Author's note: There is some very good Beelzebub Fanfiction on this site, but int he end, simply not enough. So I decided to write a little one-shot to increase the number. Enjoy!

Update: Fixed a few spelling errors. Many thanks to the anonymous reviewer who pointed them out, and of course thanks to all other reviewers!

"Dabuuh!"

"That isn't really an answer, Beel-chan," said Lamia. She turned to Furuichi, who was sitting next to her on the couch in Oga's living room. "Tell me what happened to Beel! I order you!"

Furuichi groaned. Couldn't she ever just ask nicely? Maybe it went against her personal code of honor. But there was no point in complaining to her about it.

"It all started this morning," he began. "I had just arrived to play some…" Suddenly, he was hit in the head by something that felt a lot like a tiny rock. He followed the trace of the object to the floor and realized that it was actually a croquette. Oga must have thrown it at him… no, the bastard did not even look in his direction. He was looking at Hilda instead, who had another croquette in her hand and did not look as if she was about to eat.

"Stop criticizing my cooking, idiot! It is exactly what the young master needs. You are just too weak to deal with it!" she shouted.

"Nobody likes your croquettes!" replied Oga. "My family is just too polite to say it. Baby Beel likes normal ones much better. You think you know what's good for him, but I'm his father!"

"You… you…!" said Hilda, too angry to form a coherent sentence. She launched the croquette in her hand at Oga, who swatted it away like an edible giant fly. Lamia was just able to duck in time, although the Mu on top of her head fell down.

"Hey, you idiots!" shouted the tiny doctor's assistant, but the two just ignored her. "What's up with them?" she asked Furuichi. "They always argue, but never like this. Does it have to do with Beel?"

"Oh yes, it's all one thing," said Furuichi, as the argument behind them went on. "As I said, it all started this morning…"

The story was quickly told, although Furuichi did his best to make it sound more epic. It was Hilda's idea to have a weekend retreat in the demon world, so that Beel would not forget his home. She had wisely first told Oga's parents of the plan. Naturally, they loved it, and Oga had no choice but to play along. For some reason, Furuichi was also recruited, although nobody seemed to know why.

Nothing much happened on their journey, until they reached the "Fight-The-Poison-Leviathan" event. Beel had insisted on taking part with Oga, and Hilda had assured him it was perfectly safe - at least for the baby. But then, just as Hilda was out to get some demonic ice cream, disaster struck.

"…and so he had to look right at the snake, and it immediately paralyzed him. Hey, are you even paying attention?"

"Wha'?" mumbled Lamia, munching on something that apparently came from the demon world. Furuichi thought it best not to ask. In the background, Hilda and Oga were comparing the artistic values of Dragon Quest and soap operas in rather unfriendly terms.

"Was just reading the ingredients" continued Lamia between chewing. "This has lots of demonic fiber."

"What is the diff… never mind. So Baby Beel couldn't run away fast enough, because Oga had fallen on top of him. Oh, and also he was immune to the eyes, I think."

"Of course he is, idiot!" shouted Lamia, spraying demonic… whatever around. "He is the demon king!"

"Yes, yes…" said Furuichi, trying to calm her down. This next part was really important. "So there I was, all alone. Hilda wasn't around, Alaindelon had hidden under a chair and Oga was out cold. I knew there was only one thing left to do. So I got my sword out of my hat and sliced the snake…"

"Stop!" shouted Lamia. "You've made that up. I'm not sure, but I think I heard that last one somewhere before!"

Furuichi sighed. So much for telling a good story. "You got me. Actually, what happened was that I discovered I had latent magic power and…"

"No!" shouted Lamia again. "No human has latent magic power. And certainly not you pervert!"

That hurt. Yes, he might have been a pervert, but he always thought of himself as a good kind of pervert.

"Alright, you got me. Actually, I just went in there, grabbed the two and…"

"No. It sounds heroic, so it can't be true."

"Is there no pleasing you? Okay, what really happened was…"

"Forget it!" Lamia was pouting now. "You won't tell me the truth anyway. I bet it was something embarrassing." Furuichi did not like the smile on her face right now.

Suddenly, Alaindelon appeared, shouting, "I can confirm that everything Furuichi-dono said is absolutely true!"

Furuichi was about to shout, but he was interrupted by the sound of shattering china. Oga had thrown a vase at Hilda, who was furious.

"Don't just destroy the furniture, idiot! What will mother say when she comes to our house and sees…"

"Don't act like you belong here, demon!" said Oga in a calmn manner, but with a voice that made everyone shiver. Most of all Alaindelon.

"She's not your mother and this is not your house, bitch. It's my family, not yours. You're a danger to us all and to Baby Beel. I want you out of here!"

Silence fell. Everyone had a look of utter shock on their faces, Furuichi noted. Hilda looked as if she had just seen a pink rhinoceros. Actually, strike that. With the way the demon world was, Hilda had already seen a pink rhinoceros before and thought them perfectly ordinary. What would truly shock Hilda? Making analogies was hard. He mentally slapped himself for going off topic and whispered to Lamia, "Can he even do that?"

The girl nodded, her face still shocked. "Oh yeah. As long as he keeps Baby Beel, she has to obey his orders… but he can't… Hilda-nee-sama…"

After a long pause, Hilda spoke again. "You're serious, aren't you? Bastard…"

Oga just nodded. "You're a danger to Baby Beel. I can't have that. Who knows what will happen to me if he dies?"

"He wasn't actually hurt…" whispered Lamia, but if either of the two heard, they ignored it. Of course, they already knew that Baby Beel was fine. Lamia had been called just as a precaution. No, this argument was about principle.

Hilda looked uncertain for a moment, as if she wasn't sure whether she should protest, but swallowed it in the end. "Very well… I… I still have some preparations to make. I will leave in the morning. Is that alright?"

Furuichi had never seen Hilda like this before, at least not the Hilda with memories. Why wasn't she trying violence? Something about Oga's speech must have really hit her. Oga, meanwhile, just shrugged. He went over and picked up the totally quiet demon king, saying.

"Don't give me that look, you know that…," he said, but was cut off by lighting as the baby started to wail loudly. Furuichi and and Lamia dove under the table, but Oga did not care at all. He took Beel and left the room as if nothing interesting had happened, and as if he wasn't being electrocuted as he walked. But somehow, Furuichi got the feeling that he saw a completely new side of Oga today. Someone who was feeling regret.

"Dabu!"

Kaiser de Emperana Beelzebub IV was not good with words, and he knew it. But some things needed to be said nevertheless, and he would do his damned best to make sure that Royal Demon Contractor Oga Tatsumi (or, as Beel usually called him, Daddy) would listen.

This was easier said than done. Daddy was sitting in front of his TV, playing the video game he always liked. If Beel had been a little bigger, he might have realized that Oga was just running around in circles. Beel did, however, realize that his father was not paying full attention to anything much right now. There was only one way to get him out of this state.

Slowly, the baby's eyes began to well up, and he started to sob. Nothing. He tried to remember the time he was cutting onions together with Hilda (something they had oddly never repeated since). Crackles started to appear, but Daddy remained oblivious. Calm down, he said to himself. As demon king, you must be in full control of your emotions. That's what Mommay and Daddy always say. Right now, you need something sad and worthy of tears. Like the time he thought that Daddy had abandoned him, or the time when his own brother had abducted Mom. Or, right now, the fact that he was a bit tired and bored.

He cried his heart out, and the electricity began to leave burn marks on the floor. At least now, Daddy took notice.

"What's up, Beel-bo?" he asked. "Don't worry, the snake won't get you here."

Snake? What snake? Oh, right, that snake. He had forgotten all about it. No, this was about something else. "Daaabadu!"

"Hilda? Well, it was her fault that you were in danger. What else could I have done?"

"Buu."

"Alright, Beel-bo, listen good and don't tell this to anyone else. You're a good man and I don't want you hurt, okay? This entire thing, it really scared me. If you're a man, you have to protect your family."

"Dah!"

"Exactly. And today, I couldn't do that, so I'm really, really mad. Hilda was right. I was not strong enough. But that bitch wasn't there, didn't even care what happened…"

"Ai! Dabada!"

Oga smiled. "Yeah, I guess you're right. She really does care about you, doesn't she?"

"Dabu. Buu-nya!"

"Me? No, that bitch doesn't… maybe a little." Oga seemed lost in thought. "Yeah, I guess she couldn't have known that I'd fail. It's not like that snake was hard to beat. Furuichi did it, for heaven's sake!"

"Buu. Mya."

"Okay, maybe I am unfair. But she insulted my pride. Listen, Baby Beel: A man's pride is the most important thing in his life. Never apologize; it only makes you seem weak… don't give me that look!"

Beelzebub took great pride in his look of utter contempt. It was reserved for his father alone, and in particular for his cooking when neither Hilda nor the rest of the family were there.

Suddenly, the door opened, and Hildegarde, demonic maid to Kaiser de Emperana Beelzebub IV (or, as Beel usually called her, Mommy) entered. But she looked wrong, somehow. Beel tried to remember where he had seen that look last, and finally realized it. It was the same look Kouta had when either aunt Aoi or aunt Kunie caught him stealing cookies. Had Mommy stolen any cookies? And if yes, could he have some?

"Oga…" She seemed to be at a loss of words. Daddy just shrugged. "Whaddaya want?"

Mommy took a moment to collect herself, then said, "I will take a bath now, and I will take the young master with me…" In a much quieter voice, she added, "to say goodbye."

Daddy just shrugged, so she scooped up Beel and left.

"Dabu."

Beelzebub had mixed feelings. On the one hand, mom and dad were arguing. That was normal for them, but this time, it felt different, more intense. Daddy had often said that he wished for Mommy to leave, but she had never agreed before. All that made Beel sad.

On the other hand, this rubber duck was awesome! If he pushed it under water, it popped right back up. If he squeezed it, it made a terrible, annoying sound. He could not remember having seen anything so beautiful in his life.

No, this was not good. He was only having fun himself, but Mommy still looked sad. Daddy always said that you should just care for yourself, but he didn't really mean it. When things were really bad, he was always there for him, Mommy, Creepichi, the two Aois or Kunies and all the others. Daddy was a great hero, and Beel wanted him to be proud. Right now, this was his own time to do great things!

He swam closer to Mommy and held the ducky towards her, with an enthusiastic "Daah!"

She looked at it with surprise, so he decided to explain it to her. He squeaked it once, then once more, to make sure she got the idea. Then he showed her the trick with pushing it under water. How could anyone refuse such a gift?

Mommy looked bewildered at first, but suddenly smiled as she realized the purpose of the gift. "That's nice, young master."

"Daaaahbu!" Success! From what he had seen on Oga's computer, the correct thing to shout now was ‚Counter-Terrorists win!'. He had no idea what it meant, but as soon as he was old enough to start speaking, he knew he would be using it everywhere.

Speaking of which, it was time to broach the subject of Daddy.

"Da. Dabu. Dabadu?"

Mommy's smile vanished as quickly as it had appeared. "He told me to leave, so I'm leaving. It's as simple as that."

"Daahai!"

"I am not out of character, young master! I am a maid demon, a servant, and I will do what I am ordered to."

"Bu."

She sighed. "You're right. I would… should… slice him open like a demonic banana. But… promise you will not tell anyone?"

"Da!"

"Good. He was right. I did not do enough to save you from harm. I failed you, young master. How can I still be around after that?"

"Nee. Bu! Daba."

"Of course it's Oga's fault. It always is. He was not strong enough to protect you. But when that bastard fails, it is my job to step in. He doesn't even care…"

"Dabuu!"

She sighed. "Alright, yes, he does care. More than he knows. You will grow up to be the best demon king with him."

"Dubah. Bah."

"Young master! I am not going to beg this idiot. I will… I'm not sure what, yet. But I still have my pride."

Beel thought. This was all worse than he had expected. But slowly, a plan began to form…

Some time later, Oga was staring at his TV screen when he noticed something was wrong. In fact, it had felt wrong for a while. He got out of his thoughts about Hilda (bitch!) and how hurt she had looked (still a bitch!, he reassured himself), and actually looked at the TV screen. It was off. It seemed to have been off for a while now. Upon closer inspection, the power cable was missing. When did that happen? And where had it gone to? Shit, now he had to search for it. His father always managed to break the power cables on the TV. Maybe he had used Oga's as a replacement and brought it into the living room.

Hilda couldn't sleep, but she would not be able to stay awake either without something to distract her, so she turned to her trusty books. Her collection was neither large nor elaborate; just cheap tie-in novels to the soaps she watched. But after a long day of having to take care of the demon king's youngest son and his horribly oblivious contractor, she wasn't really in the mood for anything more challenging. There was just one problem: Her books were gone. She was never untidy with anything, so someone had to have taken them, but why and when? They had been there just before the bath. Maybe it was Oga's sister. Misaki always tried to tease Hilda for her tastes, but had a habit of sitting down next to her and watch along if she had a day off. If that were the case, the books might be in the living room now.

Oga wasn't sure what was the most weird thing in the living room. Furuichi and Lamia playing Monopoly seemed like a good start. Just as weird was that Furuichi thought he was winning, even though Lamia clearly had way more streets. But most weird of all was Baby Beel, sitting in the middle of the room with Oga's power cable on his left and a stack of books on his right. His face showed the most serious expression that Oga had ever seen on him.

"Hey, Baby Beel, I need that cable," he said, but he knew that the baby wouldn't make it that easy for him. Indeed, his son shook his head.

Behind him, Hilda entered the room and looked at the scene in wonder.

"Young master, what are you doing? Can I please get my books back?"

"Dabuh. Nya-Da!"

"Wait, I think I understood that one!" said Furuichi. "He would like some socks, right?"

"How did you even get that idea, idiot?" asked Oga. "Weren't you listening? He wants us both to apologize."

"How do you always know that!" shouted Furuichi. "All he says is Dah!"

Oga ignored him. Instead, the wheels in his head started turning. He could easily get another cable somewhere. Maybe just steal it from the TV here. But that wouldn't stop Beel, would it? So how could he keep his pride and his video games? From the look of things, Hilda was wondering the same. Was there anything he could do that Beel could not easily sabotage? Oh, that was difficult…

He was interrupted when Hilda suddenly spoke to him. "I'm sorry," said the maid demon silently. "My actions put the young master… and you at risk. This was not my intention, and I will accept the punishment."

That was unexpected. Oga was not one to blush, but if he had been, this would have been a great time. And somehow, it just felt wrong to see Hilda so downtrodden. He paused for a moment, unsure of how to answer, but there was really only thing he could do now.

"You can stay here," he finally said. "I overreacted."

The tone was chilly, but he smiled, and she smiled back. They understood each other. Both glanced at Beel, who nodded. The baby was satisfied with the outcome so far, but Oga got a feeling that the plan wasn't at an end yet.

"Rrrryu!" he said, and mimed a hugging motion with his hands. Even Furuichi would have been able to recognize that one.

"Young master!" said Hilda, blushing. Oga agreed with her point of view. "There's no way in hell…"

"Daahaah!"

Right now, Oga had no interest in complaining. He turned towards Hilda and, before she could protest, hugged her. After a second, she started to hug him back.

"Stupid sewer rat," she said, but a great deal more softly than she had probably intended. "I am really sorry for…"

"Stop it," he said, again quieter than he had intended. "It was my fault. I was too stupid in the fight, and that made me angry." He took a breath. "I need you. I can't raise Beel without his mother."

He could not see whether she smiled, but her voice sounded warmer. "I'm not his mother. I'm just a servant."

"That's bullshit. Listen… Yolda and those other two, they're just servants. You're more than that. You're his mom."

He turned his head to look at her, and she looked back at him, smiling, with just a hint of a tear in her eye. "Thank you," she whispered. Slowly, they moved closer to each other.

Suddenly, with immense force, they were yanked apart. Furuichi was pulling Oga and Lamia was holding Hilda.

"This has gone on quite long enough, hasn't it, Master Beel?" asked the young girl with an evil grin. "Oga, how could you? While Baby Beel and I are watching?" shouted Furuichi. "Beelze, don't just sit there, say something!"

"Daaahbu!"

Author's note: This was a difficult story, mostly figuring out what it was about. Hilda's angst at having failed her young master? Romance between Hilda and Oga? Pure comedy for Beelzebub? In the end, I mixed all three, with the main focus on comedy. I'd love to know how you liked it!