Zombies are For Realz

Chapter 8: Sacre Bleu!

"Sacre bleu! Oh come on Amerique, zou know I zas just kidding!~"

I locked my door just in case. I was still really disturbed about everything with England. Who wouldn't be really disturbed? But I pushed those feelings away, because... It was stupid. Plus, knowing France, he's going to try climbin' my windows, trying to snatch people up. Can't you totally see France doing that? While I was lost in train of thought, France interrupted.

"Ameriqueeeee!~" I wasn't going to answer him. In all honesty, I needed to really think about, well, everything. After awhile they were finally silent, and I stifled a sigh. Knowing France, he was probably waiting for the right moment to break in through my window or something, because he has years of experience with situations like these.

I looked through my peephole to see if they were still there. It wasn't a good idea because France was clad nude in the front of my apartment. What would the neighbors think seeing some naked dude trying to break into my apartment? When I look back on it, I probably should have called the police. But I didn't, because I'm nicer than that, and then France would blame his absence during the World Meeting on me.

"Zell Canada, shall ze continue those ideas at my place? Out of curiosity, I tried listening through the door to see what Canadia was going to say. I couldn't hear him because he pretty much whispers all the time, and I never was good at reading lips, or whatever it's called. France started honing so the chances are that Canadia said yes, which doesn't make any sense because France will just try to molest him anyway. Oh well, it's not my problem since he's not in my apartment anymore.

"Ohonhonhonhon, au revoir zhen Amerique! I hope zou will enjoy our little chenille.~" France said in a sing-song voice.

I didn't respond back, mostly because I didn't even know what the hell a chenille was. Plus France might take that as an invitation to linger around my front door. Is anyone else creeped out by all of this?! Second, how is 'creeped' not a word? Microsoft Word is totally being a jerk and just underlined it. This is United States of America biatches, and last time I checked it was in MY vocabulary.

God, I hope France was drunk or something. France has terrible ideas all the time, so I guess it doesn't count. Like being naked in the Olympics. Or dressing up as a naked waiter or whatever he was for Halloween. Am I the only one that's noticed that he's the one that brings the entire U.N. into fights over "inappropriate behavior?"

In a way, I could see why Zombie Iggy never got along with him. And when I really think about it, it's sad to think that I'll never see them bickering again. It's become a ritual before every World Meeting, ya know? I wonder what everyone else is going to think when they find out that England turned into a zombie. Speaking of the U.N., I had to get up early for the World Meeting tomorrow!

Oh shiz. It was like, 2:38 in the morning when I checked my watch. I had to be at the U.N. Meeting at like, six in the morning since I was hosting! I wasn't about to fall asleep with a zombie in my house, and I'm still keeping my suspicions up with France, because knowing him he probably has broken into peoples bed rooms a tons of times. What was I going to do, stay up all night and then host a meeting? I mean, I could, but I'll be dead tomorrow and everyone is going to laugh at me. Well, at least England wasn't going to be there to laugh at me.

Maybe I'll have to put him in my closet while I'm gone or something. Like in this one scary ass zombie TV show I was watching, this dude totally kept his dead zombie daughter in his closet. AND NO ONE NOTICED. For years if I might add. So I'm pretty sure I'll get away with it too, as long as I keep him from making noises and stuff.

But what if they find England like how they found that dudes zombie daughter, and they're all like, this is your fault! Or even worse, what if they are stupid like Canadia and don't believe me? Then what do I do? Oh god all of these decisions.

I just don't know anymore. It's like one of those annoying good vs. bad moments. One side of you is like, 'EAT THOSE HOTDOGS, THEY'LL NEVER KNOW.' Then your other side is all like, 'Oh no! Do you know how much sodium and fat is in those? They're like, as bad as smoking a cigarette. You'll be constipated because hot dogs are high in saturated fats and low in fiber, and did you know blahblahblah. Your good side keeps rambling on for a few good minutes straight, and you're all like, I don't even know half of these facts, because I don't listen to Jill Jillians' diet programs on the Biggest Loser. Not like the contestants do either, because in a few years they are all fat again. But instead of listening to your good conscious, you're all like, "shaddup biatch" and you eat them hotdogs whole while laughing manically with your bad conscious. But the next day, you regret it and realize that your good conscious was right about the constipation because your toilet was GOING DOWN. Then you realize that you can't fix it with a toilet plunger and now you have to go call some weird Italian twins or something. Uggh, don't you hate when that happens?

The only problem is that England isn't a hotdog. And there was going to be a lot more consequences than being constipated for a few days. To sum up everything I just wrote out, I was royally fucked. And when I mean royally, I mean it literally, because the Queen was going to be pissed when she finds out that England turned into a zombie.

A/N: So I put this chapter up, and then put it down in about an hour later. I would have kept it but I was getting anxious and took the entire thing down. After that I had a billion projects/homework I never had the time to fix it, so I just put it back up again because I couldn't remember what I wanted to change. Sorry about that, and yes I'll update often now because today was the last day before Winter Break.

I didn't go to school though, and no, not because, "OMFG THE WORLD'S GOING TO END AHHHH" but because I slipped and hit my head and shoulder against a wall. Yes the corner of my wall, at the speed of probably 60 miles per hour because it smashed the lens of my glasses. I kid you not, I busted my right temple open and screwed up my shoulder to the point I can't move it up and down, so my mom was tempted to bring me to the doctor but I refused. How did this happen in the first place? Don't ask. xD I highly doubt anyone is going to believe me after break in school, and I feel it's easier to explain awkward situations like these with the internets, so yeah. At least I reposted an old chapter, right? Until next time!