Author's note: In this story there is a divergence in the DCAU, specifically the night Circe appeared, in the DCAU Bruce was suppose to meet a friend for lunch, but he cancelled at the last minute, in my fic he went to see him, then went for the Intergang stake out with Wonder woman.

Chapter one: Love is a battlefield.

Iceberg Lounge, Gotham city.

Bruce was making his way through the lounge to his table to meet his friend, usually in a place as big as this it was very hard, but to find this particular acquaintance one need only look for a flock of about ten attractive blond women.

"Hey Bruce over here!" the voice of his friend was heard and Bruce made his way to the table.

"I see that you've only brought four of your girlfriends this time Hugh, slow night?" Bruce asked his friend Hugh Hefner.

"Sasha and Camille are studying for some PhD exam and the others are helping them out, we left so they could study in piece" the Playboy owner replied, just then he saw that there seem to be something wrong with him so he turned to his girlfriends and said.

"Hey girl why don't you go and taste some of the sample food at the bar so we know what is good to order OK?" and they left after each giving him a peck on the cheek.

"Alright who is she, what has she done and what do you want to do about it?" Hugh suddenly asked Bruce a look of seriousness on your face.

"What?" Bruce suddenly asked panicked and confused.

"Bruce please don't try that fake innocence with me, or have you forgotten that it was me who years ago trained you into the art or romancing the ladies, I know from just seeing your face that you are having trouble with the ladies" Hugh told him.

"We'll it's…..complicated…." Bruce said to him, there was no point in trying to hide it, Hugh was in a weird way one of his father figures.

"Bruce its women we are talking about, of course its complicated, so why don't you tell me about your situation and maybe I can help"

"Well she's attractive, intelligence, athletic, fun to be with and despite the fact that the two of us seem to be the opposite of each other, we are quite compatible, we are so compatible that it scares me" Bruce replied.

"And?" Hugh said and motioned for him to continue.

"Well she's a business partner"

"Just how important of a business partner?"

"She's so high on the top that you could say she flies over it" Bruce replied.

"You make it sound that if things go bad with her the whole world could be attacked by a horde of sword and shield barbarians of something like that" Hugh said with a chuckle.

"You're not just whistling Dixie there pal" Bruce thought o himself with a nervous chuckle.

"And you are afraid to get into a relationship with her because of that?"

"Yes but unfortunately there is this growing chemistry between us and she is showing the signs so I am afraid that I can't avoid it for long "Bruce replied.

Bruce then took a glass of water from the table and he started sipping from it, he was convinced that like Alfred and Lucius Hugh would advise him to risk it all for the benefit of a relationship.

"So here's how you dump" Hugh said suddenly which caused Bruce to choke on his water.

"What?" he replied as he coughed to regain air.

"I said here's how you dump her, first of all let me ask you how have you been approaching the problem?"

"With logic and reason of course" Bruce said to him.

"And that's your problem, you are approaching things logically when women are the most illogical creators on the planet, men have tried their whole lives to understand women, he'll look at men, I've been married twice, have daughters and I've slept with enough women to make the phrase 'she's one in a million' not an expression, but even I don't understand them I can get in their pants faster than a speeding bullet, and with more power than a locomotive, but to leap the tall building which is 'understanding women' is not possible for me" Hugh said to him.

"So from what you told me, you want her to see you're reasoning that it would not work if you started to date right?"

"Yes, that's correct" Bruce replied.

"So this is what you do" Hugh said to him and laid out step by step what to do.

After he was finished Bruce got up from the table and left, he needed time to prepare himself for patrol.

As he left the girls returned.

"Where's Bruce?" one of them asked.

"He had to leave unfortunately" and a small vine of disappointment was heard from the girls.

"He Hughie in addition to the samples they also gave us this cool whistle for the penguins to hear if we want to feed them, would you like to blow my whistle honey?" one girl asked him.

"Trust me Dixie my dear, I would like nothing more than to blow you" Hugh replied with a chuckle, the dirtiness of the joke was not lost to the girls and they also laughed.

Rooftops outside the iceberg lounge.

"Patience Princess, Intergang moves in mysterious ways" Batman said to Wonder woman who was getting restless

"Tell me about it, what would Intergang want with the Rosetta stone?"

"We'll know soon enough. In the meantime..."

"I know, patience!"

Diana sat down on the parapet on the roof, resting her head on the concrete gargoyle in front of her.

"Don't you ever wish you were down there?"

"I'm down there all I need to be."

"Yes, but it's just a job to you...I'm talking about going down there and having some fun. Maybe...maybe with someone special." She said huskily, attempting the role of coquette for the first time in her life.

At first Bruce was going to give her reasons but then the conversation with Hugh came to his mind.

"The moment she gives indication that she wants more from you, you have the following to consider

1 Telling a woman that you just be friends is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline, so don't do it.

2 You're a playboy who screws every brain dead breast monster you can find, so saying the infamous just be friends to her is like telling her an attractive, intelligence woman is less than a bimbo, so it's like adding napalm to the gasoline.

So in order to avoid this you have to switch from gasoline to Diesel.

"Alright, when would you have in mind?" Bruce said to her.

"No, no dating for the Batman, it might cut into you're…wait what did you say?" Diana replied as his answer suddenly registered and she was a little in shock.

"Switch from gasoline to diesel?"

"I know, I know it sounds more cooler than it is practical, but this is what you do, instead of saying no you say yes, and then my friend is step one, this is what you do for step two.

"Well how about after the mission is done? Dianna asked him.

After asking her when she is free for a date, refuse at least 3 or 4 of them, that will implant the thought in her mind that you're schedule is incompatible with hers.

"This missions time frame is has no estimate so it wouldn't be practical" he replied.

"How about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow's Tuesday I have to go over the files in the bat computer"

"Wednesday?" I have a board meeting.

"Thursday and Friday are a no show for me, what about Saturday?" she asked.

"That's when I recover on my sleeping" Bruce replied and in regards to that statement it was the truth, the rest he made up but he now intended to do, so they were no longer lies.

"Sleep?" Dianna said with a soft and sweet giggle "The Batman actually sleeps? Whatever devastating revelations will I discover now? There is no Santa, that Neil Patrick Harris is actually gay?" Dianna added and she intended them as a joke.

"I' stay up until 4 am and I get home at about 5, I go to bet and about 6 and I wake up and 12, six hours a sleeps is impossible for a the human body so in order to avoid my health deteriorating I have to make up for it"

Step three show her that her image of you is misconceived, that theirs things bout you she doesn't know, that will make her doubt just how well she knows you.

"I'm sorry if I offended you, what you did was good humor Bruce, you should by some with all the money you have" she replied.

"Maybe later, I'm free Sunday evening, but if we are going on a date, I'd request you wear a disguise, since in order to protect Bruce Wayne from Batman and to preserve your reputation since my public self doesn't have a very good one" he replied

Step four ask her to go and were a little disguise, and give good reasons for it, for you see despite the reasons seeming to be logical and also necessary, it will make her think that one you don't want to be seen with her, which is a big no no in terms of a relationship an if she refuses to do so it means she's not serious about wanting to get serious.

"Alright, I understand and respect the fact that you put a great deal into your disguises, where would you like to meet?" she asked but was cut off by the sound of the alarm going off.

*Events of This little Piggy*

A few days later, Sunday evening.

Bruce was in the one of the many high-class restaurants in Gotham waiting for Dianna to come for their date, as he sat their he felt her presence behind him, he turned around and if he had water in his mouth he would have spitted it out, Diana was dresses in a black business suite, she had black denier stockings on her legs, she wore black high hells, on her head was a small hat with a little wail which covered her eyes, she had sunglasses on and she had a cigarette holder with one in it in her right hand, and in her left was a golden skin muff, the sight was in one word breathtaking.

"I believe you were expecting me Mister Wayne, and by the way it's not polite to keep your mouth open at a lady" Dianna said in a sexy and husky voice.

Bruce closed his mouth and shook his head slightly; this made Dianna give a small chuckle.

"I know I said a disguise, but isn't the cigar holder and the muff a bit much?" he asked her.

"The muff is for my this" she said and showed that in it the golden lasso was hidden.

"You brought your weapons on a date?" Bruce asked her as he raised his eye brown

"Like you don't have the Batsuit underneath you're tux" she replied with an equal raise of her own brown.

"Touché, but what about the holder?" he asked.

"Well I was against it, but the girls said it out complement the disguise, since no one would think that wonder woman smoked" she replied.

"Wait the girls? Which girls?" Bruce asked as a tingling feeling of nervousness crept up his spine.

"The other girls in the league" Dianna replied as he thought it was obvious.

"Shayera, Zatanna, Dinah, Helena, Beatriz, Tora, Courtney, Mari..."

She went on to list almost every girl in the league, a few of the maintenance crew, and is that wasn't enough she also said that Audrey had flown in to help her.

After she finished telling him about their help, the waiter came and they both ordered they're meals.

Despite himself Bruce was having a good time, he always had a good time with Dianna, whether on missions, briefings or investigations, the fact that she also was a girl with an appetite was refreshing, especially when compared to the models and actresses he was sometimes wine and dinned to preserve his playboy façade.

As the evening went on Bruce remembered the final piece of Hugh's instructions.

Tell somebody to call you after 40 minutes or so into the date, and then leave the date telling her that you have business to attend to, this will give her the thought that she is second place in your life to work and that is why most relationships and marriages fail, this my young apprentice is the 'relationship end but stay a friend'.

This has been past down from generation to generation, it has stopped wars, prevented diseases and created great scientific minds, by helping them avoid the great chaos that is the woman, use this cycle a few times and it should work.

As Bruce stole a quick look at his watch he saw that Alfred's call would come in any minute, he braced himself for what was to come.

*Ring*Ring*Ring*

The phone rang, but it wasn't his phone, but it was Dianna's.

"Yes, yes I know I said I would be there and I will" Dianna said as she hung the phone.

"Trouble?" he asked.

"In a manner of speaking, you see ever since I returned from Erebus with Hawkgirl my mother decided it would be a good idea to open an embassy to man's world, and I'm the official Themysciran ambassador, and tonight we have started furnishing our embassy and paperwork needs to be done" Dianna said with a slight hint of sadness in her voice as she got up from the table

She went over to Bruce gave him a peck on the check and said: "I'm sorry but duty calls" and then left.

A few moments after he left and Bruce was continuing him meal, realization hit him, like a dam starting to crack.

"Waite a minute I just got left on a date!" he thought to himself.

"So this is what all does girls felt like…..whoa….i'm a total jerk" he added as he thought of all the slaps, wine in the face and kicks in the shin he received from the women he scorned over the years and came to the conclusion that he deserved more, and if that wasn't enough the flood gates cracked open and the water started pouring out.

"I've just started dating Wonder woman for crying out loud!" panic gripped him as he now realized that he now couldn't just go and tell her that they had to call it off because their jobs won't allow it because he said yes to the relationship, the ball was now in her court.

"Maybe God really is a woman…" He thought to himself as his phone rang, signaling that it was Alfred, he asked him to get the car ready since the date was over.

In the car Alfred asked him about the date and Bruce for once told him exactly what has happened.

As he lay there in the back seat he realized the following.

It had finally happened, he had lost his mind, it was the only logical conclusion since why else would he enter into a relationship with a colleague when his track record wasn't quite so stellar, and the one who did it wasn't the joker, penguin, two-face, poison ivy, killer crock, mad hatter, scarecrow, Ra's Al Ghul or any other foe, no, the one who accomplished this, the evil mastermind which finally broke the bat , the person responsible for his downfall was….Hugh Heffner.

Authors note: Read and review, let me know if I should continue.