Rating: M, because of some adult situations and language... like the 'fuck' word.
This was oddly entertaining to write and this song is no stuck in my stupid head. It's now time for some Regina Spektor therapy.
Disclaimer. I don't own Teen Wolf (it'd be scary if I did, because that is way too much power to abuse.), Derek, Stiles, Scott, the song, or anything else besides the plot bunnies that work in my story-writing sweatshop.
**EDIT: Just moved some commas around and bolded some shit.

Scotty doesn't know that Stiles and me
Do it on my car every Sunday.

"Where does Scott always think you're rushing off to?" Derek asked as he hoisted Stiles up, who wrapped his legs around the wolf's waist. He was sandwiched between Derek and the aforementioned man's Camaro while he clung to his neck.

"I really don't wanna talk about him right now…" Stiles murmured against Derek's neck as he worked on a hickey that kept on healing.

Derek let go of the teen with one arm and went to reach for the back door, but was stopped by Stiles grabbing onto him even tighter and yelling "Don't drop me!"

Derek just stared at Stiles. "You think I'm gonna drop you?"

Stiles just shrugged. "I dunno."

"I kind of want to now…"

He tells him he's in church but he doesn't go
Still he's on his knees and Scotty doesn't know!

"Hey, Stiles, do you wanna come over after school? I got the newest Halo, and we are gonna rock. This. SHIT!" Scott asked as soon as the bell rang, signaling that the students were free to run to their cars and peel out of the parking lot in their rush to start their summer vacations.

Stiles just cleared his throat and continued to pack up his bag from Calculus. "I'm uh… actually gonna go to church."

"…Church?"

"Yeah, there's like… a… dinner. For… orphans. In Uganda."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

Stiles nearly dropped his textbook. "God, no! I mean, it's… just for members. You know, of the church…"

Scott just shrugged. "Whatever."

scottydoesn'tknow

"Church?" Derek smirked.

Stiles blushed as Derek worked his hands across the smaller boy's chest. "Shut up, I had to-" he moaned loudly as Derek tweeked one of his nipples.

"What was that?"

"B-bastard…" Stiles stuttered

Oh Scotty doesn't know!
So Don't Tell Scotty!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
So Don't Tell Scotty!

Stiles sighed and cuddled even closer to his space heater of a boyfriend. "I'm flabbergasted that Scott hasn't figured out that we're dating yet…"

"…Flabbergasted?" Derek chuckled.

"It's a word!" Stiles said, defending himself.

"I know. I'm just surprised you used it in the right context…"

Stiles thought for a second and smiled. "Would you say you're-"

"Stiles, I will break you."

"Flabbergasted?"

A loud smack echoed through Derek's empty house.

"Ow!"

"I warned you."

Stiles says he's out shopping,
But he's under me and I'm not stopping...

Gunshots and dying people sounds were blared through the McCall house as Stiles stood up and pointed at the television, screaming "Suck on that, bitch!"

Scott just scoffed. "Calm down, Stiles, it's only four. I still got a long time to whoop your ass…"

Stiles whirled around. "It's four? Shit!" He ran across Scott's room and yanked the door open, running down the stairs two at a time.

"Wait, Stiles! Where are you going?" Scott yelled after this friend.

"I promised Lydia I'd go shopping with her!" Stiles quickly lied.

"Uh…"

"It's a girl thing, don't ask!" Stiles called back up as he ran out the front door.

"But you're not a girl!"

scottydoesn'tknow

"Hale, party of two?" Stiles asked the woman at the front table as he pulled a black blazer on over his Wolverine t-shirt.

"Oh, you're here. Your friend's looked like a kicked puppy ever since he got here," she said as she checked off something on her paper and pulled out a second menu. "Just follow me." When they got to the table, Derek looked up from his menu and put on a fake smile. "Glad you could make it. Thanks for calling me."

Stiles sat down and quickly thanked the waitress. "I'm really sorry, I got caught up. Scott and I were playing Halo and I just lost track of time. I was gonna call you, but I left my phone at his place."

Derek sighed. "Okay, okay. Let me get this straight. You're the one who said that if we were gonna keep on 'doing it,' then I was going to have to take you on a real date. You call me twelve times to confirm the time and remind me not to forget… and then you forget?"

"Woah, don't freak! Watch the eyes!" Stiles whispered back, taking Derek' hand.

Derek took a couple deep breaths, ignoring the people that were looking at them. "I'm calm."

"I forgot, Derek. Yes, I did forget, but I promise, I'll do anything to make it up to you. I pinky promise," Stiles reassured him.

"Pinky promises are for Girl Scouts."

"Well, then. We're Girl Scouts. Now, pinky promise me, bitch," Stiles said sternly, reaching his outstretched pinky across the table.

Derek looked from Stiles to his pinky and back then rolled his eyes and linked his pinky with Stiles's.

scottydoesn'tknow

Stiles fell on his back, panting.

Derek sat next to him and smiled. "I might make you pinky promise more often."

"That was cruel. I'm not athletic!" Stiles whined.

"You said 'anything'."

"I didn't think you'd make me give you a piggy back ride around your yard!"

"And just think. If you hadn't been late to dinner, we could've been having sex right now."

Because Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
So don't tell Scotty!
Scotty doesn't know!

"He must be the most stupid person alive…"

"Who?"

"Scott."

Don't tell Scotty!

"What do you think he'd do if he found out?"

"He'd try to kill me. You're practically his little brother and you're sleeping with the Big Bad Wolf."

"Or he'd try to rip your junk off…"

"We should probably tell him eventually…"

"I wanna tell him now, just to see the fight…"

I can't believe he's so trusting,
While I'm right behind you thrusting.
Stiles's got him on the phone,
And he's trying not to moan.
It's a three-way call and he knows nothing!

The phone rang on Stiles's bedside table.

Derek grinned. "Get it."

Stiles turned him head around as far as he could to stare at the naked man behind him. "No!"

"Fine, then. I will."

"No, no! I'll get it," Stiles said, swatting at the hand that was reaching for the phone.

"Hell-OH!" Stiles almost screamed into the receiver as Derek bit down hard onto his shoulder.

"Stiles?"

"Hmm…"

"Are you okay?"

Stiles glared back at Derek, who just smiled. "I'm fine," he said through gritted teeth. Derek bent over and whispered "Who is it?"

"Stiles, is someone there?"

"No," Derek said.

"Stiles, that sounds like Derek…"

"It's not," Derek said back, quickly dodging one of Stiles's elbows.

Stiles coughed and deepened his voice. "I'm sick."

"Oh, I was just gonna ask if you wanted to hang out soon."

Derek ducked his head down and set to work on starting a deep purple hickey on the teen's neck.

"Now's not a good time," he said choppily as he tried to pushed Derek off him.

"Oh, when is?"

"Never," Derek grabbed the phone and hit the 'end' button.

Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
So don't tell Scotty!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!

"Wow. Six months, and still. Not a clue…"

We'll put on a show!
Everyone will go!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!

"He is officially the dumbest person dead or alive."

The parking lot,
Why not? It's so cool when you're on top!

"If we're having public sex, we're having public sex MY way," Stiles said, straddling Derek as he reclined the driver's seat to a horizontal position.

His front lawn in the snow
Life is so hard 'cause Scotty doesn't know!

"We should have sex on his front lawn. He might notice something, then."

"Ew! Snow sex? Too cold!"

"Stiles, is that really all you got from that proposition?"

We did it on his birthday...

"Hey, Stiles?"

"Can't talk.

"Wait! You think you're gonna be able to make it to Scott's surprise party?"

"I might be a little late. Bye, Allison!" Stiles hung up really fast just as Derek came walking out from the bathroom, hair soaked and wet hair clinging to his face. Derek gave a quick shake and water came flying toward Stiles.

"Ew! Bad dog!"

"…What did you say?"

"…You look hot today?"

"Sure," Derek said as he walked in all of his naked glory to his dresser to get some clothes out.

It was silent for a few moments as Derek chose a shirt and jeans and Stiles bounced up and down on his bed.

It was Stiles who broke the silence. "I though you'd be a lot furrier."

"…"

"Well, I mean, you are a wolf. Of the were variety. But still. You're smooth."

"…"

"Do you manscape?"

"Stiles… shut up."

"No. I'm curious."

"Don't be."

"Well, I am. So there."

"..." Derek just resumed getting dressed. He pulled on his jeans and zipped up the fly when Stiles said "Ew, no underwear?"

"What does it matter to you?"

"Doesn't that hurt?"

"…"

"What'cha thinkin' about?"

"Where to hide your body."

Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!

"I'm ashamed that someone so oblivious is part of my pack…"

Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty won't know!

"I don't think he'll ever figure it out…"

Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty's gotta know!

"Unless we tell him…"

Gotta tell Scotty!
Gotta tell him myself!

"Stiles, I'm going to tell Scott myself!"

Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!

"Yeah, it's been a month, Derek. You should probably get on that…"

Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!

"Scott, I've been fucking Stiles for over a year!"

The entire party got silent and turned to stare at Derek, who was standing in the doorway.

"Derek!" Stiles yelled, blushing bright red.

"You've… what? Derek…" Scott said, reaching for the knife he was supposed to be using to cut his eighteenth birthday cake.

Stiles went to grab him. "Scott, he's just kidding!"

Scott easily shook him off and chased after Derek who had already run out the door.

Everyone watched the two run around the yard for a couple seconds until Derek pinned him and pushed his face in the dirt.

Everyone then simultaneously turned to Stiles who blushed and chuckled nervously. "Cake, anyone?"

Scotty's gotta go!

I regret nothing.

*Oh, and minions, I'm working on a new songfic thinger (Hey, you start a new story every three days! Yes, I know, so shut your pie-hole.) so if you have any SONG IDEAS, you can put them in a review, or PM me, or do whatever. But make it original. I dont want Werewolves of London or Happy Birthday or shit like that. Prosecutors will be executed.