Author's note: Thank you for the reviews and to those sticking by the story still! I really appreciate it :)
Who's seen the movie?! I saw it the first day it came out, then again two days later, and it was just amazing. It was perfect!
Hope you like this chapter, please read and review. I actually wrote the chapter a few days ago but just before I saved it my computer crashed and I had to turn it off and on again and it deleted all my work :( Then I had a few busy days getting stuff ready for going back to college so I didn't have the time to update so I'm sorry it took longer than a week like I said.
Also, I know the first half of this chapter has a lot of description in it more than anything else but I really feel like I need to set the scenery of the house. xo
The last few days of the week passed quickly which made Alec happy. As much as he loved lounging around the apartment, making out with Magnus when they had moments neither of them were working, he had been so looking forward to the day they finally went away together. He didn't understand why Magnus didn't seem quite as happy as he did about it even though it had been his idea, but he was sure that would change once they were alone with no Max and no priorities other than each other.
They spent the car ride out into the countryside in a comfortable setting. The radio was on with Magnus singing along as he drove and Alec was curled up in the front passenger seat reading a book. Every now and then they would look over at each other and smile, and every time they did Alec got butterflies in his stomach. It seemed too good to be real, this relationship he had with Magnus. He didn't know first-hand what they used to be like together but he was sure it couldn't have been as perfect as this was.
When the car finally turned onto the gravel driveway of the house, Alec marked his page in the book and closed it, looking out of the window at the house. He was awed by the sight. The last time he remembered being here was five years ago when his family and Magnus' family took a break there during the school holidays. He remembered the house as being huge with four floors, the windows dirty and almost impossible to see through. The bricks were crumbling to the point where the house was nearly falling apart and thick, dark green moss covered half of the walls. The white paint on the window ledges and the front door had been peeling, dirty and covered in spider webs. He remembered the back garden as only having a table and chairs and the swimming pool. In the area around the house were hills and more hills, and across a few of the fields to the right of the house there was the woods.
But it no longer looked like that.
Oh, the scenery was the same, sure. The hills remained unchanged and the woods looked exactly the same, the grass on the fields just a little bit longer than it had used to be. He couldn't see the back garden yet of course, but if the area surrounding the front of the house was anything to go by, he was expecting a lot. The front of the house was surrounded by beautiful flowers of all kinds, including three rose bushes, the petals of all the flowers bright and colourful. Alec spotted a butterfly flitting about between the plants and even saw a few bees and wasps collecting pollen. And beyond the flowers was the house... Which was magnificent.
Gone were the ugly moss and the dark crumbling bricks. Gone were the dirty shadows that were windows. The house had been restored and it was wonderful. The brickwork looked mostly all the same except it had been tidied up and straightened back into place, painted a sweet cream colour. The moss was replaced by well-kept vines that grew pretty pink flowers. The front door had been repainted a dark blue colour that matched the window ledges of the brand new windows that were sparkling clean.
Alec turned in his seat to look at Magnus, finding Magnus looking back at him with a smile on his face. "How did- I mean, who even-" He started, unable to find the right words to ask what he wanted to know because he was still so shocked from the development of the house.
Magnus understood what he was trying to ask however and gave a light chuckle before he answered. "Well when we bought the house and started coming here regularly, we decided that the house needed a bit of TLC. So we hired some guys, planted some flowers, had a perfect shared image in our mind of what we wanted the end result to look like. Remember that village about half an hour away? Well there's a woman there that gets paid to look after people's houses when they're away, makes sure they're clean and the plants are well-kept. We pay her to come up here every week or two that we're not here so it'll be in perfect condition when we do come here."
"We must have put a lot of money into it," Alec commented. "Some people would call us stupid seeing as this is just a holiday home for us."
Magnus paused for a moment as if deciding whether or not to tell Alec the truth. It seemed he decided that yes, telling the truth was the right thing to do. "We were planning to one day make it a permanent home," he admitted. "We were going to keep the apartment in the city in case I was working late at the studio or you had meetings with your agent early in the morning. But we were going to have the house as our main home and just make the hour and a half long drive every morning. It just always felt more... Fairytale-like. More like a home we could settle down in and enjoy our retirement together in the long-away future. It was a nice, quiet place for you to write and you always seemed more inspired when we were here. We even talked a few times about maybe looking into adoption, saying that this house was a way better place to raise our children in. We had it all planned out, so we obviously had to make sure the house was exactly as we both wanted it, no matter how much it cost, right?"
Alec could only nod in response. He really wasn't sure what to say. It did sound like the perfect life to him. He hadn't even been aware that he and Magnus had wanted to adopt one or more children some day. Alec himself had never particularly wanted children but he remembered Magnus constantly mentioning when he was younger that he always wanted to be a dad, so he was guessing Magnus had talked him into the idea. Honestly though, even now he didn't have any issues with the idea because the way he saw it was this: if he was indeed going to have children one day, Magnus would be the only person he'd want his own little family with. He knew that it would be a few more years before they entertained the idea seriously and he was glad of that since he didn't quite know what else to think about it.
Magnus cleared his throat to break the suddenly slight awkward silence in the car. "Anyway. Do you want to see inside? We changed that up a bit too."
Alec nodded again and got out of the car before following Magnus into the house. Magnus hadn't been lying about the inside being changed. As Magnus showed him around, he quickly picked up that they had redecorated every room. They had gotten rid of the old-fashioned décor and the whole house now had the same theme: bright, welcoming colours – mostly white or cream – with antiques around the room that still somehow fit in with the modern furniture and technology. The library was by far Alec's favourite in the house. The dark and dusty old shelves were gone, the shelves now being a light pine wood perfectly dusted. Books crammed every space possible with an actual display near one of the windows that showed off the books Alec had written.
They had however kept a few things the same. For a few examples, the marble staircase they'd slid down as children, amusing themselves for hours on end and the empty cupboard under the stairs they'd once hid in for an entire day.
The attic – which Alec distinctly remembered as being dark, full of spiders and God knows what else, and plain creepy which is probably why they'd always said it was haunted – was like an entirely different room now. They had changed it into a lounge area with beanbags and sofas and chairs, a large TV with a few games consoles. One corner of the room had a desk with a comfy-looking chair that faced towards a large window where you can see outside and towards the woods, which Magnus informed him was where he wrote, sometimes even staying there for the entire day. And on the other side of the room, past the lounge area, was a smallish dance floor where Magnus could work on choreography for the studio. It was obvious that Alec had allowed Magnus full control of decorating this room: the walls were painted in bright splashes of colour, the sofa had sequinned cushions and it was just a lot different to how Alec would have it look. But Alec loved it.
Later that evening, after spending the day in the pool and simply enjoying being in their house and spending time together, they sat in the lounge area of the attic, squashed onto a bright red beanbag together. They weren't watching TV or listening to music, they were simply relaxing in the quiet room. It had been kind of an awkward fit on the beanbag at first but once they'd got comfy and each had an arm around the other, they were perfectly content with staying there for a while.
Alec asked, "don't you think it's bizarre that our relationship is like this? So... Strong, I mean. After all that happened in high school and now the car accident, most people would have given up because the challenge to keep going was too hard for them. But we're still together and I think that's amazing. I think it's mostly because of you. Because you stayed by my side and refused to give up on us."
He saw Magnus gulp before he smiled crookedly. "I won't ever give up on us. No matter what happens. Even if you leave me, I won't give up. I'll step back and leave you alone if you wanted me to, but I'd still hope that we'd get back together again."
"You're saying that as if you're expecting to split up soon," Alec pointed out, a frown marring his face.
"No, no. I just... It's always a possibility, isn't it? With every couple. I don't want to talk about this," he added, sounding way over-defensive and strict. "Let's think of our plans for this week. What do you want to do? I'm not letting you go off in your corner and write, it has to be all about us two spending time together."
Alec laughed. "Just relax, I guess. We could go on hikes over the hills, swim in the pool, watch some movies. We could go down to the village for a bit and look around. We definitely have to go the lake," he smiled fondly at the memory that came to his mind. "The one with the waterfall and the cave where we had our first kiss, do you remember it?"
Magnus rolled his eyes. "Of course I do, don't be silly. We'll definitely go there."
Alec smiled in return and leant in, pressing his lips against Magnus' in a desperate and passionate kiss.
As Magnus laid in bed that night holding a sleeping Alec in his arms, he was overcome with the joy of what had just happened between them: they'd had sex for the first time since the car accident. So for Alec, it had felt like his first time ever. But it had been so much different compared to their actual first time. Back then, Alec had been a nervous, shaking wreck and had insisted that Magnus go slow- as first times went, it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it had still been awkward and not as special as most people made it out to be. Magnus had been in charge although he hadn't pressured Alec into anything.
This time however, Alec had made the first move and was confident with himself and with being intimate with Magnus. He hadn't looked nervous at all apart from a small tremble of fear after they'd both entirely stripped themselves of their clothes. And this time it had been special. They'd caressed each other, loved each other; their bodies remembered each other and fit together perfectly.
But now after all of that, Magnus felt guilty. He felt as if he had taken advantage of Alec. A part of him was chastising him, telling him that he shouldn't have had sex with Alec when he knew for a fact that by the end of the week they would most likely be separated and it wasn't fair on Alec to remember that his 'first time' was with somebody whom he split up with a week later.
Yet another part of Magnus told him that it was the right thing to do. He loved Alec and he'd proved that and vice versa. It was a good memory to keep once they'd gone their separate ways. It was like a goodbye to each other, even if Alec wasn't aware of that. Not yet, anyway.
As he looked down at Alec's peaceful face, his mind drifted to the night before the accident...
Alec picked up his gym bag and left the room, leaving Magnus fuming from the argument. How dare Alec suggest they take a break from the relationship?! They might as well just say they were finished, done with, and that's exactly what Magnus had told his boyfriend. When he heard the front door open and slam shut however, Magnus couldn't believe that he had said that. In no way at all did he want them to split up, that was an absurd notion and he shivered at the thought of living without his Alexander.
Regretting his words greatly, he rushed to the front door and swung it open, stepping outside and looking to his left. There was Alec, walking slowly down the corridor with his head down and shoulders slumped, his back to Magnus.
"Alec, wait!" Magnus called out to him. Alec stopped but didn't turn around. That hurt Magnus' feelings even more but at least he knew that Alec was listening and wasn't too eager to get away. "I didn't mean that. Please don't let this be the end of us, I am begging you. Baby. Please. Don't leave me."
Alec turned around and looked across the corridor at him. He looked miserable. He had a grim expression on his face, tears streaming down his face and his bottom lip quivering. He shrugged as he said, "I don't know what's right for us anymore. I don't know what we should do. It's got to the point where I'm doubting our future together and that kills me, Magnus." He paused. Sighed. "I'm going to stay at Jace's tonight. I'll... I might come back tomorrow so we can talk about this. I just need time."
Magnus was speechless. Inside his chest, it felt like his heart was shattering into a million pieces as Alec turned again and walked away, stepping into the elevator. The doors slid shut and Alec disappeared from view.
Crying, Magnus went back into the apartment and shut the door behind him, feeling numb. He was suddenly overcome with the feeling that for some reason, this was the last time he would ever see his Alec again. And that made him break down.
He slid down to the floor, resting his back against the door as he sobbed and screamed and shouted and pulled at his hair and cursed at himself and cried out Alec's name even though he knew he couldn't hear him. How long he stayed sat there like that he didn't know and he didn't care. He was stuck in a nightmare and there was no way out.
After a long time he had finally managed to compose himself just a little bit, enough that he had stopped screaming and tugging at his hair, enough so that he managed to bring himself to his feet and walk into the living room. The uncountable amount of candles lit around the room and the red rose petals scattered everywhere were still there, still romantic and perfect. Only now to Magnus it didn't feel perfect, it felt like they were there to torture him. On the other side of the room, the velvet box containing the two rings laid on the floor, sad and lonely.
Magnus continued sobbing loudly, his shirt front soaked in the tears that endlessly continued streaming down his face, but he didn't care. He went around the room, blowing out all of the candles. He left everything where it was. He couldn't stand cleaning it all up; all the effort he'd put into the room had been wasted and that was almost too much to deal with on top of everything else.
He grabbed his phone off the coffee table. Ten times he dialled Alec's number. And ten times it rang and rang and rang until it eventually went to the answering machine. He gave up for the moment, knowing that he'd find himself dialling the number over and over again for the rest of the night. Knowing that Alec wouldn't answer once. Instead he dialled Jem's number. Jem lived in America now but he had been over in London for the past few weeks to visit family and old friends, including Magnus.
Magnus hadn't been expecting Jem to answer after all that had happened but miraculously he did. "Hello? Magnus? Are you there?"
"Yeah," Magnus managed to say through the lump in his throat. "Jem..."
"What is it?" His friend asked gently. "If this is about the other night, forget about it. I already have. You were emotional, I understand that and I don't want it get in the way of our friendship."
"Thank you," he gulped. "I really am sorry, Jem. But that's not why I called. It's Alec. He... We finally talked, kind of, about what happened."
"Well that's good," he replied encouragingly. "It's better than you both ignoring each other."
"No. Jem, he left me. Alec's left me," he said, the words punctuated by the sob that followed.
"Oh. Magnus, I'm so sorry... Maybe this is for the best though. You were both hurting and you kept on making each other feel even worse. I know you love him, Mags. But sometimes things fall apart and you just have to get over it and move on. That's not what you want to hear, I know but... Think of what he did to you. Do you really think you could forgive him for that?"
"Yes!" He almost shouted. "Just shut up, Jem. We're not meant to apart. I love him and I want to marry him, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just wish there was some way we could both forget all of this ever happened, some way we could have a second chance. I swear I'd never make him feel worthless and unloved again. God, it's not fair... Why did he leave me? Why did he give up on us? It's not fair," he repeated.
"It's not, you're right," Jem agreed with him. "Neither of you deserved for any of this to happen. But it did. Do you want me to come over again so you're not on your own?"
Magnus nearly said yes but instead he shook his head. "No. Not after the last time, no. I'm sorry. I don't even know why I called you. Besides I have to be up early tomorrow, there's a lot planned at work tomorrow."
"You're still going to work?" Jem sounded shocked.
"Of course. I can't let my students down, I have to do my job. Besides, it might help take my mind off Alexander. He said he might come back this evening so we can talk properly... He has to show up, he just has to. He will. I know he will."
But he didn't.
In the present, Magnus sighed quietly. He ran his fingers through Alec's hair and kissed the top of his head. He didn't want to experience the pain of Alec leaving him. Not again. But the only way for that to happen was if Alec was somehow completely forgiven or if he just didn't tell him anything. But Magnus knew that he couldn't hide the truth from Alec forever. He'd either find out some other way or his memories would come back and he'd remember everything. He'd remember how he thought it was a good idea for them to not be together anymore and he'd still feel that way now.
He pulled Alec in closer to him and closed his eyes. For now, Alec was with him and they were in love. They were happy. That's how it was and that's all he should focus on. Alec was still with him.
For now, a voice at the back of his mind whispered tauntingly. He's still with you for now. Don't think it's going last. It's just for now.