Disclaimer: I don't own Maria-sama ga Miteru ^_^ ;p

She came upon it by chance, during a passion filled moment she had unconsciously scratched Sachiko's back, running her nails across it and the other had noticeably flinched before her hands came up to catch smaller ones. Yumi barely registered how Sachiko had gasped before she cried out against her shoulder, lost in sensation again.

And then there was only the pleasure inside of her, around her, all over her, until all she could do was cry out Sachiko's name in answer to her calls for her, the moment stretching out into indescribable bliss.

But later, as the moon crept along the sky, and she was safely cradled in her arms, Yumi would remember the look of pain that flashed across Sachiko's face and think about it.

What had caused that strange moment?

Waking up a little, Yumi blinked, registering the body next to hers, the sheets and blankets pulled up to warm them both in the slightly cool atmosphere of the room.

Gently moving the slender arm that was thrown across her shoulder, Yumi blushed as she remembered how those same arms had held her still after Sachiko had done indescribable things that made her shudder a little even in recollection. She sat up fully and turned to look at her.

The moonlight illuminated her form and Yumi gently touched her face, astounded by the strength of her love.

The recollection of the pained gasp came back to her and she pushed away the urge to wake her and make love with her again. Moving slowly, knowing that even in sleep Sachiko was very instinctual and would wake at the slightest inclination that something was amiss, Yumi crept off the bed. She quickly donned a shirt that they had thrown carelessly onto the floor earlier, moved to the other side of the bed and reached for the blanket that covered her girlfriend's still sleeping form.

She had to know.

Climbing back into bed, this time behind her, she laid down and looked at the bare back, her fingers gently touching the bare expanse. The older girl mumbled a bit in her sleep and she kissed her shoulder and whispered in her ear that she should keep sleeping and that everything was all right. She must be exhausted, Yumi mused with a slight smile, for she slept on. Most nights she would have woken. Not that she ever stayed up like this and watched her; usually she would sleep contentedly until daybreak not wanting to leave the comfort of Sachiko's warmth.

But not tonight.

Pushing the blankets down, and gently drawing her finger down to the lower back, she found it. It was slightly long, and surprisingly small. But there it was.

The scar.

Yumi sucked in her breath, the remembrance bringing a strange achy pain to her body. She remembered that day, that fateful day in the amusement park when Sachiko had reached her hand out to her and she had moved to take it. And then that man had appeared out of nowhere and he had…

Narrowing her eyes, Yumi fisted her hand against the blanket.

He had stabbed Sachiko.

It had been without a doubt the second worst moment of her life. There had been so much blood. Everyone had just stared in shock and she...

She had heard her heart pounding in her ears and could see only her beloved dying on the street. Everything had narrowed down then, her world becoming focused on one thing and one thing only.

Protecting Sachiko.

She had pulled her upwards and had carried her, as far as she could until Suguru and Yuuki could break free of the crowd to help her. And then they had gone to the hospital where she encountered what was the worst moment of her life so far.

The moment when Sachiko had almost died.

Covering her mouth with her hand, the long sleeves of her shirt muffling her quiet sobs, Yumi recalled what had happened.

Suguru's startled shout, another one of those tunnel vision moments, everything focusing on the fact that she might lose Sachiko. That she might die and leave her alone there.

That this moment might be their eternal goodbye.

Yumi sobbed again, the remembrance becoming unbearable.

Her fists pounding on the cold, hard glass, the doctors milling around, watching and hearing that heart monitor sounding slower and slower, each beep measuring out the seconds she had left to live.

Her angry shout at her that she would never ever forgive her if she died, her voice almost unrecognizable to her in that hazily focused world where she could see only her, hooked up to machines, Sachiko's face growing paler and paler.

In that horrible moment, separated behind that wall of glass, unable to do anything at all, Yumi had felt like she was falling into hell. And if she had fallen into that hell, Sachiko wouldn't be following her there like she had always said she would because she would be…

She couldn't even imagine it, then and now.

She closed her eyes, trying hard not to cry louder. She didn't want the sleeping girl to wake, if she did, she wouldn't know how to explain it. She just needed to cry. Placing her palm gently against the scar, Yumi wished she could take it away and that she might never relive that experience again.

Yumi leaned her face against her back, smelling the distinctive scent that only she knew having been this close to Sachiko and tried her hardest to calm down. It didn't work. She kept weeping, the same realization bringing her pain.

She could have lost her.

She knew that if Sachiko left her, a large part of her would die too.

The tears rolled down her face and she sobbed again, not noticing when the smooth skin she was leaning her face against moved, and only realizing when she felt lips kissing her face and pulling her up so that she could cry into her chest. Sachiko rested her chin on her head, her fingers gently combing through soft brown hair.

She heard the older girl's sleepy voice, muffled slightly.

"Yumi. Why are you awake?" she questioned, gently kissing her.

Thinking of how she loves Sachiko just made Yumi cry harder. She didn't want to lose her.

When she didn't answer, and wept harder, Sachiko moved away from her a little and pulled Yumi's hands up so that she could kiss her fingers.

"Stop doing this, you're going to hurt yourself." she ordered, noting how her nails had bit into her palms.

When the younger girl didn't comply, Sachiko pulled away even more to look at her, noticing how she still cried; her eyes closed, the tears soaking into the pillow underneath them.

What on earth had made her cry? she wondered, thinking about what they had done earlier in the night.

Quizzically, Sachiko recalled their passionate embraces.

"Yumi." Feeling concerned, she shook her shoulder a little, trying to get her attention.

Did I hurt her? Blue eyes widening at the thought that she might have hurt Yumi and thinking she might have been a little too caught up to notice her needs, she shook Yumi again.

Yumi continued to cry. It must have been bad, Sachiko thought, her mind still flipping back over the experience. She had kissed her in various places and bitten her. Maybe it had hurt.

Cursing herself in her mind, she pulled back the covers a little, and examined her neckline that was barely covered by the shirt, looking for scars or bleeding. She knew she sometimes got carried away, but Yumi always seemed to likeit and she had never cried like this before.

"What's wrong?"

No answer, just little sobs that were starting to hurt her heart. She hated it when Yumi wept like this, like her world was breaking apart. What on earth had happened?

What have I done?

Did I forget to ask her if she wanted to make love the second time? Or, and here she felt a little chagrined, the third time? But they hadn't seen each other in weeks. Did she thrust too hard in her eagerness? Yumi had cried out repeatedly, had she cried out in pain?

Completely confused, Sachiko did the only thing she could think of doing to distract her.

She kissed her, the taste of tears making her ache inside, her sobs stilling for a moment as she kissed back, only to begin anew as Sachiko pulled away. Horrified, the heiress deduced that she must have hurt her during that third time and worried for her, spoke.

"Where did I hurt you?" Sachiko demanded, now pulling back the sheet and sitting up so that she could inspect her body. She had never been so furious at herself before. Reaching for the hem of the shirt Yumi wore, she pulled it back to inspect her soft thigh, squinting in the moonlight.

She had said once that she would never forgive anyone who hurt Yumi and meant it. If she was that person, then she would never forgive herself.

Looking back up at her face, Sachiko said imploringly

"Yumi, I won't do that again, whatever it was. You don't have to cry anymore. Just tell me where I hurt you. We don't have to make love anymore if you don't want to. I won't hurt you again."

Yumi opened her eyes that were still filled with tears and replied.

"You almost died."

Somehow, the reply did not match the question and Sachiko wondered if she had heard correctly.

"WHAT?" She exclaimed, feeling totally unnerved.

She did not almost die. It might have seemed like she was dying, what with all the roaring of her name and the gasping, but really, they had done this before and she had never thought she might die those times.

"Yumi, I am not going to die just because we make love. Now tell me where I hurt you. It must be bad, you are crying a lot."

"No, no. You don't understand."She said tearfully looking up at her. "Almost died."

Looking baffled, Sachiko considered her answer. Did she almost die? She had never heard of killing someone with passion although what if it could happen? She loved her so much. What the hell was going on?

"Yumi, we aren't going to make love anymore. I am not going to do something that could possibly hurt you or kill you." Getting out of bed, Sachiko walked over to the nearby dresser and pulling out an underwear, putting them on.

Sitting up, Yumi blinked a little, registering what the older girl had just said.

'We aren't going to make love anymore. I am not going to do something that could possibly hurt you or kill you.'

What on earth?

Looking at her, now wide eyed and not tearful, Yumi echoed her earlier question.

"WHAT?"

When Sachiko just looked away, hesitating and gripping the dresser drawer, Yumi pressed on, feeling bewildered.

"Sachiko, what are you talking about?"

Sachiko ran nervous fingers through her hair, and moved to sit on the bed next to her, looking down in shame.

"I know I hurt you and I think it was during that third time. If you think I almost killed you, then we have to stop because I don't want to kill you. I don't even want to hurt you and if I did then…" she fisted her hands in the blanket, her head still bowed. "Then I should leave now."

Leave? Yumi looked at her, completely perplexed. Sachiko was talking about almost killing her. She didn't almost kill her, and that third time…

Blushing, Yumi recalled that she had urged her on, imploring her not to stop yet, not yet.

Getting up to leave, Sachiko was shocked when Yumi grabbed her waist.

"Sachiko, this doesn't make sense. You did not almost kill me."

"But you said."

"I didn't say that." Yumi's voice rose a little bit.

"Yes you did! You said you almost died."Sachiko's voice followed, also rising in pitch.

"I said you almost died." Yumi spoke louder, rising up to stand on the bed.

"I did not almost die! I am not going to die making love to my girlfriend." Sachiko shouted, also standing up to tower over her.

"I said you almost died." Their faces drew closer to each other.

"I didn't almost die!" Sachiko said very loudly and firmly.

"Yes you did. That time!" Impatiently, Yumi reached out to her, wanting her to understand. Holding the indignant face in her hands, she spoke slowly and clearly,

"That time in the hospital, you almost died!"

"What time?" Sachiko inquired, feeling a little calmed by the feel of her fingers against her face. She wondered what she meant by 'hospital'. As far as she could remember, they had never made love in a hospital. And she was certain she had never almost died from it.

"That time in amusement park. That time in the hospital." Yumi said in a softer voice, looking away. "That time." She repeated.

The room was quiet for a moment after that, Sachiko looking down at her, her breathing becoming even as she calmed down. Yumi still looked away from her, now staring at both of their feet.

Finally realizing what she was talking about, Sachiko spoke quietly then, her arms coming around the smaller waist

"You mean the time when I was stabbed."

Yumi covered her mouth with her hand, trying with all her might not to burst into tears. Sachiko gathered her close, kissing her ear and urging her to tell her what was wrong.

"Yumi, why were you crying earlier? Tell me."

"No."

Sachiko could barely hear her, her voice had become so small. Pulling her down with her so that they were laying on the mattress, Sachiko pulled her up against her chest and reached for the blankets, covering them both. Yumi laid there quietly, her arms around her, her face pressed against her girlfriend's chest.

Recalling what Sachiko had heard from others about events that had transpired upon that day she could not and probably would not ever remember, she sighed, her chin resting against Yumi's head. She had thought about those lost days, although she had never brought them up to her, having had no idea of how to even begin discussing it.

She was still coming to terms with it, the scar on her back hurting a little when she absently touched it. Others still seemed to be trying to come to terms with it as well. Every so often, Sachiko caught her friends from the Yamayurikai looking at her as though they were grateful she was still standing there before them.

Yumi had never really talked seriously about how it had bothered her. She had thought about asking her about it, but didn't know how to bring it up. She couldn't remember it so well, and honestly that embarrassed her.

They lay there in silence, Sachiko absently rubbing Yumi's back. She knew she ought to talk with her about it, her crying tonight showed that it was still hanging over their lives.

"I heard you shouted at me." she began, noting how the smaller body tensed against her. Kissing the top of her head, she continued. "Suguru told me. You shouted through the glass."

When Yumi didn't reply, she nuzzled her, closing her eyes. "You shouted and I didn't die. He said it was close and that they were very surprised." A small sob escaped Yumi and Sachiko kissed her forehead, hugging her closer.

"They said that your words could be heard throughout the hallway, and that the doctors and everyone stared. And then my heart started beating again." She was crying now, Sachiko could feel the tears falling on her, the smaller body shaking, this time not with pleasure but with pain.

Yumi wept louder, her fists balled against her chest. Looking down at her, Sachiko continued

"I don't remember much. But I am sorry that I scared you. And I am sorry I left you alone." Gently pushing her away so she could roll her onto her back and cover the smaller body with hers, Sachiko kissed the tear stained face, and said

"I'll try my best to never leave you again. So don't cry anymore."

"Don't..." Yumi pleaded.

Shecontinued to cry, shaking as Sachiko covered her with kisses. Kissing the slim neck and undoing a few buttons of the shirt so that she could nuzzle her collarbone. Pulling the shirt apart even more, Sachiko caressed her as she turned her head away to sob into the pillow.

"Yumi." She wondered what she might be thinking. "Say something."

When she didn't answer, Sachiko decided to take another approach. Wanting to cheer her up somehow and feeling like she needed encouragement instead of a long drawn out discussion, Sachiko said jokingly

"You are very cute right now. But you know you also look funny like a tomato because your face is red."

She flinched as the pillow next to her head hit her squarely in the face. Opening her blue eyes, she found Yumi glaring at her even though her eyes were still filled with tears.

"That's better." Sachiko said, relieved. She smiled and kissed her nose as brown eyes continued to glare, tears spilling over again. Bringing her finger up to point into brown eyes, she commanded.

"Stop crying now! Or else!"

Yumi narrowed her eyes, her tears still falling. "How can you order me to stop crying? I was really scared that day! And what do you mean by or else?" She hiccupped then, the little sound making the older girl chuckle.

"Your face is funny."

The pillow hit her in the head again, as Yumi huffed a little, her tears now subsiding.

"I am not a tomato!" she said feeling annoyed and wanting to get out from underneath her.

"Yumi." she mumbled, kissing lower, as the body wriggled underneath, this time in pleasure. "You really scared me there. Making me think I was killing you."

Sachiko gently caressed her leg, noting how the younger girl gasped a little as she tickled the back of her knee. She wanted to make love to her girlfriend again and wanting to know how she felt, she said her name urgently, asking her indirectly with that one word.

"Yumi."

Yumi felt torn between the sensation of her kisses, her caresses and her earlier remembrances. Should they be doing this right now?

"I'm not sure…" She replied, still a little uneasy from their earlier conversation.

Sachiko kissed her slowly and passionately, warming and comforting her. Yumi was always like this, uncertain in the beginning and urging her on at the end. Thinking that Yumi wanted her, and knowing that she herself wanted her, Sachiko's lips moved across her cheek as she whispered her indirect question again.

"My lovely Yumi."

Moving downwards, Sachiko brought her hand up to undo more buttons.

Yumi moaned as she nuzzled her. Taking her moan as her consent but wanting to make sure, Sachiko rose up to kiss her lips. Looking into her eyes intently, Sachiko asked her one more time. There was a moment's pause as brown eyes stared deeply into blue ones. Sachiko's fingers continued their caressing motions, pausing here and there. Unable to resist, Yumi reached up to touch her face.

Encouraged, Sachiko grinned as she brushed a particularly sensitive spot.

"Don't die okay."