. "Hey mate, it could be worse."

"Somehow I doubt that."

Alister's lovefest aside, the biker gang was all set to start with their game, just as Riley finished up his turn. Dartz adamantly refused to go first, insisting they save the best for last. Instead, he forced Alister to go first as punishment for his "cwimes".

Alister proved to be much better than anyone expected, though not by much; Raphael did perfectly average. Valon shocked everyone by somehow exemplifying mini golf prowess that rivaled Melvin's. Dartz was, naturally, a mess. His first shot hit Bakura in the back of the head, sending him face-first into the grass. Bakura would have retaliated had it not been for a coagulation of children suddenly piling on top of him.

By the time they reached the eighteenth hole, tempers were running high and the tension was palpable. Melvin still maintained a perfect score, while Bakura and the others had sunk lower and lower. Dartz insisted he was winning, even though he had yet to make one single shot, instead maiming everyone in sight with his golf ball. His score made Bakura look good. The biker gang was forced to agree with him and tell him how wonderful he was doing, fearful of losing their paychecks otherwise.

Melvin went first, securing his final hole in one. Josh followed, earning a respectable two. Riley got three, and hung his head, forlorn, knowing the score would not be good for him when it was all added up. It looked like Josh would win this round. Bakura went last, barely scraping by with a five. Dartz racked up another plus six, and seemed genuinely pleased with it. Alister also got a three, and Valon excelled with a hole in one while Raphael got a four.

They thought the stupid game was finally over when they came across the bonus: the giant clown face. Sending the ball below the face was +3, sending it into the mouth was +2, sending it through the eyes was +1, and getting it in the nose was -1. Everyone howled in disgust, but there was no way they were going to pass up one last opportunity.

Melvin got it in the nose, aided by the Shadow Realm, but the majority of them sent their ball beneath the face, and expressed their rage in various forms, from throwing a tantrum(Riley) to screaming incoherent nonsense(Bakura). Dartz went last, and sent his golf club flying through the air, landing on the windmill, breaking it off, causing the blade to go careening across the grass.

They fled the scene in terror, Melvin and Bakura cackling all the way as the other patrons went thundering past in fear.

In the parking lot, the group of 8 added up their scores, with Dartz coming in dead last (no one bothered to tell him, instead convincing him that the person with the highest score won so they wouldn't have to deal with that drama). Melvin, came in first, and Riley, much to his dismay, lost to Josh, but was secretly appeased to learn that both Alister and Valon had narrowly beaten the other team. Riley himself had defeated Raphael, and Bakura was, unrespectably, second to last.

Now all that was left was to look forward to their next performance. Soon, they would be down to the final three.

Bakura had finished his song, securing his usual fangirl vote, though secretly he was beginning to wonder if his support had waned since Marik had pulled that dick move and stolen a portion of his followers. The last thing he need was for Melvin to win this thing. Speaking of, Melvin was going last tonight and refused to tell Bakura what he had planned, except that it was a "surprise". Bakura assumed this meant the night would end in a catastrophic bloodbath, and he hoped he was right. Riley had also performed, and Josh was in the midst of his song. How Riley and Josh of all people had made it this far, he had no clue.

After a quick commercial break, Melvin took the stage.

(Shit!)

Ah, Red blood

Convict

Blah blah, oh-oh, eh

I've had a little bit too much, much (Oh oh oh-oh)

All of the victims start to rush (Start to rush by)

You know I'll twist his neck, killing makes me a wreck

Where are my knives? I'm in the zone, zone (Oh oh oh-oh)

What's goin' on on the floor?

I love this weapon, baby, but I can't see straight anymore (Whoo!)

Keep it cool, what's the name of this saw?

I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright

Just stab, gonna be okay, ha hah heh-heh-mmm

Just stab, spin that weapon, babe, da die doo-doo-mmm

Just stab, gonna be okay, juh juh just

Stab, stab, stab, just, j-j-just stab

Wish I'd shut my binkyboy mouth (Oh oh oh-oh)

How'd I get this blood all about? (All about right)

Put poison in ya babe, when they're screamin they say:

"I think I'm gonna die tonight"(Oh oh oh-oh)

What's goin' on on the floor?

I love this weapon, baby, but I can't see straight anymore

Keep it cool, what's the name of this saw?

I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright (Whoo!)

Just stab, gonna be okay, da dat doo-doo-mmm

Just stab, spin that weapon babe, da dat doo-doo-mmm

Just stab, gonna be okay, juh juh just

Stab, stab, stab just, j-j-just

When I come through on the dance floor checkin' out that catalog (Hey)

Can't believe my eyes, so many victims just for my saw (Hey)

And I ain't gonna give it up, you know nobody can hear them call (Hey)

I'ma hit it, imma hit it and murder them until tomorrow, yeah

Kitty, I can see that you clearly lack all kinds energy

The way you're standing there and just growl owl owling

And now there's no reason at all why you can't just leave me be

In the meantime, stay and you'll watch me win this round

Stab, gonna be okay (Oh-oh) da dat doo-doo-mmm

(Oo yeah) Just stab, spin that weapon, babe, da dat doo-doo-mmm

(Oo yeah) Just stab, gonna be okay, da dat doo-doo-mmm

(Oo yeah) Just stab, spin that weapon, babe, da dat doo-doo-mmm

(Oh-oh-oh) Just stab, gonna be okay, juh juh just (Gonna be okay, yeah)

stab, stab, stab, just, j-j-just stab (Oh-oh)

Whoo! Let's go!

Half psychotic, sick hypnotic

The shadow realm, it's symphonic

Half psychotic, sick hypnotic

Got my card games electronic

Half psychotic, sick hypnotic

The shadow realm, it's symphonic

Half psychotic, sick hypnotic

Got my card games electronic

Go! Use your muscle, carve it out, work it, hustle

(I got it, as long as you let me live)

Hell no! Drive it, clean it, lights out, bleed it

After them-o (I got it) you are next-o (Oh God!)

Just stab, gonna be okay, da dat doo-doo-mmm

Just stab, spin that weapon, babe, da dat doo-doo-mmm

Just stab, gonna be okay, da dat doo-doo-mmm (Baby)

Just stab, spin that weapon, babe, dat da doo-doo-mmm (Baby yeah)

Just stab, gonna be okay, juh juh just (Spin that weapon, baby, yeah)

Stab, stab, stab, just, j-j-just STAB

The crowd looked on in shock. Bakura sighed; he shouldn't have been surprised. Well, he'd get his bloodbath soon enough, even if it wasn't tonight.

"Who will become your top three, America?" Ryan Seacrest shouted into the microphone. "Vote now!"

Dartz threw his co-host off stage, while the three henchmen-mentors appeared and each gave a two thumbs up.

Eheheh. Sorry everyone. You have probably all forgotten this existed. Sorry to invade your emails with notifications. Ghostfairy did nearly all the work on this one, I just provided the parody lyrics. We lost inspiration for a very long time but we decided that we're gonna finish this bad boy once and for all. Only a few more chapters and then we won't have it looming over our heads.