"In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.

"'Whenever you feel like criticising anyone,' he told me, 'just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had.'

"He didn't say any more, but we've always been unusually communicative in a reserved way, and I understood that he meant a great deal more than that. In consequence, I'm inclined to reserve all judgements, a habit that has opened up many curious natures to me and also made me the victim of not a few veteran bores."

"Hey, that kinda reminds me of you, Nick!" Jeff interrupted with a grin, thumb running over the palm of his boyfriend's hand. "That's why you're always so quiet, right? Because you like listening to people, and understanding them?"

Nick smiled a little, shifting his weight around on the hospital gurney. He hummed a short note of agreement. "His name's Nick too – the narrator."

"Nick's a bit of a pompous ass though," Wes had to add, the book falling down to rest on his chin, "and sort of hypocritical. He claims to be the bearer of all knowledge, but I don't think he really knows what he's talking about half the time. He just covers it up with his flowery language, like the women do their dresses."

Nick smothered a tiny cough into his fist – the non-IV-fist – before glancing back at the senior sitting backwards on the guest chair. "Keep reading?" he asked in a tiny voice. "Please?"

"I didn't even make it through 3 paragraphs before your boyfriend interrupted me!" Wes chuckled. But he picked the book up again and kept up where he left off.

Nick nuzzled down into Jeff's warm chest, feeling the blonde's arms clench gently over him, protecting him, as the words washed over them both. He wasn't comfortable – not that the word 'comfort' held a whole lot of meaning in the emergency room, with the constant beeps of monitors and squeaking of rubber-soled shoes on the lino floors, and people outside coughing and crying. But, he felt safe. He was right up against Jeff, and supposedly the IV fluids were helping with the blood pressure… and Wes was right over the side of the railing, a finger playing absentmindedly over the back of Nick's hand as he read. And Pedy was somewhere too – getting coffee, probably, or hitting on the nursing staff.

In a sense, he'd been pretty lucky. Wes and Jeff had packed everything up for him, and all he'd had to do was stagger out to Pedy's van. And when they finally got to hospital, he managed to stand a little quickly and, well… let's say it wasn't the first time that Jeff had, er, swept him off his feet. But, the collapsing had meant an almost immediate admittance behind the mysterious blue curtains, blood rushed for testing, and an IV and water and something to help his fever…

It was definitely strange to be on this side of the bed though. He wasn't really sure what to do with it all… But, luckily, both Wes and Jeff seemed to be old pros. He'd been allowed to keep his pyjamas on, so the instant the nurse had left with his blood and Pedy had gone for "go-go juice", Jeff had climbed into the cot, dragged Nick into the usual little-spoon position, and began tracing circles with his thumb, carefully avoiding the port the saline drip was flushing into.

It was almost familiar. Almost homely. If not for the whole Nick-being-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed thing.

"No – Gatsby turned out all right at the end; it is what preyed on Gatsby, what foul dust floated in the wake of his dreams that temporarily closed out my interest in the abortive sorrows and shortwinded elations of men."

"I can't believe how beautiful the language is!" Jeff exclaimed, not really caring about how frequently he was interrupting Wes.

"I can't believe that you haven't read it before," Nick whispered to him. "It's only, you know, one of the finest pieces of literature ever written."

And Wes threw up his hands with a sigh. "I can't believe I actually thought I could get some work done in a hospital with you two around." But he smiled. "I'll have to hold you to this. I'm going to expect some sort of discussion in remuneration, Nick."

"Of course. I'm… I'm sorry, Wes."

"Hey! No! Bad!" Jeff tapped his nose gently. "No apologising! Bad dog!"

Nick groaned. "It's in my nature."

"You're sick," Wes reminded him… like he could forget… "I think that's punishment enough… Do you want me to keep going?"

Nick could only hum some sort of acknowledgement this time though… The meds were working absolute wonders on his temperature – his head had begun to settle to a dull, tired ache, and while there was a thick brain fog he was still trying desperately to fight through, he… felt a lot less like dying and more like he could just sleep for a few years. But, like when he ate anything nowadays – and taking medication orally would definitely count – he couldn't pretend away the nausea that was rapidly making itself known again… and he still couldn't lift his head off Jeff's chest. Not that either was complaining.

It sucked. It really did. He couldn't remember the last time he actually felt somewhat well. Life lately had turned into working out how sick he was each morning, and how he could push himself through it. Every morning, lunch, dinner, whenever, he'd find himself judging how much he could take in his stomach, whether he'd be able to participate in choir, in sports… whether he'd be able to do homework or just crawl straight into bed.

At least everyone seemed to understand. But it didn't stop hurting. He was just so over it. In a sense he was almost grateful to be in the hospital – it meant a clear step in the long journey of getting answers.

"Babe? You okay? I mean… relatively?"

Jeff's voice was in his ear, concerned but steady, persistent… he wondered how long he'd been lost for. "Mm-nn."

"You gonna spew?"

Nick, with an almost supernatural strength, rolled himself away from Jeff, towards the edge of the bed and the lino floors, his heart threatening to leap out his mouth with his stomach contents. But Wes' mind-reading was just as strong as ever and with a grimace he opened up and handed him a bag.

And then he saw stars, bright white and flickering, his vision pounding black and red as he coughed and gasped and Wes left the room to call for a nurse and Jeff helped steady his hand and rub his back, up and down, up and down, urging him to breathe, in and out.

"Oh, Nicky… Poor bugger…"

He retched a couple more times before forcing in a deep breath and collapsing back into Jeff's body, every muscle he had shaking, his vision slowly fading out, no longer aware of where the bag was or what was clenched in his other hand or even where he was even more.

"You finished?"

"Mmm… Think so," Nick whispered, closing his eyes. "I'm – "

"Don't you dare even think sorry," Jeff whispered back as he kissed his sweaty temple. "I'm… I mean, I'm not exactly happy you're sick, but it's okay. Part of me job as your boyfriend to look after you, right?"

"I'm…"

"Nick!"

He forced another deep breath, trying to make him understand… but why couldn't he get the words out?

"… really…"

The light dropped down from the ceiling, shooting sparks like a firestorm.

"… dizzy…"

And with that, the world once again went black as Nick fainted for god-only-knows which time that night.

When he came back around, his room was buzzing with people. Wes was sitting cross-legged on the corner of his bed, engaged in hush conversation with Jeff, who, it appeared, hadn't moved an inch since the collapse, other than freeing up his hands so he could keep every inch of skin connected between them. Pedy was perched on the chair opposite his bed, eying up a… lucky or rather unfortunate nurse, depending on whose perspective, as he hung a fresh bag onto the drip.

Then he sneezed, and all eyes in the room turned to his.

"Bless you, Nicky! You're awake!"

"Welcome back, little man."

"Feeling any better after your sleep?"

The nurse passed him a tissue before shining a bright light in his eyes.

Nick forced a smile as he wiped at his nose.

And then Jeff was back, his warm hand resting on his stomach and lips finding themselves around his ear. "You're so dehydrated, they turned up the drip a little. That's why you fainted – you don't have enough water to keep your blood pressure up… I think…"

"How long was I out?" He turned in, trying to bury his burning face into Jeff's armpit.

"Just a few minutes," Wes responded. He reached out, fingers squeezing around his knee. "You scared us all though."

"Are you okay?"

"Me?" Wes looked confused.

"You don' do vomit," Nick explained, "and… I kinda… didn't exactly help…"

Wes chuckled. "I sprinted the instant you gripped that bag. I didn't see anything – it's hard enough for these poor nurses without me adding to their mess! But, I'm fine, so don't you worry your pretty little head about me, okay?"

Nick's eyes closed, so heavy, a little longer than a blink, and he yawned. "Good," he finally responded. "Don' wanna make you bad too."

"Wait, Nick." The nurse moved in closer again. "I bet you're really tired, but…" He held out a lurid orange icicle. "Can you try eating this before you sleep? It's just got some sugar and extra salts and the such in there. It'll help replace what you lost faster, and should help make you feel better."

He wanted to clap a hand in front of his face and refuse anything by mouth. Sure, he felt more stable than before he collapsed, but throwing up so hard he fell unconscious was quite possibly one of the most humiliating situations he'd found himself in, and he wasn't exactly keen to repeat it.

Jeff reached out to grab it. "Come on, Nicky. Have a bite of the radioactive icy-pole." He held it up to his lips.

"If it helps, kiddo, it probably tastes the same way coming back out," Pedy added with a wicked grin.

Nick groaned. "Fine. I'll try."

"Nick, your Texas is showing," Jeff teased, holding it steady as he bit a tiny amount off. "Poor darlin'," he… attempted to imitate, and Nick couldn't help but smile. "Forgettin' how to end yah words an' all. We'll hafta go lookin' for all them missin' G's 'n' D's!"

He rolled his eyes at the theatrics, but he couldn't stop another blush creeping along his cheeks. Born and raised in Texas, he'd worked hard to hide his usual drawl, but whenever he got tired or stressed, he started falling back into his old lazy habits, dropping his endings and letting each word just flow into the next, flattening all his vowels…

"Jeff, be nice – he's exhausted," Wes gently chastised. "Nick, finish your Hydrolyte and go back to sleep, alright?"

" 'M tryin'," he said around another mouthful, ignoring the grumbling in his stomach. "Can you keep reading? Please?"

Wes smiled and nodded, reaching out for his book. "I told him. And as I walked on I was lonely no longer…"

Beep… beep… beep… beep… beep…

That's all this place was. An infinite wandering between being poked and prodded, having blood drawn and saline dripping straight into his veins, and Jeff and Wes and Pedy around him, all breathing seemingly in time with his, with the beeping of the sat monitor clipped to his little finger. Bouncing between the actual hopelessness of the crying and despair that taints the air of any emergency department of any hospital, and then the fleeting promise of hope, no matter how shallow or insubstantial, that being here would make a difference.

Time just seemed to halt in these places. Like a loophole formed around a hospital… it became less about the minutes and hours and what people were doing outside, whether it was time for dinner or time for sleep or breakfast or washing the car or whatever position people were at in their usual routine, and became more about counting the beeps, the heartbeats that had passed, and how many were remaining until you could see anything other than the endless white of labcoats and walls. Days, weeks, months even, just fell into a meaningless string of beeps.

Someone should add that to Einstein's Theory of Relativity.

Beep… Beep… Beep. Beep.

He was going to be sick again. He wasn't sure when. But it was going to happen. It was the quickening of his heart, the shallowing of his breaths, the fluttering of the butterflies as they crept further up his throat.

Wes looked over at him, his eyes locked deep into his. The signs were there… He was probably starting to pale even further now…

Jeff was curled next to him. He was asleep… he looked asleep. His mouth was gently closed, his eyelashes fluttering a little, and his breaths were accompanied by a tiny hum as his fist clenched protectively over Nick's hand, his arms flexing so he could feel the muscles moving over his chest.

Nick willed himself to think about anything but his stomach.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

"It's alright, Nick. You're okay. Keep breathing."

It was Wes this time that was there, helping him sit up, steadying his head and rubbing his back.

"I'm sorry. Just…. Just let it out. You're alright."

Despite the quivering in his voice, there was such compassion in there… Nick gulped, his mouth starting to water. He didn't want to do this to Wes… but his eyes were set straight ahead in that quiet determination they both shared.

He brought the bag up to his mouth, pushing away Wes' hand, and threw up once again.

"There. There you go. That's better. Shhhh."

He collapsed sideways this time, into Wes' arms. He could hear the senior's heart beating through his chest – faster than even his own. But, it was over. There was nothing left in him.

"Oh, Nick…" Wes stood there, a hand sweeping across his forehead and picking off bits of hair. "We'll have to get you something else… Poor little nightingale."

"Nicky?" Jeff was sitting up now, arms crossed. "You feeling better now?"

He could only manage a small groan.

Wes took a little step back and Jeff moved forward again, instantly transferring his weight back to his boyfriend. "I'm… sorry I can't do more, Nick." But the step back wasn't one of hiding – the next instant there was a polystyrene cup of water in his hand, reaching over the bed railing for him. "Here."

Nick smiled. "You sound like me now," he whispered.

"We'll make a deal then. I won't apologise if you don't."

Nick nodded.

"You seem a little better now… You're still conscious."

"I do feel better. There's no stars this time… and you're not red."

Jeff grinned. "Always a good sign."

Wes paused, his eyes flicking between the two, like he was deliberating something… He frowned. "Do you want me to call anyone? I know… I heard, rather… that your parents are on holidays with your sister, right? But, I mean… We can try your sisters at home…"

"No." For once, Nick felt certain about something in this place. "They're happy about Clara getting her wish. Don't drag them down with worry for me. My family deserves some happiness for once."

Jeff pulled him closer. "I'm sorry, babe."

Nick snorted. "Don't you start with the apologies!"

Wes and Jeff both cracked a smile. "You started it!" they exclaimed together.

"It just… It all…"

"Sucks?" Wes offered.

"Well… yeah." He sighed. "It just… no one ever catches a break. I mean… I just…"

Wes took his hand, sitting back down in his earlier perch. "How long have you been sick for?"

Nick shook his head, gave a mirthless laugh. "I don't know. Too long."

"And how long have you kept everything to yourself?"

"About the same amount of time?"

Jeff nuzzled into him as his words started almost exploding out.

"It's not fair. Not me. I don't care. Everyone gets sick and God knows, we're… us. And, yeah, sure, I feel like absolute shit but, I mean, it passes. It always does. But I'm making you all look after me, and just once when my family gets to go away and take… They just can't get a fucking break. Because when Clara gets something good in her life, when my parents get to take that tiny time away, something else has to happen and just… they don't get a break. Ever. Something always has to spoil it. And it's just not fair!"

"Life isn't fair," Wes said quietly, his eyes… refusing to look at the bed. "But… there's always a reason for it."

"What? So I can run my parents into the ground?" Nick spat. "So I can give them one more reason to hate the life they were given? Or waste even more money?"

Jeff tried to kiss his temple, but he pushed him back.

"Hon, don't. My family… my story… it doesn't end well. Get out while you can. Both of you."

There was a sharp intake of breath from both other members in the room – Nick could even feel Jeff's chest moving in shock – and he knew he'd gone a little too far. "Nick… You're not honestly trying to break up with me in the ER, are you?"

"No. No." Nick shook his head furiously, ignoring the feeling that his head had turned into a washing machine and all its fluids were splashing and spinning around. "No, I'm not. I – "

"Feel like melting crap," Wes cut in before he could apologise. "It's okay. I'm glad you got it out."

"Jeff, I'm – "

"My very sick boyfriend. Who is ridiculously stressed. And should probably be asleep."

"I don't deserve you. Either of you."

"And I love you too," Jeff said, pinching Nick's chin to keep his mouth shut. He raised a warm hand to brush over his cheek as he slowly turned his head inwards, to face him. Then slowly, carefully, he pushed himself forwards, his breath ghosting over every inch of skin on Nick's clammy face, shooting fire and ice and crackles of electricity as he pulled him in for a soft kiss.

And he remembered. The only other thing he could be certain of in this godforsaken place… That he had Jeff.

He slipped himself back down, body molding itself against Jeff's like coffee molds to dry sand. Even amongst all the uncertainty, the floating, he had his Aussie to anchor him in reality.

But, of course… the hospital had other plans for him, and in came the nurse – with Pedy directly behind. They didn't even bat an eye at the two boys in the bed, just dropped down on a stool next to him.

"Bloods are back!" The nurse announced with a rather grating sort of cheer, setting his clipboard down at the edge of the bed and taking away the bag resting in Nick's lap. "Before we can tell you anything though, there's a few questions I have to ask. Is that alright?"

Nick nodded.

"Are you vegetarian? I understand you're at boarding school – unless there are any peculiar eating habits I should be aware of…"

Wes rolled his eyes. "He eats. Everything."

"Nick?" The nurse looked at him. "You eat all your meat and veg?"

He nodded. "I… don't always eat much, but I have enough. Especially meat and vegetables."

"Okay. Okay…" The nurse paused. "That'll help the docs. Your iron is… very low. And there's a couple of other vitamin deficiencies we picked up on. But if you eat normally, they'll start looking at more intestinal things I suppose… and the doctors will have more questions about that later."

Nick nodded again and yawned. More questions. And the one tiny answer they'd gotten just opened up a whole lot more doors… Just once, he wanted to close the door, lock it with a key, and turn around and never look back and wonder how the room evolved without him.

His yawn didn't escape the nurse though. "How's your stomach feeling?"

Nick shrugged. It had settled for the time being – he wasn't at the dry-retching stage – but there was no way he wanted to go near anything like food for a long time.

"I think due to the dehydration and your blood pressure… and the fact you aren't tolerating anything… we can get you some Maxalon. It'll stop you vomiting, but it'll probably put you to sleep. Is that alright?"

"Anything to make him feel better," Jeff said, voice vibrating right into Nick's own chest, and Nick nodded in agreement. "Please."

"Lucky I came prepared then." The nurse took out a syringe, pushing it straight into Nick's IV port. "Rest up, and we'll let you know if we discover anything else." Then he turned and walked out, Pedy trailing like a puppy that's just found its mother.

Almost immediately, Nick's body started to feel warm, his limbs turning to lead while his head floated up to the ceiling. The last he could remember was the disembodied voice of Jeff singing, "Don't carry the world upon your shoulders…"

Howdy!

So, my profuse apologies for how long this has taken to be updated! I went straight from uni and exams to working an average of 5-6 days a week... and then I went up to Sydney. I've been writing tiny snippets of this where possible, but it's been really difficult to just sit down and get this out... I'm not entirely happy with htis, but I needed to get the update up, and we can keep moving on!

So thank you all so much for your patience in baring with me. It really means the world to me that anyone would read this! Thanks especially to Emserai, whitecollar18, AlicexWonderland, perfectlyODD, chelseainexile, Sarah, Eraman and Pen Magic! The reviews are so helpful - you guys remind me to keep writing, keep slogging away at something, and I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate them all!

So I have to rush off - I'm ticking away at my bucket list tonight, by seeing Sarah Blasko at the Sydney Opera HOuse! So verrrrry exciting - but I do need to go!

Like it? Hate it? Want me to fall off the Harbour Bridge? Please let me know!

Keep smiling! :D